Wedding Etiquette Forum

Dismissing a bridesmaid???

A couple months ago, I asked my cousin's wife to be a BM in my May '11 wedding.  Up until now, I was happy with my choice in her as a BM.  However, last week, I just found out that she has cheated on my cousin.  Can I dismiss her as a BM?  They are separated right now, but I don't know if they will reconcile or not.  Thanks

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Re: Dismissing a bridesmaid???

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dismissing-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8a2f16e5-ef89-4093-b771-eee461acf43cPost:a76d46eb-5627-4c09-9cb9-91339fccc580">Dismissing a bridesmaid???</a>:
    [QUOTE]A couple months ago, I asked my cousin's wife to be a BM in my May '11 wedding.  Up until now, I was happy with my choice in her as a BM.  However, last week, I just found out that she has cheated on my cousin.  Can I dismiss her as a BM?  They are separated right now, but I don't know if they will reconcile or not.  Thanks
    Posted by LiquidBlueEyes[/QUOTE]


    Is your cousin in the WP as well?
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

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  • How do you know this info is correct. If it is correct, I say yes.

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  • No.  But, of course he is being invited. 
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  • You have a lot of time until your wedding. I would definitely wait to see what happens in the next 6 months, they may reconcile. Also, talk to your cousin to see what he thinks/feels about the situation before you do anything. Are you friends with her aside from her being married to your cousin?
  • I would say wait and see what happens.  You still have over a year and you never know what could happen between now and then.
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  • Since you have over a year, I would wait it out a little and see how things go between the cousin and his wife. Who knows, they may reconcile. And if they don't, she may choose to step down, saving you the hassle.
  • Its correct because my cousin told me.  He called me upset asking me if he could sleep on my couch for a couple of nights.  I think he is staying with his mother now.
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  • If he's not in the WP, then I'm torn because what's happening between them has nothing to do with you or your wedding and as Ricks wondered, is it true. It would be different if they were both going to have to stand in the WP.  I would ask THEM what they would like to do.  Things may be different between them before W day.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
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  • I'd wait it out and see if they reconcile. If not, you are probably justified in not having her in the WP. She might even take herself out.
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  • We don't talk unless my cousin and I hang out.  I only chose her because I don't have very many female friends and I had to have somebody.  I know I should've waited on asking her, but I was so caught up in the moment and now I'm regretting making such a hasty decision.   She is a nice person, but I hold grudges when it comes to family stuff. 
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  • Thanks everyone.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dismissing-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8a2f16e5-ef89-4093-b771-eee461acf43cPost:52f3dc66-d3c4-4e5c-88cb-9127c3e1b563">Re: Dismissing a bridesmaid???</a>:
    [QUOTE]We don't talk unless my cousin and I hang out.  I only chose her because I don't have very many female friends and I had to have somebody.  I know I should've waited on asking her, but I was so caught up in the moment and now I'm regretting making such a hasty decision.   She is a nice person, but I hold grudges when it comes to family stuff. 
    Posted by LiquidBlueEyes[/QUOTE]


    Perfect example of why not to do "courtesy" BP members.  If you weren't close, you shouldn't have included her in the first place.  Still, wait it out.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
    image

  • Yeah you have a year, just wait. They may decide to work things out. You'd feel bad for kicking her out.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dismissing-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8a2f16e5-ef89-4093-b771-eee461acf43cPost:52f3dc66-d3c4-4e5c-88cb-9127c3e1b563">Re: Dismissing a bridesmaid???</a>:
    [QUOTE]We don't talk unless my cousin and I hang out. <strong> I only chose her because I don't have very many female friends and I had to have somebody</strong>.  I know I should've waited on asking her, but I was so caught up in the moment and now I'm regretting making such a hasty decision.   She is a nice person, but I hold grudges when it comes to family stuff. 
    Posted by LiquidBlueEyes[/QUOTE]

    What a way to honor someone.  You sound like a really great person.
    BFP(1) DD1 born 4.17.10 @ 33w5d due to pPROM
    BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM

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  • I'm such a great person that my FI and I aren't making anyone pay for their dresses or tuxes.  All they have to do is show up and party. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dismissing-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8a2f16e5-ef89-4093-b771-eee461acf43cPost:dfaeac0b-2460-4951-b2b0-a7a407223711">Re: Dismissing a bridesmaid???</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dismissing a bridesmaid??? : What a way to honor someone.  You sound like a really great person.
    Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]
    eye to eye, beautiful
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dismissing-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8a2f16e5-ef89-4093-b771-eee461acf43cPost:ce5e531b-ffe6-419a-91f4-6287c8f2ac9f">Re: Dismissing a bridesmaid???</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm such a great person that my FI and I aren't making anyone pay for their dresses or tuxes.  All they have to do is show up and party. 
    Posted by LiquidBlueEyes[/QUOTE]

    So, you have lots of money but no friends.  Hmm.
    BFP(1) DD1 born 4.17.10 @ 33w5d due to pPROM
    BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM

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  • I never said that I had loads of money.  Its more important for me to buy their attire for them than to have the extravagent invitations.  After all, its my wedding so why should they have to be out of pocket to be in my BP?  I couldn't imagine asking someone to be in my wedding and then ask them to pay out of pocket for a dress they will never wear.  I know it's tradition that the BP pays for their own duds, but I don't agree with it at all. 
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  • I mean, I don;t have any femalr friends, but I didn't have BM's that aren't special to me, even if it meant that there were 5 GM's and only 3 BM's.  That's what I'm hung up on.  It's a live and learn rule, but you shouldn't ask your bridal party so early, and you shouldn't ask those who aren't close to you.
  • That's a tough situation. I would wait until the wedding gets closer.  They may decide to work things out.
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  • Hysterical, Lynds!!

    Now I have a goal to beat.
    BFP(1) DD1 born 4.17.10 @ 33w5d due to pPROM
    BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM

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  • This is the exact reason why I did not ask my BP until 6 months before the wedding.
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