(NWR) FML - F it in the A

Holly117B · September 2010

I have to get this out somewhere and since it's a "secret" locally, I can't really talk about it to my friends. I've been lurking for quite a while and really enjoy the ladies here, so I'm hoping that getting this off my chest will make me feel a little better.

FI got a job at the beginning of August, which is great, since my job isn't really steady income. Some months I make out like a bandit, other months, I have zero income. Today, he found out his boss is getting a huge promotion, which is great, except that she can't take her staff with her and FI will likely be getting laid off right after our wedding. We have a couple of months worth of savings right now, but not much, since he's been in school and my income is so uncertain.

I'm a basket-case. I was so relieved when he got this job, since it meant that I wasn't the sole breadwinner anymore and it took a lot of pressure off of my shoulders. Now I'm back to being the money maker and I feel like I suck at it. We've already paid about 75% of the wedding costs in non-refundable deposits and such, so cancelling the wedding and JOPing it won't help the financial situation. We'd be out way more money than we'd save. I'm economizing the shiit out of everything else in the household budget - cutting everything unnecessary and scaling way back on even necessities to make savings last as long as possible. I know he feels terrible right now - I'm so mixed up and stressed that I'm having a hard time figuring out how to help him get through it too. He's got to start the job search all over after just 6 weeks, and the market here sucks.

berryholly · September 2010

Sorry you are so stressed

That sucks big time. I just felt the need to come out and support a fellow Holly.

kellyjellybelly · September 2010

That sucks Holly, my H is looking for a job as well, and it really is frustrating.

Is there any chance that he won't get laid off?

crfische · September 2010

Um, ok. Let me see...

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the hunter says, "OK, now what?"

mica178 · September 2010

I'm so sorry! At a minimum, I hope his boss is planning on writing your FI an awesome letter of recommendation or be a excellent reference? Hang in there, you know what they say, it's always darkest before the dawn.

sarabellam · September 2010

I'm so sorry you find yourself in this situation. But here's a joke for you. Apologies that it's on a 4th grade humor level.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Tyrannosaurus Rex.
Tyrannosaurus Rex who?

There's a Tyrannosaurus Rex at your door, and you want to know his name?!?

crfische · September 2010

OH MY GOD SARA. Hilarious.

Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot evereywhere, to the point that his feet became quite think and hard. He also was quite a spiritual person. Even when he was not on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. Due to this diet, he would up with very bad breath. Because of this he became known as

WAIT FOR IT....

Super calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.

GET IT!?

Holly117B · September 2010

crfische - I like it!

berryholly - thanks! I always like hearing from another Holly.

kelly - there's a very tiny chance that he won't get laid off, but it doesn't look good. Part of the deal with the promotion is that his boss has to keep the staff of the guy that's leaving. Even if they decided they wanted to quit with the old boss, his boss has 2 other employees with way more senority than him, so they would get first dibs.

M&R7111 · September 2010

So sorry to hear about all of this! FI and I are in a very similar situation, only I am still the "bread winner" and our wedding is still 10 months out. I'm also looking at a layoff 2 months before my wedding. We might have to JOP it if things don't work out soon!

It really takes a toll on both of you to have the up moments when you think this is a job that will stick, only to crash back down once things fall through. It always seems like it's stupid little things that keep stuff from working out - and that can be so stressful! So far we've had three different job opportunities that were PERFECT that slipped through the cracks because of things like budgets just not going through or a call came into HR from the boss's office to hire his niece who just graduated college so FI gets bumped out last minute.

Try to keep positive - that's all the advice I can give. I've been dealing with the stress of being the one who is supporting the both of us with an unstable income while also trying to support a man who gets very depressed and upset because he can't provide (no matter how much I tell him it doesn't matter and I love him anyway!). We've even been to the point where he just stopped getting out of bed and I started saying things like "you're not even trying hard enough!" (which was pretty bad)

But hey, if we can get through this at the start of our marriage, we can get through ANYTHING later on in life.

Keep your head up and know there are others in your boat if you ever want to blow off steam!

strlzfan11 · September 2010

Don't forget that your FI will be able to file for unemployment once the lay-off actually happens. It certainly isn't enough money to cover all of your expenses, but it is some money and something is better than nothing.

Is the rest of your wedding money included in your savings or is that money seaparate from your savings? Are you taking a honeymoon right away? If so, can you postpone it?

I know you shouldn't count your chickens before they hatch, but you will probably get some money from your wedding that can hopefully pad your savings a little.

I'll keep my fingers crossed that he either finds something great or will be able to keep his current job.

M&R7111 · September 2010

ooooooooo...I have one:

Two boll weevils grew up in NJ. One took off to Hollywood and became a rich star.
The other stayed in NJ and never amounted to much -- and naturally became known as the lesser of two weevils.

Kristin789 · September 2010

Ask on your local board if anyone has any leads. On my local board, we have people post every now and then, and they always get about 9 responses with networking/contact information...

JanoBean75 · September 2010

Kristen, that's a good idea.

My FI is in a job he hates: the money is bad, the hours are bad, the coworkers are bad, the clients are bad. He's way better than where he is but the market sucks. Everything in his field right now is commission only and that won't work.

Holly, I'm sorry things suck right now. I wish you both the best in making things work out.

melaniemitchell71 · September 2010

Hello there!
I am also a halloween bride, so I can only imagine how stressful this must be this far into the planning process. If I were you, I would spend some time thinking (as calmly as possible) about things you could potentially still change to cut back on costs. For example, my fiance and I decided to make 1/3 of our centerpieces ourselves to cut down our floral budget.... we saved about $1,000 and still got to keep our florist! Maybe you can talk to your caterer about a less expensive menu, or see if you can just buy a couple kegs of beer to instead of hosting a bar for everyone. Talk to your vendors and see where you can cut costs. If you tell them a little about your situation, I bet they would be willing to help you find a solution! Good Luck!

TheCranberry · September 2010

Is it possible for him to apply to be the new judge's clerk? The fact that he has experience will hopefully help. Do they have any idea when the new judge will be appointed?

Daipaiste · September 2010

Wow dude, that is the suck. I hope he's able to find a job soon.

(NWR) FML - F it in the A

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