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I'm a bridesmaid now and the dress isn't working for me


I was a bride just a few months ago and now I'm in a wedding for one of my friends.  She has picked an awful cut on me, it makes me look really chunky in the wrong spots and I'm worried even when I get it altered it will still look awful.  Honestly none of us look good. The other 3 hate it too, we don't mind the color but the cut is bad.  She wants us all to go to lunch next weekend and then look at them again and order them....so would you consider it rude if us girls made some other suggestions?  I don't want to be difficult but I feel like we all look awful and people will notice that and not how amazing the bride will look.

Re: I'm a bridesmaid now and the dress isn't working for me

  • edited December 2011
    I am going to be a bridesmaid in my sister's wedding over the summer and I had the same problem. My sister wanted to do a "one size/cut fits all" for her bridesmaids and her MOH - but we are all different sizes. We hated the dresses she picked out (she gave us a choice of 3 and they were awful) so we steered her towards an inexpensive, A-line dress that flattered us all and fit with her color scheme. She was happy that we were all in agreement and happy as well. Also, once I pick colors for my wedding, I am probably just going to direct my bridesmaids to the dessy.com website and have them pick a dress that matches the colors but that they like.
  • ttbeachttbeach member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I hope we can steer her too.... I'm thinking if we all remain strong and as one that maybe, maybe we can find something good.... MAYBE
  • Vanessa630Vanessa630 member
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    edited December 2011
    I'm going through the process of choosing bridesmaid dresses for my girls and I would definitely want to know if they're not happy. Had you guys initially tried the dresses on with her or is this going to be the first time she sees them on you? I picked out a few dresses that looked awesome on the rack but just fell in all the wrong places once they tried them on (and when I tried it on for fun haha).  
    How has your friend reacted in the past when people have had a different opinion? Clearly, the wedding is different, but that might give you some indication of how you should best present this to her.  
    Maybe give her the heads up and see if when you meet, would she mind looking at a few other dresses in the same color and of a similar style because this particular cut isn't working for you? You can even tell her how much you liked the dress but was disappointed to see it on? Giving her some notice might create less stress so that she doesn't feel as if something was checked off her list (or your list)....and now it's not. 
  • ttbeachttbeach member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We went and modeled a bunch of them and of course the one we all hate she loved.  We thought we were just having a fun day out and then she breaks it to us that we are all going out to lunch to get really fitted and yippie for the one dress we all hate.

    We have disagreed before but I guess I honestly don't know. She is so excited and I think we all feel like we need to say something but aren't sure how too.  I guess maybe we should break it to her before the lunch, and just say "hey we were all talking and this dress was the one we liked the least due to the cut, the fabric".  I'm willing to try it on again but I think we need to keep looking.  I love her, so if I have to wear it I will but I wanted to vent and I think I will at least be honest with her.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_im-bridesmaid-now-dress-isnt-working?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:65Discussion:abb57feb-1b0b-4748-a243-fee336a53ea9Post:4146775f-b12a-4e2a-b8e9-7e377f9575e9">I'm a bridesmaid now and the dress isn't working for me</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't want to be difficult but I feel like we all look awful and people will notice that and not how amazing the bride will look.
    Posted by ttbeach[/QUOTE]

    That doesn't sound sincere to me. The real issue is that you don't think you look your best in that particular dress. There is nothing wrong with making suggestions however these suggestions should have been made the day you first tried on these dresses. The bride now thinks this is a done deal and you want to inform her that she has to start over again.

    You can nicely suggest another dress but the bride has a vision. Her vision is more important than how you personally think you look in the dress. Many brides select the BM dress without any input from BMs. Do you and the other BMs all agree on another dress? Is it similar in style to what the bride wants? If the answers are NO, I think you will be stirring up a big drama.
  • SweetSimaSweetSima member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Maybe I am a naysayer,  but in one of my experiences as a bridesmaid, the bride picked a dress out that  was not flattering to our bodies (and we ranged from big busted to skinny minnie) but she loved the dress and I supported her because it was what she wanted. And I spent 200 dollars on it, only to have it altered incorrectly and had to buy a new one with overnight shpping spending almost 500 on a dress I ended up giving away...and never wearing again!!

    As the bride,  we went together and I said what I wanted and what I didn't.  I think everyone liked the dress we picked because no one said otherwise,  but I think you have to be very careful.  She might not say anything if you all try and steer her,  but it might still upset her.  GL!
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  • ttbeachttbeach member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    SweetSima  we share the same wedding date!! How cool.
  • kls114kls114 member
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    edited December 2011
    I agree I would want to know if my girls were not happy with the dress that I picked. Just let her know how you feel.
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  • SweetSimaSweetSima member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    :)  we had a pretty fantastic day!!
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  • edited December 2011
    I was a bride last year & I am a bridesmaid next year & to be honest once I found a dress that I liked I was pretty much set. I had all the girls try it on (even made a special trip to a store that one big enough for my +size moh to try on). To me they all looked good in it and it fit the tone and style I wanted. One of my girls didn't want to wear it knee length (it came in floor or knee length), and she thought it was too casual, but It was the dress I wanted her to wear so she wore it. I wasn't all bridezilla about it but she understood that was the feel/look I wanted and she smiled and wore it.

    The dress I had to buy for next years wedding is not my style, with the possible exception of the color. I do not feel comfortable in it, and I feel like it doesn't fit my body well at all. But I smiled and put down my deposit.

    Maybe I'm in the minority here and thats ok, but it's her day. If she wants you to wear it you wear it. Ugly colors, big poofy sleeves, a pickup skirt, strapless, bedazzeled, giant flower detail on your chest, whatever. Even brides who want their girls to be happy have a limit. If her heart is set on the dress I'd just suck it up.
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  • edited December 2011
    While I agree that it is the bride's day, sometimes it has to be a little bit about you, too. Take my sister, for example. She had her heart set on a dress that didn't look good on a single bridesmaid. So when we tried them on, and we showed her and told her, she was understanding. We all agreed on another dress (which was less expensive as well). For me, I am going to give my MOH and bridesmaids the colors and the website, and they will pick their own dresses - that way they are each unique, stay within their budget, and find what makes them happy - because happy bridesmaids will go a long way in my wedding.
  • RachelDliteRachelDlite member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    maybe it would be helfpul for the bridesmaids to research a style they all can agree on within the budget alloted? Rather than just tell the bride the dress isn't flattering, show her a few that all the bridesmaids like and have her choose from those? This way it's not just her being told "we don't like our dress, can YOU choose something else" and it would be more like "we do not think the dress fits any of us, but here's a few we all looked at and thought you'd like too in the color you want" etc.
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  • ChrisVickyChrisVicky member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am giving my bridemaids a choice. They are all wearing black, long dresses but I gave them options as to which neckline they can choose from. I know that it is ultimately the bride's day but everyone doesn't have the same shape/body type so one dress is not going to look right on every single person. I was in a wedding previously where the bridesmaid dress had a pretty deep V neckline. It looked nice on a lot of the other smaller bridemaids but not on me.  I am very busty and no matter what the seamstress did to close up my V a bit, I still felt like it showed a lot and I was not comfortable all night. Another potential problem is the strapless look. That certainly does not flatter everyone and if the alterations are not on point, it's even worse. I would just tell her how you feel. If she gets really upset then you have no choice but to suck it up and wear the dress but it is worth a shot.
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