Massachusetts-Boston

Open bar poll. What are you doing?

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Re: Open bar poll. What are you doing?

  • edited December 2011
    motbx3 - while I can really appreciate what you said (and it should be said more!), you have hit the world of difference over the head.

    You are talking about being a gracious guest, which one should be regardless of what choices the birde and groom make. But when people are in the planning stages, and actively seeking advice on internet boards, discussing etiqutte breeches are most apt.
  • edited December 2011
    LOL at the $35-50K to get married in Boston.  Sure, make a list of the 10 swankiest hotels/locales, and you'll get an expensive average.  But there are lots of options even in Boston proper, and even more if you extend that to include Cambridge and some of the tight-in urban suburbs.  (I.e. not talking schlepping out to the countryside).  And if you go out to ~128, you can find just about any price point you want. 

    FYI, my answer?  Open beer/wine/hard cider, no hard liquor by preference (not because of the cost). 
  • edited December 2011

    I completely agree with AlwaysaBridesmaid on this one.  I don't understand why people get so heated and involved if a bride wants to have a cash bar.  I don't see what the big deal is.  I actually do think that it is a regional thing - that cash bars are more common in the North East (specifically MA) than other areas of the country.  I also think that it does depend on the bride and groom's social circle.  I've only been to two weddings that were open bar all night...cash bar and at times open cocktail tend to be the norm in our circle of friends and family.  We're on a set, tight budget and have been quite creative to save $ already (DIY flowers, invites, inexpensive photographer and videograher) that open bar all night was not even an option for us...and fortunately not expected from our guests.  We're doing open cocktail hour and wine with dinner, which I feel is more than enough.

    However, I do agree that posting anything on the Snarkybrides board is asking for trouble - I rarely even read posts on that board as too many women are immature and incredibly rude.  But - that is what that board is for. 

    Finally - the comments that I see about how friends/family will be talking behind the bride/groom's back about being "cheap" for not having open bar, are not fair.  We are the ones that know our family and friends that will be guests at our wedding and the last thing that they would do is look down on us for not having open bar all night.  If ppl have family/friends that would look down on them for not having open bar, then maybe it's worth considering...fortunately our guests don't have this expectation.  Please keep in mind that the bride/groom know their guests better than others who are offering opinions.  While it's fine to say that open bar is the most gracious, preferred and definitely follows the etiquette rule, saying that you will be judged by your guests for not having an open bar is over-stepping a bit.

  • Shazzie116Shazzie116 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If you do your research and work your @$$ off, you can make it work ("it" being some form of open bar). It might mean really shopping around and negotiating, and possibly being flexible around some things. But seriously, if I were to go to a wedding and see uplighting and chair covers and a photobooth, but have to pay for drinks all night, I'd be a little miffed. 
  • Shazzie116Shazzie116 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_massachusetts-boston_open-bar-poll-doing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:89Discussion:49c283ac-426f-4704-b9e2-046a5256dedaPost:869d4cb3-391d-43cb-bd4c-eb85e730a128">Re: Open bar poll. What are you doing?</a>:
    [QUOTE]We're on a set, tight budget and have been quite creative to save $ already (DIY flowers, invites, inexpensive photographer and videograher) that open bar all night was not even an option for us...and fortunately not expected from our guests.  We're doing open cocktail hour and wine with dinner, which I feel is more than enough. 
    Posted by jesibel14[/QUOTE]

    <div>You've done everything in your power, though, to give your guests as much as you can, which they will notice and be grateful for. </div>
  • edited December 2011
    I actually do think that it is a regional thing - that cash bars are more common in the North East (specifically MA) than other areas of the country. 

    As some one who has been posting in international boards for years, I can tell you MA and the northeast are actually among the MOST common places to see an open  bar. Fwiw- I have been to two weddings that are cash and the other 485789347584 were all open bar. If you still need more proof - just look at the answers to this poll. Most people I know would be shocked by a cash bar, but I HOPE they would be gracious enough to not bat an eye at the actual reception. I don't even consider bringing cash to most weddings I go to.

    But yeah, I don't think people judge those who have a cash bar for serious financial reasons. It is apples and oranges to compare that and was blueeyed was attempting to spew.
  • sucrets4sucrets4 member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_massachusetts-boston_open-bar-poll-doing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:89Discussion:49c283ac-426f-4704-b9e2-046a5256dedaPost:869d4cb3-391d-43cb-bd4c-eb85e730a128">Re: Open bar poll. What are you doing?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I completely agree with AlwaysaBridesmaid on this one.  I don't understand why people get so heated and involved if a bride wants to have a cash bar.  I don't see what the big deal is.  I actually do think that it is a regional thing -<strong> that cash bars are more common in the North East (specifically MA) than other areas of the country.</strong>  I also think that it does depend on the bride and groom's social circle.  I've only been to two weddings that were open bar all night...cash bar and at times open cocktail tend to be the norm in our circle of friends and family.
    Posted by jesibel14[/QUOTE]

    I 100% disagree, having grown up in the north east and having been on the international boards on here for quite some time.  There are many other places where this is universally more acceptable.

    When plenty of people from MA are saying that cash bars are NOT the norm, then you lose this argument. 
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  • sucrets4sucrets4 member
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    edited December 2011
    Eye to eye, Meg.
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  • edited December 2011
    Thanks Shazzie, I think that they will too! :)
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_massachusetts-boston_open-bar-poll-doing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:89Discussion:49c283ac-426f-4704-b9e2-046a5256dedaPost:1489f118-71ce-4188-b703-7fe1b3f5106b">Re: Open bar poll. What are you doing?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Open bar poll. What are you doing? : Fwiw, there's no way of knowing this.  OF COURSE no one will say it to your face, but people can and will talk behind your back. 
    Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]


    Wow, I'm not sure what kind of friends and family some people have, but I'm pretty sure that my friends and family are coming to see me get married, and not get sloshed on my dime.

    I've agonized over the open bar issue - My parents refuse to pay for it and I just found out that I owe for taxes this year - So it's just not possible for us to pay for an open bar financially - I've discussed this with my friends and they all have told me that people are coming to celebrate my wedding and not to get drunk and they think that I'm just over worrying. I'm not having an extravagent wedding either and I think my friends will have a good time. I have only been to 1 wedding that was open bar, so it is definitely common in my circle of friends/family. People need to stop judging people on something stupid like open bar! Yeesh
  • edited December 2011
    Oh I am not trying to make an argument - maybe I am wrong then about it being more common in MA.  I do think it's pretty common in middle-class metro Boston then, specifically Somerville, Medford, Everett, Malden.  Just my two cents and the weddings I've been to though.
  • sucrets4sucrets4 member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_massachusetts-boston_open-bar-poll-doing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:89Discussion:49c283ac-426f-4704-b9e2-046a5256dedaPost:f248322b-c514-4e51-ae45-83b0c31c8752">Re: Open bar poll. What are you doing?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Open bar poll. What are you doing? : Wow, I'm not sure what kind of friends and family some people have, but I'm pretty sure that my friends and family are coming to see me get married, <strong>and not get sloshed on my dime.</strong> I've agonized over the open bar issue - My parents refuse to pay for it and I just found out that I owe for taxes this year - So it's just not possible for us to pay for an open bar financially - I've discussed this with my friends and they all have told me that people are coming to celebrate my wedding and not to get drunk and they think that I'm just over worrying. I'm not having an extravagent wedding either and I think my friends will have a good time. I have only been to 1 wedding that was open bar, so it is definitely common in my circle of friends/family. People need to stop judging people on something stupid like open bar! Yeesh
    Posted by MandahGirly[/QUOTE]

    Do you seriously think that EVERYONE who drinks at a wedding with an open bar will take advantage of that and get sloshed? 

    Mine certainly didn't, so before you tell me stop judging you, why don't you watch what you type. 

    And yes, even people who love you can talk about you behind your back.  For example, I hate gaps.  HATE them.  And I bitch about them to DH.  Does that mean I love the couple that's getting married any less?  No.
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  • Shazzie116Shazzie116 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Mandah, I don't think people are judging, I think they're offering varying opinions according to what they experience and think is proper or acceptable, which is what these boards are for. 

    Region, financial background, and "social class" aside, I think when push comes to shove, as long as you do everything in your power to be a good hostess, that's what matters most. 
  • edited December 2011
    Chelmsford, Westford are like that too. Maybe I just don't get out much hahahaha. Out of all of my friends and I am the last to get married, they didn't have anything more than open beer/wine whole night besides that one 18k bar bill wedding. I also like the idea of having open beer and wine and a signature cocktail or two

    Question if it is per head for liquor  do they count children under 21 in the extra charge too or are they considered children?

    I may try to do the premium because I want everyone to have a good time, and obviously my alcoholic ex won't be coming so it may be a different since I am sure he was responsible for about 1k or more of that 18k bill hahaha
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  • edited December 2011
    Not to weigh in so late - but if you know this is a touchy subject, why ask the question if it isn't going to affect your decision?
  • Blueyed228Blueyed228 member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_massachusetts-boston_open-bar-poll-doing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:89Discussion:49c283ac-426f-4704-b9e2-046a5256dedaPost:08990f28-14b1-415f-a724-cabc11d1fbb3">Re: Open bar poll. What are you doing?</a>:
    [QUOTE]  Region, financial background, and "social class" aside, I think when push comes to shove, as long as you do everything in your power to be a good hostess, that's what matters most. 
    Posted by Shazzie116[/QUOTE]

    That was exactly my point for posting on the other board in defense of the other boston bride. 

    I dont care if your wedding is at the park plaza or in your backyard. Nobody should judge your for it or make you feel bad about it.  As long as you are doing what makes you happy that is all that should matter.  Of course everyone wants to be a good host.  But for people to tell you that unless you pay for open bar all night, your not a good host. seems wrong to me.  Especially if you dont know the reason behind it.  (budget, personal, religious)

    Just as you should not make people with small budgets feel bad about what they are doing, the same should go for those with a larger budget. 

    And like I have said before, name calling is never ok.  And judgement is for those without fault. 

    I used to really like this board because it was free of that judgement and no one ever tried to attack and belittle people.  Im not going to apologize for defending a boston girl on the other board.  But if this is the reaction to it, i probably wont do it again.  I certainly dont need people who dont know me calling me names. 
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_massachusetts-boston_open-bar-poll-doing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:89Discussion:49c283ac-426f-4704-b9e2-046a5256dedaPost:791bea23-9d24-4426-b586-04b35ec3d7c2">Re: Open bar poll. What are you doing?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Chelmsford, Westford are like that too. Maybe I just don't get out much hahahaha. Out of all of my friends and I am the last to get married, they didn't have anything more than open beer/wine whole night besides that one 18k bar bill wedding. I also like the idea of having open beer and wine and a signature cocktail or two Question if it is per head for liquor  do they count children under 21 in the extra charge too or are they considered children? I may try to do the premium because I want everyone to have a good time, and obviously my alcoholic ex won't be coming so it may be a different since I am sure he was responsible for about 1k or more of that 18k bill hahaha
    Posted by snoangel79[/QUOTE]

    I don't think anyone on here has an issue with just beer and wine (I hope).  I really wouldn't worry about having liquor unless it's something that you feel is important for you to serve. Or what about a signature cocktail that is pretty popular with people (vodka, rum)? 

    I do think it is regional in the Merrimack Valley area, and prob other areas...but it doesn't make it right or wrong.  I struggled with the issue myself, and my parents (well, my mother really) thinks open bar is unnecessary and will only pay for cocktail hour and a wine pour.  We're footing the bill for the rest of the consumption bar.  Something to consider is that if you have friends that aren't from your area, they will expect an open bar, so I would subtly give them a heads up so they bring cash.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_massachusetts-boston_open-bar-poll-doing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:89Discussion:49c283ac-426f-4704-b9e2-046a5256dedaPost:dfb8dd88-2808-4446-80f3-404ead5e3ee6">Re: Open bar poll. What are you doing?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Not to weigh in so late - but if you know this is a touchy subject, why ask the question if it isn't going to affect your decision?
    Posted by mckridings[/QUOTE]

    It may affect my decision because I have a lot of family about 30 people that are under 21 that are coming to my wedding, I will try regardless to do what's best for my guests, it will be at least wine and beer the whole night but if I can afford liquor by cutting in other areas I will try. I love my family and friends so if it is in my power I will do it. That bar bill of 18k just scared me away from the hard stuff and also the fact the my ex was an alcoholic and the hard stuff is what always got him in so much trouble
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  • edited December 2011
    I certainly dont need people who dont know me calling me names. 

    Really? Why do you care? Get over yourself already.
  • edited December 2011

    Snoangel, I didn't mean you. You are not the OP.

  • sucrets4sucrets4 member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Blueyed - but if you spend 50k on a wedding and don't have an open bar PEOPLE WILL JUDGE.

    I do not deny anyone a dry reception.  If you truly can't afford it and have cut back in every other way, then that would be apparent to a guest.  When you wear a designer gown and have it at a nice place and have 250 of your 'closest' friends and family, then you lose the ability for people to accept that it was out of necessity.
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  • edited December 2011
    I dont care if your wedding is at the park plaza or in your backyard. Nobody should judge your for it or make you feel bad about it.  As long as you are doing what makes you happy that is all that should matter.  Of course everyone wants to be a good host.  But for people to tell you that unless you pay for open bar all night, your not a good host. seems wrong to me.  Especially if you dont know the reason behind it.  (budget, personal, religious)

    THAT seems selfish to me.  I think there is a big difference between the brides on this board who are trying to make the most of their budget (which is a fraction of yours) and simply can't do open bar and someone who splurges on a venue they think is pretty, tons of flowers, videographer, etc. without giving a thought to what their guests will drink. 
  • edited December 2011
    I'm with you Ekobs!
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://boston.weddings.com/main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_massachusetts-boston_open-bar-poll-doing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:89Discussion:49c283ac-426f-4704-b9e2-046a5256dedaPost:4c23d21f-1d8b-4459-8802-d18ac45335e5">Re: Open bar poll. What are you doing?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I dont care if your wedding is at the park plaza or in your backyard. Nobody should judge your for it or make you feel bad about it.  As long as you are doing what makes you happy that is all that should matter.   Of course everyone wants to be a good host.  But for people to tell you that unless you pay for open bar all night, your not a good host. seems wrong to me.  Especially if you dont know the reason behind it.  (budget, personal, religious) THAT seems selfish to me.  I think there is a big difference between the brides on this board who are trying to make the most of their budget (which is a fraction of yours) and simply can't do open bar and someone who splurges on a venue they think is pretty, tons of flowers, videographer, etc. without giving a thought to what their guests will drink. 
    Posted by EKobrenski[/QUOTE]

    Dingdingding, we have a winner.
    Even though I bounced off the walls to make this point, this IS what I was getting at.
  • Blueyed228Blueyed228 member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_massachusetts-boston_open-bar-poll-doing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:89Discussion:49c283ac-426f-4704-b9e2-046a5256dedaPost:a0ec45f6-3bea-4a4f-9382-4f1a47c61435">Re: Open bar poll. What are you doing?</a>:
    [QUOTE]   Really? Why do you care? Get over yourself already.
    Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]


    I dont.  But I will tell you this.  I used to listen to your advice to the other girls.  But your response to this post has made you come off as a self-righteous know-it-all.  I dont think I am the one who needs to "Get over myself already". 

    You did what worked for your wedding. Good for you.  Your idea of what is proper is not others.  Some girls would have loved to have your wedding, but cant afford to, and dont feel right about asking people to travel that far, or asking them to pay for rooms.  Some dont feel that is proper ettiquette.  Stop judging people.  You dont know anyones circumstance. 
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  • Ken&CassKen&Cass member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011

    We are doing hosted pitchers of Sangria and a Champagne Toast, the rest is cash.

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  • edited December 2011
    I think she kept saying that she was on the fence as to whether or not she was having an open bar?  Also, like I said before everyone's social circle is different - maybe open bar is not expected in hers?  I'm having 200 ppl (HUGE family), at a nice place and don't expect ppl to KNOW that I cut corners to make it work (since I'm trying my best to make my DIY projects come out nicely lol) so ultimately they have no idea what I'm spending...could be a pricey wedding for all some of them know.  They aren't going to be checking the tag of my dress or asking the venue coordinator what the estate fee was to figure out if I could have afforded open bar or not.

    Just playing devil's advocate here since I feel that Blueeyed keeps being attacked...
  • Blueyed228Blueyed228 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_massachusetts-boston_open-bar-poll-doing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:89Discussion:49c283ac-426f-4704-b9e2-046a5256dedaPost:5a3a5d8b-930b-4816-9466-325765d1bdf2">Re: Open bar poll. What are you doing?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Blueyed - <strong>but if you spend 50k on a wedding and don't have an open bar PEOPLE WILL JUDGE</strong>. I do not deny anyone a dry reception.  If you truly can't afford it and have cut back in every other way, then that would be apparent to a guest.  When you wear a designer gown and have it at a nice place and have 250 of your 'closest' friends and family, then you lose the ability for people to accept that it was out of necessity.
    Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]

    I dont know why you and meagan keep saying this.  I NEVER said I wasnt going to have one.  I said I was thinking about it still, and that the reasons for me only doing an open bar for 3 out of the 5 hours would NOT be because of budget, but for personal reasons.  There is alot of addiction in my family and some of my guests recently had experience with a drunk driving tragedy.  What I probably will do is have the open bar, but have cabs ready for people.  Most of my guests will not stay at a hotel, so I think that will be my best bet.  I have heard of companies doing cab vouchers, so I will probably pay for the cab rides as well.
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  • dovesweet07dovesweet07 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011

    OMG!!! I know I will probably get ripped apart for saying this... but I just read this board and i can not believe the amount of time that many of you ladies have spent just being mean to each other.

    IMO, you should know your guests and know what is "expected" and is the norm among the people you are inviting. Also, they should know how much weddings cost and will understand (or should understand) it if there is not an open bar that you are paying $30pp for. And if they dont... then its really not your problem! Weddings are a celebration of your love for each other and if the guests can not celebrate this joyous occasion without free drinks, then tough for them!


    It really doesnt matter what your sister, or cousin, or friend, or random lady down the street did for her wedding in terms of drinks. Do whatever makes you comfortable and if anyone has something to say about you can tell them that they are welcome to do what they want at their wedding, but since they are lucky enough to be invited to yours, they should shove it :-) (not in those words exactly, haha) 

  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_massachusetts-boston_open-bar-poll-doing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:89Discussion:49c283ac-426f-4704-b9e2-046a5256dedaPost:869d4cb3-391d-43cb-bd4c-eb85e730a128">Re: Open bar poll. What are you doing?</a>:
    [QUOTE]  I actually do think that it is a regional thing - that cash bars are more common in the North East (specifically MA) than other areas of the country.  IPosted by jesibel14[/QUOTE]

    I just want to say that I have never been to a wedding in the north east (Boston, NY, Philly) that has not had a full open bar all night. I do think it depends on your social circle & the "norms" for your group/family.

    But the ONLY wedding I've ever been to that had just beer & wine offered (still all open, all night) was in central FL. I've never been to a wedding with a cash bar and I'd be pretty pissed off unless it was very clear that the couple didn't have money to spend on anything else either. I definitely wouldn't have cash on me....
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