Guests adding number attending?!?!

BMSawa · August 2012

When your guests respond that "4 are attending" when only 2 people were invited, what do you do? What is the best way to approach? Suggestions greatly appreciated.

Loopyseven · August 2012

Call them up and apologize for the misunderstanding, but the invitation was only for Aunt Sue and Uncle Bobby. You hope they understand and you are looking forward to seeing them at the wedding. If they tell you they can't come without little Bobby Jr. and Suzie Q, tell them you're very sorry, but you just can't accommodate the extra people so you'll miss them but look forward to seeing them at the next family get together.

kikirst33 · August 2012

You need to call them and state something like.... "Sorry for the confusion, but the invitation was for you and John only. I hope you'll still be able to attend."

tmwishful · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-adding-number-attending?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8a0f2f73-d195-4703-8608-7b28fb275ee8Post:d166d570-f91c-4987-9964-852273dfef1f">Guests adding number attending?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]When your guests respond that "4 are attending" when only 2 people were invited, what do you do? What is the best way to approach? Suggestions greatly appreciated.
Posted by BMSawa[/QUOTE]

<div>That is the NUMBER ONE most rude thing a guest can do. Someone did it to me, adding 1. We didn't say anything, but never invited them to anything again. I'm curious to see other responses on how to handle it prior to the wedding. I guess you'd have to call them and explain that you'd love to invite everyone, but can't afford to.</div>

livnsamsmama · August 2012

agree with PP. However, I am really dreading this part as I'm sure it's going to happen to me too. I'm even worried they might RSVP 2, then show up with 4.

tmwishful · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-adding-number-attending?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8a0f2f73-d195-4703-8608-7b28fb275ee8Post:6d8d3131-cf7e-4fd8-ae93-48b80a1c512b">Re: Guests adding number attending?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]agree with PP. However, I am really dreading this part as I'm sure it's going to happen to me too. I'm even worried they might RSVP 2, then show up with 4.
Posted by livnsamsmama[/QUOTE]

<div>It's gotta be super awkward to have to call people who are too presumptious to realize that not everyone is invited, and explain it. If they show up that day with more....even worse! You have my sympathy.</div>

Loopyseven · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-adding-number-attending?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8a0f2f73-d195-4703-8608-7b28fb275ee8Post:4a17dbd5-40a6-4e2d-883a-74a1af3df7bd">Re: Guests adding number attending?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Guests adding number attending?!?! : That is the NUMBER ONE most rude thing a guest can do. Someone did it to me, adding 1. We didn't say anything, but never invited them to anything again. I'm curious to see other responses on how to handle it prior to the wedding. I guess you'd have to call them and explain that you'd love to invite everyone, <strong>but can't afford to.</strong>
Posted by tmwishful[/QUOTE]

<div>Do your best NOT to give any specific reasons why they can't bring extra people or they'll start arguinng with you to find a work around. If you tell them it's due to budget, they'll start offering to pay for their own extras. If you tell them space they will try to get you to allow it "if you get any people RSVP'ing no" or tell you how they know Aunt so-and-so isn't coming with Uncle what's-his-name so why don't their extras take their place. Be polite, but firm and don't give a reason.</div>

BMSawa · August 2012

In Response to Re: Guests adding number attending?!?!:
If they show up that day with more....even worse!
Posted by tmwishful[/QUOTE]

THANK YOU for all of your responses! If this does happen, they show up on the day with 4 or whatever the number might be, what can you do? Are you pretty much just up a creek without a paddle? Place setting wise, seating wise, dinners ordered wise???? What do you do?!

livnsamsmama · August 2012

I guess if mine show up with extras I'll try to squeeze in an extra chair, but the appetizers will have to be enough, because there will be no served dinner for them. Unless someone RSVPs and doesn't show. Then the extras can have what they ordered. *shrug* I'm trying not to stress it, but I'm pretty sure all of these things will happen to me. Or maybe I'm just preparing for the worst.

not_betty · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-adding-number-attending?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8a0f2f73-d195-4703-8608-7b28fb275ee8Post:44246b33-e4a8-49dc-913d-7aef49a0d232">Re: Guests adding number attending?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guests adding number attending?!?! : If they show up that day with more....even worse! Posted by tmwishful[/QUOTE] THANK YOU for all of your responses! If this does happen, they show up on the day with 4 or whatever the number might be, what can you do? Are you pretty much just up a creek without a paddle? Place setting wise, seating wise, dinners ordered wise???? What do you do?!
Posted by BMSawa[/QUOTE]

I wouldn't let them in, but that's just me. Weddings aren't just casual BBQs, etc. A lot of planning goes into them and most of the time every place setting, dinner and chair is accounted for. There is no way I'd be rearraning the room to squeeze in people that weren't invited.

wrigleyville · August 2012

Most caterers/venues pad the meal count by about 10% to account for things like burned food, a few extra guests, and so on. If a few extra people show up, there should be enough food for them.

Not that this excuses the behavior. I'm just saying food shouldn't be a huge concern.

Also, the venue can come up with a few extra chairs if you need to squeeze those people in. Turning them away at the door is rude; it isn't a club with a bouncer. They'll feel awkward enough when they don't have an escort card and they have to squeeze ten people to a banquet round instead of eight. You may get some last-minute no-shows too, so they could always take those seats. Yes, they are rude for just showing up, but that's all you can do.

kmmssg · August 2012

We make sure to call every guest and that doesn't RSVP, and to also call those rude ones who want to bring some friends with them. We politely explain who the invitation was for and we don't bend. We make sure we contact EVERYONE so there is no confusion.

Then, we do a seating chart, and we only have seats and meals for those who were invited and RSVP'd yes.

MoxieMickie · August 2012

Ditto PP who said not to give reasons. If you do, people will try to work around it. You're not asking them to help you figure out how to accommodate Bob and Sue. You're telling them Bob and Sue aren't invited.

roxy64 · August 2012

This might be naughty, but if someone brought more people with them than they RSVP'd for, I'd accomodate them as best as I can......and I don't mean squeezing them in with the other guests. I would say something like, " We weren't expecting you. Let me see if we can get another table set up". I would then make sure they got set up on an undecorated table out of the way.......It would definitely give them the idea that their attending univited was inappropriate.

wrigleyville · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-adding-number-attending?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8a0f2f73-d195-4703-8608-7b28fb275ee8Post:039bdcbe-6520-44ab-8eb2-b54dce78d7be">Re: Guests adding number attending?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>If you are using a wedding coordinator, is it rude to have him or her call any peope and say invite was just for people addressed to?</strong> I have learned so much from you wise ladies. I am going to have my RSVP cards say Mr Smith will/will not attend. Mrs Smith will/will not attend. No, how many will attend. No, --- seats have been reserved.
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]
Since it's your friends and family, it really is better if you call them. Having someone else do it is sort of off-putting.<div>
</div><div>Your RSVP cards are a good idea, and other brides have done that, but you might still get some write-ins. I've seen it happen. Some people just don't take a hint.</div>

tmwishful · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-adding-number-attending?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8a0f2f73-d195-4703-8608-7b28fb275ee8Post:0aea55a3-e460-4fe9-b18d-8daa5f8693dc">Re: Guests adding number attending?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]This might be naughty, but if someone brought more people with them than they RSVP'd for, I'd accomodate them as best as I can......and I don't mean squeezing them in with the other guests. I would say something like, " <strong>We weren't expecting you. Let me see if we can get another table set up". I would then make sure they got set up on an undecorated table out of the way.......It would definitely give them the idea that their attending univited was inappropriate.</strong>
Posted by roxy64[/QUOTE]
That's great! I wish I had the cajones to do that.

macjam08 · August 2012

This is something i've been wondering as well and all the feeback is very helpful in case I run into this. I must ask though, did you state on your RSVP how many seats were specifically reserved for them? Only reason i'm asking is because I wrote on my RSVP "we have reserved ____ seat(s) for you:" I am curious to know if you did the same and they still added more numbers. I hope I don't come across this when I receive my RSVP's back.

Thanks!

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-adding-number-attending?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8a0f2f73-d195-4703-8608-7b28fb275ee8Post:d166d570-f91c-4987-9964-852273dfef1f">Guests adding number attending?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]When your guests respond that "4 are attending" when only 2 people were invited, what do you do? What is the best way to approach? Suggestions greatly appreciated.
Posted by BMSawa[/QUOTE]

TaraKeeley · August 2012

I think the thing to do is, as previously stated, call and politely explain that it's an invite for just these 2 specific people, not anyone else... and don't give reasons. But really... WHY THE HELL DO PEOPLE DO THIS? I've heard that even if you say "we have reserved 2 seats for jack and jill johnson." and ask them to write ____ out of 2 invitees will be attending, that people STILL RSVP or just plain show up with more people. How weird. Good luck!

BMSawa · August 2012

THANK YOU ladies. I'm planning on calling tomorrow. All of this stuff you just don't know what to do until you are in the situation. When I call, would you leave the response on the answering machine or voice mail or would you simply ask them to just call you back so you can personally talk to them? Less rude that way?

I wrote Mr & Mrs so-and-so on the outer envelope and their first names on the inner envelope. The RSVP said "able to attend" and "unable to attend."

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