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wedding invite: do not know groom or bride

varsity714varsity714 member
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My fiance and I were invited to his dad's cousin's son's wedding (does that make it his second cousin?) He has never met the groom, (nor knew he existed) and obviously we don't know the bride. It was nice for them to invite us. Their wedding would require us to travel, so we will not be attending (not to mention uncomfortable since we don't know them). I would like to send them a card as a thank you for inviting us. Should I be sending a gift as well? Is that too much for someone I've never met?
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Re: wedding invite: do not know groom or bride

  • kikibabykikibaby member
    First Comment
    I think just a card is fine. 
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  • laurenclaire1386laurenclaire1386
    First Comment
    If you don't feel comfortable spending money on what some may consider a gift grab invite, then sending a card is absolutely sufficient. It's really you and your FI's call as to whether the two of you feel comfortable sending a gift to family you've never met. And yes, that's your FI's second cousin :)
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  • FutureMrsTRFutureMrsTR
    First Comment First Anniversary
    You should just send a card.  I was going to say "I would just send a card" but that's a lie because I would probably forget all about it and never send anything except my not attending RSVP.
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  • vallyhoovallyhoo
    First Comment
    a card. and I'd sign my name illegibly so they could be like, WHO IS THIS? oh that's right we invited someone we've never met just to get presents and it backfired. muahahahaa
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  • Wrkn925Wrkn925 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    I don't even know the answer to that....

    What boggles my mind, is that there are brides out there that can dig that deep into their familes and find people that don't even recognize their name to invite.
    Most of us are strapped on how to downsize lists.

    $5 says there's probably a MIL in there somewhere that SWORE you'd be deeply offended if you weren't invited.

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  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    First Comment
    I personally would view the invite as only being sent to get a gift. I would just send a card.

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  • aneresRNaneresRN
    First Comment
    I rarely post on the boards, but I can kind of relate with the bride in groom in this scenario.  FI's dad is contributing alot of moeny to our wedding and he insisted on inviting every distant relative (money always = strings).  It is kind of embaressing because I'm sure people out there think we are being gift grabby.  Just send a card.  That is more then I am expecting from all the distant relatives.
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  • varsity714varsity714 member
    First Comment
    Thanks girls - I'll just be sending a card. I felt like it was just a gift grab as well.
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  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    First Comment
    edited October 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-invite-not-groom-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:21a01be4-856f-4415-b696-2fa6e20c9d3bPost:13f7164c-dd08-4528-b23c-d6151004bd4d">Re: wedding invite: do not know groom or bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]I rarely post on the boards, but I can kind of relate with the bride in groom in this scenario.  FI's dad is contributing alot of moeny to our wedding and he insisted on inviting every distant relative (money always = strings).  It is kind of embaressing because I'm sure people out there think we are being gift grabby.  Just send a card.  That is more then I am expecting from all the distant relatives.
    Posted by aneresRN[/QUOTE]

    True, guest lists can turn huge when parents get involved. I wish parents could remember how annoyed/confused they were when they received a random invite from a distant relative.

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  • aneresRNaneresRN
    First Comment
    It's kind of a joke between us now.  Surprisingly there was enough distant relatives who RSVPed yes to fill a table.  We're planning on going to each table during dinner to thank everyone at that table for coming to the wedding.  It's going to be awkward/interesting when we get that table.   : )
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  • LDYGTR13LDYGTR13 member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-invite-not-groom-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:21a01be4-856f-4415-b696-2fa6e20c9d3bPost:084cbbd0-89c6-4de0-a2c2-8d5b215ba6d8">Re: wedding invite: do not know groom or bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't even know the answer to that.... What boggles my mind, is that there are brides out there that can dig that deep into their familes and find people that don't even recognize their name to invite. Most of us are strapped on how to downsize lists. <strong>$5 says there's probably a MIL in there somewhere that SWORE you'd be deeply offended if you weren't invited.</strong>
    Posted by Wrkn925[/QUOTE]

    My mom made me send invites for this exact reason. Just send a card, that's all I'm thinking I might get.
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  • suprwumn83suprwumn83 member
    First Comment
    It's not necessarily about wanting a gift... my FMIL gave me a HUGE list of all kinds of people she wants us to invite and most of which, my FI has NO IDEA who they are, but to keep her happy we invited each and every one of them. They probably don't expect you to even send a card. I'm certainly not anticipating gifts from everyone we invited. I don't think they are even necessary to begin with.
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  • ichellemay1ichellemay1
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-invite-not-groom-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:21a01be4-856f-4415-b696-2fa6e20c9d3bPost:084cbbd0-89c6-4de0-a2c2-8d5b215ba6d8">Re: wedding invite: do not know groom or bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't even know the answer to that.... What boggles my mind, is that there are brides out there that can dig that deep into their familes and find people that don't even recognize their name to invite. Most of us are strapped on how to downsize lists.<strong> $5 says there's probably a MIL in there somewhere that SWORE you'd be deeply offended if you weren't invited.
    </strong>Posted by Wrkn925[/QUOTE]

    Had this with my 1st wedding...  My XMIL was a gift grabber herself.  Oy.  I think a card is plenty.  The idea of signing it illegibly made me LOL!
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  • jessienjeremyjessienjeremy
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-invite-not-groom-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:21a01be4-856f-4415-b696-2fa6e20c9d3bPost:13f7164c-dd08-4528-b23c-d6151004bd4d">Re: wedding invite: do not know groom or bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]I rarely post on the boards, but I can kind of relate with the bride in groom in this scenario.  FI's dad is contributing alot of moeny to our wedding and he insisted on inviting every distant relative (money always = strings).  It is kind of embaressing because I'm sure people out there think we are being gift grabby.  Just send a card.  That is more then I am expecting from all the distant relatives.
    Posted by aneresRN[/QUOTE]

    I feel your pain.  I have to send a invite to practically everyone in my family. Cause if I invite 1 aunt or cousin and she tells someone else and they didnt get invited.. my grandma will never hear the end of it.  Luckily though I dont have to worry about them being added to the attending list cause they live 1000 miles away. I agree though I hate for people to think I am only inviting them for a gift.  My FI is in same boat.. (his parents are footing half the bill) so he will probably meet people he is related to for the first time at his wedding LOL
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  • tenofcups4metenofcups4me member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    WIthout knowing the people, I wouldn't assume it's just a gift grab. Could well just be the way that family does weddings. In either case, I think sending a card is nice, but no need to send a gift.
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  • smokeybaileysmokeybailey member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    My mother just gave me her list for my wedding which includes her brothers and sister that I have not spoken to in easily a decade and then 6 friends of hers that I am not sure I even know.  If they think it's a gift grab then so be it.  Since I wouldn't invite them under normal circumstances, I don't care what they think. My mom can field any of their comments.

    I did send her back an email that said, "Who are these people?"
    Bi-oh-rama
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    I don't get married often, but when I do, I do it in Las Vegas.

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  • ichellemay1ichellemay1
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-invite-not-groom-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:21a01be4-856f-4415-b696-2fa6e20c9d3bPost:b0f32360-006e-4883-a3c5-91b52eaac609">Re: wedding invite: do not know groom or bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]My mother just gave me her list for my wedding which includes her brothers and sister that I have not spoken to in easily a decade and then 6 friends of hers that I am not sure I even know.  If they think it's a gift grab then so be it.  Since I wouldn't invite them under normal circumstances, I don't care what they think. My mom can field any of their comments. <strong>I did send her back an email that said, "Who are these people?"
    </strong>Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]

    ROTFLMAO!!!
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  • mm133123mm133123 member
    First Comment
    Sending a card is totally fine/appropriate.
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  • GJones27GJones27 member
    First Comment
    I wouldn't necessarily consider it a "gift grab" invite.  My mom made me invite all sorts of people I don't know to my wedding, including third cousins who would have to travel.  Her point was that their grandfather was good to my grandfather or something, and my mom knows them.  (Btw, it's a big fat Greek wedding, literally.)  I would send a card and a gift, if possible, which doesn't have to be expensive.
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  • LD1970LD1970 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    That'd be your fiance's second cousin once removed.  :D  (Thank you Trusts & Estates class!)

    I always send a gift whenever invited - where I come from, it's a must - but not everyone does.  You could find the registry and send something small - I wouldn't go more than $50, even as low as $30 or so.
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  • lilianne22lilianne22 member
    First Comment
    edited October 2010
    I would rsvp no and write congrats on the rsvp card.  If FI has never met them, I think that is sufficient.
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  • smokeybaileysmokeybailey member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-invite-not-groom-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:21a01be4-856f-4415-b696-2fa6e20c9d3bPost:49401ceb-74a4-4b88-81b7-6351b53daa36">Re: wedding invite: do not know groom or bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: wedding invite: do not know groom or bride : ROTFLMAO!!!
    Posted by ichellemay1[/QUOTE]

    She responded with, oh, I guess you're right.  Go ahead and take them off. 

    My list just reduced itself by 12.  Yay!
    Bi-oh-rama
    Now with more wedded bliss.

    I don't get married often, but when I do, I do it in Las Vegas.

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    "Lvharpy could be your AE." - direy25
    "smokeybailey is the one shining beacon of light in this steaming turd of a thread." - daffodil_jill
    "The almighty smokeybailey has spoken." - some bitch on the Las Vegas board

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