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Bridesmaids, not "close friends"

smithke17smithke17 member
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in Wedding Party
So I don't have any real close friends except one or two. They're definitely going to be in the wedding, but (maybe this sounds stupid) he's having four groomsmen and so I want it to be evened out. Is it wrong or weird to ask someone who's an old friend, but not really close. We were never "best friends" or very close, but I do talk to her every once in a while. Do you think it would make her feel awkward? Just a thought I've had in my mind...thanks! :)
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Re: Bridesmaids, not "close friends"

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    catloverdcatloverd
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    Do you have any family members? Like cousins, sisters, maybe his sisters? 

    I think if an an old friend of mine asked me I would feel awkward since I didn't know them very well and I would probably decline. However, I can see how some would see it as an honor. I think you can ask, but she might not say yes. 

    My fiance' has one less groom than me because he's in that boat. He orginally had four, but the one best friend lives in London and couldn't do it. He doesn't have anyone else he feels comfortable asking. So we're just going to go with having him be one less. 
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    GardenMavenGardenMaven
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    First I will just say you don't need to have even sides.  

    However, if you WANT even sides that is a different matter.  Basically it is up to you who you end up asking.  I only have a few close friends as well, but I also have two sisters.  There will be four girls on my side.  Another alternative would be if you have any close male friends or relatives that are not standing up for your FI.  They can stand up for you on your side.  Or close female relatives.  

    I have only been in one wedding and that was for my older sister.  So I can't really say whether or not your friend would feel awkward.  She can always say no.  I think it comes down to whether or not you would feel awkward about it, and if you really feel you have to have even sides.  If it would make you more comfortable to have un-even sides and not have an aquaintance in your wedding party, then I would do that.

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    mbcdefgmbcdefg member
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    I don't get why having two bridesmaids you're not really close to is preferable to having uneven sides which nobody is going to care about. If you're only asking these girls just to even out the sides, and normally you wouldn't be asking them, then yes, it's wrong to use them. If you think you want to rekindle the friendship, work on that first before you ask them to be bridesmaids.
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    PeledreamsofrainPeledreamsofrain member
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    Why would you want acquantances in positions of honor with you on your wedding day? 

    There's no rule anywhere that says you need even numbers.  Seriously, if you are surrounding yourselves with people you don't really care for in favor of *gasp* uneven numbers, your priorities need another look.

    Keep the positions of honor positions of honor.  Don't cheapen them for numbers.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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    smithke17smithke17 member
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    Ouch harsh! hehe, but I appreciate the total honesty ladies! Just a tough situation, in my eyes. :)
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    smithke17smithke17 member
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    no need to be nasty, i'm just pretty OCD about it. thanks for your suggestions
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    mbcdefgmbcdefg member
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    <p>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-not-close-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:6a0f389c-cc07-4081-8fdf-7905b2754896Post:e97e55a1-d74c-4695-8749-2ecffb9f1067">Re: Bridesmaids, not "close friends"</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ouch harsh! hehe, but I appreciate the total honesty ladies! Just a tough situation, in my eyes. :)
    Posted by smithke17[/QUOTE]

    Your situation will be a lot tougher, though, if you choose people you're not close to simply for the sake of beefing up the wedding party. </p><p>I've NEVER seen anyone on this board say after their wedding that they regretted having a small or uneven bridal party. The only "I should've asked more" complaints were from people who left out a good friend for a stupid reason (keeping the sides even, she got pregnant, etc.).

    I've seen a TON of people complaining that they regretted picking people just to even things out, to bulk up the numbers, because they felt like they "should" ask that person even though they were initially doubting it, etc. </p>
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    SKPMSKPM member
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    In Response to Re:Bridesmaids, not :[QUOTE]no need to be nasty, i'm just pretty OCD about it. thanks for your suggestions Posted by smithke17[/QUOTE]
    No one was nasty to you. And you cannot "be" OCD, as it is a legitimate mental diagnosis. Everyone else covered the whole "numbers and pictures being more important than friends" bit, and really, I would feel pretty uncomfortable standing in a wedding where it was clear that the bride just wanted even sides.

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    PeledreamsofrainPeledreamsofrain member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-not-close-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6a0f389c-cc07-4081-8fdf-7905b2754896Post:0eb3987f-ded4-425c-9676-c290ed7e8676">Re:Bridesmaids, not</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Bridesmaids, not : No one was nasty to you. And you cannot "be" OCD, as it is a legitimate mental diagnosis. Everyone else covered the whole "numbers and pictures being more important than friends" bit, and really, I would feel pretty uncomfortable standing in a wedding where it was clear that the bride just wanted even sides.
    Posted by SKPM[/QUOTE]

    You're nicer than me, I'd politely decline, then think that the person was a totally shallow and nasty person.

    "Wow..... what an.... honor.........thanks?"
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    OP, I doubt you are OCD (unless you have diagnosed by a doctor) but you are being incredibly anal. 

    Do not ask people to be in your wedding just because you prefer even numbers.  People are not props and those that you are not close to but just acquitances will know that they are being asked to just even things out, not because you really wanted to ask them.

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    tylerandcaitlintylerandcaitlin member
    First Comment
    Don't listen to the hate darling. Congrats on your wedding!!! :) I am having a tough time evening out my sides as well. It does look nice in pictures but so does close friends and loving people. If you have any sisters or cousins ask them or if your grooms men are married ask their wives if it's that important to you. This is your day. make it however you want! :) If uneven is the way it ends up... so be it, have fun and don't stree about it too much!!
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    edited October 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-not-close-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:6a0f389c-cc07-4081-8fdf-7905b2754896Post:5269cfd1-d891-4831-8e60-4bd550660d4e">Re: Bridesmaids, not "close friends"</a>:
    [QUOTE]Don't listen to the hate darling. Congrats on your wedding!!! :) I am having a tough time evening out my sides as well. It does look nice in pictures but so does close friends and loving people. If you have any sisters or cousins ask them or <strong>if your grooms men are married ask their wives if it's that important to you</strong>. This is your day. make it however you want! :) If uneven is the way it ends up... so be it, have fun and don't stree about it too much!!
    Posted by tylerandcaitlin[/QUOTE]

    So you are promoting asking people just to even out the sides and so that the pictures will look nice?  Well guess what, I had uneven sides and I think my pictures looked pretty fantastic (as you can see below).  Good photographers know how to work with any amount of people to capture some amazing images.

    <a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/6/12/76903fd2-b05a-409c-bc1e-eac15cccde60.large.jpg" title="Click to view a larger photo" class="PhotoLink"><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/6/12/76903fd2-b05a-409c-bc1e-eac15cccde60.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>

    And we certainly aren't "hating" on her, but if the only reason she is asking these additional people is because she wants to fill in some empty spots then that is the wrong reason to ask people.  Period.

    ETA:  And for the bolded part I am sure that convo would go well.  "So Tracy I know that we never talk and hardly know each other but since your H is a groomsman in our wedding I would love for you to be BM you know, just so the sides are even."

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    erinlin25erinlin25 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    It would be one thing asking a stranger to even the sides, but if its important to have even sides (i'm with you, its a preference of mine as well) and you have an option then go for it.  But I agree don't ask someone random, make sure its someone you are friends with and at least someone who would be invited to the wedding in the first place!  At the end of the day, it doesn't matter if its even and pics and whatnot will look just as nice regardless...don't stress over it!
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    Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I think it would be awkward when your friend realized that you asked her just to even things out. It would probably be obvious fairly quickly.

    I would ask your fiance if there were any women he wanted to include in the wedding. If not, 2 is better than 4 with 2 filler friends.



    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-not-close-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6a0f389c-cc07-4081-8fdf-7905b2754896Post:f22dfb3e-65f7-4e8b-a27a-9a9f4b1d17c9">Bridesmaids, not "close friends"</a>:
    [QUOTE]So I don't have any real close friends except one or two. They're definitely going to be in the wedding, but (maybe this sounds stupid) he's having four groomsmen and so I want it to be evened out. Is it wrong or weird to ask someone who's an old friend, but not really close. We were never "best friends" or very close, but I do talk to her every once in a while. Do you think it would make her feel awkward? Just a thought I've had in my mind...thanks! :)
    Posted by smithke17[/QUOTE]



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