...and I've finally decided to do it because it's eating me up and I just need to get it out there.
Basically, my SIL hates me. She suffers from mental illness, for sure, though I have no idea exactly what's been diagnosed and what hasn't. She acts like she's about 15, complete with teenage histrionics and the paranoia of people talking about her, all of it. She holds grudges like nobody's business. She's been holding one against me for 18 months. Also, she's incredibly hot or cold. One day she's fine with you, the next day she feels sorry for you, two days later she's yelling at you about how you don't understand.
18 months ago I reported her to DHS for endangering two toddlers - her own child and the child of her sister. I am a mandatory reporter and told the whole family when we found out she was pregnant that if she ever did anything to put the child in danger or neglect the child, I would be forced to report it. Yes, with her history I expected something to happen.
I won't go into the details of what happened, but she was in a very bad state of mind, dealing with severe panic attacks when left home alone (as in, no other adult in the house) and she was caring for two toddlers. She made some poor and unsafe choices on how to handle her panic attacks and then my ILs called and asked me what to do, telling me all the details. I told them I had no choice but to call it in.
DHS stepped in and helped to create a safety plan. They never once mentioned taking the child away. At the time, SIL told me she understood why I did what I did. I was very open about it. I could have done it covertly but chose to be open and honest with the family because I felt I owed it to them. In turn, they shunned me (and H along with me, since he stood up for me and told his family they were wrong for wanting to ignore it) for months, and I think it was during that time that SIL changed her feelings toward me.
Since then, she picks fights with me, makes assumptions that I am talking about her when I am not, and makes huge leaps in logic. For instance, H was telling her about a documentary he watched about monkies and how one monkey figured out how to deceive the others so he could get all the food for himself. H thought this was pretty amazing. SIL looked at me and said, "So you're saying you believe we evolved from monkies?" I hadn't said a word, but she turned it all on me.
Then she'll do a total 180 and start calling me for help. She's lonely, she's bored, she's scared, she calls me to see if I can come over and keep her company. If she has questions about something she thinks I can help with, she calls me. I never know what to expect from her.
The other night was kind of the last straw for me. This has been going on for months, and it happened again when I was talking with my MIL. SIL wasn't a part of the conversation, she wasn't even in the room, but she took a piece of a sentence that she heard me say, glommed onto it, assumed it was directed at her (it wasn't) and wouldn't let it go. She also wouldn't listen to me and no matter what I did, she kept twisting my words until there was nothing I could do but quit talking to her.
It's so hard because there are times when she is nice to me, but most of the time she shoots me death glares. She's told me it's a good thing I'm not a mother because I'd be a terrible one. I have done nothing since that day 18 months ago but be nice to her. I've taken her child on outings, with her permission. I've invited them to dinner. I've brought dinner to them. I've called to check on her when I knew she was having a hard day. I have never said one word about her parenting to her.
I don't know what to do anymore. I can't change her, but I also can't stand to be around her because of the unpredictability of how she will treat me. I know she's sick, but it doesn't help when I'm the one being attacked, you know? To not see her means no longer seeing her son or MIL or FIL since they all live in the same house and she never leaves. She doesn't work or drive, so she stays home all day every day.
I don't know what I'm looking for with this, other than to get it out. Prayers are always welcome. Advice? Sure, why not. I'm just so frustrated and angry and...deflated, I guess.