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done

thanks

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Re: done

  • I guess that situation is understandable. You said it yourself though, had she not brought this up, you would have never thought of stepping down. That's probably why people give the advice to let a BM step down if THEY bring it up, not you (read: the bride) bring it up. I'm sure you would have figured out a way to make it work.

    It does sound like you'll be much happier being a guest in this situation. Go, enjoy your friend's wedding as a guest!
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  • Basically Peony you hit it on the nail when we advise Bride's not to bring up anything to a BM about "if they want to step down" question. Because it puts all the pressure and awkwardness onto the BM, and not only that but it brings self doubt to the BM, which I think is terrible thing to do to a friend or family. 

    Also I can't believe she actually told you she has another friend on stand by. WTF? I would be totally hurt if someone said that to me, this isn't a theater there is no need for a BM understudy.  
  • Isn't this the same girl whose wedding you really didn't want to be in anyway?
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  • In Response to Re: It's a little slow in here.. my story of not being bm anymore:
    [QUOTE]No I wanted to be in it.  But when she asked me about the shower and the RD I wasn't sure if I would be able to attend pre-wedding events (she asked me this when I told her about my news of being pregnant in July) but then I told her I will def be at the RD and the shower if it is not too close to when I have the baby.  I'm due in March and she said her shower was gonna be in March and she wanted to make attending shower and bach and rd 100% required to be in the bridal party so I told her I will make all. (Even tho I really didn't want to attend the bachelorette.  I feel it's not worth it going to travel an hour away when I have a baby who I would prefer not to leave while it's just a newborn.. and I always heard in these boards that a bach is not a requirement - but I never told her these feelings.. I just said I will def make the bach (bc she said she felt strongly for having bm's attend). but she understood that if I am too near when her shower is, that she will understand I won't be able to attend.. I just said in a previous post maybe a month ago that it would be hard with a newborn leaving the baby for 2 nights while nursing a baby, but in the end I said since I agreed to be a bm I will def be attending the RD. Anyway, I did want to be in the wedding, but not after the talk we had Friday about her asking me, "Are you sure you don't want to drop bm?  And all the stuff about me having to run off every 5 hours to pump.. because she will need me apparently. Anyway, she asked me to be a bm back in January.  And a lot of stuff has changed since then.  I was still up for being a bm and all.  But I was a little taken back when I told her about my baby news and then she was all like, " Your def gonna attend the shower, rd, and bach party right".  And I said I'm not sure but if you feel strongly towards it, then I can arrange it.  And she said yes she does feel strongly for it.  And this is when she was saying (back in July when I told her the news of baby) that I can step down if I think it's too much. And I said of course it's not too much.  I will make pre-wedding parties etc etc
    Posted by PeonyPrincesskdd[/QUOTE]

    Did she even congratulate you on the pregnancy first? I think it's terrible when the only thing on a bride's mind is me me me, my wedding, blah blah blah. If one of my BM were pregnant/nursing, I would make every effort to accommodate her. So what if you may have to pump between Ceremony & Reception. She could have had her photographer plan to do all of the family shots immediately after the Ceremony, before WP, those have got to take more than 20 minutes. That would have left you time to pump.

    I know you say that you'll still be friends, but it's still got to suck that there will be a rift. I also feel bad for the "back-up" BM. I wonder if she knows she's on standby? It sounds like you're taking this a lot better than a lot of people, but it's still not ideal.
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  • Well 10 weeks can be tiring. You're still in the first tri-mester. I've never had a kid, but I've heard from others that the second tri-mester is waaaay better than the first. You'll be there soon enough!

    I'm sure you'll enjoy the wedding much more being a guest at this point, but just know that after the wedding, the friendship will probably fade.

    I also want to say she's crazy for saying the shower & bach MUST be attended. It's a little presumptuous to even assume you're going to get either. (unless she's one of those that would plan her own).
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