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I'm not getting along with cousin's wives - Do I invite or not?

angrossangross member
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in North Carolina-Outer Banks
I adore my guy cousins. Problem is, they married sister's who I can't seem to get along with. They are very judgmental and conservative as heck. I know they don't wish me well, don't really like me & have said my marriage won't last.  My guy cousin's claim that they will not miss my wedding no matter what and they are well aware of the situation. Do you not invite the sister's or just invite them and let it go?
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Re: I'm not getting along with cousin's wives - Do I invite or not?

  • ldybug78ldybug78
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    edited December 2011
    Can you invite them but then hint to your cousins to leave them home?  Or your cousin's could at least talk to the wives about their attitudes.  What a pickle you are in.
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  • NarwhalNarwhal
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    edited December 2011
    I know you're *supposed* to invite them, but I wouldn't. If your cousins know the situation and still want to come, that is wonderful, although I wouldn't be surprised if their wives had them stay home. I do not want anyone at my wedding who has made it known that they don't wish us well.
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  • OBX2011OBX2011 member
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    edited December 2011
    I agree with Nar...if someone didn't wish me well then I certainly wouldn't want them at the most important day of my life.

    However, etiquette and your family especially say different.  Do you think this will cause an uproar amongst your family members?  The last thing you want is one of the wives getting really pissed about this and then running off at the mouth to anyone she/they encounter and smear your name or this could trickle down the line and possibly uspet your parents or his parents.  In the long run you have to ask yourself:  is this worth the potential heartache and anger this could cause ANY of my family members?

    In the grande scheme of things....you may only speak to them for a matter of minutes during the reception and it may work out just fine.

     

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  • amabeanamabean member
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    edited December 2011
    I agree with OBX2011.  I would invite them.  They may not even show up.  If they do show up, you probably won't interact with them much and if they act a fool, the rest of your family will probably jump in and tell them to behave.  You are the bigger/better person either way :)
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  • NarwhalNarwhal
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    edited December 2011
    Oh yeah, I totally agree that you should invite them if you think it would cause drama in the family... From the original post I assumed everyone thought they were acting ridiculous.
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  • rglasgowrglasgow
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    edited December 2011
    Soooo... we are all supposed to have good etiquette.. even though you probably want to tell them to go fly a kite, you should invite them, not because of your good etiquette but because you are the bigger person!  let them come because you most likely won't notice them and I'm sure your cousins presence means more to you than not inviting their wives!  You will have an amazing time no matter what and like OBX said someone will intervene if it comes down to it.. most likely one of your cousins will be the one to stand up for you, so invite, have fun and don't worry about them.  It is YOUR day!!!
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  • ms_teachms_teach
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    edited December 2011

    DH's grandma didn't come to our wedding because her daughter wasn't invited.  It's a long story... the grandma is actually his ex-stepmother's mom (follow that?) and some relationships in the family soured, but DH is still very fond of his grandmother and they maintain a relationship.  He wanted her there, but not her drama-causing daughter.  It hurt him to have his grandma missing, but he had to weigh that against sucking it up and inviting the daughter.

    I think you'll have to do the same here. Because they're married, etiquette says they both get invited.  However if they're going to cause drama, I'd make a phone call to your cousins and feel them out as to whether or not the wives will actually come.  Maybe they can make it a boys' trip. :)  Either way, prepare yourself for your cousins possibly not coming if the wives aren't welcomed.

    Hope that makes sense!

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  • sarahebrownsarahebrown member
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    edited December 2011
    I'm just gonna say what you're not supposed to say- Don't invite them. You're the bride. It's YOUR day. :)
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  • tcigaltcigal member
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    edited December 2011
    I agree with Ms Teach and some of the other ladies; I'd invite them and then chat with your cousins to make it known if they want to do a "guys trip" and use that excuse for the wives (sounds like they wouldn't be heart broken, IF it were up to their husbands- and since they're sisters they could have a girls weekend), and worst case, if they come, again: since they're sisters maybe they'll keep to themselves and out of your hair.
     Otherwise, focus on everyone else you're happy to see and I bet you'll be surprised how easily they fade into the background and for you to happily ignore their presence.  There will be plenty of other people to occupy your attention and conversation!  Then, in the end, you're the bigger person and they look like the brats. 
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  • angrossangross member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thank you all for the advise! I will take everything said into consideration when I make my decision.

    I will keep you all posted.
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  • asoho0704asoho0704 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Screw that! What dramatic women.  Who needs someone like that at your wedding?  Invite your cousins, leave the wives off the invites, and if they have something to say to you, just politely say "I'd gladly change my mind if you learned to be more respectful of my special day and kept your nasty opinions to yourselves."  

    Honesty is the best policy - even if it hurts!  And if they choose not to come if you do invite them, even better!! :)
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  • angrossangross member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    i have myde my decision......i have decided to be the bigger person and invite them. i would love to NOT invite them and tell them off but  i know my cousins will repect me even more for inviting their wives and they will defend me even more after the wedding then ever, if the sisters say anything with in ear shot of them.

    i want them to see how happy i will be and to see how loved i am by the rest of the family. they are the only outsiders, everyone else in the family is blood relatives, so  i know the sister will see and feel the love my relatives have for me.

    thanks again girls!!
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