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Registering

princess0711princess0711 member
Third Anniversary 10 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum

So we're getting married next summer on the other side of the country, which is where ALL FI's family lives, and a small (but very important) portion of my family lives.  Since I don't do long drives we're flying --- now some of FI's family has been asking us where we are registering and his parents are talking about having a gift opening -- any ideas on how to discourage this idea?  I don't want to straight out ask for cash but at the same time I'm not going to be putting stuff in boxes and mailing it from there to here because it would cost way too much (plus we don't really need anything)

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Re: Registering

  • baystateapplebaystateapple member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    If you don't need anything, and you want to discourage a gift opening, don't do a registry.  People will get the idea.
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  • AllAboutTheBenjaminAllAboutTheBenjamin member
    10000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Just tell them you're not going to have a gift registry.  Amen.
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  • wadingmoosewadingmoose member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 25 Love Its
    Word of mouth, really.  And just have your FI talk to his parents about the gift opening.

    I did one for my first wedding and I only had 5-6 hours to drive with the gifts and it was a pain in the butt.  But it was traditional for the area so I did it.

    Some people will buy you gifts, no matter what you do.  They like giving solid things.  For those instances, it really is nice to have a gift registry so at least you have a chance of actually wanting/appreciating the gift you're given.  That doesn't mean you need a HUGE registry.  And it certainly doesn't require a gift opening.

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  • abbygrace8abbygrace8 member
    10 Comments
    gift openings are so awkward! just explain the flight/postage thing to FI's parents and don't register anywhere. like PP said, people will get the hint. some people may buy your gifts anyways and will ask for your address to send them there, but there's really nothing you can do about that.
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  • breezerbbreezerb member
    500 Comments
    I agree with PPs... explain to you FILs about flying with presents (or having your FI do it) and how it is going to be a bit of pain and hope it gets around via word of mouth.

    I also agree with moose that it is always a good idea to create a registry.  Just make a very small one. There are people that just enjoy giving a present rather than a cheque and will so regardless of whether you want them or not, so you might as well get something you need.
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  • LeahDVM2003LeahDVM2003
    100 Comments
    Just a thought--if you do create a registry somewhere, you can have a ship-to address in there, and guests can have the store send the gifts directly to your new home.  This, too, can be passed around by word-of-mouth.
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  • TurtlesAllTheWayDownTurtlesAllTheWayDown member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Register for very tiny items.

    No seriously, some people here have registered at stores like Bed, Bath and Beyond where thy were able to return the gift to the store and rebuy the gift after getting home.
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  • Linz10882Linz10882 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
    I live in Miami and am having my shower in Michigan (where my entire family lives).  I did not want to deal with trying to get all those gifts back to Miami (on a plane!), so the shower invite said something about "If you would like to purchase something from their registry, Lindsay and Eddie would prefer to have the items mailed to their home in Miami due to difficulty in traveling with such fragile gifts."  (It was worded more eloquently, but you get the idea!).  We also included shipping info on our registries. 

    Although you may not need anything, a registry is a good idea b/c people will take it upon themselves to purchase what they think you need anyway!  Lovely glass vases, candle holders....gravy boat, anyone?!  Laughing 
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