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heyimbren
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Is attending the rehearsal that important?
I'm really naive and ignorant when it comes to wedding questions and etiquette. Which is probably one reason it's good for me to stick around here 
My friend's wedding is quickly approaching, and she's getting married on a Friday afternoon, so I have to take the day off work for it. She just mentioned on the weekend that they're planning on decorating the church on the Thursday morning, having lunch and then having the rehearsal in the afternoon... I assumed it would be in the evening. They said they still had to work some things out, and one of our other friends made a comment about how she'd need the day off work then.
Here's my question: is this something I should be taking the day off work for?
I work for my grandpa, and it's his business, so I know I will be able to take the day off work. The problem I have with it is that I'm already taking some time off next week, and for the wedding and I feel badly taking time off when I know I could be used at work. As well, if I take the day off I don't get paid for it. And when I'm only working during the summer, it's fairly significant to miss a day I could be paid for.
So how terrible is it for me to miss the decorating/rehearsal?
Secondly, is this something I should bring up now or mention it when she's officially made plans and lets me know about them?
I'm worried that if I say anything I'll look like a jerk who just doesn't want to be involved, since the other bridesmaids don't seem to have a problem with it. One girl even made a comment about us taking the week off work for the wedding and I was like, "what?!"
My friend's wedding is quickly approaching, and she's getting married on a Friday afternoon, so I have to take the day off work for it. She just mentioned on the weekend that they're planning on decorating the church on the Thursday morning, having lunch and then having the rehearsal in the afternoon... I assumed it would be in the evening. They said they still had to work some things out, and one of our other friends made a comment about how she'd need the day off work then.
Here's my question: is this something I should be taking the day off work for?
I work for my grandpa, and it's his business, so I know I will be able to take the day off work. The problem I have with it is that I'm already taking some time off next week, and for the wedding and I feel badly taking time off when I know I could be used at work. As well, if I take the day off I don't get paid for it. And when I'm only working during the summer, it's fairly significant to miss a day I could be paid for.
So how terrible is it for me to miss the decorating/rehearsal?
Secondly, is this something I should bring up now or mention it when she's officially made plans and lets me know about them?
I'm worried that if I say anything I'll look like a jerk who just doesn't want to be involved, since the other bridesmaids don't seem to have a problem with it. One girl even made a comment about us taking the week off work for the wedding and I was like, "what?!"
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Is attending the rehearsal that important?
Its better to let her know up front so she can make adjustments is she decides to.
If she doesn't change it, tell her you will only be able to make it to the rehearsal. Its way more important to be at the rehearsal then decorating.
[QUOTE]I'd mention something now that you aren't sure if you could get off of work and maybe she will see that having her entire bridal party take off of their jobs Thursday and Friday is asking a bit much. Its better to let her know up front so she can make adjustments is she decides to. If she doesn't change it, tell her you will only be able to make it to the rehearsal. Its way more important to be at the rehearsal then decorating.
Posted by CCO2012[/QUOTE]
Ditto this. I would just let her know that it will be difficult for you to take the extra day off and that maybe you can swing the afternoon, but you can't miss the entire day. Emphasize that you'd really love to help you just can't afford to miss another day at work. I'm sure she'll understand.
I would let her know you are excited and honored and can't wait for the wedding, but you're not going to be able to take off both days from work.
Seriously, who gets married in the middle of the day on Friday AND does the rehearsal the day before in the afternoon as well?! That is just a ridiculous lack of concern for her guests' time. I'm sure it's just a touch of the naive and ignorant, not that she's just being a jerk, but yeah...you should feel absolutely no obligation to cater to this if you don't feel comfortable.
Blog: A New Yorker in Duluth
Updated 8/8/11
I think it's rude to expect someone to take two days off work. My BMs will likely take Friday off to help out, but I'd be fine if they couldn't make it. I'll probably have to do a late afternoon rehearsal because of traffic (it would take hours to get to the venue on a Friday evening).
I haz a planning bio
[QUOTE]I'd mention something now that you aren't sure if you could get off of work and maybe she will see that having her entire bridal party take off of their jobs Thursday and Friday is asking a bit much. Its better to let her know up front so she can make adjustments is she decides to. If she doesn't change it, tell her you will only be able to make it to the rehearsal. Its way more important to be at the rehearsal then decorating.
Posted by CCO2012[/QUOTE]
This exactly.
Life is good today.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is attending the rehearsal that important? : This exactly.
Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]
I'm with Marley and Yaga.
Marley...this...is one of many reason why I adore you :) Our brains function the same way...I'm convinced we were separated at birth lol
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is attending the rehearsal that important? : I'm with Marley and Yaga. Marley...this...is one of many reason why I adore you :) Our brains function the same way...I'm convinced we were separated at birth lol
Posted by IrishDreamer[/QUOTE]
LOLZ. <3
My elusive snarky side is coming out in Bren's defense.
Blog: A New Yorker in Duluth
Updated 8/8/11
I don't think it's a huge deal, it's not really rocket science to figure out when to walk and everything.
Why the hell would she make it a Thursday during the day? Obviously everyone is going to have to take off another day of work. I'm a biitch and would probably let her know passive aggressively that it's asking too much.
Married! May 27th, 2012
[QUOTE]<strong>Oh, FFS</strong>. Don't tell me--same bride you've mentioned before? I'm getting pissed at her at this point on your behalf. I would let her know you are excited and honored and can't wait for the wedding, but you're not going to be able to take off both days from work. Seriously, who gets married in the middle of the day on Friday AND does the rehearsal the day before in the afternoon as well?! That is just a ridiculous lack of concern for her guests' time. I'm sure it's just a touch of the naive and ignorant, not that she's just being a jerk, but yeah...you should feel absolutely no obligation to cater to this if you don't feel comfortable.
Posted by marleylikeair[/QUOTE]
Wow Marley, you're usually the sweet one. I like this side of you ;)
Oh yea...THIS.
If she wanted you to take a second day off, she should have communicated this way ahead of time - because her requests/demands are a bit abnormal. As for the rehearsal during the afternoon...to me that is ridiculous.
IMO, if you can make it great but if you can't I think you have decent reasons. If you want to compromise say that you can take the afternoon off for the rehearsal but you can't be there for the decorating.
My Bio - updated 26/3/2011
Marley, I love you haha. I didn't know you COULD get pissed
[QUOTE]Oh, FFS. Don't tell me--same bride you've mentioned before? I'm getting pissed at her at this point on your behalf. I would let her know you are excited and honored and can't wait for the wedding, but you're not going to be able to take off both days from work.<strong> Seriously, who gets married in the middle of the day on Friday AND does the rehearsal the day before in the afternoon as well?! That is just a ridiculous lack of concern for her guests' time.</strong> I'm sure it's just a touch of the naive and ignorant, not that she's just being a jerk, but yeah...you should feel absolutely no obligation to cater to this if you don't feel comfortable.
Posted by marleylikeair[/QUOTE]
Um...<strong>ME.</strong>
My wedding was on a Friday evening. My rehearsal was Thursday afternoon. We had a RD that evening as well, and we got into the venue at 1 pm on Friday.
I personally think the bride and groom get to schedule their wedding when it works for THEM.
The bride and groom are the ones getting married. They get to choose the dates and times.
If you can't make the rehearsal, the bride and groom should understand.
Or course, when you invite people to be in your WP, you kinda expect that as some of the most important people in your life, they may WANT to be there for as much as possible.
But I for one certainly did not make ANY demands. I simply let people know when and where and let them know of course we wanted them there but we understood if they had other commitments.
Hopefully, Bren, your friend has the sense to do the same.
FTR, over a year later, we are STILL getting comments about how much fun our wedding was. Every single person in our WP has said something about how much they enjoyed being part of our wedding.
Sorry, I don't mean to get all uptight, but obv this is a very personal issue to me, and I'm frankly really disappointed that the girls on this board would be so quick to leap to judgment about other people's wedding schedules.
ETA: The reason we chose a Friday wedding was b/c it was one of the few dates available at the venue we loved. We also got a discount, which enabled us to have better food and booze options. Yeah, we COULD have gone to another venue and gotten another date. But I refuse to believe that we are horrible, inconsiderate people b/c we didn't.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is attending the rehearsal that important? : Um... ME. My wedding was on a Friday evening. My rehearsal was Thursday afternoon. We had a RD that evening as well, and we got into the venue at 1 pm on Friday. I personally think the bride and groom get to schedule their wedding when it works for THEM. The bride and groom are the ones getting married. They get to choose the dates and times. If you can't make the rehearsal, the bride and groom should understand. Or course, when you invite people to be in your WP, you kinda expect that as some of the most important people in your life, they may WANT to be there for as much as possible. But I for one certainly did not make ANY demands. I simply let people know when and where and let them know of course we wanted them there but we understood if they had other commitments. Hopefully, Bren, your friend has the sense to do the same. FTR, over a year later, we are STILL getting comments about how much fun our wedding was. Every single person in our WP has said something about how much they enjoyed being part of our wedding. Sorry, I don't mean to get all uptight, but obv this is a very personal issue to me, and I'm frankly really disappointed that the girls on this board would be so quick to leap to judgment about other people's wedding schedules.
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]
Desert, FWIW, the reason I'm frustrated with this particular situation is that this is at least the third time Bren has come on here and asked our opinions on how to handle this same bride, who doesn't seem to be thinking of her guests enough and is putting them out in odd ways. If I were a close enough friend who'd been asked to be in your WP, I'd have happily attended both your RD and wedding, taking off work for it. In fact, I think I took off 4 weekdays for my best friend's wedding last year. The thing is, my friend did everything she could to be accommodating as well, and let me know that if I couldn't make it, it was more than okay.
Anyway, my point is, it's only because this bride has been inconveniencing her BMs left and right that I'm a little pissy about this. I didn't mean to offend you and I'm sorry if I did. I hope you catch my drift here.
Blog: A New Yorker in Duluth
Updated 8/8/11
I hope she's as understanding as you are regarding this. Can I be honest and ask you if, as the bride, you'd be annoyed with a bridesmaid who could have gotten the time off work but decided not to (for the reasons I explained in the OP)? Because that's what I'm really worried about- if I'm being truly selfish or not. The last thing I want to do is end up in a disagreement with my friend.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is attending the rehearsal that important? : Desert, FWIW, the reason I'm frustrated with this particular situation is that this is at least the third time Bren has come on here and asked our opinions on how to handle this same bride, who doesn't seem to be thinking of her guests enough and is putting them out in odd ways. If I were a close enough friend who'd been asked to be in your WP, I'd have happily attended both your RD and wedding, taking off work for it. In fact, I think I took off 4 weekdays for my best friend's wedding last year. The thing is, my friend did everything she could to be accommodating as well, and let me know that if I couldn't make it, it was more than okay. Anyway, my point is, it's only because this bride has been inconveniencing her BMs left and right that I'm a little pissy about this. I didn't mean to offend you and I'm sorry if I did. I hope you catch my drift here.
Posted by marleylikeair[/QUOTE]
My issue is that you didn't word your comment in such a way as to make it clear that you were talking about THIS specific person or situation, you know?
ETA: Also, obv, you weren't the only one saying this. So my comments are directed equally at everyone who had anything to say about Friday weddings or thursday rehearsals as being rude to guests/WP.
[QUOTE]Desert, I really appreciate your perspective. I know most people don't like Friday weddings, but I'm someone who does because Saturday is the only morning I get to sleep in ;) I hope she's as understanding as you are regarding this. Can I be honest and ask you if, as the bride, you'd be annoyed with a bridesmaid who could have gotten the time off work but decided not to (for the reasons I explained in the OP)? Because that's what I'm really worried about- if I'm being truly selfish or not. The last thing I want to do is end up in a disagreement with my friend.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]
To me, it would not at all be a big deal. I might be a little disappointed not to have you there, more so if you were someone I didn't see on a regular basis, but I probably would not say that to you b/c I wouldn't want you to feel bad. I would not get upset about it, think less of you in any way, or hold a grudge over it.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is attending the rehearsal that important? : My issue is that you didn't word your comment in such a way as to make it clear that you were talking about THIS specific person or situation, you know? ETA: Also, obv, you weren't the only one saying this. So my comments are directed equally at everyone who had anything to say about Friday weddings or thursday rehearsals as being rude to guests/WP.
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]
I did make a reference to it in my post, actually, but if you don't know the backstory, I can see where I may not have gone into enough detail. Sorry about that.
Blog: A New Yorker in Duluth
Updated 8/8/11
My Bio - updated 26/3/2011
*Franticly scrolls back up to see if her post is offensive* Crap. Sorry Desert. My comment come from my desire to make money. I guess I am a little stressed about my job disappearing and I see Bren as not wanting to go and knowing she is a student and trying to make money over the summer. To be fair I did take two days off for a wedding I was in, but I just get the feeling that Bren doesn't want to so that is why I said go ahead. Sorry that I offended you Desert
I luves you!
Married! May 27th, 2012
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is attending the rehearsal that important? : I did make a reference to it in my post, actually, but if you don't know the backstory, I can see where I may not have gone into enough detail. Sorry about that.
Posted by marleylikeair[/QUOTE]
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_attending-rehearsal-important?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ad30d33c-2a57-44a9-a6a8-8996aa1e052bPost:ed15ceee-cc99-4160-8770-86a2cfe484fd">Re: Is attending the rehearsal that important?</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, FFS. Don't tell me--same bride you've mentioned before? I'm getting pissed at her at this point on your behalf. I would let her know you are excited and honored and can't wait for the wedding, but you're not going to be able to take off both days from work.<strong> Seriously, who gets married in the middle of the day on Friday AND does the rehearsal the day before in the afternoon as well?! That is just a ridiculous lack of concern for her guests' time. </strong>I'm sure it's just a touch of the naive and ignorant, not that she's just being a jerk, but yeah...you should feel absolutely no obligation to cater to this if you don't feel comfortable.
Posted by marleylikeair[/QUOTE]
Right, your post starts out specific to Bren's friend. And, FTR, I do know the backstory. But the bolded section is, IMO, pretty clearly a remark about Friday weddings/Thursday rehearsals IN GENERAL.
I know no one meant to offend. But I really don't want people to come away with the idea that Friday weddings are rude, b/c, IMO, they are NOT. I worked hard to be a good bride. I work hard to treat the people in my life with the respect and consideration they deserve. So it pisses me off to see generalizations like the ones in this thread. Just b/c no one meant to offend doesn't make those comments any less thoughtless and offensive.
I don't want lurkers or anyone else to think any less of Friday brides.
There are plenty of rude Saturday brides. Having their weddings on Saturdays doesn't by default make those brides better behaved or more considerate.
It is HOW each individual bride handles herself that matters, NOT the day itself.
As always, JMO.
Edited for grammar.
[QUOTE]Desert, I agree with you that the couple gets to make the date and time of their wedding based on when it works for them, but at some point they need to take their friends and family into account. A Friday wedding means at least a half day off of work for those who work M-F, 9-5 jobs (and a whole day for OOTers). To add more things to do on Thursday for the WP just seems rude to me. Some people have obligations for their jobs that they can't just up and leave because they need to go decorate a church for the wedding they are in. Example - I know my BF would have a hard time getting one day off approved, let alone a 4 day weekend. Not to mention, he doesn't get a ton of time off, so taking off two days for a wedding in this case would affect holidays and other plans we have made. In bren's case, she doesn't get paid time off. So in that week, she'll make 3/5 of what she usually makes. (On top of all the expenses of being in a wedding.) I think asking anyone to take time off work for anything other than the wedding day is too much (and even then it can still be more stressful for guests than it should be). I think my issue with this is that I recently saw a board where a bride posted that she planned a Friday wedding so that her and her FI could take advantage of leaving for the HM on a Saturday. She explained that she was able to have the maximum amount of HM time with the minimum amount of vacation days used. She wanted to inconvenience all of her guests so have an extra day on her HM.
Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]
If it will be a financial burden to take a half day or full day off on a Thursday, that is when you politely tell the bride, "I'm sorry I won't be able to make the rehearsal."
ANY bride does NOT have a right to EXPECT diddly from WP other than they show up for the ceremony.
So again, I fail to see how a Friday wedding is rude or inconsiderate in any way.
It is much more about HOW the bride behaves than what day she has her wedding.
As for the Friday wedding debate: a wedding is always going to inconvenience someone. For me, a Saturday wedding would way out inconvenience me than anything that could happen on a Thursday or Friday. If I can't work on a Saturday, the whole clinic has to shut down entirely that day, and that is no bueno. And considering that standard M-F, 9-5 jobs are becoming more and more rare, I'm not exactly the only one this is true for.
So in the end the couple has to do whatever works for them, and gracefully accept that some guests may not be able to make it to rehearsal dinners or even the wedding itself.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is attending the rehearsal that important? : If it will be a financial burden to take a half day or full day off on a Thursday, that is when you politely tell the bride, "I'm sorry I won't be able to make the rehearsal." ANY bride does NOT have a right to EXPECT diddly from WP other than they show up for the ceremony. So again, I fail to see how a Friday wedding is rude or inconsiderate in any way.<strong> It is much more about HOW the bride behaves than what day she has her wedding.</strong>
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]
<div>I agree 100% about this statement. More like 100,000,000,000,000%. </div>
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Just to clarify. I don't think Friday Weddings are rude.
Married! May 27th, 2012
But THANK YOU to everyone who shared their opinions. It actually worked out really well, because they ended up planning the dinner/rehearsal for later in the afternoon so I can just skip my lunch break and leave early and still get paid for a day of work