Attention Hound Attendants

LarissaAnn · December 2009

I see a lot of posts on here about how brides' MOHs, BMs, or other friends or family members try to make everything "all about them" and constantly take the spotlight off the bride.

I get it. We all know those people.

But I want to tell you something... it doesn't work. It feels crappy when it's happening to you, but please, breathe. Calm down. And ignore it.

Rest assured, the person in question may be getting a fraction of a second of negative attention, but then people get bored and annoyed. And in the end, YOU are the bride. YOU are the one getting and opening gifts at your shower, YOU are the one trying on the big fluffy white dress, YOU are the one who has the last say on flowers, invitations, decor, and most importantly your groom! YOU are the one everyone's partying for at your bachelorette party, and YOU are the one on your wedding day in the big white dress, traipsing down the aisle, and getting married.

So you can relax. Really.

I don't care if your friend/family member/MOH/BM shows up naked and turns cartwheels at any of the wedding-related events, she still won't be the center of attention. YOU will.

And there's nothing she can do about it!

SarahPLiz · December 2009

Thanks Larissa! My sentiments exactly.

LarissaAnn · December 2009

I just feel bad that people get so worked up over this and they really don't need to. It's just added stress that they're giving themselves, and in the end it doesn't even matter.

I believe in efficiency: If it's not worth worrying about, don't waste the energy worrying! LOL

megk8oz · December 2009

Addressed at me? Sorries.

LarissaAnn · December 2009

No! No, not at all. You've got legit worries. Just the everyday crap. What you're dealing with is not "everyday crap" in the general sense of the phrase.

LarissaAnn · December 2009

I don't want to single anyone out, but it was triggered by the post below about the lopsided wedding party that has a bit in it about a MOH who's an AW. It just made me want to tell people not to worry so much. You didn't enter my mind at all on this one.

megk8oz · December 2009

Ok, I was getting worried, cuz I know I've been bitching about my sisters lately, so I wasn't sure ... but really, it's that they won't try on their dresses and I'm running out of time. I'm not worried about the spotlight (Well, I am, but I'm just nervous about being in it, lol). I am worried that if they don't get the dresses done and they don't stand up, somehow they'll be convinced it's my fault though, lol.

Good to know I'm not "in trouble", lol.

LarissaAnn · December 2009

Nah, you're around enough that if you were being unreasonable, I'd tell you in your own thread to relax. This is more for the new kids who're freaking out.

And I wish I knew your sisters, 'cause I'd drive 'em to the freakin' seamstress myself. You'd be surprised how many annoying women can fit in the trunk of a Ford Focus.

megk8oz · December 2009

Omg, you might have missed it, this girl. Jenetoy (Or something like that) posted on Etiquette yesterday (Nobody quoted the OP and she wound up making it a "." post) who didn't want her BM to have a date because her bf is apparently really abusive.

Everybody gave her all this advice about being supportive of her friend and etc ...

Well, then it came out, her issue wasn't concern for her friend, her concern (Which this DID get quoted if you can find the thread) was that if the bf started fighting with the BM it was going to "create a scene" and she didn't want her guests to associate him being an asshole with "her special day". Needless to say, people(Including me) were pissed.

LarissaAnn · December 2009

Oh good god, are you serious? Don't you just want to shake people sometimes? I swear, I've been a domestic violence advocate since 1989, and sometimes these people make ME want to slap them.

megk8oz · December 2009

Hahaha, it's really bizarre, because I really do love my sisters, and I'm their "favorite" (The 2 of them hate each other, lol) ... and normally, they're pains in the ass, but this is absurd even for them.

I just need to thank God my mom has been willing to at least attempt to get them set straight on the matter (While I know it's only one day, my mom has already been preaching to the family "Meg gets screwed over enough, you've been bitches this whole time, we're not getting a wedding again for a while: get your sh!t together" lol).

megk8oz · December 2009

Yeah, I know if you search enough you can find it (I always fail at properly linking threads), but yeah, once it came out what her real "concern" was, it got ugly.

CTGirl30 · December 2009

"I'm worried about my friend's abusive boyfriend b/c I'm concerned for my friend" -

"Nevermind, I'm actually more worried that there's a chance he might create a scene and damage the fairytale wedding day image I am dreaming of"

OMFG - are you kidding me?

megk8oz · December 2009

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_hard-subject

I'm not sure if the link works. Again, the OP was deleted, but what she said later on DID get quoted. It's on the second page of Etiquette, the subject it "."

banana468 · December 2009

Larissa, I couldn't agree more.

The other aspect I think people need to realize is that the average AW is on her best (or his best) behavior at a wedding.

Ex: GM's GF at the time was also someone who did some horrible manipulative things to me over the years (unscrewed my peephole when we were in college to spy on me, tried to get DH to cheat on me with her when we first started dating, etc). She was still invited and she behaved VERY well that day.

Ex 2: MIL. If you don't know what I'm talking about then you haven't seen some of my new posts. She was PERFECT at my wedding and also at BIL's .

LarissaAnn · December 2009

OMG, Meg, that really IS bad.

Banana, that's true too. People often do act a lot better than you'd think they would when they're thrown into circs like this. They usually don't have the guts to try & take on a whole wedding.

Julia O'Brien · December 2009

I think this is well said Larissa.

I think it's important however that people have a place to vent this stuff. And from personal experience it's not easy to vent concerns or frustrations to ANYONE in the WP b/c it creates more stress for everyone. It's nice to have a neutral place to vent, and to know that other brides have experienced similar things.

Although completely valid and helpful, sometimes posts like this can be negative and take confidence away from people who really need to vent. It will prevent some brides from posting concerns or questions in fear that they will be told they are stupid for having these feelings.

I recall my first post on the knot boards was about my MOH and I was torn apart by the veteran knotties. It almost made me never come back b/c I'd lost confidence. I was embarrased, and looking back there was no reason why I should have been treated like I was a five year old spoiled brat who was getting married for the wrong reasons.

And clearly from the way MegK responded she felt this way a bit.

I know there is a lot of repetition on these boards, but that is why a place like this is obviously needed for brides.

It was a nice reminder though, so thank you for posting

LarissaAnn · December 2009

Oh, trust me, I'm all for venting. Venting here maintained what remains of my sanity! But there's a difference between venting and worrying. Vent away, but the point is: don't worry.

rainedrop6 · December 2009

Excellent Point LeBeanier!!!

megk8oz · December 2009

Well, part of my initial response was that I have "blame" issues, lol, I always think everything is my fault. And while I recently have bitched about my sisters (The bitches, lol), Larissa is right, at this point, I'm around enough to be "yelled" at by the regulars if I get too "waaaaah ...", lol. And I do want them to keep me in check if they think I'm being unreasonable, because being so close to my wedding day, I'm 1/2-waiting for my inner bridezilla to go on a rampage, complete with Japanese citizens' poorly dubbed terror.

But I don't have a problem with new people venting, as long as they kinda make it clear "I'm not really crazy, I'm just ticked off today".

However, when a 'vent' consists mostly of "Why doesn't anybody understand it's all about meeeeeee?", I have minimal patience.

stina93446 · December 2009

Here here!

I am also not keen on bms fussing so much over the bride saying that "it's her day" and fall over themselves like slaves...dude, you're my friends. I didn't hire you!

megk8oz · December 2009

Ditto Stina,

Maybe it's because I'm not used to being the center of attention, but seriously, I think if I was being treated like I was "in a delicate state" because of my upcoming nuptials, people would be getting slapped.

It's because of this sort of thing that feeds the belief all brides are micro-managing nutcases that if everybody around them isn't fawning all over them they will eat your soul and the soul of your first baby.

I'm getting married, I'm not dying for God's sake!

LarissaAnn · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_attention-hound-attendants?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8358dd31-4b2d-407f-8318-2a0967278679Post:309cd8e5-81e2-4c16-be97-89abcb512f6d">Re: Attention Hound Attendants</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm getting married, I'm not dying for God's sake!
Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]
LOL!

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