Shower for a very small wedding

Re: Shower for a very small wedding

• AdeleDazeem member

  

  March 2012

  Sadly, you can't throw a shower with people who aren't invited to the wedding.  There is no wording for it.

  
  

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• HobokensFury member

  

  March 2012

  Ditto PP. Everyone invited to the shower much be invited to the wedding.

   
   

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• hannahmassey

  

  March 2012

  I agree with everyone. It's in bad taste, asking for gifts to celebrate a wedding they aren't invited to. I do feel there's an exception to this rule, maybe she wants to have an intimate wedding ceremony, but she can still invite them to the reception! That's kind of what I'm doing. We're having a destination wedding in Las Vegas (same place my parents wed) with only 40 people (grandma, great aunts x4, our siblings x6, parents x3, and all of their spouses), that's only 20-25% of our friends and family, so we are having the reception local and inviting everyone. We didn't exclude anyone on purpose, we just couldn't afford a lavish ceremony AND reception, plus we wanted it to be more intimate. My shower guests don't feel 'used for gifts/money.' They understand and are more than ok with our choice. See if she'll invite them to her reception, she doesn't have to give them a "+1". Maybe they can all come together. Make a weekend of it! Otherwise inviting them to the shower may make them a little sour.

  

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• SB1512 member

  

  March 2012 edited March 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_shower-for-a-very-small-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:8585453b-4e80-4940-b481-88f1d7a8feccPost:384b5222-6610-4d05-af91-7625db0e7978">Re: Shower for a very small wedding</a>:
  [QUOTE]I agree with everyone. It's in bad taste, asking for gifts to celebrate a wedding they aren't invited to. I do feel there's an exception to this rule, maybe she wants to have an intimate wedding ceremony, but she can still invite them to the reception! That's kind of what I'm doing. We're having a destination wedding in Las Vegas (same place my parents wed) with only 40 people (grandma, great aunts x4, our siblings x6, parents x3, and all of their spouses), that's only 20-25% of our friends and family, so we are having the reception local and inviting everyone. We didn't exclude anyone on purpose, we just couldn't afford a lavish ceremony AND reception, plus we wanted it to be more intimate. My shower guests don't feel 'used for gifts/money.' They understand and are more than ok with our choice. See if she'll invite them to her reception, she doesn't have to give them a "+1". Maybe they can all come together. Make a weekend of it! Otherwise inviting them to the shower may make them a little sour.
  Posted by hannahmassey[/QUOTE]
  
  Ok 40 people is not an intimate ceremony.  You can invite people to your reception and not the ceremony if the ceremony is truly intimate (ie. immediate family only).  If your ceremony is like 10 peole then yes you can have a reception with more.  But inviting 40 people to a ceremony does not come across as private or intimate and even though no one has said so, guests probably feel slighted that they are good enough to come to the reception and bring a gift, but not the ceremony.  Also the ceremony isn't what costs tons of  money, it's the reception so I don't see the logic in what you're doing.  Also anyone in a relationship must have their SO invited as well regardless of how long they have been dating.  What the OP can do is organize some kind of non-wedding related event after the marriage to celebrate the new husband and wife.  Call it an open house, or a backyard BBQ, but do not give out information about a registry or suggest it's a gift giving event.

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• almostKAW

  

  April 2012

  I'm going to go against the grain here, but I think you could have an event to celebrate your friend's wedding. You probably shouldn't call it a shower, as this implies gifts, but maybe a bachelorette party type thing. I would stick to close friends that understand why they aren't invited to the wedding.

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