Have the new KPS been discussed yet?

achiduck · January 2012

Did I miss it?

ahhhitsshannyn · January 2012

I haven't read them all, but you can sell your eggs?! I would totally do that. Is that bad?

[Deleted User] · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_new-kps-discussed-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d9095327-d99e-4faf-a7c9-c199ed2b15d1Post:65daba18-de86-4cb7-a292-a4ab974e3d3e">Re: Have the new KPS been discussed yet?</a>:
[QUOTE]I haven't read them all, but you can sell your eggs?! I would totally do that. Is that bad?
Posted by ahhhitsshannyn[/QUOTE]
They shoot you up with a lot of hormones. That doesn't strike me as especially safe.

ahhhitsshannyn · January 2012

Oh, yeah, I obviously have no idea about the process. I didn't even know it was something people did. Oh well. But I wouldn't judge someone who wanted to do it.

annakb8 · January 2012

Yeah Shan, you can. I think it's pretty invasive though.

I actually thought about it for a hot second when I was in grad school but ultimately the idea that I could have a kid out there that I didn't know was not something I'd be comfortable with personally. I think for me to ever consider doing it it would have to be for something much more important/urgent than a house down payment. I guess I don't get being sooo eager to buy a house that you would put yourself through unnecessary medical procedures for it.

Also, what if my eggs got rejected? That would be demoralizing to say the least.

MyUserName1 · January 2012

The whole egg selling thing is serious business. They shoot you up with hormones and you can't have sex for something like three months and you are all hormone crazy and bloated and whatnot for months.

jemmini6 · January 2012

The sister being the MOH one makes my head hurt....

achiduck · January 2012

1) I probably wouldn't tell my family for the same exact reason. The hormone shots and the procedures would probably scare me off of it though.

2) I would talk to him about how you're feeling. Maybe some counselling might help? I don't really think that drinking whiskey is an excuse for the things he said to you.

3) FI has strugged with bouts of depression and anxiety on and off his whole life. It took him a long time to discuss it with his doctor and come up with coping strategies. Good luck.

4) Um, seriously? I'd get pretty pissed too if I wasn't allowed to plan my wedding because my sibling was also engaged. I don't think she's being immature at all. I think you and your parents are.

5) To each their own.

amys325 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_new-kps-discussed-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d9095327-d99e-4faf-a7c9-c199ed2b15d1Post:ed15b495-e709-43ca-838b-a9fb620bb97a">Re: Have the new KPS been discussed yet?</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, yeah, I obviously have no idea about the process. I didn't even know it was something people did. Oh well. But I wouldn't judge someone who wanted to do it.
Posted by ahhhitsshannyn[/QUOTE]

My boss represents women who donate eggs anonymously.

It's not just a quick and easy deal like men. It's months of hormonal treatments to sync of your body with the Intended Mother's cycle. You have to have numerous psych evaluations to make sure you aren't crazy. They also test your eggs for any genetic defects that you might be carrying and insurance companies can drop you once these are on your permanent records. If you've ever smoked you cannot donate because your eggs are damaged and it will show up. Even if you quit years ago.

If you can withstand all of that, then go for it...make the $5000.

After working hear and learning all about it, I would never subject my body to that.

ETA: Oh yeah, I forgot about the no sex issue. And you have to have surgery to have the eggs removed. And I forgot another big one. Right now it's anonymous, but they are working on legislation that these children will be able to find out who you are and come find you later in life.

amys325 · January 2012

2. Drinking Jack isn't really an excuse to be an a$$ to you. When my H drinks whiskey he just gets really really drunk (but insists that he is not) and has a terrible hangover the next day. He's not a jerk to me.

3. As crfb said, it makes me sad because we dont' know what happened.

4. I don't think it's fair that because you are having a 2+ year engagement and she just has to wait for you to finish with your plans before she can get on with her life.

5. meh.

froggatt.clare · January 2012

1. That's totally up to you and FI, but after reading amys' post I don't think I personally could go through with it.

2. I know a few dudes who get mean after Jack. This does NOT excuse his behavior, and maybe counseling would be good. But he should not drink something that makes him hurt you.

3. I'm sorry you're hurting. I hope you find the support you need.

4. Why can't she get married the same year as you? I think your parents are being a tad unreasonable. I understand if they want to pay for both weddings that there are financial constraints, but can't they just split the budget and you and she split the difference with them? She doesn't need to be so sad, but try to be understanding of her situation.

5. What do you mean you can never get through them? Do they make you sad? So happy you start bawling?

specialk84 · January 2012

I don't get why some people say a certain alcohol makes them angry. I usually hear that about tequila.

I think if you turn into an asshole when you drink, you should probably stop drinking. I also think people are more honest when they're drunk because their inhibitions are lowered.

Calypso1977 · January 2012

i think the MOH one is about maturity. if she's old enough to get married, then she shoudl be old enough to not let her parents dictate when she can or cant get married. if they are paying for it, she can be mature and tell them she'll pay for her own wedding and move it up sooner.

chelseamb11 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_new-kps-discussed-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d9095327-d99e-4faf-a7c9-c199ed2b15d1Post:8e2324b6-960b-402f-8908-f880febee447">Re: Have the new KPS been discussed yet?</a>:
[QUOTE]i think the MOH one is about maturity. if she's old enough to get married, then she shoudl be old enough to not let her parents dictate when she can or cant get married. if they are paying for it, she can be mature and tell them she'll pay for her own wedding and move it up sooner.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

The poster said the MOH needs to suck it up and be happy for her. Not suck it up and plan anyway. I believe this KPS poster is in agreement that her sister shouldn't be planning (aka suck it up, be happy for KPS poster, and wait for her time to plan)

Which is probably the most selfish thing I've heard in a long time. KPS poster, you suck if this is the case.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · January 2012

I have a friend who donated eggs a few times, when she was single. (Being in a relationship would probably suck, since you can't have sex, given that you might get knocked up with octoplets at any given time.) Said friend is super gorgeous. I guess some people pay top dollar for people who have amazing genes, are really athletic, have Ivy League degrees, etc. Like, they advertise at Harvard that they'll pay $250k for eggs. Most people only get a few thousand, though. But it's way more invasive than donating sperm.

nhahn2206 · January 2012

I seriously considered egg donation for a while when I was in school. I figured it might be worth it to go through the process for that much money. I was turned down because I am too short. What if people want short kids, huh!?

Kate61487 · January 2012

About the Jack - I believe that some alcohols can bring out different tendencies. The few times I've gotten drunk on tequila I ended up crying; it made me really emotional, and I know it doesn't do that to everyone. Likewise Jack doesn't make everyone an obnoxious a-hole; it's all my brother drinks and he's never been an ass while drunk (well, you know, no more than usual, haha).

The thing is, while perhaps the Jack did influence THAT he said those things it did not make up WHAT he said. Those thoughts were already in there, just buried. So depending on what he said I wouldn't just try to forgive and forget - if he said things about you that really bother you then you two need to talk about it, and a counselor couldn't hurt. Good luck.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · January 2012

If you're an asshole when you drink, you're an asshole, period.

WanderingAngel · January 2012

AE, because obvi it's kind of personal information, but I donated eggs.

I was just out of college and had just started a new job, and it just seemed like the right thing to do at the time. The money was definitely nice (I made $7500), but honestly that wasn't what motivated me to want to do it. I was just reading the paper on the way to work one morning and saw an ad from a couple looking for a donor, and it spoke to me. They were really nice, really smart, really prepared people who wanted a family and just couldn't make it happen themselves. And I fit their ideal donor profile almost perfectly.

It was not that hard on me, either physically or emotionally. The shots were no big deal (teeny needle, impossible to mess up the dosage) and I didn't notice any effects from the hormones other than the releasing tons of eggs thing. The psych evals were pretty simple too (They basically asked me if I was clear on what I was doing and if I was okay with other people raising a baby that was genetically mine. I was fine with it all.), and the actual egg harvesting procedure was pretty easy too. They knocked me out for an hour, used a long needle to get the eggs out (they go in through the cervix wall) so there were no incisions, and gave me percocet for afterwards. I didn't even wind up needing the pain meds.

To be honest, the worst part was getting to the doc appointments all the time. I had to be there every couple of days for almost two months, and I was constantly late to work because I was going early in the mornings. And they were NOT conveniently located to where I lived at the time. But, in the end, it was a small price to pay for the gift I was able to give those parents.

divinemsbee · January 2012

Someone mentioned this already, but the only way I see someone's parents legitimately saying something about putting off one sister's wedding is if they wanted to/were expecting to pay for both weddings. I can see then having started to spend money on the KPS poster's wedding and not wanting to have to start putting down deposits for the sister's. It would suck, a lot, to have to wait, but I think the sister needs to ask herself if waiting is worth the money. I know that my parents are suddenly talking about helping my FI and I out way more than I originally thought (we expected to pay entirely for our own, and now we're being offered some money for deposits), and if my sister got engaged right now there might be a conversation about her at least waiting until after mine to start putting money down. But my wedding is in October, not another year away.

However, I think that if that is the case it doesn't seem like the parents are explaining or handling it very well, and the KPS poster is being a completely self-absorbed person about it. And, if it isn't about money, or no money has changed hands for KPS poster's wedding, then I see no reason not to let the sister go ahead and have hers first.

PetalPockets2012 · January 2012

1. I also considered donating eggs because I felt I needed the money. After looking into I decided not to. I think you need to make sure (like PPs said) that you fully understand the process, the risks and how it can effect your body.

2. I also agree that even if one is drunk, they still said what they said. It might be something he wouldn't typically say when sober but it is coming from somewhere. You deserve to be able to talk with FI about it, especially since you say you aren't okay. Counseling might be a good idea.

4. Be an adult and stand up for your sister. Do you care more about a wedding or your sister? Tell your parents to let her start planning. It's not a big deal.

Have the new KPS been discussed yet?

Re: Have the new KPS been discussed yet?

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