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Mom Wants to Wear Black

AmsdragonflyAmsdragonfly member
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in Moms and Maids
I don't know if this should be on the etiquette board or here, but hears the deal:

My mom wants to wear black to my wedding (a dress), and I'm totally cool with it! I feel like she should be able to wear whatever she wants, and be comfortable too. The only thing is that she says she's concerned that FI's family will talk about her at the wedding saying that it was innappropriate. I guess the question is, is it really bad form to wear black unless its a black and white wedding (which it's not, my colors are plum & burgundy)? I told her she shouldn't care what they think and that it's fine whatever she chooses to wear. What do you ladies think?
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Re: Mom Wants to Wear Black

  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    I don't see anything wrong with it at all. Black is classy and elegant. 
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  • melb2013melb2013 member
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    There's some old rule about it, but I don't know a single person who follows it and I think black is classy. 

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  • AmsdragonflyAmsdragonfly member
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    I thought it was some old fashioned thing- thanks ladies. I thought it was silly. :)
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
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    I wore black to two of my DDs' weddings and the MOG did too, both times.  We looked fabulously hot.
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  • Kate61487Kate61487 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-wants-to-wear-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:42488c89-bbd6-4ab5-a8d1-30a18e29b6c7Post:b3709c66-5c86-41fa-9eed-8f40ddbf9c72">Re: Mom Wants to Wear Black</a>:
    [QUOTE]It's not about being "old fashioned." It's only in the last 30 years that people have started to wear black at weddings. In some churches in my area it is still not allowed in wedding parties. Why is black worn to funerals? Because it's considered a somber, serious color. Not what weddings are about.  Why does the Goth culture wear it? Because it's the color of death. Black still isn't a color for celebrations. It's sliding through for weddings only because it's become popular for evening and cocktail wear. I don't mind it myself, but I don't wear it to weddings for that reason. I don't want to take a chance on possibly offending the couple's family.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    At the same time in other cultures white is the funeral color, so you're never 100% safe from offending someone.

    OP - you're right that it's totally fine for your mom to wear black if she wants.  Has your FI expressed that this IS something his family would side-eye?  that would be my only concern and if that's the case since it sounds like your mom did bring it up it wouldn't hurt to check.

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  • MsYeckMsYeck member
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    Personally black doesn't fly here in the Midwest and yes people would all if my mom or FMIL wore black. Brown however is fine, maybe she can find a nice chocolate covered dress....brown is slenderizing too
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  • jemmini6jemmini6 member
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    I think black is a classy, timeless, and flattering color, so I don't see anything wrong with it.  Then again, our wedding colors were black, white and yellow, and both my mom and my MIL wore black, so I'm a bit biased.

    I get it's still taboo in some circles, so if you feel that might be the case with yours or your FI's family, then to make your mother more comfortable, perhaps she should choose something else.  But if it's not, then she should go for it.
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-wants-to-wear-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:42488c89-bbd6-4ab5-a8d1-30a18e29b6c7Post:76a75beb-78f3-4bda-b20b-4a02e095884d">Re: Mom Wants to Wear Black</a>:
    [QUOTE]Personally black doesn't fly here in the Midwest and yes people would all if my mom or FMIL wore black. Brown however is fine, maybe she can find a nice chocolate covered dress....brown is slenderizing too
    Posted by MsYeck[/QUOTE]

    <div>MsYeck - totally serious question here:  Is it common to see bridesmaids in black in  your area? I do realize that in some circles black for the mom's is still frowned upon (and by my previous post, you can see I do not agree with it).  I'm curious if black is accepted for the bridal party and not the moms.  If it is, why do you think it is acceptable.  Again, no snark, I truly am curious as to your thoughts on this.</div>
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  • AmsdragonflyAmsdragonfly member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-wants-to-wear-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:42488c89-bbd6-4ab5-a8d1-30a18e29b6c7Post:2fa4ccbb-adf9-459f-8091-ceb134b9fe59">Re: Mom Wants to Wear Black</a>:
    [QUOTE]The no-black-at-funerals rule is still very much in effect in my social set, which is why I avoid wearing it. I'm personally a black fiend - that's ALL that goes in my suitcase when I travel. So easy to mix and match! Tell mom to wear whatever she wishes, though. I'm of the feeling that after a woman reaches a certain age, she owes no apologies to anyone, and if it makes her feel fabulous, FINE. Amsdragonfly, I see you are in New York. Tell Mama that Retreadbride shares a Southern woman's secret. When anyone says something about her outfit, she is to give them a drop-dead-icy -icy-stare-of-death, and say, "Bless your heart, honey."  Then she walks away. Has worked for Southern ladies for more than 200 years. Proud to share it with one of our fine Yankee sisters.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    <div>Ha!! That's really funny Retread- I may have seen my mom give that look before. I'm proud that she's not afraid of what other people think- I feel like she was almost warning me that someone might talk if she wore black- but honestly, I don't think FI's family would say anything. And if anyone did, I doubt it would get back to our ears. We both have pretty laid-back families, so I doubt it will be a problem. I was just curious to see what the community thought. 

    Personally, I don't think it's a big deal, especially for an afternoon/evening wedding, but I guess it really depends on the type of wedding and people who are having it-  I wouldn't want to offend the bride/groom, so if I didn't really know them too well I don't think I'd wear black. 

    Thanks for all the insight! :)</div>
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  • Jager1219Jager1219 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-wants-to-wear-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:42488c89-bbd6-4ab5-a8d1-30a18e29b6c7Post:ae2735f9-ced1-4bd8-81da-2c9946ad796f">Re: Mom Wants to Wear Black</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mom Wants to Wear Black : MsYeck - totally serious question here:  <strong>Is it common to see bridesmaids in black in  your area</strong>? I do realize that in some circles black for the mom's is still frowned upon (and by my previous post, you can see I do not agree with it).  I'm curious if black is accepted for the bridal party and not the moms.  If it is, why do you think it is acceptable.  Again, no snark, I truly am curious as to your thoughts on this.
    Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]
    Being a fellow Yankee, yes - I've seen many bridesmaids wear black.  I think it's timeless and classic and I don't see anything wrong with it personally.  Most of the weddings I've attended as a guest I wear a black cocktail dress to.  It just so happens that it's the color of the majority of my cocktial dresses.  My Mom's dress is black as well (she wanted a color, but found her dress on a sample sale and it's stunning).

    The only thing I side-eye is a true white dress (not a patterned dress with white in it, but just a white dress) worn by a guest or someone who doesn't match the dress code (ie - someone in a cocktail dress at a black-tie wedding).

    On a similar note, most of the funerals I attend I don't wear black to (and neither do most guests).  I don't even think my mom wore black to her father's funeral.
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  • AmsdragonflyAmsdragonfly member
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    Retread, maybe you should state for people to have to wear rainbow to your funeral ;). I bet that would look like a celebration. Could you imagine seeing such a bright bunch of people in a graveyard? I would hope people wear crazy bright clothes to mine... but I'm an art teacher, so I guess I'm naturally drawn to bright-artsy things. Oh, and I also wore only black growing up. I suppose that was the thing artsy kids did when I was growing up- the paint stained black t-shirt. Ah, memories. 
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  • tesskerrtesskerr member
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    How mortifying for a grieving guest at a funeral, thinking they are dressed well to pay there respects, to be asked to change?
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