Major MOH issues. How do I take her out of my bridal party?

MRSDEANDA04 · May 2012

I apologize if the initial post was not thorough enough. A CIVIL wedding is just for our legal system but does not give the Dear Lord's blessing; at least our Church does not approve of civil weddings alone (we are Catholic). When we had our civil wedding 6 years ago; it was just my husband and I; no invitations, wedding party, etc. Should i consider it a vow renewal? perhaps; but that is just left to everyone's own judgement. As far as the initial drama i was facing; it has been resolved. When confronted; the outcome was not great but resolved.

Original:
My husband and I had a civil wedding 6 years ago and we're now planning our big religious ceremony. My bridal party consists of my three sisters, sister in law and best friend. My maid of honor is my older sister but I did not choose her. she kinda gave herself that role. I'm having issues with her because she's talking about my husband and I on FB and to my other sisters. at this point, i want to kick all of them off because they have not been supportive and are acting very immature. I really dont want somebody that doesnt support our relationship there. I just think it's so dumb to act that way especially in my situation where we've been together and just now EVERYTHING is wrong with him? Doesn't make sense......

MyNameIsNot · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_major-moh-issues-how-do-i-take-her-out-of-my-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:077f9787-636f-48ea-b5a7-588d2f07bea4Post:70b85681-2c75-489d-842e-c0547b13f571">Major MOH issues. How do I take her out of my bridal party?</a>:
[QUOTE]My husband and I had a civil wedding 6 years ago and we're now planning our big religious ceremony. My bridal party consists of my three sisters, sister in law and best friend. My maid of honor is my older sister but I did not choose her. she kinda gave herself that role. I'm having issues with her because she's talking about my husband and I on FB and to my other sisters. at this point, i want to kick all of them off because they have not been supportive and are acting very immature. I really dont want somebody that doesnt support our relationship there. I just think it's so dumb to act that way especially in my situation where we've been together and just now EVERYTHING is wrong with him? Doesn't make sense......
Posted by MRSDEANDA04[/QUOTE]

<div>Well, your first issue was asking BMs for a vow renewal. That's just borrowing trouble.</div><div>
</div><div>Anyway, that ship has sailed. If whatever these girls have done is bad enough to end your friendship/relationship with, end your relationship with them. Their involvement in your renewal will end as a result. If you aren't ready to cut off the relationship, figure out how to work on and fix your friendships outside of the context of your renewal. </div><div>
</div><div>There's not a way to kick them out without ending the relationship. </div>

Lizzieyounce · May 2012

What do you mean by " religious ceremony"? Are you calling it a wedding or a renewal of vows? Oh, and it isn't a "bridal party" since you aren't a "bride".

melntaitt · May 2012

I would just recommend lurking around on the boards before a post like this; you have just entered the world of bridal faux pas by just about everything you've listed here and it appears you've also cornered yourself.

1. Vow renewal =/= bridal party but you have one and now you want to kick them out.

2. Getting rid of a WP member after the fact will likely end your friendship; before doing this, consider whether or not you want the friendship and if you don't then end the friendship thereby ending their participation in the wedding, or vice versa.

3. I don't know what you mean by "not being very supportive" or "being very immature." That could run the gammut from insulting your marriage to not showing up to an appointment from all the posts on the same subject.

It's probably none of my business and I'm sure my reply was not very helpful, but dare I ask why you're choosing to have a religious ceremony? Have you recently converted to a religion or is it a part of the vow renewal?

Ali092011 · May 2012

You're acting way younger than you must be considering you were married six years ago...

GoodLuckBear14 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_major-moh-issues-how-do-i-take-her-out-of-my-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:077f9787-636f-48ea-b5a7-588d2f07bea4Post:d08fed32-4b55-4c65-b348-a3fa9fe6825b">Re: Major MOH issues. How do I take her out of my bridal party?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm wondering if they "aren't supportive" because you're already MARRIED?
Posted by 1covejack[/QUOTE]

This was my first thought.

mbcdefg · May 2012

I can certainly see the family resemblance.

enchantedonyx · May 2012

this is why I rarely leave my wedding month board. People out on the main boards are just hateful.

What is wrong with you people? Have a heart and be supportive instead of telling OP how wrong she is.

OP, I sent you a private message, but I'll say it again here. Best Wishes to you!

Viczaesar · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_major-moh-issues-how-do-i-take-her-out-of-my-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:077f9787-636f-48ea-b5a7-588d2f07bea4Post:e19e5dab-dfe5-4bee-8576-4123aba9ea33">Re: Major MOH issues. How do I take her out of my bridal party?</a>:
[QUOTE]People out on the main boards are just honest.
Posted by enchantedonyx[/QUOTE]
FTFY.

MyNameIsNot · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_major-moh-issues-how-do-i-take-her-out-of-my-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:077f9787-636f-48ea-b5a7-588d2f07bea4Post:e19e5dab-dfe5-4bee-8576-4123aba9ea33">Re: Major MOH issues. How do I take her out of my bridal party?</a>:
[QUOTE]this is why I rarely leave my wedding month board. People out on the main boards are just hateful. What is wrong with you people? Have a heart and be supportive instead of telling OP how wrong she is. OP, I sent you a private message, but I'll say it again here. Best Wishes to you!
Posted by enchantedonyx[/QUOTE]

<div>So letting her know where she screwed up and telling her the truth is hateful, but lying to her and telling her to keep going on a course that is bound to ruin relationships forever is nice? </div><div>
</div><div>Something is wrong with you, not us. </div>

AdeleDazeem · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_major-moh-issues-how-do-i-take-her-out-of-my-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:077f9787-636f-48ea-b5a7-588d2f07bea4Post:e19e5dab-dfe5-4bee-8576-4123aba9ea33">Re: Major MOH issues. How do I take her out of my bridal party?</a>:
[QUOTE]this is why I rarely leave my wedding month board. People out on the main boards are just hateful. What is wrong with you people? Have a heart and be supportive instead of telling OP how wrong she is. OP, I sent you a private message, but I'll say it again here. Best Wishes to you!
Posted by enchantedonyx[/QUOTE]

Hateful? Her sisters are being pains in the butt. The OP doesn't understand why. The posters gave her some reasons why - having a vow renewal six years after her wedding, calling it a wedding, having a bridal party for this fake-scenario. Perhaps her sisters are not down with this shindig. Understanding their point of view is the best advice we can give.

Habs2Hart · May 2012

OP - Tell them that you've realised that it's foolish to have a wedding party for a vow renewal and that you've decided to just have yourself and your husband up front to renew vows. It's okay to scrap the entire wedding party in this circumstance. Change your plans from "wedding" (since you're already married" and have a lovely vow renewal as others mentioned and you'll be fine.

mbcdefg · May 2012

If people here are telling her that she's ridiculous for having a fake wedding (with bridesmaids, no less) when she's already married, then statistically her guests will be saying the exact same thing.

The difference is that the guests will be talking about it behind her back, whereas here she's being told to her face that she's being ridiculous. Your friends and family will say nice stuff to your face and then shiittalk you the second you're out of earshot.

TiffannieF · May 2012

First thought when I started reading this post.

jemmini6 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_major-moh-issues-how-do-i-take-her-out-of-my-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:077f9787-636f-48ea-b5a7-588d2f07bea4Post:27766df6-5a20-4358-b1b3-01733690d32c">Re: Major MOH issues. How do I take her out of my bridal party?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Major MOH issues. How do I take her out of my bridal party? : So letting her know where she screwed up and telling her the truth is hateful, but lying to her and telling her to keep going on a course that is bound to ruin relationships forever is nice? Something is wrong with you, not us.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

This. Being honest is not hateful. Telling her "oh yeah, she's a total bitch, you should totally kick her ass out" is what's really hateful. Because then we'd be giving her advice that we know would screw up her relationship with this person, and would leave her entire family talking behind her back for years to come.

How does validating something you know will cause more issues a better route? Please enlighten us??

RebeccaB88 · May 2012

Honey, they aren't supportive because you're already married. You can't have another wedding unless you get divorced first. You gave up your chance at the big party when you chose to have a quickie wedding. Nothing you can do to change that now.

I think you need to apologize to everyone for this silly idea. If you want your marriage blessed by the church, have a small, elegant, family and friends vow renewal and take them all out to lunch or dinner afterwards.

precamies · May 2012

the thing is, she never asked advice on whether her ceremony should be called a wedding, wether it is appropriate to have bridesmaids and all that fars. If you didn't fully understand the question she had about her MOH, then you ask questions to clarify. For example, I would like to know, why did the sister volunteer herself if she didn't support this marriage. has she always been this way? or is it something that has only appeared recently.
The thing is, if she volunteered herself for the position... and if she seems to be against him... then you need to ask her the question, why is she still on the WP. don't just kick her off, maybe there is a good reason why she's acting this way, and you need to step up to be the adult and try to resolve this before you do something drastic.

and the rest of stuff that people have said to critize the event simply doesn't pertain to the question in any way.

precamies · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_major-moh-issues-how-do-i-take-her-out-of-my-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:077f9787-636f-48ea-b5a7-588d2f07bea4Post:ba446ce4-493d-4c3c-9e51-14dbe5de1671">Re:Major MOH issues. How do I take her out of my bridal party?</a>:
[QUOTE]I can certainly see the family resemblance.
Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]

oh, and this IS hateful no matter how you look at it!

mbcdefg · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_major-moh-issues-how-do-i-take-her-out-of-my-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:077f9787-636f-48ea-b5a7-588d2f07bea4Post:2fcdffa2-2193-4e77-a5ba-459e37747235">Re:Major MOH issues. How do I take her out of my bridal party?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Major MOH issues. How do I take her out of my bridal party? : oh, and this IS hateful no matter how you look at it!
Posted by precamies[/QUOTE]

It isn't "hateful" to tell someone that she and her family are acting like a bunch of babies.

I don't hate this person, I just think she's being completely ridiculous and immature.

lindseyann410 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_major-moh-issues-how-do-i-take-her-out-of-my-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:077f9787-636f-48ea-b5a7-588d2f07bea4Post:e62638e7-3a26-4158-8eae-67ef204eb02b">Re: Major MOH issues. How do I take her out of my bridal party?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>the thing is, she never asked advice on whether her ceremony should be called a wedding, wether it is appropriate to have bridesmaids and all that fars</strong>. If you didn't fully understand the question she had about her MOH, then you ask questions to clarify. For example, I would like to know, why did the sister volunteer herself if she didn't support this marriage. has she always been this way? or is it something that has only appeared recently. The thing is, if she volunteered herself for the position... and if she seems to be against him... then you need to ask her the question, why is she still on the WP. don't just kick her off, maybe there is a good reason why she's acting this way, and you need to step up to be the adult and try to resolve this before you do something drastic. and the rest of stuff that people have said to critize the event simply doesn't pertain to the question in any way.
Posted by precamies[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Think of it this way:</div><div>
</div><div>Say a friend came to you and asked if her shoes went with her outfit. As she asks, you notice she has a giant booger coming out of her nose. Wouldn't you warn your friend about the booger? That's the more potentially embarrassing situation. </div><div>
</div><div>In this case, her "wedding" after 6 years is the booger, in case the analogy wasn't clear.</div><div>
</div><div>You do have valid questions, but it's a good possibility that it's the fake wedding that's the source of the drama.

</div>

precamies · May 2012

I don't see it as a fake wedding, is where I differ. many couples are married by justice of peace and afterwards hold a religious ceremony to be married in front of God. Sometimes the time period inbetween is a day, sometimes a few weeks, sometimes longer. to me, if somone wants to make this promise in front of their family and their god (as opposed to just the government), that is a wedding.
anyway, I do get your point when you explain it that way. I do, however, think that sometimes these boards can be a little harsh in the phrasing. and some comments were truthfully unneccessary and kind of mean. no need to judge the character of the bride.

HeathenSwan · May 2012

Welcome to The Knot, where everyone knows everything.

The tackiest thing I've read in this whole post is the rudeness and judgement of some of the "ladies".

But yeah, OP you probably can't get around this unless you want to cause some serious family drama.

dasni · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_major-moh-issues-how-do-i-take-her-out-of-my-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:077f9787-636f-48ea-b5a7-588d2f07bea4Post:a2f7d592-d5eb-4a4d-96dd-e102f7f90ca1">Re: Major MOH issues. How do I take her out of my bridal party?</a>:
[QUOTE]Welcome to The Knot, where everyone knows everything. The tackiest thing I've read in this whole post is the rudeness and judgement of some of the "ladies". But yeah, OP you probably can't get around this unless you want to cause some serious family drama.
Posted by HeathenSwan[/QUOTE]

Word. The cattiness under the cloak of "honesty" is pretty laughable. These chicks must be real peaches in their real lives.

renjon7798 · May 2012

Is it just me, or does the whole fake wedding think seem to becoming more popular lately? OP will go thru just what I did with my guests feeling like they were being used and lied to. However, she has been married for 6 years and while she might invite 100-1000 people, I doubt 1/4 of them bother to show up.

OP, I agree that the root of your problem is probably because you are planning a fake wedding for no reason. What you need to do is simply scrap this whole silliness and plan a simply anniversary party to celebrate your marriage. NO dress, NO wedding party, NO wedding showers...none of it. If you truly want to renew your vows, which I think is a romantic idea, then have a quite ceremony in your church with your very VERY close family there. But your big fake wedding idea is just crazy.

dasni · May 2012

Wonderful. Now I'm sure she'll go ahead and cancel the whole thing because some chicks on the internet told her to. You guys have some of the strangest "etiquette" rules I have ever heard of. Ones that I hadn't heard until these boards.

And seriously, no one is going to show up because they feel used? I have been to plenty of weddings that happened after the legal marriage. I didn't sit there and judge the fact that they decided to have one after the legal part. It didn't even cross my mind. Such judgmental people. What happened to, "It's none of your business about how people spend their money?"

Major MOH issues. How do I take her out of my bridal party?

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