Why do weddings make EVERYONE crazy?!

chelsy31588 · January 2012

I thought that maybe I would be the only one to act a little crazy during this whole planning process, you know the usual, things not working the way we want/unable to get something/crappy weather/blah blah etc.

I don't know if anyone else has felt that they need to defend or explain every single action or word that they've said because it has made others upset??!!! Seriously every other week it seems like I hear that someone is upset about something they've heard I've done or said and I was never honestly trying to upset anyone.

If I wasn't getting married I don't feel like any of this would have mattered pre-proposal they would have all just shrugged it off or not acknowledged anything. Why are people so crazy/sensitive about this, especially when my FI and I are footing the bill! I think if I honestly didn't care or was trying to be mean I wouldn't be having a wedding or wouldn't be inviting certain people! This is mainly family drama.

Anyone else?

TiffannieF · January 2012

I had a friend say "Weddings are about making everybody but the bride and groom happy"...I knew what she meant.

We didn't have too much drama but there was some...oh well. It will be over soon!

jennipea382 · January 2012

Luckily I don't think I've gotten far enough into planning to have anything really hurt anyone's feelings. I have people giving their obnoxious opinions, but that's about it (my sister claiming purple for her non exsistant wedding, my cousin's face when I told her I was thinking about adding pink to my wedding colors, my mom and aunt suggesting drink tickets, etc).

If you're paying for the whole thing, just remember that you have the final say. If you don't want someone at the wedding, don't invite them. If you don't want someone in the wedding party, don't ask them. I'm a people pleaser so I have a hard time hurting anyone, but IMO true friends will understand if you didn't pick them to be BMs because you have 5 sisters to include.

Sorry your family seems to be so angry. What kinds of things are they upset about?

L&J2012 · January 2012

I haven't had much drama except for when my mom was trying to push me towards putting my sister in a pink dress when my colors are blue and yellow. But, that was resolved and all my bridesmaids are in blue dresses.

The only other thing so far is that at the beginning I was being a little controlling and ended up upsetting FI because I kept shooting down his ideas. We had a tiny rough patch there where he said he wasn't going to get involved and was hoping he'd be able to enjoy the day, but we've moved past that and while he still directs any wedding-related questions to me and lets me do most of the planning, I do ask him for input on everything and he gives it, so he's gotten more involved.

I might run into more issues once invites go out and some friends who I used to be close with but don't talk to anymore realize they haven't been invited, but I had to cut down my side a lot so that we could have a small wedding.

If people just don't agree with what you're doing, don't let it bother you. If you've actually offended someone, then apologize and see if there's anything you can do to fix it without making major changes.

cwaggoner07 · January 2012

I found out it was easiest to keep everyone on a need to know basis. The more I talk about it, the more people get agitated. I literally don't talk to anyone except my mom and MOH about the wedding anymore.
So twofold, a) you don't have to explain your decisions to ANYONE and b) By not talking about it as much people don't get sick of hearing you blab about your wedding (I am super paranoid of appearing too self-involved or bridezilla-ish).

chelsy31588 · January 2012

Well I've been joking about how I could see the wedding turning into something from Jerry Springer just because there is a lot of drama within my family.

Ex: No one likes my Grandma's husband; my Grandma and Grandpa had a bad divorce and she acted like a crazy person towards him for a long time and still usually can't say anything nice about him even though they are BOTH remarried; my aunt constantly fights with my Grandma and she was dating two guys at the same time and finally married one out of the blue and my Grandma doesn't like the guy, no one likes my step dad, my real dad is an alcholic, my brother is really negative and pretty much hates everyone and everything but he is also 17 so yeah I'm not sure if it's just crappy teen years or something else. I don't really care for my future brother in law and his wife but neither of us would do anything to start any drama.

Well my cousin was offended about my joke, and thought I was honestly worried and told his mom who then told my mom. However I have contacted them all and let them know that it was only a joke and I didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings and if I honestly was that worried I wouldn't have invited any family or I would have just skipped the whole wedding.

So pretty much a bunch of misunderstandings, people are still mad with my brother but he did really say some mean things.

So far no color/guest/buying opinions people have been upset about....yet. No one has tried to put their opinion's on me either. A little wedding party drama but that will be figured out as soon as a BM figures out her schedule. I just hope nothing ELSE happens!

kennazebrowsky · January 2012

My dad is driving me nuts and my step mom is trying to plan stuff behind my back but on my dime. 37 days, can't come soon enough!!!

LoveMuffins · January 2012

I don't think anyone went crazy during my wedding planning process.

On the other hand, I also didn't talk much about my wedding to anyone who wasn't deeply involved in whatever decision was being made (Ie. if they were paying for it). So if I had been paying for the whole thing, I probably wouldn't have talked much about it at all.

If the same people are driving you crazy over and over or the same subjects are getting you into trouble, stop talking to the people causing the trouble or about the things that are creating the drama.

maribeth721 · January 2012

My fiance's grandma has an opinion about EVERYTHING. She had an opinion about my dress before I even had it picked out or even looked at any dresses! Just one day started yelling at me about how "classless" it would be to wear a strapless dress. Well this isn't 1920 and like 90% of wedding dresses are strapless - including the one I ended up getting, so I'm sure she will love that. Let's see my father hates the fact that we are doing cupcakes instead of a cake. I have no idea why he is so concerned about it! And my father also wanted us to invite all my my brother's friend's parents! Thankfully we were able to talk him out of that one. Oh and he wanted my to wear my Mom's dress....from the 80s...long sleeved lace with a high collar (basically a turtle neck)....and I've got about 60 lbs on my mother from when she was married. My FMIL likes to remind me often that her new grandson is really whats important this year and not her son getting married.....I could keep going on and on and on....

HeatherMKR · January 2012

My mom and I have gotten into it quite a few times. She doesn't like my colors, she told me that the bouquet she made was prettier than mine and better, she threatened to wear white (which she has since retracted), has called me snobby because the reception is at a country club (golf course).

It's crazy.After one fight about how she doesn't feel included in the planning, but when we talk about the wedding, it's her way or no way...I told her that I will not discuss the wedding with her anymore. And I didn't, except for very small details that I didn't care too much about.

If it's going to cause a fight, don't talk about it.

Simple.

chelsy31588 · January 2012

It don't really discuss many details about the wedding because we are still sorting them out, so that's not the drama issue. They are making drama and having hurt feelings over general convos! So crazy but now no one is upset with me so that is good. I feel like I get blindsided and am like wtf did I do?! It's also really annoying because usually the people that get upset never come to me and tell me they just tell someone else and that's how it comes to me. OH WELL moving on with those issues haha I'm really hoping for nothing more to happen.

Well except my bratty brother who's just on everyones bad list, and he doesn't feel like he did anything wrong but those are his issues with them and I'm not going to try and make peace they can deal with that on their own!

2012FutureMrsB · January 2012

Not too much crazy drama but a little with my FMIL. Months before FI and I got engaged, she asked what kind of wedding dress I might want and before I could even say that I hadn't picked anything (since I wasn't engaged yet!) she started describing her idea of MY perfect dress - when she got to the "big poofy sleeves" I stopped her and said, "um no, I'm definitely going strapless or halter" and then I changed the subject. She looked very disappointed.

After I got engaged, FMIL offered to throw a bridal shower, then she got engaged to a guy online that she had met once and decided not to throw the shower anymore b/c she needed to save money for her own wedding, then they broke up, then they got back together, then broke up again (all through emails). Then she offered again to throw the shower, but after I found out that she already had made her own guest list of about 77 people, half of which I've never met and are NOT invited to the wedding, I calmly told her that I could not accept b/c it's very rude to accept gifts from these people. She got upset and then confessed that she didn't have the money to throw the shower anyway.

She had already offered to pay for the RD as well, but during this convo, she said that not only could she not afford the bridal shower, but she couldn't really afford the RD either (her finances haven't changed in about 10 years, BTW b/c she's on a fixed income, so I'm not sure why she offered in the first place, but oh well). In the end, she did offer to go 50/50 on the RD and said she would just take out a loan b/c she really wants to help. I accepted, but am planning to set aside enough to cover it just in case.

CorrieDude · January 2012

The only drama I've had so far (knock on wood) is just my mom and I going at it, but we have always gotten snippy with each other. We're just so much alike. Then you throw party planning into the mix? Forget it. I'm excited for the wedding itself, and the journey to get there can't go quickly enough.

rlavach · January 2012

I haven't had too much problems from my side of the family. My mom & dad did give me a little grief at the beginning about the guest list, but once I pointed out that I was paying the wedding 100%, they quieted down. My mom has been super supportive & come with me everywhere. She never imposes her views.

My FI's parents aren't involved b/c they're out of the country, but his brother & SIL are CRAZY! They're constantly trying to interfere & put their opinion. So nosey & pushy. They even tried to tell my FI how he should propose to me & got so mad at him for not following their orders that they didn't speak to him for weeks. Classy.

We've had some issues with other people being nosey & inviting themselves. You know, the basic. Invites will go out in another few weeks, so I'm sure the pot will get stirred even more!!

beachybtch12 · January 2012

The drama I have going on is the fact that my fi father (who didnt even show up to my fis graduation from HS) wants to just casually show up and watch the ceremony as a casual looker, yet take the role of the PROUD FATHER OF THE GROOM!! OMG!
how can you have your cake and eat it too??? this doesnt seem right to me at all.....a proud father of the groom wears a tux when asked and plays the full part not just wear whatever you want and watch as a casual looker of the ceremony.....am I wrong to think this way???? should I send him a note and tell him my thoughts......???? help me

LoveMuffins · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_weddings-everyone-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:cae43ec5-bd7c-4d46-b61e-2bf0ea273618Post:570398e7-d682-4d51-8cb5-dea331538ebc">Re: Why do weddings make EVERYONE crazy?!</a>:
[QUOTE]The drama I have going on is the fact that my fi father (who didnt even show up to my fis graduation from HS) wants to just casually show up and watch the ceremony as a casual looker, yet take the role of the PROUD FATHER OF THE GROOM!! OMG! how can you have your cake and eat it too??? this doesnt seem right to me at all.....a proud father of the groom wears a tux when asked and plays the full part not just wear whatever you want and watch as a casual looker of the ceremony.....am I wrong to think this way???? should I send him a note and tell him my thoughts......???? help me
Posted by beachybtch12[/QUOTE]

You sound like you're the one creating drama. FOGs do not HAVE to wear a tux. Well, if you're having a black tie wedding he does, but otherwise he does not. He should wear what he's comfortable in and fits the tone of the wedding. If it's a semi-formal wedding he can wear a suit. My FIL wore a very nice suit for our wedding and he looked great. Sending a note and telling your FIL that he's out of line for not wanting to wear a tux is creating drama and going to make you look like a bridezilla.

Also... what on earth does the FOG do during the ceremony OTHER than sit and watch as a casual on-looker? Our parents all got up at one point to say "We do" when asked if they gave their blessing to the marriage, but other than that they just sit and watch. I'm really not sure what you're so upset about it but from what you've written it looks like you're making a big deal out of nothing and creating drama for yourself.

LizziebeeUT · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_weddings-everyone-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:cae43ec5-bd7c-4d46-b61e-2bf0ea273618Post:570398e7-d682-4d51-8cb5-dea331538ebc">Re: Why do weddings make EVERYONE crazy?!</a>:
[QUOTE]The drama I have going on is the fact that my fi father (who didnt even show up to my fis graduation from HS) wants to just casually show up and watch the ceremony as a casual looker, yet take the role of the PROUD FATHER OF THE GROOM!! OMG! how can you have your cake and eat it too??? this doesnt seem right to me at all.....a proud father of the groom wears a tux when asked and plays the full part not just wear whatever you want and watch as a casual looker of the ceremony.....am I wrong to think this way???? should I send him a note and tell him my thoughts......???? help me
Posted by beachybtch12[/QUOTE]

I don't really know what the FOG is supposed to do at weddings, other than casually observe, like everyone else. And I am kind of confused by your post. Either he wants to just sit back and be a casual observer, or he wants to be involved. He can't do both.
Are you upset because he hasn't been there for your FI, and now he wants to be a part of the wedding?

Regardless of why its weird to you, its not your place to get involved. Its between your FI and his father. He needs to be the one to talk to him about it. If your FI isn't concerned than there's no reason for you to be.

MY FI was the product of an affair. His bio dad was married (is still married to the same woman) and got FI's mom pregnant. Dad's other children don't even know FI exists. He will never call FI except from pay-phones, or hotel rooms. He will only write him letters, to be sent to a PO box. If he can make it to our wedding (his daughter is due to give birth around the same time) he does not want to be acknowledged as FI's dad. HE doesn't want to come to the rehearsal dinner or any of that stuff.
I think its all very strange. I think its disrespectful of my FI, and his dad's other children (eventually dad will pass away and he's told FI that he will be taken care of in his will... so basically, he doesn't care about the fallout once he's passed)
But, its not my place to say anything. Period. Its not my job to fight FI's battles for him. He has grown up with this arrangement, and he is ok with it. I might not be comfortable with it, but he's not my father, and who am I to interfere with their relationship.

littleluckypenny · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_weddings-everyone-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:cae43ec5-bd7c-4d46-b61e-2bf0ea273618Post:46917960-6c51-44b2-802d-cffc3947b828">Re: Why do weddings make EVERYONE crazy?!</a>:
[QUOTE] MY FI was the product of an affair. His bio dad was married (is still married to the same woman) and got FI's mom pregnant. Dad's other children don't even know FI exists. He will never call FI except from pay-phones, or hotel rooms. He will only write him letters, to be sent to a PO box. Posted by LizziebeeUT[/QUOTE]

Wow, that is some crazy stuff right there. I feel so bad for your FI. No person should ever be treated like that from a parent.

chelsy31588 · January 2012

MY FI was the product of an affair. His bio dad was married (is still married to the same woman) and got FI's mom pregnant. Dad's other children don't even know FI exists. He will never call FI except from pay-phones, or hotel rooms. He will only write him letters, to be sent to a PO box. Posted by LizziebeeUT

SUPER sucky your FI must be THE NICEST person in the world because if that was my dad I would have cut him out of my life way long ago. My dad's just an alcoholic and I hardly include him in my life, he's lucky he's invited to the wedding!

Seriously though I feel like anyone who's been married should realize that there is a lot of stuff we have to do decisions/money/planning why would they try and start drama? It's not like when they invite me to their bday I jump in and make a huge fuss, its just another party, people need to learn to sit back wait for the invite and have a good time!

SilversWW113 · January 2012

My drama is coming from my friends. There is a group of 4 who I am close to. Two of them don't like each other. One has decided to put it all aside to be there for me and help me celebrate my wedding. The other (I was HER MOH last year) told me it's not all about me and took it personally that I don't want to be involved in the tiff. She then told me that she's not coming to the wedding. Nice huh? This was just last night. Other than that, it's been stress free.

BEAN DIP!! HAHAHA!!! I love it!

LizziebeeUT · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_weddings-everyone-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:cae43ec5-bd7c-4d46-b61e-2bf0ea273618Post:96372d71-5e4a-481a-b4de-71e3fcc7eb40">Re: Why do weddings make EVERYONE crazy?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Why do weddings make EVERYONE crazy?! : Wow, that is some crazy stuff right there. I feel so bad for your FI. No person should ever be treated like that from a parent.
Posted by littleluckypenny[/QUOTE]

that's exactly how I feel. I just know its not my place to say anything. I mean I could voice my opinions about it to my FI, but I know it hurts him a bit and all I would succeed in doing is making him feel worse.
I could say something to his father, but that would just run the risk of destroying everything between them.
Its my FI's decision on how to handle things with his father, and even though its not how I would do things, I support him and will let him make the decisions.

francienyc · January 2012

You guys make me feel so, so much better.

My fiance's family is going nuts. We have a kind of unusual relationship--we met through a friend, but as he lives in England most of our relationship has been via Skype. As he pointed out to me yesterday, we've only spent six weeks in each other's physical presence. That doesn't stop us from knowing this is it, though.

His family is just being weird--when we got engaged, my family made a huge fuss, and my mom cried and my dad (who's a real guy's guy) nearly cried, and it was just all hugs and toasts and jubilation. His family's response: "And she said yes?" Then, when ascertained that I had indeed accepted, they were all about "How are you going to pay for this, hmm?" Eventually they did give us some money, but FI was really mad that they seemed to only be concerned about the money, not a lifetime of happiness.

Now we're in planning, and they seem to have an opinion on *everything* and are very touchy about not being center stage and not having their own way. I posted elsewhere about his sisters, who are bridesmaids, talking about refusing to be in the wedding if they don't like the dresses. When I wanted to send my MoH to look at the reception hall with my FI as my proxy (since she lives in England too), he didn't want to take her with his mother because his mother would feel my MoH wasn't important enough.

I feel like they think they have a say so because I'm not there, nor do they know me very well, but that doesn't stop it from being super frustrating.

Why do weddings make EVERYONE crazy?!

Re: Why do weddings make EVERYONE crazy?!

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