Bridezilla is now BM-Zilla!-Vent

Carson386 · August 2012

I was the MOH in a wedding last year. She picked the dress before asking about any budget (it was $450 plus alterations). I told her I couldn't afford it so she offered to help pay for it which was very generous. When it came time for hair & make up, I was told to have my hair done by a certain person and she knew what it was supposed to look like, and this woman would also do my make up and my nails ($300 after all of that). I told her I couldn't afford it so she said she would do it as my wedding gift, whatever. Now she is a BM in my wedding and expecting me to pay for her dress, shoes, hair, nails, and make up... really?! She has also told me what she wants for a gift, a $200 necklace.
For those of you that read before about the BM that kept my bracelet that was in my family, this is her. I was trying to let it go and be nice and continue to let her be in the wedding but she is really pushing my buttons!

TogetherPerfect · August 2012

I'm sorry, but I wouldn't even be able to have a person like this in my bridal party. I guess it would depend on how close you two are, but I wouldn't be able to handle all the pushiness. $450+ for a BM dress is honestly ridiculous to expect your girls to pay for. Everyone has a different financial situation which is why it is important to discuss this before shopping for dresses. And $300 for hair, make up, and nails is a lot too... Some brides don't even spend that much on themselves for their own wedding!
I think that if she expected you to have those things done, she should pay for them without asking for anything in return. If you are not expecting your girls to get their hair, nails, and make up done a certain way, you shouldn't have to pay for it if you don't feel comfotable with that.
And to just come out and say she wants a $200 necklace as a gift is just plain rude. What if that is not in your budget? I'm spending maybe $50-75 on each girl... I couldn't imagine $200, especially for someone who is acting this way. (This situation got me a little upset... lol, sorry!)

Carson386 · August 2012

My budget is about $40 per BM for gifts. I gave them the name and phone number of the person doing my hair and told the girls that $X amount but if they want to do it on their own, they can do that too. As for make up and stuff, I'm doing my own and they can do their own if they want. I did buy all of their shoes since they are flip flops and were $1 a piece. I didn't think they got to pick out their own gifts though...

[Deleted User] · August 2012

Did you get your bracelet back? IMO, you need to kick her to the curb. She's doing nothing but causing drama.

Carson386 · August 2012

In Response to Re: Bridezilla is now BM-Zilla!-Vent:
[QUOTE]Did you get your bracelet back? IMO, you need to kick her to the curb. She's doing nothing but causing drama.

Posted by Pnutbutr[/QUOTE]

Nope! I called her again about it and she said she would get it back to me, and she even apoligized, then she called the next day to have her 11 year old son tell me that she gave it back to me before they moved. I'm def considering kickign her out at this point! Against etiquette but, I don't actually care at this point.

rswans · August 2012

I think the rules about kicking people out are because you don't want to ruin a friendship. I'd say that's already gone in this case. I'd be so frustrated and it takes a lot to rattle me!

[Deleted User] · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_bridezilla-is-now-bm-zilla-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:6a8accf0-86f0-4370-8d9b-5e36104da295Post:b6d55798-2799-46cc-aced-4ee23de24467">Re: Bridezilla is now BM-Zilla!-Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridezilla is now BM-Zilla!-Vent : [QUOTE ]Did you get your bracelet back? IMO, you need to kick her to the curb. She's doing nothing but causing drama. :( Posted by Pnutbutr[/QUOTE] Nope! I called her again about it and she said she would get it back to me, and she even apoligized, then she called the next day to have her 11 year old son tell me that she gave it back to me before they moved. I'm def considering kickign her out at this point! Against etiquette but, I don't actually care at this point.
Posted by Carson386[/QUOTE]

Omg...so not only is she bitchy, but a thief as well? Kick her out of your life!

charbakes · August 2012

Please explain to me, why is this woman in your bridal party?

Carson386 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_bridezilla-is-now-bm-zilla-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:6a8accf0-86f0-4370-8d9b-5e36104da295Post:ab881fad-21e8-40a0-9c40-469e6efff9a6">Re: Bridezilla is now BM-Zilla!-Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]Please explain to me, why is this woman in your bridal party?
Posted by charbakes[/QUOTE]

She was one of my best friends until recently. I figured that for her wedding, she was just a bridezilla and it would pass, which that did. I asked her to be in the wedding party as a BM, and she was really excited. After I had already asked her to be a BM, I asked about the bracelet that she never returned. I haven't kicked her out because I feel like the worst person in the world if I do. I know it's not completely against etiquette in this case, but I think I would still feel like the worst person ever.

sbc2013 · September 2012

We can't tell you how to feel or not to feel, but there's really no reason to feel like the worst person ever. I think that you are thinking of this emotionally--understandably so, but there's a point where you should look at this logically. A BM's only responsibilities are to show up on your wedding day in the dress you chose, sober, and smiling. It doesn't sound like this girl will show up smiling, not unless you buy her the dress, and get her hair and makeup and nails done, and buy her a $200 necklace...oh, that's after she stole your irreplaceable bracelet. You need to sit her down and say, "I'd like to talk to you about something. What is your budget for your bridesmaid's dress? I want to make sure I don't choose something above what you are comfortable spending. Also, I need to know if you'd like your hair done by the hair stylist I'm using by X date. She is charging X dollars. And you girls are free to do whatever you'd like as far as makeup." Even if you've already said these things, I think reiterating them might help get it into her head. She is being ridiculously demanding. If she says, "What do you mean, what is my budget?" you say "Sally, I am not paying for your dress, nor anyone else's, because it just isn't in my budget. But I will make sure to stay within whatever you are comfortable spending!" Rinse, wash, repeat. Don't let her cause this unnecessary stress in your life!

Aside from that, you need to have a face to face conversation with her about the bracelet if you care to ever see it again. Clearly phone calls allow her to lie her face off. This reason alone would be enough to kick her out of your party. Clearly she doesn't care very much about the friendship if she can't even bring herself to admit she either lost it or wants it or sold it. Ugh.

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