How do i tell my MOH that i want her to be a BM??

EdithA23 · April 2011

I made a mistake by picking out the wrong person to be my MOH and I want to have her just be a BM but i dont know how to tell her. Im getting married in 4 months and my MOH is not really interested in helping out. She has not talked to me in over a month, completely ignored my birthday, and hasn't bothered to even call me yet alone text me. My true best friend is currently a BM and i need her to be my MOH, it would not feel right if i did not have her stand next to me. She has been there through everything and she deserves to be my MOH.

I need suggestions please, i want this process to be as smooth as possible.

thank you!

deepcovejackie · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_tell-moh-want-her-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:1ce4f2b6-3faa-40e3-bcef-1c1eea07a0bePost:405a2acf-e1d2-4da1-b135-05716a2e730f">How do i tell my MOH that i want her to be a BM??</a>:
[QUOTE]I made a mistake by picking out the wrong person to be my MOH and I want to have her just be a BM but i dont know how to tell her. Im getting married in 4 months and my MOH is not really interested in helping out. She has not talked to me in over a month, completely ignored my birthday, and hasn't bothered to even call me yet alone text me. My true best friend is currently a BM and i need her to be my MOH, it would not feel right if i did not have her stand next to me. She has been there through everything and she deserves to be my MOH. I need suggestions please, i want this process to be as smooth as possible. thank you!
Posted by EdithA23[/QUOTE]

Yeah, that's not going to be possible. You can't "demote" a MOH without making yourself (not her) really horrible. How hurtful.

Your MOH doesn't need to be doing anything. Is there any chance you've burned her out with too much wedding talk? Maybe try lowering your expectations of your MOH, and enjoy the time you're spending with your BM.

kmmssg · April 2011

Ditto PP. she is spot on. You don't demote. Your MOH's duty is to buy the dress, smile for pics, and be on time for the wedding. Everything else is optional.

I can understand your feelings, but you can't do this. Your wedding is a one day deal. The BM helping you wants to and sounds like a lovely friend. Your MOH may be burned out, may be having some personal issues, etc. Leave this be.

Can I ask how far out you asked her to be your MOH?

AutumnFair · April 2011

Welcome to the beautiful knowledge guide known as theknot boards. Most ladies here will give you excellent advice for different questions you may have on your wedding planning process. Please take note that if we sound a little blunt we do not mean any ill will, we are just trying to correct you into making sure you keep people in your life happy.

Here is my advice. Your MOH has done nothing wrong to merit her being demoted. Being demoted is a very hurtful thing to do to a friend and I HIGHLY suggest you do not make this choice, you are taking a very big risk with not only hurting your friend's feelings but destroying your friendship with her. Understandable that you might be hurt that she hasn't talked to you or even acknowledge your birthday, but everyone has a life and sometimes is gets way busy. The best thing you can do is just try to contact her and ask how her life is going. Maybe then she will realize that she has been so busy that she hasn't responded to others in her life.

Remember MOH is a title for the Bride's closest friend. The title does not mean it should be handed to the person who is doing the most work for you. Thank the BM who volunteered to do stuff and let it be.

Hopefully, you will reread over all of our advice and consider it. Good luck in contacting your friend.

mrshump · April 2011

I just demoted a MOH yesterday and it was not an easy thing to do. It was a friend of mine for over 10 years and honestly, we may not be friends after this and she may not even be in the wedding. but it was something i had to do. My cousin was a BM and she was going above and beyond. While people are saying a MOH does not have to do anything, I had 2 MOH's and 1 Matron Of Honor. Everyone in my bridal party was doing somehting. and the one i demoted was not even answering their phone calls just to give feedback while they literally planned everything. she also was never there for me when i needed her for dress fitting, flower girl dress stuff, assembling invitations, etc. so i didn't think it was fair to call her MOH anymore when my blood cousin was taking her role in my wedding much more seriously than her.

it is not an easy thing to do. but i say, if you don't feel comfortable calling someone your MOH then you shouldn't.

kmmssg · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_tell-moh-want-her-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:1ce4f2b6-3faa-40e3-bcef-1c1eea07a0bePost:0c0f95e1-41a1-4e7c-b52d-8f3bc0cc57c9">Re: How do i tell my MOH that i want her to be a BM??</a>:
[QUOTE]I just demoted a MOH yesterday and it was not an easy thing to do. It was a friend of mine for over 10 years and honestly, we may not be friends after this and she may not even be in the wedding. but it was something i had to do. My cousin was a BM and she was going above and beyond. While people are saying a MOH does not have to do anything, I had 2 MOH's and 1 Matron Of Honor. Everyone in my bridal party was doing somehting. and the one i demoted was not even answering their phone calls just to give feedback while they literally planned everything. <strong>she also was never there for me when i needed her for dress fitting, flower girl dress stuff, assembling invitations, etc.</strong> so i didn't think it was fair to call her MOH anymore when my blood cousin was taking her role in my wedding much more seriously than her. it is not an easy thing to do. but i say, if you don't feel comfortable calling someone your MOH then you shouldn't.
Posted by mrshump[/QUOTE]

Why were your dress fittings. FG dress, and invitations her duties? Those are yours.......I know you didn't ask, but it doesn't sound like you were anymore justified in firing MOH than OP is.

AutumnFair · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_tell-moh-want-her-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:1ce4f2b6-3faa-40e3-bcef-1c1eea07a0bePost:0c0f95e1-41a1-4e7c-b52d-8f3bc0cc57c9">Re: How do i tell my MOH that i want her to be a BM??</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I just demoted a MOH yesterday and it was<u> not an easy thing to do.</u></strong> It was a friend of mine for over 10 years and honestly, we may not be friends after this and she may not even be in the wedding. but it was something i had to do. My cousin was a BM and she was going above and beyond. While people are saying a MOH does not have to do anything, I had 2 MOH's and 1 Matron Of Honor. Everyone in my bridal party was doing something. and the one i demoted was not even answering their phone calls just to give feedback while they literally planned everything. she also was never there for me when i needed her for dress fitting, flower girl dress stuff, assembling invitations, etc. so i didn't think it was fair to call her MOH anymore when my blood cousin was taking her role in my wedding much more seriously than her. it is not an easy thing to do. but i say, if you don't feel comfortable calling someone your MOH then you shouldn't.
Posted by mrshump[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Yeah, because you KNEW it was <strong>wrong</strong>. Obviously to you, her not being at your beck and call like the others is not worth your friendship. I hope your <u>one</u> day was worth the <em>years</em> of friendship you had with her. Your former MOH did nothing to treated with such disrespect. It really makes me sad to see Brides throw away friendships because they think everyone needs to listen 24/7 about wedding talk, help plan wedding related things, and basically pin their friends and family down with doing this stuff or be removed. People are not pawns, they have their own lives that can get busy, just because they aren't all about the Bride 24/7 doesn't mean they don't care.</div><div>
</div><div> Friendship is about understanding, communication, and compassion toward one another. Friendships are "we" not "me", so when you talk to friends you need listen and talk equally (unless someone is actually having a bad day and needs to get it off their chest). Brides take note, you get one day for your wedding, one day for a party. Years and years of friendship is NEVER worth jeopardizing because of one day.

</div>

McKenna2012 · April 2011

No one is required to help with any aspect of your wedding. You and your fiance are in charge of that, and your wedding party are not employees. It is great that people sometimes like to step up and help and do for the bride, but it is very rude to demote or kick out anyone you don't feel is up to par.

trix1223 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_tell-moh-want-her-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:1ce4f2b6-3faa-40e3-bcef-1c1eea07a0bePost:405a2acf-e1d2-4da1-b135-05716a2e730f">How do i tell my MOH that i want her to be a BM??</a>:
[QUOTE]I made a mistake by picking out the wrong person to be my MOH and I want to have her just be a BM but i dont know how to tell her. Im getting married in 4 months and my MOH is not really interested in helping out. She has not talked to me in over a month, completely ignored my birthday, and hasn't bothered to even call me yet alone text me. My true best friend is currently a BM and i need her to be my MOH, it would not feel right if i did not have her stand next to me. She has been there through everything and she deserves to be my MOH. I need suggestions please, i want this process to be as smooth as possible. thank you!
Posted by EdithA23[/QUOTE]

Since we are, apparently, no longer encouraged to give unvarnished advice to someone with a low post count, let me find the nicest way possible to say this.

What you are asking is how to do something very rude in a gracious way. The reason you're struggling with how to do this is because there isn't a way to graciously be hurtful and cruel.

There isn't a gracious way to publicly slap someone across the face and then post the video of it online.

Please take this as kind-hearted advice: what you're proposing to do is just that: publicly humiliate a former dear, dear friend. Over.....what exactly? Not helping you plan a party that she is not obligated to help you plan? Over not caring as much about your wedding as you do? Why should she? It's not her wedding. It's yours.

You're way overestimating what a WP should do, and as a result, you're going to sacrifice a long-time friendship over a 5 hour party. I say this in the nicest possible tone of voice: that's really pretty shallow.

As for this:

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_tell-moh-want-her-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:1ce4f2b6-3faa-40e3-bcef-1c1eea07a0bePost:0c0f95e1-41a1-4e7c-b52d-8f3bc0cc57c9">Re: How do i tell my MOH that i want her to be a BM??</a>:
[QUOTE]I just demoted a MOH yesterday and it was not an easy thing to do. It was a friend of mine for over 10 years and honestly, we may not be friends after this and she may not even be in the wedding. but it was something i had to do. My cousin was a BM and she was going above and beyond. While people are saying a MOH does not have to do anything, I had 2 MOH's and 1 Matron Of Honor. Everyone in my bridal party was doing somehting. and the one i demoted was not even answering their phone calls just to give feedback while they literally planned everything. she also was never there for me when i needed her for dress fitting, flower girl dress stuff, assembling invitations, etc. so i didn't think it was fair to call her MOH anymore when my blood cousin was taking her role in my wedding much more seriously than her. it is not an easy thing to do. but i say, if you don't feel comfortable calling someone your MOH then you shouldn't.
Posted by mrshump[/QUOTE]

I'll say this as sweetly as possible: You sound like a peach and I thank you so much for doing your former best friend the favor of relieving her of any obligations for your wedding.

Your wedding should never have devolved into a contest with the prize being a title for who did the most for you. Sounds like an episode of a reality show gone bad.

It was nice of you to do your former bff the huge favor that you did.

ETA: A big good luck to you both!

mandi921vh · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_tell-moh-want-her-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:1ce4f2b6-3faa-40e3-bcef-1c1eea07a0bePost:b102b48f-598e-48e2-84fd-34bcb4129d7c">Re: How do i tell my MOH that i want her to be a BM??</a>:
[QUOTE]No one is required to help with any aspect of your wedding. You and your fiance are in charge of that, and your wedding party are not employees. It is great that people sometimes like to step up and help and do for the bride, but it is very rude to demote or kick out anyone you don't feel is up to par.
Posted by McKenna2012[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I agree with this.</div>

MairePoppy · April 2011

Hi Edith- I see this is your fist post, so I would like to welcome you to the moms and maids board. I'm glad you came here, today, to ask this question before you make the same terrible mistake that mrshump made.

MOH is not a title to be awarded to the best helper. You must have chosen her because you felt close to her at the time. Surely, you don't want to ruin that friendship forever, by demoting her. Leave a message for your friend that you are concerned that you haven't heard from her and would like to know if everything is ok. Don't make the call about your wedding.

It's wonderful that you want to honor the friend who has helped you so much, with your planning. It was not her job to do so, but it is probably just her nature to want to pitch in. You could honor her by taking her out to lunch or dinner to thank her or by giving her a special gift, privately. I'm sure she will appreciate the sentiment.

I hope you will stop by, again, soon. Good luck.

deepcovejackie · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_tell-moh-want-her-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:1ce4f2b6-3faa-40e3-bcef-1c1eea07a0bePost:0c0f95e1-41a1-4e7c-b52d-8f3bc0cc57c9">Re: How do i tell my MOH that i want her to be a BM??</a>:
[QUOTE]I just demoted a MOH yesterday and it was not an easy thing to do. It was a friend of mine for over 10 years and honestly, we may not be friends after this and she may not even be in the wedding. but it was something i had to do. My cousin was a BM and she was going above and beyond. While people are saying a MOH does not have to do anything, I had 2 MOH's and 1 Matron Of Honor. Everyone in my bridal party was doing somehting. and the one i demoted was not even answering their phone calls just to give feedback while they literally planned everything. she also was never there for me when i needed her for dress fitting, flower girl dress stuff, assembling invitations, etc. so i didn't think it was fair to call her MOH anymore when my blood cousin was taking her role in my wedding much more seriously than her. it is not an easy thing to do. but i say, if you don't feel comfortable calling someone your MOH then you shouldn't.
Posted by mrshump[/QUOTE]

good luck with that!

nannewmur · April 2011

You have two options:

1) Make cousin your MOH and now you have two MOH's! Let BFF stand by you and sign off on license. Original MOH has done nothing wrong pertaining to your wedding.

or

2) Demote the current MOH and more than likely you will have one less attendent and friend. It will likely cause irrepairable damage.

Ten years from now, which will be the better memory? Besides #2, no matter how, will make you look bad to many, many people and that will be the talk up to the wedding, not your friend not doing stuff she wasn't supposed to do in the first place.

GL with your decision!

zitiqueen · April 2011

You forgot to wish her good luck, trix.

deepcovejackie · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_tell-moh-want-her-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:1ce4f2b6-3faa-40e3-bcef-1c1eea07a0bePost:fe37b920-bf27-4e33-931a-b2d438ab4c26">Re: How do i tell my MOH that i want her to be a BM??</a>:
[QUOTE]You forgot to wish her good luck, trix.
Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]

CQTM.

KateG528 · April 2011

I agree with everyone here. Being MOH is not the same as being a slave. MOH's have lives too. You chose her because she was your friend, dont demote her because she is not being your slave.

trix1223 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_tell-moh-want-her-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:1ce4f2b6-3faa-40e3-bcef-1c1eea07a0bePost:fe37b920-bf27-4e33-931a-b2d438ab4c26">Re: How do i tell my MOH that i want her to be a BM??</a>:
[QUOTE]You forgot to wish her good luck, trix.
Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]

Oh, so right. I'll go back and edit. ;)

deepcovejackie · April 2011

I remembered. I said "good luck". Gold star for me?

GoodLuckBear14 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_tell-moh-want-her-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:1ce4f2b6-3faa-40e3-bcef-1c1eea07a0bePost:c7a867b5-288a-437e-8250-8eaf66e0b175">Re: How do i tell my MOH that i want her to be a BM??</a>:
[QUOTE]I remembered. I said "good luck". Gold star for me?
Posted by deepcovejackie[/QUOTE]

And a sweet pat on the head.

jilld82 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_tell-moh-want-her-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:1ce4f2b6-3faa-40e3-bcef-1c1eea07a0bePost:405a2acf-e1d2-4da1-b135-05716a2e730f">How do i tell my MOH that i want her to be a BM??</a>:
[QUOTE]I made a mistake by picking out the wrong person to be my MOH and I want to have her just be a BM but i dont know how to tell her. Im getting married in 4 months and my MOH is not really interested in helping out. She has not talked to me in over a month, completely ignored my birthday, and hasn't bothered to even call me yet alone text me. My true best friend is currently a BM and i need her to be my MOH, it would not feel right if i did not have her stand next to me. She has been there through everything and she deserves to be my MOH. I need suggestions please, i want this process to be as smooth as possible. thank you!
Posted by EdithA23[/QUOTE]

I haven't even read everyone else's posts yet but if she was so important to you then you should have picked her in the first place. The answer to your question is no you cannot replace your moh, not unless you really want to end that relationship.

Also moh is not another word for "brides personal slave".

One more thing, who cares if she didn't do anything for your birthday. How old are you? I don't know about you but my friends and I rarely do anything for birthdays at this point in our lives unless it's a big one.

Welcome to the board.

jemmini6 · April 2011

My FI got 'demoted' from a GM to an usher because he wasn't "living up to expectations of a GM" (meaning he didn't want to take off of work from a job he'd started 2 weeks before to spend $600 on the bachelor party that the groom demanded).

FI went to the wedding, we did not buy them a gift, we left early, we haven't spoken to them since and they are not invited to our wedding. All his other friends have also started pulling away because of how he acted during his wedding. Demotions end friendships, so unless you want to completely cut your friend out of your life, don't demote her. Her only expectation as a MOH is to buy the dress and smile pretty on your wedding day.

katieisawesome · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_tell-moh-want-her-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:1ce4f2b6-3faa-40e3-bcef-1c1eea07a0bePost:0a785078-0ed4-4ecc-b19e-cb49ccf632e7">Re: How do i tell my MOH that i want her to be a BM??</a>:
[QUOTE]PUT DOWN THE BRIDAL MAGAZINES. STOP DRINKING THE KOOL-AID. DEPROGRAM YOURSELF FROM THE CULT OF WEDDING IMMEDIATELY. The wedding industry - and it IS an industry - does its best to brainwash us from cradle to altar. They have a financial interest in making brides believe that it's all about them, and publish those lists of duties for bridesmaids to reinforce the notion that the bride is owed parties at the expense of others, and an unpaid staff to step and fetch for her. The reality: your wedding party are friends and family, those individuals you wouldn't dream of making this milestone step without. The job of planning the wedding is the job of the bride and her fiance. It's great if people want to help, and fine to accept if they do.....but this is not "required" and should never be expected. Anyone who isn't interested in every aspect of wedding planning, and doesn't want to assemble favors or go to bridal fairs is NOT "being a bad friend." The wedding is ONE FREAKIN' DAY. Your marriage won't stand or fall on whether you had matching cocktail napkins. Marriage lasts the rest of your life, and you'll need those friends when you lose a job, your husband has a heart attack, or you have a miscarriage and need to cry with someone. Be careful you don't run your friends off over silly busywork. You'll need them after the marriage.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>This is one of the best posts I've ever read in TK.</div>

Muffin'sMom · April 2011

Excellent answer...said in several different ways above. There is no way you won't look like a bridezilla. You also need to understand that SHE will be going around to all of your friends in common and telling her side of the story.

I understand that this is not what you want to hear, but it is the most likely reality! My daughter was a bride recently, and I would have told her the exact same thing, in the exact same words.

mousey99 · April 2011

I think these responses are a bit harsh. Regardless of how bratie it sounds it Is suposed to be your special day! It's not so much about the current girl not being there for you but your "true best friend' to have the role she obviously deserves. Unfortinantly you made the mistake of asking her already so you have to go threw the heart break of asking her to step down but I think it can be justified. This nonsense of "oh no, you asked, she's it, you're stuck with it!" Isn't even true for your FH untill you say I do! If your friendship is ruined over this I think it's just more proof you made the right desision.

GoodLuckBear14 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_tell-moh-want-her-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:1ce4f2b6-3faa-40e3-bcef-1c1eea07a0bePost:88347196-f244-4a46-a16b-b9319e4e6d5c">Re: How do i tell my MOH that i want her to be a BM??</a>:
[QUOTE]I think these responses are a bit harsh. Regardless of how bratie it sounds it Is suposed to be your special day! It's not so much about the current girl not being there for you but your "true best friend' to have the role she obviously deserves. Unfortinantly you made the mistake of asking her already so you have to go threw the heart break of asking her to step down but I think it can be justified. This nonsense of "oh no, you asked, she's it, you're stuck with it!" Isn't even true for your FH untill you say I do! If your friendship is ruined over this I think it's just more proof you made the right desision.
Posted by mousey99[/QUOTE]

Stick around. A lot of people have stories about brides and grooms with whom they are no longer friends because of how they were treated as the result of a wedding. There are more than a few who were kicked out for not living up to their "duties" or not being excited enough for the bride. I have yet to hear one who said they are still great friends, or friends at all for that matter. There used to be a great reg who summed it up with "the only acceptable reason for kicking someone out is if they tried to sleep with you or you FI or the police had to be called because of an assault."

A lot of us have time to talk to our closest friends every month or so. That's life. And if the person calling you only want to talk about themselves and their wedding, most of us would dodge these calls like a losing gambler dodges her bookie's calls.

If you would be okay with being treated like the hired help or being expected to be at the bride's beck and call or 24/7 pep rally leader, then that says more about your self esteem than anything. If you would treat people like this, it says a lot about who you are as a person.

Oh...I nearly forgot...Good Luck planning your wedding.

KateG528 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_tell-moh-want-her-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:1ce4f2b6-3faa-40e3-bcef-1c1eea07a0bePost:88347196-f244-4a46-a16b-b9319e4e6d5c">Re: How do i tell my MOH that i want her to be a BM??</a>:
[QUOTE]I think these responses are a bit harsh. Regardless of how bratie it sounds it Is suposed to be your special day! It's not so much about the<strong> current girl not being there for you but your "true best friend' to have the role she obviously deserves.</strong> Unfortinantly you made the mistake of asking her already so you have to go threw the heart break of asking her to step down but I think it can be justified. This nonsense of "oh no, you asked, she's it, you're stuck with it!" Isn't even true for your FH untill you say I do! I<strong>f your friendship is ruined over this I think it's just more proof you made the right desision.</strong>
Posted by mousey99[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>If she was your true best friend you would have asked her to begin with. So basically you are basing true best friend off of "being there for you" and in most cases of weddings this becomes being your personal slave. </div><div>
</div><div>If I thought I was your best friend and I had a lot going on in my life so I couldnt be at your beckon call for everything for your wedding because, well, I have my own life to live, and you came to me and demoted me, regardless of how good friends we were I would be hurt and rejected and probably wouldnt speak to you, much less come to your wedding at all. Do not follow this advice.</div>

em01092 · April 2011

Call up your friend and schedule a lunch date. Talk. About non-wedding stuff. Work on your friendship before you worry about her MOH status. If she doesn't want to be MOH anymore, she will tell you. Just ask her what is up in her life and see what she has going on. (Hint: its more than your wedding! Sorry!)

You can only demote BMs and MOHs if they try to seduce your FI, try to kill you, and other extreme examples.

finch546 · April 2011

Follow your heart, you only get married once. I'm considering demoting a BM to a hostess because of her negative attitude and I'd much rather hurt her feelings than have her ruin my only wedding day. I say go with your gut.

trix1223 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_tell-moh-want-her-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:1ce4f2b6-3faa-40e3-bcef-1c1eea07a0bePost:61011ca1-9771-4074-a770-64cd7eff86f4">Re: How do i tell my MOH that i want her to be a BM??</a>:
[QUOTE]Follow your heart, you only get married once. I'm considering demoting a BM to a hostess because of her negative attitude and I'd much rather hurt her feelings than have her ruin my only wedding day. I say go with your gut.
Posted by finch546[/QUOTE]

Aren't you special......

GoodLuckBear14 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_tell-moh-want-her-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:1ce4f2b6-3faa-40e3-bcef-1c1eea07a0bePost:61011ca1-9771-4074-a770-64cd7eff86f4">Re: How do i tell my MOH that i want her to be a BM??</a>:
[QUOTE]Follow your heart, you only get married once. I'm considering demoting a BM to a hostess because of her negative attitude and I'd much rather hurt her feelings than have her ruin my only wedding day. I say go with your gut.
Posted by finch546[/QUOTE]

Yeah. Who cares if you lose a friend of two. It's YOUR day dammit and if they can't get with YOUR program they should be kicked to the curb.

How do i tell my MOH that i want her to be a BM??

Re: How do i tell my MOH that i want her to be a BM??

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