Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Not Engaged Yet
Not Engaged Yet
New Discussion

Need your opinion on this- dysfunctional family members

catrb89catrb89 member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Not Engaged Yet
Okay so, I got engaged last Saturday. I was talking wedding stuff with my mom and she mentioned off-hand that "you'll send invites to 'that side' of the family, right?"
To clarify, "that side of the family" is her sister and mother, who have been nothing but disrespectful to myself and my mother for years. What my grandmother did was straight up emotional abuse throughout my childhood. When I was 16, my mom finally seemed to realize what was going on and separated herself from the drama. I've attempted to make amends and work on a healthier relationship with them several times, but they don't seem interested. It's all about the drama, and doing things their way.
I know I'm leaving out several details, but I frankly don't really want to say too much about the way my family has been treated by them.
I still get along fine with others on my maternal side who I plan on inviting.
My question is: how can I make an engagement annoucement to these individuals without allowing them to assume that they're invited? Is it even necessary to announce anything to them? Because I'm sure as hell not going to invite them.
<a href="http://daisypath.com/"><img src="http://davf.daisypath.com/rd8tm4.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Daisypath Anniversary tickers" /></a>
Report Reply to Post

Re: Need your opinion on this- dysfunctional family members

  • PrincessJasPrincessJas member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-your-opinion-on-this-dysfunctional-family-members?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:05d79564-e6a7-4f13-9506-64942d9eb8e6Post:5b600c2a-1a66-4cef-9205-63607f5cba6a">Need your opinion on this- dysfunctional family members</a>:
    [QUOTE]Okay so, I got engaged last Saturday. I was talking wedding stuff with my mom and she mentioned off-hand that "you'll send invites to 'that side' of the family, right?" To clarify, "that side of the family" is her sister and mother, who have been nothing but disrespectful to myself and my mother for years. What my grandmother did was straight up emotional abuse throughout my childhood. When I was 16, my mom finally seemed to realize what was going on and separated herself from the drama. I've attempted to make amends and work on a healthier relationship with them several times, but they don't seem interested. It's all about the drama, and doing things their way. I know I'm leaving out several details, but I frankly don't really want to say too much about the way my family has been treated by them. I still get along fine with others on my maternal side who I plan on inviting. My question is: how can I make an engagement annoucement to these individuals without allowing them to assume that they're invited? <strong>Is it even necessary to announce anything to them? Because I'm sure as hell not going to invite them.</strong>
    Posted by catrb89[/QUOTE]

    <div>No.   Announce it to the people you care about and plan to invite.  Don't bother with the others and risk introducing unecessary drama.</div>
    Report Reply
  • SarahAnn2SarahAnn2
    First Comment

    I have family members that I am not inviting for very valid reasons. I have never discussed the wedding with them once. I really don't have any idea if they even know I am engaged. If you're not inviting them then don't talk to them about it. It's as simple as that.

    Report Reply
  • K Everdeen12K Everdeen12
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited August 2012
    You don't need to call them and tell them you are engaged if you aren't close to them.  They'll find out through word of mouth.  I'm assuming that's what you mean by announcement.  Most people who find out that you're engaged, either by word of mouth or by you telling them directly, don't assume they are invited to your wedding just because they know of your relationship change. 

    I'm not inviting my mom's brother out of respect for everyone attending our wedding who probably doesn't want to see BS family drama.  I don't GAF if he knows if I'm engaged or not.  I'm sure my grandmom told him, but I'm also 80% sure he doesn't know me by name (just as M's daughter).  
    Report Reply
  • tuarceathatuarceatha member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-your-opinion-on-this-dysfunctional-family-members?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:05d79564-e6a7-4f13-9506-64942d9eb8e6Post:098e0b5a-6564-4820-870e-e55733a0c3e1">Re: Need your opinion on this- dysfunctional family members</a>:
    [QUOTE]You don't need to call them and tell them you are engaged if you aren't close to them.  They'll find out through word of mouth.  I'm assuming that's what you mean by announcement.  Most people who find out that you're engaged, either by word of mouth or by you telling them directly, don't assume they are invited to your wedding just because they know of your relationship change.  I'm not inviting my mom's brother out of respect for everyone attending our wedding who probably doesn't want to see BS family drama.  I don't GAF if he knows if I'm engaged or not.  I'm sure my grandmom told him, but I'm also 80% sure he doesn't know me by name (just as M's daughter).  
    Posted by K Everdeen12[/QUOTE]


    Yea. We just told our immediate family right away. Everyone else found out by word of mouth or because we updated our FB status.
    Report Reply
  • jorja86jorja86 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I don't think you need to tell them at all. Like others have said, it's likely they'll find out eventually from someone else. 
    image
    Report Reply
  • kikirst33kikirst33 member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-your-opinion-on-this-dysfunctional-family-members?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:05d79564-e6a7-4f13-9506-64942d9eb8e6Post:59fae767-6118-49a7-9adc-7859bf5be7bd">Re: Need your opinion on this- dysfunctional family members</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need your opinion on this- dysfunctional family members : Yea. We just told our immediate family right away. Everyone else found out by word of mouth or because we updated our FB status.
    Posted by jenjenniferf[/QUOTE]

    <div>Be careful of posting anything on FB about your wedding.  I had an Aunt that was not invited to the wedding (bad blood between her and my Mom) and she sent me many messages asking if  she was invited.  The ony update I made on FB was changing my status to engaged.  </div>
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • K Everdeen12K Everdeen12
    First Comment First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-your-opinion-on-this-dysfunctional-family-members?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:05d79564-e6a7-4f13-9506-64942d9eb8e6Post:01e605c2-fc1e-4a0f-816f-a066804146c7">Re: Need your opinion on this- dysfunctional family members</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need your opinion on this- dysfunctional family members : Be careful of posting anything on FB about your wedding.  I had an Aunt that was not invited to the wedding (bad blood between her and my Mom) and she sent me many messages asking if  she was invited.  The ony update I made on FB was changing my status to engaged.  
    Posted by kikirst33[/QUOTE]

    <div>She's already married.</div>
    Report Reply
  • tuarceathatuarceatha member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-your-opinion-on-this-dysfunctional-family-members?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:05d79564-e6a7-4f13-9506-64942d9eb8e6Post:01e605c2-fc1e-4a0f-816f-a066804146c7">Re: Need your opinion on this- dysfunctional family members</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need your opinion on this- dysfunctional family members : Be careful of posting anything on FB about your wedding.  I had an Aunt that was not invited to the wedding (bad blood between her and my Mom) and she sent me many messages asking if  she was invited.  The ony update I made on FB was changing my status to engaged.  
    Posted by kikirst33[/QUOTE]

    Yuck. But I couldn't lie about it. I <em>had</em> to update my relationship status.
    Report Reply
  • charbakescharbakes
    First Comment
    We had a similar situation with FIs brother. Other than straight-up hiding the engagement, we knew he'd figure it out through family no matter what. We just went about announcing our engagement to people who were coming and eventually changed our status on facebook (his brother is not friended with him). We knew we didn't want him at the wedding, so we didn't give him any indication that he'd be invited.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker Daisypath Vacation tickers fibromyalgia Pictures, Images and Photos Visit The Nest! Visit The Knot! Visit The Knot! Visit The Nest!
    Report Reply
  • catrb89catrb89 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Thanks for the advice everyone! I think it's definitely best to keep the drama far away from my wedding!
    <a href="http://daisypath.com/"><img src="http://davf.daisypath.com/rd8tm4.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Daisypath Anniversary tickers" /></a>
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards