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Moms and Maids

Two MOH?

So my sister is my MOH, but she lives on the other side of the country and I will only see her maybe twice before the wedding and because she's a teacher, she'll only get here a few days before the wedding.  She's MOH because she's my only sister and quite frankly, I think it would hurt her feelings if she wasn't. 

So my best is stepping in and filling MOH's shoes while MOH is MIA.  I feel like I should ask her also to be a MOH.  How do you do that without hurting first MOH? 


Re: Two MOH?

  • edited December 2011
    My MOH's (who is my BFF) sister who lives far away, is a full time mother, etc is going to be her MOH. I'm going to just be a BM and I'm going to end up doing all the MOH "duties" (I know they're not actually duties!) like the shower and b-party, etc. MOH and I are closer than she is with her sister. Bottom line is: they're sisters and I totally understand why she would chose her sister to be MOH. I'm sure your BFF will understand and won't mind.
  • tlbattagliatlbattaglia member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I know that you can have two, if you want.  But I also agree with pp.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I don't know what you mean by your friend is stepping in a filling MOH's shoes. The only duties the MOH has is show up on time for the wedding, in the chosen dress and sign the marriage certificate. Anything else is extra.

    That being said, it is okay to have 2 M'sOH. Having 2, does not in any way diminish the role of the other. Just make sure you are basing your decision on your feelings for your friend and your sister, rather than what they are able to do for you.
  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    I personally don't like the idea of 2 MOHs, but thats just me. 

    Please don't make her a MOH just because she is doing extra for you.  What would you say to your sister that is already the MOH?  I made BF the other MOH because she is filling in for everything you are missing out on since you don't live here?  I think it would be a slap in the face to your sister.  But again, thats just my opinion. 

    And please, dont ask your BF to fill MOH's duties.  What exactly do you mean by duties?  There aren't any duties required of BMs or MOHs, and anything they do is because they want to do it, not because its required.  If she offers to help you or throw you showers thats fine, but she should not be promoted by you to do so. 

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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Your MOH isn't MIA.  Your friend is assisting you with your plans, hopefully because she loves you and wants your wedding to be beautiful and successful, not because she wants to be rewarded with an extra title.

    Take your friend out to dinner sometime and let her know how much you appreciate her help.  Don't change your lineup, that's just petty.
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  • Habs2HartHabs2Hart member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Thanks to some of the helpful comments.  I would not be changing the lineup and I would not be "promoting her" in order to make her do things.  She has already been a huge help and a major sounding board for me to bounce ideas off of.  She's married and has been through it and I am forever thankful to her for being such a huge help to me.  I would never tell her she had to do anything for me.  All I want from my MOH and BM's is to show up and stand up for me and have fun. 

    The only thing I was thinking is that I know she's already going the extra mile for me and she's a close friend, so I thought maybe it would just go extra to publicily acknowledge that I know all she's doing for me and that he is going above and beyond just because she's a fantastic friend. 

    It was just something I wanted opinions on as to whether it would be hurtful to my sister who is my MOH and I would not be changing that, and whether it would be appreciated by my BFF.
  • edited December 2011
    I think you're doing this for the right reasons. It's a little extra recognition for her because she's going above and beyond, rather than the other way around. I think your sister will understand that you love them both.
  • lalap69lalap69 member
    edited December 2011
    Write her a heartfelt note telling her how much her help has meant to you.  Keep your WP as it is.  If you promote your friend because your sister hasn't been around, you're probably going to hurt your sister's feelings.
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  • edited December 2011
    While it is fine to have 2 MOH's, it is not ok to have duties or shoes to fill. Your BM's are not required to do anything for your wedding except put on the dress, look pretty, and stand beside you on your wedding day. If they offer or want to do anything else like helping with programs or this or that, or throwing a bridal and/or bachelorette party, fine, but they are by no means required to do so. Nor should they feel obligated to do so.

    My MOH lived (and still does) 650 miles away from me. Plus she is in school full time and works full time. She may have done one or two things for me and helped with my bridal shower. That was perfectly ok with me. I didn't ask her to be my MOH based on what she could help me with. I asked her bc I wanted her beside me on my special day.
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  • edited December 2011
    My daughter had two...no biggie.
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
  • edited December 2011
    Just have two. I have two, my best friend and my sister. I think it works out better that way!
  • ggirl2001ggirl2001 member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    My sister had me and her best friend as her maids of honor and I did not take offense in any way. it made sense to me. I know how close she is to her best friend and how close she is to me. I still signed as the witness for the marriage license and all, but we were both honored by her in programs, and on the altar etc. I am having my sister as my matron of honor and my best friend as my maid of honor (no other WP), and my sister is not taking offense by that either.
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