Eloped and now planning THE day

pipeline · August 2011

My husband and I got engaged, and planned on marrying in Sept 2012. Due to our own reasoning, we decided to do a small civil ceremony. We told everyone about it, but still wish to do the big thing to celebrate with friends and family, a ring ceremony, the dress, the party, the pictures, etc. Our budget is looking quite high, so with that... is it distasteful to have a bridal shower/stag and doe/expect gifts at the big wedding even though we are technically married now?

banana468 · August 2011

Yes. You're married so you can plan a great vow renewal but showers, bachelorettes and any other pre-wedding events would be in poor taste.

IMO, a bridal party wouldn't really make sense either.

Allycat11 · August 2011

Ditto. You are married. No pre-wedding parties. No bridal party. And a big poofy dress woul look rather silly for a vow renewal.

Muffin'sMom · August 2011

I'm going to answer your original question and ignore the choice of vow renewal day of activities.

How do you have a bachelorette when you aren't one anymore? Have a fun night out with your friends and don't pretend it is something it isn't.

Stag and Doe, where people pay to come in and participate in things to raise money, when you already married, is so tacky that there are no words to describe it. Seriously?

You made your choice, and you got married. If you want to have some sort of ceremony, that's awesome, but you SO don't get to figure out how to get other people to pay for it.

L&J2012 · August 2011

Ditto PPs. You gave up your big wedding when you decided on the civil ceremony. A get-together with friends and family is appropriate, but gifts and pre-wedding parties would be in poor taste, because it would seem like you're pretending you're not married yet and just trying to get gifts.

jemmini6 · August 2011

You can't have a bachelorette party since you aren't a bachelorette. You can't have a bridal shower because you aren't a bride.

As far as your 'wedding', I'm generally not offended even if you do the whole white dress & WP thing as long as you are honest with everyone that you are already married, but even then, pre-'wedding' events are really inappropriate.

covejack · August 2011

omg yes, distasteful.

MrsDesChane · August 2011

As long as you are honest about the fact that you are married already, but that the wedding is something else, then you know your friends & family better than we do about what they will think is tacky or not.
FI and I are getting married on Feb 29th, 2012 because we want a leap year anniversary. That being said, weather is crappy in Washington at that time of year and I'm not forking over $2500 for an amazing photographer who will only be able to shoot indoors at our location due to weather constraints. Plus, 2/29 is a Wednesday.
We explained this to family & friends: We are getting married on Feb 29th so we can have a Leap Year anniversary. There is no ceremony on that day, we are literally JUST signing the papers with our witnesses, no vows, no rings no nothing. The WEDDING will be in June. Our family & friends love the idea and are thankful not to have to travel across the country in Feb for a Wednesday wedding. It has been received really well. We are doing the bridal showers (since I will still be a "bride" at my wedding) around April/May. People can say that we are technically married so they don't want to participate but that's fine! We've lived together for 5 years and have 2 kids, so it's not exactly like we do things traditionally anyway.
I know lots of military couples who do the quickie marriage just to get everything legalized before deployment but have a wedding afterwards.
Basically, only you know (or can predict) what your guests will think of the idea. If you think no one will show, then don't waste your money. If you think they are game, then go for it!

covejack · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_eloped-now-planning-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:d2b13043-f2a4-4e17-9396-9227cac8dfb0Post:71a55291-4dcf-4ee6-9441-65cc8c51c236">Re: Eloped and now planning THE day</a>:
[QUOTE]As long as you are honest about the fact that you are married already, but that the wedding is something else, then you know your friends & family better than we do about what they will think is tacky or not. FI and I are getting married on Feb 29th, 2012 because we want a leap year anniversary. That being said, weather is crappy in Washington at that time of year and I'm not forking over $2500 for an amazing photographer who will only be able to shoot indoors at our location due to weather constraints. Plus, 2/29 is a Wednesday. We explained this to family & friends: We are getting married on Feb 29th so we can have a Leap Year anniversary. There is no ceremony on that day, we are literally JUST signing the papers with our witnesses, no vows, no rings no nothing. The WEDDING will be in June. Our family & friends love the idea and are thankful not to have to travel across the country in Feb for a Wednesday wedding. It has been received really well. We are doing the bridal showers (since I will still be a "bride" at my wedding) around April/May. People can say that we are technically married so they don't want to participate but that's fine! We've lived together for 5 years and have 2 kids, so it's not exactly like we do things traditionally anyway. I know lots of military couples who do the quickie marriage just to get everything legalized before deployment but have a wedding afterwards. Basically, only you know (or can predict) what your guests will think of the idea. If you think no one will show, then don't waste your money. If you think they are game, then go for it!
Posted by MrsDesChane[/QUOTE]

Getting married in a leap year is THAT important to you? Why don't you just get married the day you have your wedding. Won't it feel weird at your second wedding to be marrying your own husband?

MrsDesChane · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_eloped-now-planning-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:d2b13043-f2a4-4e17-9396-9227cac8dfb0Post:7586dc47-de27-482f-bf8a-559d6557ce62">Re: Eloped and now planning THE day</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Eloped and now planning THE day : Getting married in a leap year is THAT important to you? Why don't you just get married the day you have your wedding. Won't it feel weird at your second wedding to be marrying your own husband?
Posted by covejack[/QUOTE]

Yup. Getting married on Leap Day is THAT important to us. And we're not having a wedding on Feb 29th, we are simply signing the marriage license, no rings, no vows, no nothing.
So I suppose if we were doing all of the pomp and circumstance of a wedding on Feb 29th, then yes, it might feel weird to do it all over again a few months later. Instead we've chosen to save all of the wedding stuff for the actual wedding in June.
But don't worry, the people that know us & care about us think it's a great idea. But they are also native Washingtonians and know how much winter weather sucks up here with all of the rain.

covejack · August 2011

I'm from Vancouver, but I still honestly don't get it. Your anniversary recognized by everyone would be the event they attended. Not your leap year one. I'd just feel weird having the whole 9 yards knowing I was already married. A vow renewal maybe, but a whole wedding? You're trying to have it both ways.

MrsDesChane · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_eloped-now-planning-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:d2b13043-f2a4-4e17-9396-9227cac8dfb0Post:747679da-3922-48e1-8c01-171fa1263110">Re: Eloped and now planning THE day</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm from Vancouver, but I still honestly don't get it. Your anniversary recognized by everyone would be the event they attended. Not your leap year one. I'd just feel weird having the whole 9 yards knowing I was already married. A vow renewal maybe, but a whole wedding? You're trying to have it both ways.
Posted by covejack[/QUOTE]
I'm not trying to have it both ways, I am having it both ways. And there's nothing wrong with that. it doesn't hurt anyone. One of our cousins was insistent on getting married on the anniversary of the day they met. It was a Tuesday.Only a handful of people showed up because it wasn't a convenient day! When we announced our plan, people said that they wished the other couple would've done the same thing, so more people could've attended. And we're not keeping it a secret from anyone, so they will recognize the Leap Day anniversary (in 4 years). In any case, I'm just trying to show pipeline that as long as their friends & family are cool with it, then it doesn't matter what other people on the board think. Only you know your friends & family well enough to know if it would be well received. There are tons of reasons people get legally married first and have the wedding later, it's really not all that uncommon. Again I know lots of military people who do the quickie marriage before deployment, then a wedding later; I've known people who do the quickie marriage before their wedding date because one FI needs medical insurance that the other one has ASAP. It's no different. We want a specific anniversary date,it just so happens it's not a convenient date for ANYONE. So we are accomodating everyone else, and ourselves, and having a June WEDDING, but getting married on the date that is important. Now, I could see if we were doing a small wedding on that date as well including vows, rings, etc, it might feel weird doing the whole shebang all over again, but again, we are not doing anything ceremonious. We are literally just signing the papers. You can't do a vow renewal ceremony if there weren't any vows in the first place...
We've been together 8 years, lived together 5, and have two kids. I really don't think signing that piece of paper is going to make me feel any more married than I already do. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />
Like I've already said, our friends & family are not only cool with it, they think it's a great idea. I know that not everyone here gets it. That's fine! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" /> We're far from traditional. Have the wedding (& in our case the marriage) that you want, not what everyone else thinks is traditional, appropriate, etc. It's your & your FI's day, not anyone else's! Do it however you want! It's one very expensive party for one day in your life! Do it exactly how you want it!

MrsDesChane · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_eloped-now-planning-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:d2b13043-f2a4-4e17-9396-9227cac8dfb0Post:5544e234-9cca-44d9-9d3d-11bb3cea9e05">Eloped and now planning THE day</a>:
[QUOTE]My husband and I got engaged, and planned on marrying in Sept 2012. Due to our own reasoning, we decided to do a small civil ceremony. We told everyone about it, but still wish to do the big thing to celebrate with friends and family, a ring ceremony, the dress, the party, the pictures, etc. Our budget is looking quite high, so with that... is it distasteful to have a bridal shower/stag and doe/expect gifts at the big wedding even though we are technically married now?
Posted by pipeline[/QUOTE]
Only you know how your family will react to this! Although if you had any of those things before you eloped, it's a little greedy to do them again. Generally stag & doe is frowned upon on the boards but if your family & friends want to throw you a bridal shower & give you gifts at your wedding, go for it! Be prepared, that some people may not be as excited or show up or give you a gift. But you have to use your best judgement to know if your family will find it tacky or not. Good luck!

Muffin'sMom · August 2011

Again...I do not care what you do on your vow renewal or wedding day. That is not my business. She asked about Bachelorettes and Stag and Doe. I will repeat.

If you have signed papers, you are a wife not a bachelorette. It sounds ridiculous. It doesn't have to have the name for you to go out and have fun with your friends.

Stag and Doe parties are a cutesy name for fundraisers. It's tacky whether it is a "real" wedding or a vow renewal. If you want to have your pretty princess day...pay for it your own self...don't ask me to do it. Especially if you want me to come to the wedding AND bring a gift. Tacky.

But...have fun doing whatever you want on your awesome special day.

jemmini6 · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_eloped-now-planning-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:d2b13043-f2a4-4e17-9396-9227cac8dfb0Post:71a55291-4dcf-4ee6-9441-65cc8c51c236">Re: Eloped and now planning THE day</a>:
[QUOTE]As long as you are honest about the fact that you are married already, but that the wedding is something else, then you know your friends & family better than we do about what they will think is tacky or not. FI and I are getting married on Feb 29th, 2012 because we want a leap year anniversary. That being said, weather is crappy in Washington at that time of year and I'm not forking over $2500 for an amazing photographer who will only be able to shoot indoors at our location due to weather constraints. Plus, 2/29 is a Wednesday. We explained this to family & friends: We are getting married on Feb 29th so we can have a Leap Year anniversary. There is no ceremony on that day, we are literally JUST signing the papers with our witnesses, no vows, no rings no nothing. The WEDDING will be in June. Our family & friends love the idea and are thankful not to have to travel across the country in Feb for a Wednesday wedding. It has been received really well. We are doing the bridal showers (since I will still be a "bride" at my wedding) around April/May. People can say that we are technically married so they don't want to participate but that's fine! We've lived together for 5 years and have 2 kids, so it's not exactly like we do things traditionally anyway. I know lots of military couples who do the quickie marriage just to get everything legalized before deployment but have a wedding afterwards. Basically, only you know (or can predict) what your guests will think of the idea. If you think no one will show, then don't waste your money. If you think they are game, then go for it!
Posted by MrsDesChane[/QUOTE]

You do realize that even a courthouse wedding involves a ceremony, vows & exchanging of rings right? Because it IS a wedding, not just signing papers.

And if that date is so important to you, why on earth are you not actually doing your 'party' on that date? Do you not want people to celebrate with you?

If pictures are important, then hire one for the ceremony & party and then do a bridal portrait session later when the weather is better.

All I'm saying is there are tons of options for you to get married AND have your party the same day, but apparently it's not as important to you as you think it is...

covejack · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_eloped-now-planning-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:d2b13043-f2a4-4e17-9396-9227cac8dfb0Post:49415bdc-7f6c-4b50-821b-e44c03f1370a">Re: Eloped and now planning THE day</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Eloped and now planning THE day : You do realize that even a courthouse wedding involves a ceremony, vows & exchanging of rings right? Because it IS a wedding, not just signing papers. And if that date is so important to you, why on earth are you not actually doing your 'party' on that date? Do you not want people to celebrate with you? If pictures are important, then hire one for the ceremony & party and then do a bridal portrait session later when the weather is better. All I'm saying is there are tons of options for you to get married AND have your party the same day, but apparently it's not as important to you as you think it is...
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

Because she's going to have it both ways, silly.

MrsDesChane · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_eloped-now-planning-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:d2b13043-f2a4-4e17-9396-9227cac8dfb0Post:49415bdc-7f6c-4b50-821b-e44c03f1370a">Re: Eloped and now planning THE day</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Eloped and now planning THE day : You do realize that even a courthouse wedding involves a ceremony, vows & exchanging of rings right? Because it IS a wedding, not just signing papers. And if that date is so important to you, why on earth are you not actually doing your 'party' on that date? Do you not want people to celebrate with you? If pictures are important, then hire one for the ceremony & party and then do a bridal portrait session later when the weather is better. All I'm saying is there are tons of options for you to get married AND have your party the same day, but apparently it's not as important to you as you think it is...
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]
Okay: I have spoken at length with our officiant, who is a very good friend of mine, and he assures me it is simply getting the marriage license from the courthouse, bringing it to him, signing the paper in front of our witnesses, and turning it back in. That is it. So, no vows, no ceremony, no nothing. No big deal. Maybe if you do a full on JOP WEDDING it is a little different.
Our date is very important to us, so is our wedding. That is why we are doing them separately for ALL of the reasons I have listed above.
It's okay! I don't expect you to get it! You want to get married at your wedding, include everything on the same day. That's cool. That's normal. We are very non-traditional in a lot of the things we do, so our wedding is no different. My whole point in posting this was to explain to the OP that it's okay to do things non-traditionally. If you're friends & family are on board, that's awesome! If not, it might be trickier, or you may not have everyone you want there. I'm not advocating EVERYONE go out and do it this way, and no one here is going to change my mind about how I see "the day I get married" versus "the day I have my wedding". So why does it bother you so much, especially since you don't know me, that my situation is so non-traditional? Our friends & family are on board, they love the idea (they don't want to go to a Wednesday wedding. Some of them would IF we changed the date, but then we wouldn't be able to do a lot of the things we want to, and a lot of people we really want there wouldn't be able to make it.) We want to have our dream Anniversary date and our dream wedding. They don't mesh. So we are doing both, separately.
Here's the deal. If we were doing the wedding today, and signing the marriage certificate in Feb, nobody on here would be having a cow. So really, it's no different to do it the other way around. I could see the big deal if we were asking for gifts for both occasions, or doubling up on parties (bridal showers, bachelorette parties, etc.) for both occasions. But we're not. It's simply two different events: The Legal event, and the Celebratory event.

MrsDesChane · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_eloped-now-planning-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:d2b13043-f2a4-4e17-9396-9227cac8dfb0Post:0d76eb61-4dbc-45f6-83fe-fba07666a51e">Re: Eloped and now planning THE day</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Eloped and now planning THE day : Because she's going to have it both ways, silly.
Posted by covejack[/QUOTE]
^This! ^ <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

Jess Berkey · August 2011

I might be going against the grain here, so here it is.

You had your reason to get married sooner and that fine I get it. I know a couple that did about the same thing, They got married early because the bride needed to have a surgery on her ankle but didn't have insurance. They got married so that she could be put on her husband's insurance and have the surgery. Then later they had the wedding they wanted to have all along. Everyone knew they were already married and were just fine with them still doing the wedding later on after the surgery and recovery time.

I am not sure if they still did the bridal shower and all the other pre-wedding stuff or not though (they live in another state so I wasn't real involved with it all). Though I think that if you family and friends know the circumstances in which you all went ahead and got married and are cool with all the pre-wedding events I don't see an issue with having a shower, as long as they are all ok with it. If they aren't then maybe just skip it. Though I wouldn't do a B-party. Maybe just a night out with your wedding party and friends if you want.

AdeleDazeem · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_eloped-now-planning-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:d2b13043-f2a4-4e17-9396-9227cac8dfb0Post:6334d4aa-4599-4366-8e2c-1c635022b85d">Re: Eloped and now planning THE day</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Eloped and now planning THE day : ^This! ^
Posted by MrsDesChane[/QUOTE]

She wasn't saying that in a positive way.

Before you spew your nonsense all over the web, I'd lurk a bit more. This idea you have about your wedding is just ridiculous.

covejack · September 2011

She's a special snowflake who is having it both ways. (/sarcasm font/)

Is that better Mrs. Deschane?

MrsDesChane · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_eloped-now-planning-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:d2b13043-f2a4-4e17-9396-9227cac8dfb0Post:34ebb247-200f-4c7d-a65a-65fd9256eaa4">Re: Eloped and now planning THE day</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Eloped and now planning THE day : Well, that's NOT a JOP wedding. It's a secular wedding with a private officiant. Don't jump us about not knowing something when you're the one calling it by the wrong name. And depending on your state, it may not actually be legally valid. In Arkansas, there has to be some sort of 'statement of intent' spoken by the Bride and Groom, and a verbal agreement to marriage. There don't have to be vows or reading, but there is some spoken ceremony that HAS to happen. The officiant signing the license is, in effect, swearing that those things took place. Regardless, what exactly was the point in posting this? You've obviously made up your mind and don't really care what we think anyway, so why ask us?
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
1.Read back through the posts. I have never written the words "courthouse" or "JOP" so I'm not the one calling it by the wrong name. =]
2.The point in posting this (as I have stated at least one other time) was to support the OP and tell her "not everyone does things traditionally or the same way. If your guests are cool with it, and you're not hiding it, do whatever works for you!" =]
3. Lastly, I have made up my mind, no one on here is going to change it. It was thought about for a long time and discussed at length with the most important people involved with the wedding to make sure everyone was happy with it. Maybe you are confusing me with the OP, but I didn't ask you what you thought. I simply posted in support of the OP, and then explained when questioned directly about my posts. Responded politely, I might add, which is ironic since most of the posters feeling the need to school others on their ettiquette come across hella rude. (just an observation)

MrsDesChane · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_eloped-now-planning-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:d2b13043-f2a4-4e17-9396-9227cac8dfb0Post:82fff91e-832b-4a87-b352-42551b38be5b">Re: Eloped and now planning THE day</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Eloped and now planning THE day : She wasn't saying that in a positive way. Before you spew your nonsense all over the web, I'd lurk a bit more. This idea you have about your wedding is just ridiculous.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]
 I know <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />. I just happen to be one of those people who tries to make things positive. Afain, I didn't ask anyone's opinion about my wedding, I just posted it in support of OP.
Good to think you know it's ridiculous. I'll cancel your invitation. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />

MrsDesChane · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_eloped-now-planning-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:d2b13043-f2a4-4e17-9396-9227cac8dfb0Post:67d5bb7a-f8fc-4a43-92c8-0f86295f7faa">Re: Eloped and now planning THE day</a>:
[QUOTE]She's a special snowflake who is having it both ways. (/sarcasm font/) Is that better Mrs. Deschane?
Posted by covejack[/QUOTE]
Either way, it's true, I am having it both ways. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

banana468 · September 2011

I honestly can't believe anyone isn't bad mouthing the "need" to have a leap day anniversary over sharing the event with the guests.

And I don't really see the point either. You're not having your wedding on a separate day. You're having a PARTY on a separate day. Your wedding day is the day you get married and you're coming up with ways to have your cake and eat it too - which is NOT a saying that's used to describe favorable behavior. The scenario is so ridiculous I almost have to wonder if it's MUD.

j_jaye · September 2011

There is a difference between being non-traditional and rude! You are giving non-traditional brides a bad name.

akinal311 · September 2011

Okay - I'm going to put my twosense in and I don't care if some of you think it's rude.

MrsDesChane was simply giving her own opinion and how she is doing her wedding, as are most of you. I personally think it's neat that they want a leap year "courthouse" wedding and a celebration/wedding day later on. It shows that she is not a traditional bride and does things her own way. She's unique... not strange or weird or doing things the wrong way. It's HER wedding.

The OP was asking if anyone thought it was bad to ask for stag/doe or gifts at possible showers. If people want to bring you gifts, they will. Just as pp said - don't keep it a secret and everyone will be happy. You can't please everyone. It's your wedding, not ours or your guests. YOUR'S.

Just as a pp said, you are all judging and being rude when someone just blatently asks a simple question. Who are you to judge how a bride gets married or if she does/doesn't have "pre-parties", or even have a wedding day celebration if they're already married? We all don't live in the same area, weren't raised the same way, we're all different. So in turn, we'll all have different weddings. So what? That's what makes it all fun and wonderful.

Be nice on here! Geez!!!

banana468 · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_eloped-now-planning-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:d2b13043-f2a4-4e17-9396-9227cac8dfb0Post:b8c14c51-a52b-4df4-8d01-491ce3c45b25">Re: Eloped and now planning THE day</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay - I'm going to put my twosense in and I don't care if some of you think it's rude. MrsDesChane was simply giving her own opinion and how she is doing her wedding, as are most of you. I personally think it's neat that they want a leap year "courthouse" wedding and a celebration/wedding day later on. It shows that she is not a traditional bride and does things her own way. She's unique... not strange or weird or doing things the wrong way. It's HER wedding. The OP was asking if anyone thought it was bad to ask for stag/doe or gifts at possible showers. If people want to bring you gifts, they will. Just as pp said - don't keep it a secret and everyone will be happy. You can't please everyone. It's your wedding, not ours or your guests. YOUR'S. Just as a pp said, you are all judging and being rude when someone just blatently asks a simple question. Who are you to judge how a bride gets married or if she does/doesn't have "pre-parties", or even have a wedding day celebration if they're already married? We all don't live in the same area, weren't raised the same way, we're all different. So in turn, we'll all have different weddings. So what? That's what makes it all fun and wonderful. Be nice on here! Geez!!!
Posted by akinal311[/QUOTE]

1) That person isn't having a wedding. She's having a big party and calling it something it isn't. That shindig won't be her wedding it will be a PARTY. That's not unique. It's rude to the guests because you're saying that the day is way more important than sharing that moment as you exchange vows with those you love.

2) I had a wedding the day I got married. And it was different because it was mine. There wasn't a need to split things or deceive my guests. I valued them way too much.

akinal311 · September 2011

It's not rude if it's fine with her social circle and family. Again, we all don't live in the same areas, so the way we do things is going to be different. I never said it was traditional or ettiquette. Who cares if that's how they want to do it. Besides, this post wasn't about a pp getting married at the courthouse on a leap year date; she had just simply stated how she's doing it and what's acceptable in her social circle. So what if it's different? There's no harm in that.

Muffin'sMom · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_eloped-now-planning-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:d2b13043-f2a4-4e17-9396-9227cac8dfb0Post:718b4954-145c-473f-a495-35b638601e8d">Re: Eloped and now planning THE day</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Eloped and now planning THE day : My husband openly farts, clips his toenails, and occasionally picks his nose in front of me. These actions aren't magically socially acceptable in polite company just because I don't personally get offended by them.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I absolutely LOVE this answer...and will remember it to use later <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

Matty143 · September 2011

Wow..
Ditto Retread and MuffinsMom.

That is all.

Eloped and now planning THE day

Re: Eloped and now planning THE day

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