Kids in wedding and no room

eafnwk · May 2012

I have found myself in quite a pickle. We are having kids in our wedding (3 flower girls and 2 ringbearers). We are having a no kid reception and I know usually the kids in the wedding still go to the reception. My problem is that we dont have any room for the kids in the wedding at the reception. I offered to pay for a babysitter for all the kids (we have a HUGE room at the hotel that they can go to during the reception and play games/movies/playstation etc) but the feedback I am getting is that its rude to expect the kids not to be at the reception. HELP I dont know what to do!!

adamar15 · May 2012

Well, it is rude to expect them not to attend the reception. I find it hard to believe that you can't find space for 5 kids. They don't take up that much room.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · May 2012

How do you not have space for five little humans? Pffft.

egm900 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-in-wedding-and-no-room-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9de0384d-1155-40b1-9a41-8baba6f09fedPost:cff20750-a606-48e3-8758-6c5994d07646">Re: Kids in wedding and no room</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Well, it is rude to expect them not to attend the reception. I find it hard to believe that you can't find space for 5 kids. They don't take up that much room.</strong>
Posted by adamar15[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't even have kids, and I would side eye having a kid in the wedding and not allowing them at the reception. It comes across as they're more of props than children that are important to you.</div>

adamar15 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-in-wedding-and-no-room-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9de0384d-1155-40b1-9a41-8baba6f09fedPost:62d85aeb-d8af-4d4e-b29e-3be18d035eea">Re: Kids in wedding and no room</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids in wedding and no room : I don't even have kids, and I would side eye having a kid in the wedding and not allowing them at the reception. It comes across as they're more of props than children that are important to you.
Posted by egm900[/QUOTE]

Exactamundo.

eafnwk · May 2012

The place only holds 250 people and so far we are at our limit. So when I say I have no room...that means I literally have no room, if I did I wouldnt be asking for help. They are all pretty young, could they sit on family members laps?

adamar15 · May 2012

I would not want to have to eat dinner with a child on my lap. You should have planned on them being there in the first place. I guess now you just have to hope for a handful of people to RSVP no.

pkontk · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-in-wedding-and-no-room-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9de0384d-1155-40b1-9a41-8baba6f09fedPost:d0da20d9-a989-4bab-9cba-37c25552f822">Re: Kids in wedding and no room</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm more concerned that you are stuck in a pickle. Aaand I agree with PP's.
Posted by rachers1017[/QUOTE]

Thank you rachers, for the giggle.

You should call your venue asap and see if there is a way you can squeeze these kids in with their parents. Or maybe have a 'kids table', which would be smaller, next to the table with parents, so they can still have their eyes on the children.

LaBellaVita23 · May 2012

I have a hard time believing you won't have 5 "no" RSVPs between now and then. I can't imagine you have all your RSVPs back by now considering your wedding isn't until July.

Meegles4 · May 2012

You really are stuck in quite the pickle.

You should've counted these kids as part of your overall count. What made you think they wouldn't come? Did their parent(s) express this or was it just an assumption you made?

Also, no, they can't sit on their family's laps.

Time to start praying for some "no" RSVP cards.

eafnwk · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-in-wedding-and-no-room-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9de0384d-1155-40b1-9a41-8baba6f09fedPost:d53c9e26-7254-4014-9263-b5734d93d1d8">Re: Kids in wedding and no room</a>:
[QUOTE]You really are stuck in quite the pickle. You should've counted these kids as part of your overall count. What made you think they wouldn't come? Did their parent(s) express this or was it just an assumption you made? Also, no, they can't sit on their family's laps. Time to start praying for some "no" RSVP cards.
Posted by Meegles4[/QUOTE]

<div>When I asked for the kids to be in the wedding, I did tell the parents that we probably wouldn't have room at the reception because we had such a huge guest list. It seemed to be fine at that point and now it isn't. So I am trying to figure out a way for it to be ok. So far we have A LOT more coming than not, hopefully the "no's" will start flooding in. </div>

egm900 · May 2012

Call your venue and explain the situation, if they told you 250, it may not be a fire code issue so much as what the room comfortably holds with your set up. They may be able to rearrange to add a small kids tables. You may not get the set up you want, but that's a small price to pay. If it's a fire code issue pray for 5 no RSVPs (if you invited 250, you should easily get this).

Meegles4 · May 2012

Well, if the parents did agree to this, then I guess you do have cause to go back and say "I'm so sorry, but we talked about this several months ago and it still is looking like there won't be room."

I still think that you should have included them from the start, because it does look a little "prop-ish" as PPs said. And at this point, I'd wait to see what your final RSVPs come in at and try to include the kids if at all possible. But, if you get 100% attendane, I guess you do have some recourse to tell the parents "too bad" since you talked about it initially.

Matty143 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-in-wedding-and-no-room-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9de0384d-1155-40b1-9a41-8baba6f09fedPost:45566de2-edce-4b4b-a7b0-c6d7f86037a9">Kids in wedding and no room</a>:
[QUOTE]I have found myself in quite a pickle. We are having kids in our wedding (3 flower girls and 2 ringbearers). <strong>We are having a no kid reception </strong>and I know usually the kids in the wedding still go to the reception. My problem is that <strong>we dont have any room for the kids in the wedding at the reception</strong>. I offered to pay for a babysitter for all the kids (we have a HUGE room at the hotel that they can go to during the reception and play games/movies/playstation etc) but the feedback I am getting is that its rude to expect the kids not to be at the reception. HELP I dont know what to do!!
Posted by eafnwk[/QUOTE]

Seems like you don't want children at the reception to me, not that you don't have room.
It would be pretty easy to make room for them.

jemmini6 · May 2012

Yes, you are in a tough position, but it's completely your fault. You should have counted on these kids being there from the beginning.

Your only options at this point are to find a way to fit them (ie, hoping you get at least 5 no's, or begging the venue to make an exception), or apologize profusely to the parents, but inform them that you can no longer have their kids in the wedding party as you cannot properly host them at the reception. In that case, you MUST reimburse any and all expenses the parents have paid thus far for their children to be in your wedding, but you'll still look like an asshole for kicking little kids out of your wedding due to your poor planning.

Sorry we can't be of more help, but you screwed this one up and there just aren't very many good options.

mkrupar · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-in-wedding-and-no-room-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9de0384d-1155-40b1-9a41-8baba6f09fedPost:4e3e44ab-528c-4f6c-8e8d-e2c56897cb92">Re: Kids in wedding and no room</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Well, if the parents did agree to this, then I guess you do have cause to go back and say "I'm so sorry, but we talked about this several months ago and it still is looking like there won't be room."</strong> I still think that you should have included them from the start, because it does look a little "prop-ish" as PPs said. And at this point, I'd wait to see what your final RSVPs come in at and try to include the kids if at all possible. But, if you get 100% attendane, I guess you do have some recourse to tell the parents "too bad" since you talked about it initially.
Posted by Meegles4[/QUOTE]

No, not at all. She has no just cause to continue to be rude regardless of what the parents said. I honestly this is WORSE than not inviting an SO. These kids are IN YOUR WEDDING and you didn't plan on having them attend the reception. That's pretty cold. Maybe, just maybe, you should have planned for them and left off 5 of your other 250(!!!!!) guests!!!

Meegles4 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-in-wedding-and-no-room-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9de0384d-1155-40b1-9a41-8baba6f09fedPost:baa5a9a1-e17a-4292-a29a-f016821c633b">Re: Kids in wedding and no room</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids in wedding and no room : No, not at all. She has no just cause to continue to be rude regardless of what the parents said. I honestly this is WORSE than not inviting an SO. These kids are IN YOUR WEDDING and you didn't plan on having them attend the reception. That's pretty cold. Maybe, just maybe, you should have planned for them and left off 5 of your other 250(!!!!!) guests!!!
Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]

I totally agree with you. OP screwed up from the get go. But, if this comes down to some sort of fire code issue and she actually physically can't include them, what's she going to do...disinvite 5 other guests so these kids can be included? Obviously not. She's got a lose-lose situation here.

Jemini's solution is interesting...but then you risk having upset kids on your hands. How is that OK and not rude? If there is truly no way to include these kids in everything (and I still contend there is) then the OP has some more rude conversations ahead of her unless she plans on ignoring her hall's rules or finding a new venue that would accommodate her.

myname1234 · May 2012

as a mom of young kids, i would really recommend NOT un-asking them. I know my daughter would be truly devastated if she were part of a wedding and then later told she couldn't.

OP you need to find room for those kids. shoving them in the corner after the photo ops are done is not acceptable.

lyndausvi · May 2012

I can't believe you actually thought it was a good idea to dress little kids up, make them walk down an aisle, take pictures, etc. Then not even feed them lot to the fun part of the day

On top of all that you are inconvenience their parents by making them take their time to take the kids to where ever for the rest of the night?

Wow. That is no way to treat people especially when they are in your wedding.

Summer2011Bride · May 2012

I really think you'll have at least 5 people RSVP no. I mean, we always say to plan for 100% attendance and you SHOULD have. You did mess up there. But now that what's done is done, I think realistically you should get at least 5 no's and all will be well with the world.

If that doesn't look like it will happen, I'd talk to your venue and see if it's a fire code issue, or just a limit they set. If it's the latter, you definitely need to do some rearranging and fit the kids in.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2012

If you didn't want kids there, why did you ask them to be in your wedding?

kmmssg · May 2012

So from the get go you PLANNED to not have these kids at the reception? If you knew the limit was 250 and you had 5 kids in the wedding you needed to have those 5 kids on the reception list and kick someone else off. This is incredibly poor planning.

Call your venue. I too think out of 250 you "should" get at least 5 no's, but you need to find a way to include those kids. Looks to me like this was the plan long before things were finalized.

MrsGandthebeag · May 2012

This was really shiity of you. Dh's cousin pulled the same crap at her wedding. She had my nephew in her wedding and then didn't allow him to come to the reception. It was a major PITA for his father to come and take him home. Dad refused to come to the wedding at all since his son was only a prop.

eafnwk · May 2012

Settle down everyone. I will most likely be getting 5 more "no's" and will be making room for the kids, who I love and want to be apart of my wedding...I don't see them as "props" and never would. They are my neices and nephews who I care about. They are younger and would most likey want to eat pizza, play games and hang out with their cousins after the actual wedding and wouldn't care if they were eating at a table with a bunch of boring adults in the room. I asked for advice and mostly got torn down and told how horrible of a person and screw up I am - i've never planned a wedding before so its not like I am experienced with all this.

Thank you to those who gave me real advice and to the others...I wish the best and wont be needing your comments

ajmom2two · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-in-wedding-and-no-room-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9de0384d-1155-40b1-9a41-8baba6f09fedPost:ea44db59-82e3-4115-9d65-b1e704c6de2a">Re: Kids in wedding and no room</a>:
[QUOTE]Correct me if I'm wrong - I don't spend too much time on this board - but don't people (the bride and groom) usually pay for a babysitter and games/movies and pizza in a separate room (off the main room) so the parents can still check up on them to entertain small children during a reception? I'm not planning on having kids at our reception so I haven't really read too much on this, but I do believe that I've seen this option a few times on this website. Is that a possiblity? Then it's a kid's space so they don't get bored. I would assume that the kids usually also come into the reception area if the parents take them in, but they spend most of their time in their kid-friendly area.
Posted by laurelrenee1[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I think sometimes this is done but the OP's problem is that the parents of these 5 kids want them to be at the reception, which they should be able to attend as part of the wedding party. The reception is the fun part of the kids, honestly. The wedding they have to make sure to stay clean, sit still and be quiet...not fun for little kids. We are having kids at our reception but most will be leaving early, around 9pm, including my 2 daughters, since it will be bed time.

</div>

Meegles4 · May 2012

OP - you're right that the kids might not want to eat what the grown-ups eat. Have you talked to your venue about kids meal options? We had three kids in our wedding and two additional as guests and I gave them the choice of adult meals or kids meals. My hall had three kids entrees for me to choose from.

The kids had chicken fingers and sampled some of their parents' "adult" entrees. FWIW, They also danced the night away. We thought they'd leave early on, but they were there until the hall closed. When they got tired they passed out on a few chairs at the venue. And the video and photos we have of our flower girl dancing and my little cousin in the photo booth are hilarious.

So, even without their cousins, video games, etc. etc. they'll probably still have a good time. And PPs are right, the reception is the fun part, don't leave them out of that.

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