is it rude to enclose a "rules of the event" sheet for the guests?

Mrs.B6302007 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-enclose-rules-of-event-sheet-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:4955ee4c-6203-4264-bc60-8c194adea880Post:de8a4610-c291-416c-b13b-e343d351df5a">Re: is it rude to enclose a "rules of the event" sheet for the guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it rude to enclose a "rules of the event" sheet for the guests? : HAHAHA! Just let your belly hang out, it'll be all good. Make sure you get a nice, supportive bra, though.
Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]

In all seriousness, I went to a wedding the other night and my dress was cut lower in the cleavage than my super comfy supportive bra. I bunched up the middle of my bra and had Mr B zip-tie that sucker. Worked like a charm. Zip-ties need to be the staple in every emergency drawer at home.

[Deleted User] · March 2010

Plagal candences are those exercises you do to keep from peeing yourself after you have a baby, right?

nda_roxybabe · April 2010

Oh, and I should mention (if you can't tell from the great example in the picture) it is most definitely not longer than finger length and I have really, abnormally long arms.

Thanks Bg! I actually got twirled while dancing and fell down...not a good thing. I broke my toe dancing that night too.

pixiedust84 · April 2010

For those of you who have no idea what this may entail, a nice pair of slacks and a button-down shirt for the guys, and either a dress, skirt, or pants suit for the ladies. Ladies, please respect the formality of the occasion, and dress appropiately. That means that if your skirt does not reach past your fingers when your hands are at your side, please rethink your attire.

Mizri... do your friends and family often dress like hookers? You're giving them the impression that you think so! I'd be pretty offended by that and probably dress slutty just to be annoying. No offense- it was a good attempt.

To Mizri and OP - I don't think it's necessary to define the super formal dress code! Who goes to a wedding in Jeans and a t-shirt! If they do, they look like the doofus not you. I went to a wedding last summer and there was a girl there wearing a long white dress. Did she look like an idiot? Yes. Did it at all take away from the Bride and how beautiful she looked? No. People will be looking at you. Let your guests be comfy.

riverjib · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-enclose-rules-of-event-sheet-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:4955ee4c-6203-4264-bc60-8c194adea880Post:67f44e69-577c-436e-8d3f-ed5ab704c7e8">is it rude to enclose a "rules of the event" sheet for the guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]My event is gonna be totally classy. I want ppl nicely dressed and only the ppl who formaly get invites can come. Im scared bc my brother in law (my fiances brother) got married last yr and members of his family (my fiances family) went in jeans, tee shirts, horrible miniskirts, plunging neck lines, ppl who werent invited showed up to hit up the bar. NO ONE rsvp'd. kids were running amock, ppl showed up plus one, two, threes, etc. OMG i was so disgusted!!! I want to let my guests know what is appropriate and what i will not tolerate at my wedding!!! I believe its necesary, knowing his family!!! (i dont know where he came from bc he is nothing like his family, believe me, or i would not be marrying him) What do you recommend???
Posted by AdrianaSweetheart[/QUOTE]

Classy? Are you sure you understand everything that term entails? Get over yourself!

kimheartsscott · April 2010

This thread filled me with joy, and then sadness, and then joy again.

nhelene · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-enclose-rules-of-event-sheet-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:4955ee4c-6203-4264-bc60-8c194adea880Post:50357626-0358-4c75-8286-a50c024512f0">Re: is it rude to enclose a "rules of the event" sheet for the guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to is it rude to enclose a "rules of the event" sheet for the guests? : Classy? Are you sure you understand everything that term entails? Get over yourself!
Posted by riverjib[/QUOTE]

She said "totally classy". No fair quoting her out of context.

[Deleted User] · April 2010

I'm still toying with the idea of requiring theme sweaters at my wedding. It's in may, so I'll likely loosen the requirement to allow for theme sweater vests. But I'm not doing anything rude like putting it on my invitations or website. I'm delivering cookie cakes to each guest that will have "theme sweaters or fucking die" written on them. The icing will be pink because I'm all about the details.

sucrets4 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-enclose-rules-of-event-sheet-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:4955ee4c-6203-4264-bc60-8c194adea880Post:03be3400-27f9-4fdb-bc98-08c39b65d5dc">Re: is it rude to enclose a "rules of the event" sheet for the guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm still toying with the idea of requiring theme sweaters at my wedding. It's in may, so I'll likely loosen the requirement to allow for theme sweater vests. But I'm not doing anything rude like putting it on my invitations or website. I'm delivering cookie cakes to each guest that will have "theme sweaters or fucking die" written on them. The icing will be pink because I'm all about the details.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

cew ftw!

prideeinpynk · April 2010

Love this thread...

I'm requiring all of my guests to match. If I start to walk down the aisle and don't see a sea of magenta and chartreuse, I'm leaving. Their loss that they don't get to see my uber classy wedding because they can't dress right. Idiots.

[Deleted User] · April 2010

I like the just leaving option, but then I'd be concerned that they'd continue the party with out me since they are such classless idiots. If I left, I'd have to set the place on fire as I was walking out the door. I'd pull the alarm, though. I'm not heartless.

prideeinpynk · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-enclose-rules-of-event-sheet-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:4955ee4c-6203-4264-bc60-8c194adea880Post:b67325e8-ec99-497b-95da-e52526532a3c">Re: is it rude to enclose a "rules of the event" sheet for the guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]I like the just leaving option, but then I'd be concerned that they'd continue the party with out be since they are such classless idiots. If I left, I'd have to set the place on fire as I was walking out the door. I'd pull the alarm, though. I'm not heartless.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

I never thought of this! I love TK! You learn such great wedding planning tips!!

Mrs.B6302007 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-enclose-rules-of-event-sheet-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:4955ee4c-6203-4264-bc60-8c194adea880Post:b67325e8-ec99-497b-95da-e52526532a3c">Re: is it rude to enclose a "rules of the event" sheet for the guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]I like the just leaving option, but then I'd be concerned that they'd continue the party with out me since they are such classless idiots. If I left, I'd have to set the place on fire as I was walking out the door. I'd pull the alarm, though. I'm not heartless.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

Don't forget to grab the gifts!

526SadieSadie · April 2010

Anyone remember the episode of Bridezillas when the devil incarnate told her girls they couldn't take off their shoes and told the guys they had to keep their jackets on the whole time? That's that this sounds like to me.

Adriana, you can't control what people wear or how they behave. The only thing I could suggest is a "black tie" notation on your invitation. That might indicate to your guests that yours is a formal event so more formal attire is appropriate. Other than that, my guess is you're going to be having such a fantastic time at your wedding, you won't notice who's wearing jeans or who's skirt is a little too short.
My cousin, who I have posted about in the past, "Princess" had a very formal wedding at a very well-known spot in our state. One of her guests brought a date who a) wore a white dress (eek) b) the dress was waaay too short and practically painted on her (double eek) and c) wore a bright bright BRIGHT pink g-string underneath it. I could practially see the steam coming out of Princess's ears when this girl was dancing and getting all of the attention. Now, six years later, we laugh like crazy about it. If someone disturbs you by their dress or behavior on your wedding day, keep your cool. I promise, it'll be funny someday.

nhelene · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-enclose-rules-of-event-sheet-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:4955ee4c-6203-4264-bc60-8c194adea880Post:deb423f7-ca4c-4238-a7f5-51ef93c29bb1">Re: is it rude to enclose a "rules of the event" sheet for the guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it rude to enclose a "rules of the event" sheet for the guests? : Don't forget to grab the gifts!
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

Are you crazy? Let them burn and collect the cash from the insurance company.

jaimed99 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-enclose-rules-of-event-sheet-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:4955ee4c-6203-4264-bc60-8c194adea880Post:d1bf696c-60d2-43c3-a4f3-53e08f1ce22b">Re: is it rude to enclose a "rules of the event" sheet for the guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]Sounds like you are trying really hard for a self-fulfilling prophecy, but its not working.. sorry. You aren't deceiving us at all. In modern usage, sophism , sophist , and sophistry are derogatory terms , due to the influence of many past philosophers. A sophism is taken as a specious argument used for deceiving someone. It might be crafted to seem logical while actually being wrong, or it might use difficult words and complicated sentences to intimidate the audience into agreeing, or it might appeal to the audience's prejudices and emotions rather than logic, i.e. raising doubts towards the one asserting, rather than his assertion. The goal of a sophism is often to make the audience believe the writer or speaker to be smarter than he or she actually is, e.g., accusing another of sophistry for using persuasion techniques. A sophist is a user of sophisms, i.e., an insincere person trying to confuse or deceive people. Sophists will try to persuade the audience while paying little attention to whether their argument is logical and factual. Sophistry means making heavy use of sophisms. The word can be applied to a particular text or speech riddled with sophisms.
Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

<div>Sounds exactly like my ex-husband...both of them, actually.</div>

bridgeeboo · April 2010

It is rude to have a list of rules. Hopefully you did have on your invites something like, "formal attire requested," or something similar. If guests are not RSVPing, then give them a courtesy call, and you can always mention that it is a formal event. If you are doing welcome baskets or something similar for guests at a hotel, you could include an event schedule for them, and include whether certain parts of your wedding are casual or formal. We are planning on having events for the wedding througout our wedding weekend, so a schedule helps your guests get where they need to go on time, and it could also be a way to remind them which parts they need to dress up for.

sucrets4 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-enclose-rules-of-event-sheet-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:4955ee4c-6203-4264-bc60-8c194adea880Post:b02b4383-61dd-49b0-9cbf-ab8556165913">Re: is it rude to enclose a "rules of the event" sheet for the guests?</a>:
[QUOTE] Oh, and i can write in spanish, english and french, how many languages can you write in? my first language is spanish, so i think my english is probably way better than your spanish. Gracias por su ayuda! Merci pout toute l'aide! Thank you all for you help!
Posted by AdrianaSweetheart[/QUOTE]

Are we still showing off how smart we are?? Sweet!

Tritone! Dominant 7th in first inversion! Augmented 5th! Secondary dominant!

fallingobsession · April 2010

Wow, I am terribly sorry so many people up there were just plain b*tchy. I have never seen so many ill tempers on a board on here, except perhaps ones that ended up turning political!

Like others have said, yes, it is rude. (Sorry!) I can understand not wanting all hell to break lose at your wedding & the reception. But there's not a whole lot you can do. I suggest a wedding website and under "Guest Information" throw in "Black TIe Formal" or whatever you are looking for on there - THAT I don't find rude, but its not appropriate on the invite, in my opinion. Otherwise, pass it through the grapevine. If you don't want kids there, then add "Adult Reception to follow" but know that some people will still bring their kids. If you don't want to make the RSVP calls enlist a bridesmaid's help! The time of day of your wedding, your save the dates, and invitation will all allude to the type of wedding & reception you will have, so make sure those look formal too, and HOPEFULLY people will get the hint. Good luck!

Schroeder246 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-enclose-rules-of-event-sheet-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:4955ee4c-6203-4264-bc60-8c194adea880Post:4139ce90-78c7-4a90-ae0e-aa690ad8f6c8">Re: is it rude to enclose a "rules of the event" sheet for the guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it rude to enclose a "rules of the event" sheet for the guests? : Are we still showing off how smart we are?? Sweet! Tritone! Dominant 7th in first inversion! Augmented 5th! Secondary dominant!
Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I see your V6/5, and raise you a German sixth!
</div>

mwhitson14 · April 2010

How many languages can I write in? As many as Google Translator has, I suppose.

sucrets4 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-enclose-rules-of-event-sheet-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:4955ee4c-6203-4264-bc60-8c194adea880Post:32be1c35-5382-4559-927a-49658ce8a1a2">Re: is it rude to enclose a "rules of the event" sheet for the guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it rude to enclose a "rules of the event" sheet for the guests? : I see your V6/5, and raise you a German sixth!
Posted by Schroeder246[/QUOTE]

<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" />

goetzr19 · April 2010

Adriana,

It sounds like some of these women have nothing better to do with their time than to ridicule people for a simple typing mistake or their own choices. What about their decisions at their own weddings? **Not all bridesmaids look good in purple. Everyone doesn't like Kahlua flavored cake. What about the diabetics?** For crying out loud ladies, not everyone can be pleased!!!! These boards are to help brides with questions, not to ridicule them to make ourselves feel better. Adriana, if you want a "classy" reception, have a notice in your invites about black tie or formal wear. If you live in a big city, then I don't find it odd at all to have a guest list with someone at the door, with an additional list for those who might show up and are ok to attend. If you are from a smaller city, I find that kind of odd.

I wish you the best of luck, and think you should do what makes you comfortable, not what some of these vultures on here try to tell you!!!

nda_roxybabe · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-enclose-rules-of-event-sheet-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:4955ee4c-6203-4264-bc60-8c194adea880Post:40335bfc-cdd9-4584-912b-8bef15750482">Re: is it rude to enclose a "rules of the event" sheet for the guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]Adriana, It sounds like some of these women have nothing better to do with their time than to ridicule people for a simple typing mistake or their own choices. What about their decisions at their own weddings? **Not all bridesmaids look good in purple. Everyone doesn't like Kahlua flavored cake. What about the diabetics?** For crying out loud ladies, not everyone can be pleased!!!! These boards are to help brides with questions, not to ridicule them to make ourselves feel better. Adriana, if you want a "classy" reception, have a notice in your invites about black tie or formal wear. If you live in a big city, then I don't find it odd at all to have a guest list with someone at the door, with an additional list for those who might show up and are ok to attend. If you are from a smaller city, I find that kind of odd. I wish you the best of luck, and think you should do what makes you comfortable, not what some of these vultures on here try to tell you!!!
Posted by goetzr19[/QUOTE]

This isn't a matter of just personal preference its a case of what is rude versus polite. Having kahlua cake is not rude. Telling people what they can and can not wear however...
I think we're well aware that not everyone can be please but everyone should at least be treated with common courtesy.
If you will see, the original poster came back and thanked everyone for the respones. This is the snarky bride board after all...

beatlesgirl25 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-enclose-rules-of-event-sheet-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:4955ee4c-6203-4264-bc60-8c194adea880Post:ca812887-8744-4708-8981-e98761e5ace1">Re: is it rude to enclose a "rules of the event" sheet for the guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, I am terribly sorry so many people up there were just plain b*tchy. I have never seen so many ill tempers on a board on here, except perhaps ones that ended up turning political! Like others have said, yes, it is rude. (Sorry!) I can understand not wanting all hell to break lose at your wedding & the reception. But there's not a whole lot you can do. I suggest a wedding website and <strong>under "Guest Information" throw in "Black TIe Formal"</strong> or whatever you are looking for on there - THAT I don't find rude, but its not appropriate on the invite, in my opinion. Otherwise, pass it through the grapevine. If you don't want kids there, then add <strong>"Adult Reception to follow"</strong> but know that some people will still bring their kids. If you don't want to make the RSVP calls enlist a bridesmaid's help! The time of day of your wedding, your save the dates, and invitation will all allude to the type of wedding & reception you will have, so make sure those look formal too, and HOPEFULLY people will get the hint. Good luck!
Posted by fallingobsession[/QUOTE]

This is terrible advice. You may think we're all bitchy, but at least our advice is coming from a place of honesty and wanting to represent proper etiquette. The OP did not state that her wedding was at a black tie venue, only that she was worried people would be dressing extremely casually. And as "black tie" is the only remotely passable "dress code" that can be stipulated for wedding wear (which some still find controversial to do so), there is nothing that the OP could or should be dictating in terms of clothing to her guests. "Not wanting people to wear jeans" =/= black tie formal. Going off of the invitation style and time of the wedding, etc. as you stated are the ways that guests are to know the formality of the event.

And please do not advise anyone to put "Adults Only Reception" on anything. That is also poor etiquette.

Mrs.B6302007 · April 2010

Ditto Beatles.

"Black tie" is not a fix-the-problem phrase and it's the second or third time I've seen it thrown out as a fix in this thread. Black tie requires that guests dress as if they were going to the Oscars. That means male guests are required to wear at least a dark suit but most likely rent or buy tuxes and the women have to wear cocktail dresses.

Adult only reception is also a rude statement to put on an invite.

[Deleted User] · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-enclose-rules-of-event-sheet-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:4955ee4c-6203-4264-bc60-8c194adea880Post:b02b4383-61dd-49b0-9cbf-ab8556165913">Re: is it rude to enclose a "rules of the event" sheet for the guests?</a>:
[QUOTE] and for those of you who made fun of my othography, just know that i really don't write like that in real life. it's just an internet message board. i didn't know such formality and scholarship was needed. Oh, and i can write in spanish, english and french, how many languages can you write in? my first language is spanish, so i think my english is probably way better than your spanish. Gracias por su ayuda! Merci pout toute l'aide! Thank you all for you help!
Posted by AdrianaSweetheart[/QUOTE]

This post makes you sound like even a bigger tool than your OP did. Bless your heart.

stephanieg2009 · April 2010

I think it is rude to say what people can and cannot do at your wedding, no matter how classy or elegant you want the event to be. Things are going to happen, there's not really a whole lot you can do to avoid it sometimes.

IF, however, the ceremony/reception venue(s) have certain restrictions on attire, then in that instance it would be perfectly acceptable to pass the information along to guests, but only by word of mouth--NEVER by printing up a "rules of the event" sheet.

AdrianaSweetheart · April 2010

"This post makes you sound like even a bigger tool than your OP did. Bless your heart. "

oh, so you all can be vultures to me about the stupidest of things, like orthography on a message board, but i cant defend myself? im just saying that i know how to write spell, and btw, can do it in more that one language, which means that, contrary to what you'd like to believe, i am educated... notice i haven't swore or directly attacked any one (except maybe now, and i cant defend myself???)

betrothed123 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-enclose-rules-of-event-sheet-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:4955ee4c-6203-4264-bc60-8c194adea880Post:accd5474-e8e9-4571-b150-fdd17a1e9b0f">Re: is it rude to enclose a "rules of the event" sheet for the guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]"This post makes you sound like even a bigger tool than your OP did. Bless your heart. " oh, so you all can be vultures to me about the stupidest of things, like orthography on a message board, but i cant defend myself? im just saying that i know how to write spell, and btw, can do it in more that one language, which means that, contrary to what you'd like to believe, i am educated... notice i haven't swore or directly attacked any one (except maybe now, and i cant defend myself???)
Posted by AdrianaSweetheart[/QUOTE]
Where in that quoted part did it say that you couldn't defend yourself? I fail to see it. However, I do notice a myriad of typos, misspellings, and grammar problems in this post about how you know how to spell and type.

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