June 2012 Weddings

Can you tell someone they're being rude?

I'm in a wedding in September and their etiquette is just so irritating. First she started a FB event when they got engaged. They invited over 400 people and her FI said they won't all be invited by the time they send out invites. Well she sent out a mass msg to all recipients of the event saying need addresses (that's it). She was online so I sent her sent you my address yesterday when you texted. She said I know it was a mass msg but I wanted to make sure she got my text. I asked her if everyone in the event was getting invited and she said no not everyone. I told her she shouldn't send it to everyone if not everyone is invited. Was that bad? She was going to put their registry on their invite and I told her to do a website because it's bad etiquette to put the registry on the invite because it comes off as gift grabby. Was I ok to tell her that?

Re: Can you tell someone they're being rude?

  • I know you have good intentions when trying to give her tips but sometimes its best to keep your opinions and thoughts to yourself. She is a grown up and can do what she wants to do, whether you agree with it or not.
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  • edited March 2012
    I try to be helpful because she's asked me different things like for invites and STDs so I kinda figured since we were talking about it it'd be ok to say. I told her she should ask individually for addresses because she could hurt a lot of people's feelings and I was just like just a suggestion to avoid unnecessary drama. They have over 400 people on that event which in itself is a big no no but a lot RSVP'd yes so they're gonna hurt a lot of people. I told her asking individually worked well for me
  • I think it depends on the situation. If it was one of my best friends, I would say something to her about the FB event thing. Not to be all "omg you are being so rude" but to save her some headaches down the road, when people are wondering why they aren't invited. I would probably leave the registry on invites alone though, unless she asks about it. 

    Basically if the etiquette violation is going to cause some eye rolling, leave it alone. If it's going to cause wailing, gnashing of teeth, and heart attacks...say something.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_can-you-tell-someone-theyre-being-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:185ccb4d-b302-47be-995e-c7a0d9e31712Post:304bf6d6-6a12-4587-b8a5-0da3432add59">Re: Can you tell someone they're being rude?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think it depends on the situation. If it was one of my best friends, I would say something to her about the FB event thing. Not to be all "omg you are being so rude" but to save her some headaches down the road, when people are wondering why they aren't invited. I would probably leave the registry on invites alone though, unless she asks about it.  Basically if the etiquette violation is going to cause some eye rolling, leave it alone. If it's going to cause wailing, gnashing of teeth, and heart attacks...say something.
    Posted by daria24[/QUOTE]
    I'm a bridesmaid and FI is a groomsman in a wedding. If it were someone I work with or something like that I would leave it alone. She asked me where I got my STDs and I said I designed them and she asked the same for invites I said etsy and DIY. I asked if she had a website to put on STDs and she said no. I asked where she was gonna put accomodations and registry stuff and she said on the invite. I told her a website was an easier way to do it because guests aren't required to buy you a gift so it may be off putting to some. She took my advice and did the website (but then put it up on FB). I think she really is clueless about some of the etiquette and what to do for a lot of stuff so she asks me since I've been engaged longer and getting married soon. I may just leave it alone from now on 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_can-you-tell-someone-theyre-being-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:185ccb4d-b302-47be-995e-c7a0d9e31712Post:304bf6d6-6a12-4587-b8a5-0da3432add59">Re: Can you tell someone they're being rude?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think it depends on the situation. If it was one of my best friends, I would say something to her about the FB event thing. Not to be all "omg you are being so rude" but to save her some headaches down the road, when people are wondering why they aren't invited. I would probably leave the registry on invites alone though, unless she asks about it.  Basically if the etiquette violation is going to cause some eye rolling, leave it alone. If it's going to cause wailing, gnashing of teeth, and heart attacks...say something.
    Posted by daria24[/QUOTE]

    <div>I agree with this. Just remember that etiquette means different things to different people. I understand that you are just trying to help her but to her you might come off as a "know it all" or pushy even though that is not your intention. </div>
    Cappadocia, Turkey
    June 2012 March Siggy Challenge: Honeymoon location
    imageWedding Countdown Ticker
    image 215 Invited so far!
    image 160 Are ready to party!
    image 30 Will be missing out!
    image 25 Are MIA!
  • It is REALLY hard not to leave this stuff alone, but sometimes you just have to. If it was a close friend or family member, I'd probably warn them not to list the registry or say something in passing like, "hmm, well if you invite people on Facebook and ask for their address, they will assume they are invited." I dunno, I have a big mouth though, its probably best to just let her make herself look like a grabby fool.

    My cousin put her wedding invite on Facebook and posted this on the page
    "This is a big wedding, small reception. We plan on having a LARGE reception later on in a couple of years or so. So please no gifts and things like that until then. This is just a fun celebration of our vows in the eyes of god and our loved ones. We just want those we love and that are dear to us there to share in our happiness and love as we make our lifetime commitment to one another. AND, I NEED A FINAL HEADCOUNT so please let me know if your coming"

    I wanted to scream when I saw this. She told me she is not sending invitations, so she needs people on Facebook to give her a count for their family NOT on Facebook. She did send out STDs though, complete with misspellings! Arg!

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_can-you-tell-someone-theyre-being-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:185ccb4d-b302-47be-995e-c7a0d9e31712Post:89e82865-2c8a-4e0d-a498-6fc5b35bf995">Re: Can you tell someone they're being rude?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can you tell someone they're being rude? : I agree with this. Just remember that etiquette means different things to different people. I understand that you are just trying to help her but to her you might come off as a "know it all" or pushy even though that is not your intention. 
    Posted by HarperBargo[/QUOTE]
    Yeah. It's just hard to see someone do somethng that is such a no no and I would be offended by it. I think I'll just leave alone from now on and if she asks me WR questions I'll answer them
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_can-you-tell-someone-theyre-being-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:185ccb4d-b302-47be-995e-c7a0d9e31712Post:8ba0baa8-35bc-408b-b781-abd9d2e2aaf8">Re: Can you tell someone they're being rude?</a>:
    [QUOTE]It is REALLY hard not to leave this stuff alone, but sometimes you just have to. If it was a close friend or family member, I'd probably warn them not to list the registry or say something in passing like, "hmm, well if you invite people on Facebook and ask for their address, they will assume they are invited." I dunno, I have a big mouth though, its probably best to just let her make herself look like a grabby fool. My cousin put her wedding invite on Facebook and posted this on the page "This is a big wedding, small reception. We plan on having a LARGE reception later on in a couple of years or so. So please no gifts and things like that until then. This is just a fun celebration of our vows in the eyes of god and our loved ones. We just want those we love and that are dear to us there to share in our happiness and love as we make our lifetime commitment to one another. AND, I NEED A FINAL HEADCOUNT so please let me know if your coming" I wanted to scream when I saw this. She told me she is not sending invitations, so she needs people on Facebook to give her a count for their family NOT on Facebook. She did send out STDs though, complete with misspellings! Arg!
    Posted by MiksChick23[/QUOTE]
    OMG that is awful. Some of the things I see on FB just make me shake my head. One girl I used to work with had a baby shower for herself. She created a FB event and invited every girl she was FB friends with. She put in the description I have this stuff but still need this. I declined and deleted her
  • Wow I recommended deleting the event and asking people individually and I just got a notification saying she cancelled the event. She listened again. It's so hard to tell because she'll quit responding then do what I recommend :/
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_can-you-tell-someone-theyre-being-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:185ccb4d-b302-47be-995e-c7a0d9e31712Post:8ba0baa8-35bc-408b-b781-abd9d2e2aaf8">Re: Can you tell someone they're being rude?</a>:
    [QUOTE]It is REALLY hard not to leave this stuff alone, but sometimes you just have to. If it was a close friend or family member, I'd probably warn them not to list the registry or say something in passing like, "hmm, well if you invite people on Facebook and ask for their address, they will assume they are invited." I dunno, I have a big mouth though, its probably best to just let her make herself look like a grabby fool. My cousin put her wedding invite on Facebook and posted this on the page "This is a big wedding, small reception. We plan on having a LARGE reception later on in a couple of years or so. So please no gifts and things like that until then. This is just a fun celebration of our vows in the eyes of god and our loved ones. We just want those we love and that are dear to us there to share in our happiness and love as we make our lifetime commitment to one another. AND, I NEED A FINAL HEADCOUNT so please let me know if your coming" <strong>I wanted to scream when I saw this.</strong> She told me she is not sending invitations, so she needs people on Facebook to give her a count for their family NOT on Facebook. She did send out STDs though, complete with misspellings! Arg!
    Posted by MiksChick23[/QUOTE]

    <div>I know how you feel. My cousin got married a few years ago and right in the invite was a small card with where they were registered. They also spelled the store where they registered wrong. If that wasn't bad enough they wrote "monetary gifts are preferred and will be used towards a down payment on a house." I thought it was so rude and it made me not want to give them a gift. </div>
    Cappadocia, Turkey
    June 2012 March Siggy Challenge: Honeymoon location
    imageWedding Countdown Ticker
    image 215 Invited so far!
    image 160 Are ready to party!
    image 30 Will be missing out!
    image 25 Are MIA!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_can-you-tell-someone-theyre-being-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:185ccb4d-b302-47be-995e-c7a0d9e31712Post:503fd974-3229-4c00-a088-31c9866bf46f">Re: Can you tell someone they're being rude?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can you tell someone they're being rude? : I know how you feel. My cousin got married a few years ago and right in the invite was a small card with where they were registered. They also spelled the store where they registered wrong. If that wasn't bad enough they wrote "monetary gifts are preferred and will be used towards a down payment on a house." I thought it was so rude and it made me not want to give them a gift. 
    Posted by HarperBargo[/QUOTE]
    Wow that would be so annoying
  • Honestly, one of my friends did this exactly and when people found out they weren't actually being invited she lost a lot of friends pretty quickly.  Her MOH knew better and tried to tell her what she SHOULD be doing on an etiquette point but she didn't really listen.  The wedding turned out to be a mess.

    Anyway, I would just let her know that she may be offending others and could be damaging relationships with people not invited and leave it at that.  Beyond that, I'd just answer her questions and move on.  She's the one making the errors and you've already informed her.  I don't think there is any need to keep reminding her.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_can-you-tell-someone-theyre-being-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:185ccb4d-b302-47be-995e-c7a0d9e31712Post:89e82865-2c8a-4e0d-a498-6fc5b35bf995">Re: Can you tell someone they're being rude?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can you tell someone they're being rude? : I agree with this. Just remember that <strong>etiquette means different things to different people</strong>. I understand that you are just trying to help her but to her you might come off as a "know it all" or pushy even though that is not your intention. 
    Posted by HarperBargo[/QUOTE]

    Sorry, I disagree with this statement. Etiquette = Etiquette, however, traditions are different among people.

    My advice - Introduce her to The Knot, especially the Etiquette board. They will help her out. I understand why you are trying to help her out. I'd be doing the same thing, especially if I was a part of their wedding. I would hope my family & wedding party would do the same for me if I didn't know correctly.
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    June 2012 May Siggy Challenge: The invitations
    image 126 Are ready to party!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_can-you-tell-someone-theyre-being-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:185ccb4d-b302-47be-995e-c7a0d9e31712Post:a63d221e-9069-4618-a301-483c5068ea5c">Re: Can you tell someone they're being rude?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Honestly, one of my friends did this exactly and when people found out they weren't actually being invited she lost a lot of friends pretty quickly.  Her MOH knew better and tried to tell her what she SHOULD be doing on an etiquette point but she didn't really listen.  The wedding turned out to be a mess. Anyway, I would just let her know that she may be offending others and could be damaging relationships with people not invited and leave it at that.  Beyond that, I'd just answer her questions and move on.  She's the one making the errors and you've already informed her.  I don't think there is any need to keep reminding her.
    Posted by MMRoberts11[/QUOTE]
    They had 510 people on the FB event so I could only imagine how many of them she'd piss off. She cancelled the event so at least she may be able to salvage some relationships. 
  • edited March 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_can-you-tell-someone-theyre-being-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:185ccb4d-b302-47be-995e-c7a0d9e31712Post:d62e8b0d-5579-4167-96cd-e99a55fba155">Re: Can you tell someone they're being rude?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can you tell someone they're being rude? : Sorry, I disagree with this statement. Etiquette = Etiquette, however, traditions are different among people. My advice - Introduce her to The Knot, especially the Etiquette board. They will help her out. I understand why you are trying to help her out. I'd be doing the same thing, especially if I was a part of their wedding. I would hope my family & wedding party would do the same for me if I didn't know correctly.
    Posted by KrisKenny[/QUOTE]
    I told her TK has been great for so much of my wedding planning. Pretty sure the etiquette boaard would eat her alive haha. I told her to come onto the knot for the wedding website and she did that. It's not the best written but it's better than putting everything on an invite. I cringed when I read the honeymoon tab. It says "Florida BABY!!!   Fly down and back visit beaches and several amusement parks to engage in peeing our pants due to laughter. " Eww lol<div>
    </div><div>I just liked the link and left it at that</div>
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