Handmade dress and the backup

rbwashington2012 · February 2012

I feel lucky that my wedding dress is being handmade by my sister the designer. But I have a MAJOR problem right now. She has five fashion shows this year SO FAR and works a normal 9-5 job including being in school. She has not talked to me ONCE about this dress and I am starting to get nervous. My wedding is in September 2012 granted, but two of her shows are within weeks apart from my wedding date. So I have selected a backup dress, just in case. My FI, MOB, and other sister are completely in agreement with me for doing this. FOB not so much but he understands I don't like to wait until the last minute either.

I don't know how to tell this designer of mine that we need to talk ASAP about this dress so fabic and other items can be done AROUND this dress.

Any advice??????

NcsuPsych · February 2012

She's your sister. Talk to her like shes your sister, but let her know your concerns. I wouldn't push too much and would let her know that you understand shes very busy, but that you want to make sure you'll have a dress for your wedding.

I find it strange that you refer to her as 'This designer of mine'. .

redheadfsu · February 2012

She is your sister. Call her and ask her.

Having a back-up dress screams that you don't trust her. I assume it will piss her off.

rbwashington2012 · February 2012

NcsuPsych : she has been only at this for almost two years now and her designs are great, just her timing on everything is not the best

redheadfsu: I am not saying that I don't trust her, her timing is just not the best at all, the last dress she made for me was a rush job again and she known about it for three months

edielaura: yes I mean my sister

If this will make things clear, her work is awesome, its her level of timing and attention to her clients needs work....My sister turns out great work for her clients but I haven't gotten that same level of customer service from her as for her other clients. I am a very patient person and understand the whole does not revolve around me and this day. Just show me the same consideration, dedication and customer service that you are showing others and to these fashion shows.

redheadfsu · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_handmade-dress-and-the-backup?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:357109ab-ef7a-45e5-8951-9879d39b4fe1Post:e49b79b6-d811-499e-b037-12123499ec86">Re: Handmade dress and the backup</a>:
[QUOTE]NcsuPsych : she has been only at this for almost two years now and her designs are great, just her timing on everything is not the best redheadfsu: I am not saying that I don't trust her, her timing is just not the best at all, the last dress she made for me was a rush job again and she known about it for three months edielaura: yes I mean my sister If this will make things clear, her work is awesome, its her level of timing and attention to her clients needs work....My sister turns out great work for her clients but I haven't gotten that same level of customer service from her as for her other clients. I am a very patient person and understand the whole does not revolve around me and this day. Just show me the same consideration, dedication and customer service that you are showing others and to these fashion shows.
Posted by rbwashington2012[/QUOTE]

But <strong>she will see it as you not trusting her</strong> - which she should as <strong>you think she won't get it done/not keep her word,</strong> thus the need for a backup.

Just call her and ask if she still has time to do it & that you need to talk about the fabric as you need an idea of what it will look like for planning purposes. Plan out the timeline of when you will need a fitting, etc when you are on the phone with her.

NcsuPsych · February 2012

If you've had issues with her in the past, why on earth would you ask her to make your wedding dress? I mean, I know it'd be awesome to have a dress made by your sister, but didnt you think about this possibility prior?

Also, she will see it as you not trusting her when she hears you've got another dress. I'm not saying I wouldn't do the same thing, because I probably would if I knew the person for my dress had back timing, but then again, I probably wouldn't use someone that has bad timing in the first place.

Just call her and express your concerns. She's your sister and ya'll should be able to talk about this.

rbwashington2012 · February 2012

With everything that you have stated, that has been done. I have a life just like she has her own and when I am doing all the follow ups and checking and getting the brush off. You start making sure you have a plan B. This has nothing to do with the level of trust I have in her. Yes I thought about this in advance, heist the backup dress. I am contacting her again tonight in regards to all of this but if NOTHING moves forward by the end of March, I am moving forward with my backup plan. Maybe you are thinking I am going to keep this backup dress from her. The answer to that is no, I am going to be upfront about the backup dress because I have no idea if she is going to be booking more shows or whatever thru the year. Still have to be prepared regards of who's feelings might get hurt over this.

NcsuPsych · February 2012

No no, by all means, keep the back up dress on your mind. I may not buy the dress just yet (I don't know if you've done that or not), but I might keep an eye out. You definitely don't want to be ordering another dress at the last minute.

And while you will probably hurt her feelings a bit (at least if it was me, they would be a little hurt), she should understand, as a designer that there are deadlines and when deadlines aren't met, there are consequences. In this case, the consequence would be that you go elsewhere for your dress.

So do I think it's bad to have a back up? Nope. I just probably wouldn't get one just yet. And I would most definitely have a sit down conversation with her.

Good luck.

rbwashington2012 · February 2012

Thanks LucyHC I plan on sitting down with her and my father (he is footing the bill for everything for the dress) tomorrow about all of this. I didn't know how many fashion shows were out there outside of New York Fashion Week and LA Fashion Week. There are three huge ones for her, one in our capitol city, Balitmore and in Indy. Two smaller ones are in the city I live in. And LucyHC you also hit something on the head about the pressure. I feel she is under a lot of pressure and doesn't have the heart (if this is what she is thinking) to tell me no. Hoping this meeting will work out great between us all.

rbwashington2012 · February 2012

NcsuPsych thanks for understanding. I am not going to purchase a back up dress until April. We are all planning on having dinner on Saturday to talk about this since this is the last major issue on my to-do list I need to get finalized. Talked with FOB tonight about it and he feels she should be understanding about everything and if she does have hurt feelings, she has to understand its nothing personal.

rbwashington2012 · February 2012

NcsuPysch Thanks for understanding. As much as it may hurt her feelings, we both have to be real about deadlines and the pressures she may be under due to all the projects she is has going on. I will not do the backup dress until April. We are all going to sit down at dinner and talk about this (me, FOB, FI and sister) so we are all on the same page on deadlines and everything else that has to be done.

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