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To ask or not to ask?? BM help!

cmath610cmath610 member
First Comment
in Moms and Maids
Hello (and sorry for the super long post),

I'm recently engaged and am trying to figure out my bridal party.  Right now we are between having three or four couples.  The deciding factor: whether I am going to ask a fourth person or not.  My fiancé has three picked out for sure and knows his fourth if we go that route (He does not want to for sure ask this person- he just knows who it is if we have four couples).  The problem is, I really am having a hard time deciding whether I should ask this fourth person because I really want to but there is one thing that worries me.  I guess I need some advice as to what some of you think I should do.  Here is the situation (lets say the potential fourth girls name is Sophie)::

I have been friends with Sophie for the last two years.   Our graduate program was a two year program and I can easily say she was one of my best friends over the last two years and honestly, I really do not think I could have made it through the program without her friendship and support.   We graduated from the program in May and since then, it has been hard to get together with her.  I understand its the summer, and don't get me wrong- I somewhat get it because I have been crazy busy this summer too- but its seems like she NEVER has time for me.  I take things way personally (I cannot help it- I've just always been that way), so its hard for me to not read into that. However, on that note, I do think that if I really needed to see her and was having some sort of problem- she would be there for me asap.... so  I don't know what to think. 


I guess I'm wondering what all of you think.  What would you do?  I mean on one hand, I do consider her one of my best friends over the last two years and I seriously do not think I could have made it through grad school without her and part of me really wants to ask her.  But on the other hand, I think the lack of getting together with her over the last few months makes me worry we won't stay friends long-term.  Ugh.. I feel like I'm being dumb about this but really any advice would help!  So what do you think-what would you guys do?
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Re: To ask or not to ask?? BM help!

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    To be honest, I stopped reading after the first paragraph.

    My opinion is let your FI ask his fourth person if he really wants that person to stand up for him.  Uneven sides are perfectly fine and you shouldn't limit your FI on who he can invite just because your sides won't be even.

    As for you, if you are questioning it this much (to write 3-4 paragraphs about why or why not you should have this person) then I think you have your answer.  You shouldn't be questioning your decision.  The people you should ask should be the first people that come to your mind because they are your nearest and dearest...in no way should a pro and con list have to be made to decide whether to ask them.

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  • cmath610cmath610 member
    First Comment
    edited July 2012
    Just to clarify-  my FI doesn't care if he has the fourth person or not.  He just knows who he will ask if we do want to do four couples.

    When we first got engaged, she instantly came to my mind to ask (and she was my third call after my parents and my best friend from college).  Its just that I've been frustrated trying to get together with her over the last two months.  So I think I am afraid that I am basing my decision off of a few months of not being able to get together with her and assuming we dont have a future friendship based off of that. 
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its

    If your profile is right then your wedding is over a year away.  I honestly would wait until you are about 8-9 months out before you ask anyone.

    My one BM is a really great friend of mine.  We live about 10 minutes away and do you want to know how often we get together or talk?  Maybe once a month if that.  We both have busy lives (husband/fiance, houses, dogs, work, etc) so we just have the time to really get together as much as we would like to, but that doesn't mean that we still aren't friends.

    I would just not worry about asking your WP right now.  Enjoy being engaged and the planning process.  Then, in a few months, revisit the WP discussion, see how your relationships with everyone you first thought of are because things change, relationships change and people change.  You don't want to rush into anything only a month or so later regret your decision.

    And if your FI doesn't care if he has the fourth person or not then don't have him ask that person even if you do have a fourth.  No one wants to be a filler.


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  • owengirl996owengirl996 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited July 2012
    I agree that you do not have to ask your party right now...let it sit for a couple of months and see if things get better/worse between the two of you. At this point, I would say just invite her to your wedding, but leave her out of your WP.
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  • libby2483libby2483 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    I would just wait and see how you feel about things when the wedding gets closer.  Also, it is okay to have an uneven wedding party, so your FI's decision about asking his fourth guy can be independent of your decision to ask Sophie.
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  • cronin85cronin85
    First Comment
    As all the previous people said, wait.  I made the mistake of choosing my bridal party waaay too early and I had a falling out with two of my girls (non-wedding related fall outs)... and having uneven numbers is ok.  I have 1 more then FI does
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