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Inviting Ex-Family Members

MeganAngelaMeganAngela member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Sorry for posting two questions in a row, but I just remembered I wanted to ask about the etiquette for this.

So, as with many families, there are a fair handful of divorced relatives.  I'm already stressing about having to ask my dad to be at the wedding because my mom and ex-step-mom are also invited (Lord, the drama!).  But, I'd also like to invite two ex-aunts.  I'm still very close with them, but I don't know how my uncles would feel if I invited them.  Things seem to be amicable between them all, but at the same time we have a "Don't talk about them" rule in our family.  However, I am close with these two women and want to share my special day with them.

Is there etiquette on whether I should actually invite them, and what would be a good way to handle the situation?  I'd like to minimize any potential fallout that I can.

Thanks in advance!
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Re: Inviting Ex-Family Members

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    marisah83marisah83 member
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    I say that if you want them there, you should invite them.  Hopefully your family members are mature enough to not cause a scene at your wedding.
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    Stackeye210Stackeye210 member
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    I don't think it's bad etiquette to invite ex family members if you are still close with them.  You know the dynamics to your family and whether or not they can handle being adults for an evening.  It sounds like they can. 
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    strlzfan11strlzfan11 member
    First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    I don't think it's wrong of you to want to invite them so make sure you sit them at separate tables preferably nowhere near each other at the reception.  You're an adult and can invite whomever you want to your wedding.  If your aunts & uncles can't manage to be civil to each other for a day, that's a reflection on them not you.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User]
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    If you're close with them and want them there, then invite them. Hopefully everyone will act like adults.

    My MOH was my best friend and former stepsister. I invited my former stepmom, as she is very special to me, but I told her it was entirely up to her if she wanted to come (she and my dad had a very bitter divorce and I don't blame her for hating him). My dad said he would be very nice to her, even though he didn't want to see her. She ended up not coming because she didn't want to see him, but overall I was glad I put the ball in her court rather than make her feel left out, or like I didn't want her there at all.
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    MeganAngelaMeganAngela member
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    Seshat411, when it comes to my step-mom, I honestly don't want to invite her because we didn't get along EVER and she causes trouble with the family even now.  However, my step-mom and dad had three kids together, my three half-siblings, and I DO want them to attend.  Considering they are underage, I have no choice.  If I could get around asking her, I totally would.

    With my ex-aunts, though, I'll probably do what you did and put the ball in their court.  I want them to know that I want them there.  If they decide they'd rather not come to my wedding because their ex-husbands will be there, too, that is their decision.  But I still want them to know that I'D like them there.
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    LesPaulLesPaul member
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    This is an individual call for you and your FI - invite them if you're both comfortable with it.  I invited 14 members from my ex-H's family, including MIL, StepFIL, FIL and StepMIL, plus various aunts, uncles, and cousins.  They are all still my family, and I was so happy they wanted to attend my wedding.  It was great to have them there, but there isn't a universal answer to your question - depends on the relationships.
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    Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    i am still close to my cousin's ex-wife.  she was invited to our wedding, although as a courtesy, i did ask my cousin if he was ok with it, konwing he'd be there wtih his new wife.  not only was he fine with it, he said "seat her at my table, we still get along great!".  
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    MeganAngelaMeganAngela member
    First Comment
    Calypso1977, I just realized I'm going to have a similar problem with a cousin.  We're both young 20-somethings and very close friends, and because of that, he's dated a few of my female friends.  It always ended in catastrophe.  However, they are my friends and they are going to be invited because I'd hate to leave them out and my cousin will be there with his fiancee.  While my female friends who dated him won't even be sweating the fact that he is there, he happens to be a bit of a drama king.  Oh, this wedding should be fun!  Lots of stories to laugh about later on...hopefully! :)
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    Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    i think when its dating its different.  one of my ex-boyfriend's was invited to my wedding, although he didnt come (and i was invited to his, and i did go!) but we've stayed friends nad our spouses are ok with everything.

    also, your friends were your friends first, before tehy dated yoru cousin, whereas i think its different when you become friends with someone that you never would have met otherwise, had they not dated (or married) your relative.
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