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African American Weddings

Engagement party disaster (long rant and vent)

Saturday was my engagement party/BBQ.  FI and I wanted to do something small since our parents had not met yet.  So we chose to only have the parents and our wedding party attend.  Since our house would not accommodate the 35 people we invited we decided to have the BBQ at the park down the street.  I got the menu in order, shopped for food and decorations, and sent out invitations.   Now mind you BEFORE I sent out the invitations I emailed everyone to see if they would be available on Sept 3rd for the party.  I wanted to make sure everyone could come so the parents and the different sides of the bridal party could meet each other.  Everyone said yes and the date was set. 

Saturday morning at 6 a.m. I go to hold the tables at the park.  NOPE! Someone got there 10 minutes before I did.  FI and I are now scrambling to find tables and chairs.  Thank God the night before I cooked all the sides, desserts, and put pork in the crock pot for the pulled pork sandwiches.  All FI had to do was BBQ the chicken and the corn on the cob.  Which he could do at the park yet he chooses to do the chicken at the house an hour before the party.  Thankfully a neighbor had some workers at his house with a truck.  FI gave him $20 to help us move the big this stuff (tables) down to the park.  I get to the park at 1:30 (BBQ started at 2:00) and the park is PACKED.  Not a parking spot in sight.  So I go back to the house in tears knowing there is no way we can have a get together tables or not at that park.  Luckily that morning went we didn’t get the park FI and I looked at other parks in the neighborhood.  We saw one that was a lot smaller but actually closer to the house.  So I prayed on the drive over with neighbor’s working still following that no one had taken the three tables.  Praise God the park was empty!  I helped unload the truck and the worker left, leaving me to unload my car by myself.  Now mind you I’m dressed for my engagement party in cute shorts, a tee-shirt, and embellished flip flops.  Hair is freshly pressed and make-up applied.  It is 91 degrees with no breeze and here I am trying to set up a table, BBQ pit, and two pop up canopies all by myself.  I am trying to hurry because I have to get the BBQ started so I can cook the corn.  I want to start decorating with all these cute decorations that I bought to set the tables with but I can’t.  It’s now 1:50 and I still have to call/text all the guest to tell them that I have changed the location of the party and here is the new address.  At 2:10 FI shows up with his dad, two more tables, and the chicken. My mom shows up and starts to help me get the chafing dishes set up so the food doesn’t get cold.  I LOOK A HOT MESS!  Hair up in a clip and sweated out.  My make up is all gone.  Yet things get set up and it starts to calm down. FI’s side of the wedding party starts to arrive.  My sister who dropped out of the wedding for personal reasons shows up.  I’m super excited she came to support me.  We actually get a chance to talk and squash all the issues that were going on between us.  Now here is the kicker none of my side of the wedding party showed up.  WTFire?  I was soooooo hurt.  Now one of my BM was home on doctor’s ordered bed rest.  I told her to stay her butt in bed and get better.  She was upset that she couldn’t come but texted me all morning with words of encouragement and support.  My other BM decided to go on a hike that morning instead of coming.  My cousin who is standing up on FI side went to his son’s football game.  Now I asked him a month earlier and he and his wife both assured me that the game was on Sunday not Saturday and they would be there.  One person just sent me a message on Twitter that she will miss us today.  WTFire?  Who does that?  I am still hurt and upset that they would RSVP and just not show up.  We had so much food left over I was begging people to take plates home.  What hurts the most is every single person on FI side showed up even the best man’s wife who had just gotten out of the hospital two days earlier.  How could people be so inconsiderate?  Now I feel like I just wish this whole wedding business was over.  I just want to marry my pumpkin, move on, and cut those people out of my life.  Bridezilla moment I know, but it’s how I feel right now.  Super hurt!  Thanks ladies I needed to get that out and I know ya’ll won’t judge me.  I love this board!  I don’t know what I would do without you ladies.      

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Re: Engagement party disaster (long rant and vent)

  • island07b2bisland07b2b member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Vent all you want.  That was hurtful and I would be upset too.  At least you and your sister got to work things out. 



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  • edited December 2011
    Well Cat... you have every right to be upset. Who wouldn't? Honestly, it would alarm me because these are the people in your WEDDING PARTY. They need to be dependable, period.

    However, lets just hope that they will be receptive when you talk to them. I'd call them up and say you know it really hurt when you didn't come to the party (for whatever reason). Just put it out there... let them know exactly how you feel. *hugs*
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  • edited December 2011
    You have every right!


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  • tyboydtyboyd member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Girl... now that's a mess. I'm mad FOR YOU! And I was the type of bride that would put ALL of them out the wedding! But just get through the next 5 months and you'll be ok.
  • edited December 2011
    I am so sorry that your BM were not there to support you.  I suppose the positive in the day was that you were able to work things out with your sister and your parents got to meet each other.  

    Take some deep breaths before you have a conversation with your BM.  
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  • MsAmeera25MsAmeera25 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I understand how you feel, I think people don't understand that these things cost money...i'm sure if you knew they weren't coming you could have planned accordingly....I think you have every right to be hurt and upset.


    For my epart 60 ppl RSVPed and 25 showed up. I felt like if they couldn't support me at the e party why would i want to pay close to 100 dollars for them to come to my wedding. At that time it seriously made me realize that I was not going over budget, not extending my guest list and def not caring who was bothered.

    I say all this to say have your bridezilla moment...your bridal party was straight rude!!

     

  • prncszprncsz member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Sorry this happened to you. It is very hurtful when you expect people to show and they don't and they don't tell you ahead of time. Just keep your eyes on the prize "surviving until your wedding day when you marry the man of your dreams" and then everything will go back to normal. Something about weddings that brings out everyone's true colors.
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  • edited December 2011
    OMG.....I can't believe that happen to you and like others said i'm glad you were able to find a spot and have still have the party.  I really hate your bm did not show it.    From reading your other post you are a wonderful person so again I really am sad that this happen to you.  Hopefully everyone will call you and explain what happen and if they don't...Don't stress.  Enjoy your last few months of planning!  ((((Hugs))))
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_engagement-party-disaster-long-rant-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:dbc2da80-ea0f-4a89-877f-cd1eef23fe76Post:50d31ee9-2b0b-45dc-a847-6f818d3dccf5">Re: Engagement party disaster (long rant and vent)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I understand how you feel, I think people don't understand that these things cost money...i'm sure if you knew they weren't coming you could have planned accordingly....I think you have every right to be hurt and upset. For my epart 60 ppl RSVPed and 25 showed up.<strong> I felt like if they couldn't support me at the e party why would i want to pay close to 100 dollars for them to come to my wedding. At that time it seriously made me realize that I was not going over budget, not extending my guest list and def not caring who was bothered.</strong> I say all this to say have your bridezilla moment...your bridal party was straight rude!!
    Posted by MsAmeera25[/QUOTE]

    This is my new attitude exactly!   Thanks ladies for showing so much love and support!  I needed it and the hugs.  I swear sometime I think only my "knottie" sisters can understand.  Love ya'll to pieces! 
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_engagement-party-disaster-long-rant-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:dbc2da80-ea0f-4a89-877f-cd1eef23fe76Post:61c92af2-2b8b-4e00-9d24-392d159ff2b4">Re: Engagement party disaster (long rant and vent)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I<strong> am so sorry that your BM were not there to support you.  I suppose the positive in the day was that you were able to work things out with your sister and your parents got to meet each other.   Take some deep breaths before you have a conversation with your BM.  
    </strong>Posted by mikimoto6[/QUOTE]

    All of this!
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  • edited December 2011
    Sorry to hear about the turnout of your event. Dont be discouraged by it though. Im sure the wedding will be a much better situation. Like lcroster posted you are so inspirational to others on here and I hate that this happened to you. Keep smiling and working toward a great wedding day!
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  • sheshedukeshesheduke member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Awww honeybunches i know how much hard work you put into this party all your DIY crafts and effort did not go unnoticed. Glad you got to make up with your sister and that your parents finally got to meet. That is the blessing and silver lining out of this so i will focus on that instead of the wack people that call themselves BM. Dont let them steal your joy darling you are an awesome person and you deserve to be celebrated. I am sure you still looked fab too and you and your pumpkin had a great time regardless!
  • MsAmeera25MsAmeera25 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    edited December 2011

    I think people don't understand until they become a Bride!! I'm glad we have each other for support and we can talk wedding all day lol

     

  • edited December 2011
    Aww, sorry to hear this! I dont think it was a bridezilla moment at all!! That was just extremely inconciderate of the wedding party. I agree that you should address the situation so you dont have any pent up feelings leading towards your big day. Hopefully they'll get their act togetherASAP!
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  • edited December 2011
    Oh girl I woulda been pissed off too! It takes a lot of time and money to plan events such as this. I pray that you have the support you need besides us your knottie girls to get you thru the next few mths. Keep your eye on the prize your pumpkin will be yours at the end of all this!
  • M1ssJM1ssJ member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I'm so sad this happened to you. I think people have never been married or hosted events get really incosiderate. RSVPing and not showing up is just plain bad manners. Like PPs said breathe before talking. and let us know how it goes
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  • shaneikawshaneikaw member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Oh wow sorry to hear that happened to you, that's ashame that people don't understand how important things are and just blow off what's not important to them.  I would flip out and send everyone nasty text messages and let them know just how I feel and explain how important it was and why I feel so strongly about the event. I would also tell them that they need to tell me NOW if they are not going to be able to be a part of the wedding party b/c there will be events that they are expected to be at and if they can not handle it tell me now b/c I will NOT be so understanding later!!!!!!! I don't think its Bridezilla, I think it's simply being considerate and a responsible person.
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  • edited December 2011
    They're flat out wrong and you have every right to be upset!!! I pray everything smooth over time and they truly support you from now on...Hold your head up!!!
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  • edited December 2011
    I agree with what everyone said.. I am so sorry about this. I know how it feels to be all super excited about a party and then be let down because of flaky people!!! Hopefully you will work everything out with them before the wedding!!

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  • edited December 2011
    So sorry! But now you see the strength you have and know you have what it takes to get through any other disturbance. All will be well
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  • edited December 2011
    So as I am reading your post my heart is starting to drop like it was happening to me.  I am just as hurt for you.  I am so sorry this happen! You definitely need to talk to everyone who didn't show up to clear the air so on your wedding day you will be free of being upset and can enjoy your day to the fullest.  I know sometimes if we are upset we hold on to that and you definitely don't want to be holding on to that during your wedding festivities. ((HUGS))!
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  • edited December 2011
    Wow! I can't believe none of your BM's showed up. I am soooo sorry, I know that really hurts. I mean why be a bridesmaid if your not gonna support the bride/friend? I hope everything works out for you and that your BM's really support you. During this process you will find out who your real friends are.
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