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how to politely ask for no gifts, but cash OK?

ldmanzildmanzi
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
This is neither of our first marriages, we are both in our 40's and have pretty much everything.  I wouldn't mind cash gifts but I realize we can't ask for that outright, so how do we politely decline wedding gifts?  I had a travel agency at a bridal show suggest that it is OK to ask for contributions towards the honeymoon. Has anyone heard of this?
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Re: how to politely ask for no gifts, but cash OK?

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    Goldlie11Goldlie11
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    Don't register.  Decline any showers. 
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    CellesCelles member
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    Haiku.
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    TurtlesAllTheWayDownTurtlesAllTheWayDown member
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    You don't. Just don't register for gifts. If someone gives you something anyway, politely accept, write a thank you note, and move on.
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    PharmacyBridePharmacyBride
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    You can't ask for cash.. but you can let them know it is what you prefer when they ask.

    Ditto PP about declining showers.

    Some guests feel they have to bring you a gift.. so expect some random things.  For the most part- however- you will get cash.  I gave cash to a couple in their 50s, while it was their first marriage, I knew they would have doubles of everything!!  I gave cash and so did everyone else.
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    danieliza1127danieliza1127 member
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    See the FAQ sticky post at the top of the board.
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    LesPaulLesPaul member
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    Honeymoon registries are generally frowned upon around here.  You cannot politely ask for money, or gifts of any kind.  Many 'established' brides create a small registry to upgrade some household items such as linens or kitchenware.  Your family and friends know your circumstances and will act accordingly.  Most of our guests gave us gift cards or cash, and it was fine.  Also, be aware that many of those registries keep a pretty large % of the gift as a service fee (15%?).  I wouldn't want my guests to pay that.
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    Brie2010Brie2010 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_politely-ask-gifts-but-cash-ok?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:367fc7b6-7417-473a-8e51-97226bf9d494Post:76dba94e-8220-4ecf-b0b4-9219e13d5149">how to politely ask for no gifts, but cash OK?</a>:
    [QUOTE]This is neither of our first marriages, we are both in our 40's and have pretty much everything.  I wouldn't mind cash gifts but I realize we can't ask for that outright, so how do we politely decline wedding gifts?<strong>  I had a travel agency at a bridal show suggest that it is OK to ask for contributions towards the honeymoon.</strong> Has anyone heard of this?
    Posted by ldmanzi[/QUOTE]

    Of course they would say that.  A travel agency has a vested interest on you spending tons of money on your honeymoon. 

    Not appropriate.
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    TrishesTrishes
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    It's never okay to ask for contributions. For anything.

    Have friends spread the word, if people ask. No matter what, even if you don't register or have a shower, people will still give you gifts.
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    quotequeenquotequeen member
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    Honeymoon registries are just a barely disguised way of asking for cash.  Don't register.  If people ask what you would like, tell them you appreciate the gesture but you don't need anything.

    However, you can't tell people that you won't accept physical gifts, or decline them if they're given.  If you do receive them, just accept them graciously, write a thank you note, and then do whatever you want with them (donate them, or whatever).
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    Beachy730Beachy730 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    You can't tell people without it sounding rude.  I don't think honeymoon registries are horrendous, but I wouldn't do one.  Make a small registry at Target or Bed bath & Beyond.  YOu don't have to put a lot of stuff, and it can just be upgrades to some stuff you already have, like towels, dishes, etc.  If you do a small registry people are more likely to give you gift cards or cash, and you can return any gifts you get if needed. 

    Also, if people ask what you would like you can suggest monetary gifts, or have it spread through word of mouth.  H and i are moving soon so lots of people just gave us cash gifts at the shower and wedding.
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    AmoroAgainAmoroAgain member
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    Guys, travel agency's clearly always give the best advice because they have NOTHING in it for them.  Right? riiiiiiight?

    I'd recommend the song "Money money money" and ho's.

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    ldmanzildmanzi
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    Thank you all so much for the good suggestions.  I will do nothing as far as registering, and accept gifts graciously.
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    KimhreesKimhrees member
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    You can register for a cash registry online and people just put in as much as they feel is appropriate. Sorry that I don't have the website for you, but research it. That way you can have a website that explains your wishes without it appearing tacky by you just asking for cash.
    Example: My friend got married last year and in the invite she included an envelope for people to send her cash since she said they weren't accepting gifts. Don't do this. It was very tacky and slightly off-putting.
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    CellesCelles member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_politely-ask-gifts-but-cash-ok?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:367fc7b6-7417-473a-8e51-97226bf9d494Post:67992673-f916-4b3d-956c-32ed0c75bb10">Re: how to politely ask for no gifts, but cash OK?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You can register for a cash registry online and people just put in as much as they feel is appropriate. Sorry that I don't have the website for you, but research it. That way you can have a website that explains your wishes without it appearing tacky by you just asking for cash.
    Posted by Kimhrees[/QUOTE]

    No, that's not tacky at all...  />.>
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    smokeybaileysmokeybailey member
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    You use an insert that says:

    Gifts:  No
    Cash:  OK
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    smokeybaileysmokeybailey member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_politely-ask-gifts-but-cash-ok?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:367fc7b6-7417-473a-8e51-97226bf9d494Post:db97b9c8-c766-40f0-9b14-3c641f42deba">Re: how to politely ask for no gifts, but cash OK?</a>:
    [QUOTE]If it makes you feel better, my mom got married later in life.  She didn't register and didn't have a shower.  She only got cash.  I think the whole, "if you don't register, you'll get random gifts" is not always true.  If you don't register, most people will get the hint.  Hell, if you do register, I'll still give cash at the wedding (but not at the shower).  
    Posted by Goldlie11[/QUOTE]

    Goldie, you are missing the point.  She IS having a shower.  You can't have a shower and not register.  That's just lame.  Or do you think she is having a money shower?
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    Now with more wedded bliss.

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    "Lvharpy could be your AE." - direy25
    "smokeybailey is the one shining beacon of light in this steaming turd of a thread." - daffodil_jill
    "The almighty smokeybailey has spoken." - some bitch on the Las Vegas board

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    Goldlie11Goldlie11
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_politely-ask-gifts-but-cash-ok?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:367fc7b6-7417-473a-8e51-97226bf9d494Post:d53f187d-59fc-422e-95be-3039825b6c54">Re: how to politely ask for no gifts, but cash OK?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: how to politely ask for no gifts, but cash OK? : Goldie, you are missing the point.  She IS having a shower.  You can't have a shower and not register.  That's just lame.  Or do you think she is having a money shower?
    Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]
    Oh, I missed that.  I do think that registering is the right thing to do for a shower.  
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