Need Advice!!

michellemeidinger · October 2010

So...I have always wanted a destination wedding. (I think a vacation with all my closest friends and family would be awesome..even though some might not come because it IS away from home.) Getting married outside is mandatory because I feel it is more romantic and a beach wedding would be beautiful and low key. ( I am kind of shy and a formal wedding freaks me out) However, my mom has warned me that if I have a destination wedding to mexico ( I love it there) my grandparents won't come because they can't handle the heat. I love my grandparents and I know it would crush them if they couldn't come to my wedding. (They looked so happy at my brothers wedding) There are no lakes where I am from so getting married by the water would be out if I stayed here in the city.
Should I stay in the city to have my wedding so that my grandparents can be involved in the wedding or should I do what both my fiance and I want and have the destination wedding?

Amber&Garymaybe · October 2010

Tell your grandparents to suck it up, it's your day. If they don't listen, hit them or push them down the stairs. That usually works for me.

squirrly · October 2010

Why not look for a beach wedding location in someplace that is warm enough but not absurd? San Diego in February? Charleston in November? Northern California/Oregon/Washington in May or June?

baystateapple · October 2010

Is it important that your grandparents be there? Then you should have the wedding at home. This isn't really something that people on a message board can answer for you. It's something you have to talk over with your FI.

danieliza1127 · October 2010

What about doing it during a time of year when it's not so hot in Mexico? It's not 90 degrees there all the time. Or maybe stay in the U.S., like Florida or the outer banks in NC or something, so you can have the beach vacation but make it a little easier to travel.

WildRumpus · October 2010

That's the same problem we ran into. I decided it was more important to me to have my family there than to get married on the beach, and so far, I'm not regretting my decision at all.

sarah0725 · October 2010

Yeah, I think this is one of those things that you will need to decide. Where do you live that you are nowhere near water of any kind? How much would it bother you if you couldn't have your grandparents at your wedding? It sounds like you and FI need to sit down and make a list of all the things that a wedding means to you, and then figure out from that list how to get what you want.

Beachy730 · October 2010

Where are you from? There are a lot of places on the water that could be a shorter drive and not nearly as hot. It depends on your location though.

For me a DW was out of the question because neither H or my grandparents would fly. And to us, having them at our wedding was way more important than a location.

MichaelScottRDM · October 2010

That's what she said!!!

alainn15 · October 2010

There are a lot of pretty places around the Great Lakes. If you are looking for water you could look into some of those places. Myabe Niagara Falls or Put IN Bay Ohio

michellemeidinger · October 2010

dnbeach12 -

I'm from Canada and the province I am from is not near an ocean. Vancouver would be a shorter drive or plane ride but it would be quite expensive because they have an extra tax than the province I am from and we wanted to keep the cost down because I don't want my parents to pay for it. (I would pay for my parents to fly to mexico for our wedding) I haven't really got prices yet but my brothers wedding was a DIY wedding because they wanted to keep costs down and it was still way more then I want to spend. Going to an all inclusive resort seems more cost effective (and fun) to me...but I haven't researched it so maybe it isn't.

sarah0725-
A list sounds like a good idea. My fiance doesn't have any family that will be coming to our wedding (he isn't close with them) and he said it is my decision if I want my grandparents there or not.

Jill9288 -
You are right I probably wouldn't regret inviting my grandparents to my wedding but I could regret not having them there just because I wanted to get married on the beach. Thanks for your advice

including them would probably be best.

Thanks Everyone for your advice...it really puts things in perspective for me once I can hear what other people think about something.

michellemeidinger · October 2010

doctabroccoli -

Yea we are both still students and have cars to pay off and I want to pay for the wedding myself. So it is still a long way away before we can afford it.

doctabroccoli · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-advice-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1a5ae02-ec3a-4a80-aace-7f2faa7b456bPost:955d2a8a-5d3f-45e9-9648-a3d34d9c4e21">Re: Need Advice!!</a>:
[QUOTE]doctabroccoli - Yea we are both still students and have cars to pay off and I want to pay for the wedding myself. So it is still a long way away before we can afford it.
Posted by michellemeidinger[/QUOTE]

I'm merely pointing out that you probably shouldn't make any decisions right now for something that's almost 4 years away!

sarah0725 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-advice-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1a5ae02-ec3a-4a80-aace-7f2faa7b456bPost:955d2a8a-5d3f-45e9-9648-a3d34d9c4e21">Re: Need Advice!!</a>:
[QUOTE]doctabroccoli - Yea we are both still students and have cars to pay off and I want to pay for the wedding myself. So it is still a long way away before we can afford it.
Posted by michellemeidinger[/QUOTE]

I'm winding down on a three year engagement, and my advice would be to start a fund for saving now - you'd be surprised how much you can put away when you have a few years. We're going to be paying for most of what is turning out to be a pretty nice wedding, thanks to our savings.

Rosie109 · October 2010

Honestly it would be a second thought for me if my grandparents were alive. To me my dream wedding is NOTHING without the people I love there.

Wrkn925 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-advice-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1a5ae02-ec3a-4a80-aace-7f2faa7b456bPost:4bd890f2-9850-40ec-981a-81059953e4eb">Re: Need Advice!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly it would be a second thought for me if my grandparents were alive. To me my dream wedding is NOTHING without the people I love there.
Posted by Rosie109[/QUOTE]

I second this, but my opinion is a little biased. My grandfather passed away in March, and it really breaks my heart that he won't be there.
I don't mean to guilt you, it's not that important to some families.
But you should really just lay it out in black and white, and decide which is the greater priority.

emilyinchile · October 2010

Squirrly's given you some good ideas. I don't think that your only options are boiling hot DW or wedding at home - there are plenty of other beach destinations that wouldn't have the heat issue, although most places in CA might be out of your budget since it's an expensive area and planning from afar might make it tough for you to DIY some aspects.

doctabroccoli · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-advice-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1a5ae02-ec3a-4a80-aace-7f2faa7b456bPost:b266e97e-5d2b-4ff2-9367-1de7370bcd0d">Re: Need Advice!!</a>:
[QUOTE]sarah0725 - I have a fund that I am putting away money into also. It is a really good idea. doctabroccoli - We haven't really set a date yet. I just put that date as a tentative one because the knot asks for a date when you sign up (I think). We are just saving and getting a budget together. We will set our date once we figure out how much it will cost and when we can save the money by. The plan is hopefully earlier than 2014.
Posted by michellemeidinger[/QUOTE]

I have no idea how old or in what condition your grandparents are - a lot can change with grandparents in a short period of time. That's why I wouldn't personally call it one way or the other until you're a little closer to having the $$ you need.

Good luck saving up!

CSTK1910 · October 2010

I think it is a good idea to consider other places besides Mexico. There are a TON of places you could get married on a beach that would be not as hot, not as far, and not as expensive as Mexico. Maine would be nice in the summer, North Carolina, Florida, California are all nice. We are getting married on a lake in Upstate New York, so I think you'd be surprised by what you could find.

There are also a lot of other pretty outside places you could get married besides the beach. A private garden perhaps? You wouldn't have to spend much on decorations either.

Istremene · October 2010

Have you asked your Grandparents where they would be comfortable traveling to? They might be more enthusiastic than you think. Good luck!

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