MOH (Sister) Drama

aerinpegadrak · October 2010

So why not let them wear one of the dresses they would prefer? That doesn't mean you have to change what the other girls have agreed to, it's fairly common for the M(s)OH to be in a different dress. If they're willing to pay more for a dress they like better, that's entirely their decision, it's not like you're forcing them to spend more.

ichellemay1 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-sister-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:7b1c084c-d9c7-4791-9b70-691183a3f0eaPost:4f49986a-3443-4d31-8b02-53001e664b0a">Re: MOH (Sister) Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama : Get the spelling correct
Posted by QianaJustin[/QUOTE]

This and the comment to Brooke (hope I spelled that right) are uncalled for.

trix1223 · October 2010

I'm with Maire. After reading my way through this entire thread, I think I can understand why your sisters resorted to Power Point. Because honestly, that is about #458 on the list of ways I'd get in touch with someone: unless they had a history of being "difficult".

The PP thing was weird, but I'm betting there's a history between OP and her family that leads to an extreme step like this.

Qiana: did you know that your name was the name of a very soft, drapey fabric that was very trendy for wedding dresses in the 70's? I tried on a Qiana (yes, without the U) dress back when I was shopping for a dress and LOVED the feel of it!

trix1223 · October 2010

Are you kidding me? There is so little difference between what you wanted and the dress that they want. You're going to mat and causing huge family drama over that dress? Wow. Just wow.

deb84 · October 2010

Yes actually I AM letting them have a say in what they wear. WHY? Because 1) I want them to be comfortable and feel good in what they are wearing 2) They are paying for the dress so I feel they should be able to spend their money on something they LIKE and maybe just maybe could someday wear again (I know this rarely if ever happens but if THEY pick the dress it is more likely to!) Here is what I did, you might want to think about it!

I gave them a set of guidelines and let them each (all 6 of them) pick out whatever dress they wanted. I decided:
Designer (Mori Lee)
Line/Collection (Affairs)
Color (Grape)

You could even decide the fabric if you wanted. Also if it is a two tone dress you get to decide the accent color.

From there what they decide on is 100% their decision. I have NEVER been a bridesmaid in a wedding where I haven't gotten to choose my own dress. (I have been a bridesmaid 3 times.) Matchy matchy bridesmaids are not the style anymore.

TheCranberry · October 2010

After seeing OP's dresses and the sisters' dresses, I stand by my original assessment that OP and her sisters are all drama queens.

mkrupar · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-sister-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:7b1c084c-d9c7-4791-9b70-691183a3f0eaPost:31a26d27-cf36-4da7-8306-fc7c18554be6">Re: MOH (Sister) Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama : Definitely wouldn't say bridezillia b/c I'm only asking them to do one thing. Glad you brought up the point about my FI he agrees with me and we actually picked out the gown together. The day is suppose to be about him and I and what we want not what others want. And the other girls are cool with the gown, so it really shouldn't be an issue. Again I really don't think what you are saying or Aerin is saying is good advice more like criticism.
Posted by QianaJustin[/QUOTE]

Good great! You and your FI agree that you should force your sisters in to wearing a dress that they don't want to. Glad you two can be so selfish about YOUR day. Forget about the friends and family spending their time and money to celebrate with you. When you invite people, you wedding stops being about just you. If you want that you and FI can go to the JOP. Then you can have it EXACTLY the way you want it. I'm sorry Aerin and I cannot validate your poor behavior and attitude towards your sisters and this dress.

After seeing the dresses they want to wear against the ones you want them to wear, THEY ARE ALMOST IDENTICAL! If they're willing to paya little more for a dress they're comfortable in, then let them, it's THEIR money, and it's THEIR dress. If you cannot see how petty this is, then yes, you truly are being a bridezilla. Even asking just one petty thing and having a crappy attitude about it when your BP disagrees makes you a bridezilla.

And I did give advice, give them a color and let them choose their dress, it's just not what you wanted to hear. So you'll choose to read it as criticism.

filaw · October 2010

I do think your sisters are in the wrong about the dress issue. The dresses are essentially the same, yeah, they might like one better, but that's really not their choice. If it were a problem with length, or the strapless that might be one thing, but I don't understand why they're being so picky. I do think that it is out line.

I also think it was inappropriate for them to do this via power point. There's no way for that to not feel like an attack.

However, I also think you were over the line when you told them to be "humble" (if those were your exact words). If someone said that to me, no matter how wrong I was (even if I knew it), I would feel deeply patronized. I think it would also help your case if you avoided lashing out at the posters here. I understand that you maybe feel attacked and ganged up on, but lets not all start bickering.

So yes, I do think you were in the right for wanting them to just wear what you had picked, and it was unreasonable of them to be so picky. On the other hand, if you do want to get past this whole mess, since the dresses *are* so similar, I might suggest you consider giving in to their request. I don't think you should have to, but it sounds like there's been hurt on all sides, and in the name of peace, it might be a good starting gesture.

ichellemay1 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-sister-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:7b1c084c-d9c7-4791-9b70-691183a3f0eaPost:69dca9dd-92c4-4b09-8140-f5ca1d695b34">Re: MOH (Sister) Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]Are you kidding me? There is so little difference between what you wanted and the dress that they want. You're going to mat and causing huge family drama over that dress? Wow. Just wow.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

I thought the very same thing when I saw those pics. Wow.

mkrupar · October 2010

Oh and, just because you didn't pipe up about not liking the dresses your sisters chose for their weddings, doesn't mean they have to sit back and not say anything. You chose to go along with it, they aren't. Let them wear the dress they want in the colors you choose.

eshaufle · October 2010

I think it takes a more delicate eye than mine to see the difference between the dress OP post picked out and the dress the BM's picked out. To me, they look like the exact same dress basically so I'm not sure why what they wanted was not chosen anyways.

lalap69 · October 2010

I know people are saying they can't see any difference between the styles, but I'd much prefer the style the sisters chose. It looks like its fit would be much more flattering while still keeping in OP's style. I don't understand why OP is putting her foot down on this except to cause more drama...This would not be the hill I'd choose to die on.

AdeleDazeem · October 2010

...can I see the PowerPoint?

Manwaithiel · October 2010

Oh. Em. Gee.

The dresses look exactly the same. Honestly, I'm not going to go back and look at the first ones because they look like the same dress. And that's about how much attention anyone else except you is going to pay for it.

"Be humble and accept what I want for my day!"

Honey, please.

aerinpegadrak · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-sister-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:7b1c084c-d9c7-4791-9b70-691183a3f0eaPost:2345dc13-e584-4858-8ebf-196c130c985c">Re: MOH (Sister) Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]I know people are saying they can't see any difference between the styles, but I'd much prefer the style the sisters chose. It looks like its fit would be much more flattering while still keeping in OP's style. I don't understand why OP is putting her foot down on this except to cause more drama...This would not be the hill I'd choose to die on.
Posted by lalap69[/QUOTE]
I actually think the one that the sisters chose looks more vintagey than the one OP wants, which is VERY modern.

gottahavashorti · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-sister-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:7b1c084c-d9c7-4791-9b70-691183a3f0eaPost:72482b69-e48a-44a3-bcd9-7e6bb9b6d7b7">Re: MOH (Sister) Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama : I actually think the one that the sisters chose looks more vintagey than the one OP wants, which is VERY modern.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]
Ditto both this and what lalap said.

I like both of your sisters' picks much better as well. They look more likely to be flattering on individual girls, rather than a dress chosen to look "not bad" while having several girls with very different bodies in identical dresses.

Are they from the same designer as the BM dresses? If so, absolutely let your sisters wear the dresses they chose.

vsgal · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-sister-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:7b1c084c-d9c7-4791-9b70-691183a3f0eaPost:702e60c2-199f-4c75-a40a-0c88d2fd3122">Re: MOH (Sister) Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]To BethSmiles and aerinpegadrak, I completely disagree. The gowns are $120 I spent more for my sisters wedding. When they tried on the gown they looked great in them. I didn't have a say on what I wanted to wear for my sisters wedding, so I don't think she needs to chime in on what she should wear to mine unless she plans on being a guest, which she is now. Are you alllowing your MOHs and BMs to tell you what they want to wear?
Posted by QianaJustin[/QUOTE]

I allowed my MOH, which was my only bridal party member, to wear whatever she wanted. The only stipulation was the color, which was black. Other than that, I told her that she could wear whatever she wanted. I wanted her to look great and feel comfortable. I would never tell her that she HAS to wear what I wanted because it is my pretty princess day as I stamp my feet on the ground.

Pick a color and let them pick something out.

vsgal · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-sister-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:7b1c084c-d9c7-4791-9b70-691183a3f0eaPost:31a26d27-cf36-4da7-8306-fc7c18554be6">Re: MOH (Sister) Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama : Definitely wouldn't say bridezillia b/c I'm only asking them to do one thing. Glad you brought up the point about my FI he agrees with me and we actually picked out the gown together. The day is suppose to be about him and I and what we want not what others want. And the other girls are cool with the gown, so it really shouldn't be an issue. Again I really don't think what you are saying or Aerin is saying is good advice more like criticism.
Posted by QianaJustin[/QUOTE]

FYI, your wedding day is no longer about you once you involve other people in it. You have to take everyone's feelings into account, especially when you are making decisions that impact them.

If you want a day that is truly only about you and FI, then go to the JOP.

tldh · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-sister-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:7b1c084c-d9c7-4791-9b70-691183a3f0eaPost:f0425e58-6ac2-42e3-ae29-bd66c7ba1002">MOH (Sister) Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello Knotties! I was recently emailed a PowerPoint presentation from my MOHs about the style of dress and how they don't like what was chosen for them and the BMs. I'm not mad at them for saying that they don't like the gowns and how they feel that I have no sense of style, but I am disappointed at the way they came at me in an email. I feel that they should have said something to me at the bridal shop the week before they sent the email. The MOHs are my sisters and they could have come to me and talked to me about the gown. I think we would have been able to work it out in a calm matter instead of going at each other through email. When I did finally sit down and talk to them about it they took offense and are now not going to be in the wedding. Even my mother has threatened not to show up. Any solutions on how I can go about repairing the relationships between my sisters and my mom?
Posted by QianaJustin[/QUOTE]

(I can't believe nobody quoted this incase of a DD)

OP - First of all, if you lost you own mother's support, I think you crossed some serious lines here. Your own mother is threatening to boycott your wedding. Even writing these posts to make yourself look good, you come off as a spoiled brat so I can only imagine how all of this really went down.

I did have the audacity to tell my MOH to pick out whatever dress she wanted (No BMs). The only guideline I gave was that it had to be red. I've been in way too many weddings wearing hideous dresses to ever put my MOH though this.

Telling your MOHs and BMs to be humble - seriously?!?!?

sytom · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-sister-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:7b1c084c-d9c7-4791-9b70-691183a3f0eaPost:bb22d7ea-8a9d-4faa-bdaa-edda8d7843a8">Re: MOH (Sister) Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes actually I AM letting them have a say in what they wear. WHY? Because 1) I want them to be comfortable and feel good in what they are wearing 2) They are paying for the dress so I feel they should be able to spend their money on something they LIKE and maybe just maybe could someday wear again (I know this rarely if ever happens but if THEY pick the dress it is more likely to!) Here is what I did, you might want to think about it! I gave them a set of guidelines and let them each (all 6 of them) pick out whatever dress they wanted. I decided: Designer (Mori Lee) Line/Collection (Affairs) Color (Grape) You could even decide the fabric if you wanted. Also if it is a two tone dress you get to decide the accent color. From there what they decide on is 100% their decision. I have NEVER been a bridesmaid in a wedding where I haven't gotten to choose my own dress. (I have been a bridesmaid 3 times.) Matchy matchy bridesmaids are not the style anymore.
Posted by deb84[/QUOTE]

This is exactly what I would have done if I had many BM!!! I think it's the best idea if you want to make sure that everything is matching while giving your BM freedom. Some shades of the same color don't always go together. This solves the problem easily and everyone can be happy.

QianaJustin · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-sister-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:7b1c084c-d9c7-4791-9b70-691183a3f0eaPost:2b484931-b0d5-4ed8-80c0-66926284ef26">Re: MOH (Sister) Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm with Maire. After reading my way through this entire thread, I think I can understand why your sisters resorted to Power Point. Because honestly, that is about #458 on the list of ways I'd get in touch with someone: unless they had a history of being "difficult". The PP thing was weird, but I'm betting there's a history between OP and her family that leads to an extreme step like this. Qiana: did you know that your name was the name of a very soft, drapey fabric that was very trendy for wedding dresses in the 70's? I tried on a Qiana (yes, without the U) dress back when I was shopping for a dress and LOVED the feel of it!
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

Yeah my dad named me after that fabric.

Cynthia1207 · October 2010

You need to take a hint. Your MOTHER is threathening to not come to your wedding because of this issue. What exactly is it that you don't want your sisters to pick their own dresses? Are you scared of them outshining you or something? The dresses they picked are nicer IMO. Why not just go with it?

And FYI I am not a loosey-goosey (wtv that is supposed to mean anyway) bride just because I'm letting the girls pick their own dresses. My only indication was that they had to be long and no neutrals. They get to choose, be happy, look amazing and this whole process is actually tightening our bonds and making us closer friends.

I much rather have a happy wedding party that shows on pictures than have gloomy faces that ruin them.

I do agree that the powerpoint was out of line but seeing how you've responded cattily and childishly to certain comments on here because people don't agree with you, I understand why they resorted to that. They put time and effort into making a presentation because they didn't want to talk to you face to face. Again: TAKE A HINT. You are becoming a bridezilla.

lisaandcorey · October 2010

Qiana, check your Private Messages - I sent you something.

MairePoppy · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-sister-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:7b1c084c-d9c7-4791-9b70-691183a3f0eaPost:91bc9652-142c-46dd-a780-e0bd201467b5">Re: MOH (Sister) Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama : Yeah my dad named me after that fabric.
Posted by QianaJustin[/QUOTE]
My bridesmaids wore Qianna knit dresses in the 1970s. They each wore a different pastel color of their choice. I thought they looked so disco chic, that they would surely want to shorten the dresses and wear them again. I was wrong.

QianaJustin · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-sister-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:7b1c084c-d9c7-4791-9b70-691183a3f0eaPost:bb8b0eb6-83a9-4c92-95fa-63aa760ebb27">Re: MOH (Sister) Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]Qiana, check your Private Messages - I sent you something.
Posted by lisaandcorey[/QUOTE]

Check your sent you a message back.

IAmLymelady · October 2010

I can understand being upset by the powerpoint. That's offensive, and while everyone else wants to see the dresses, my first thought was, "I want to see the powerpoint!" It's because I'm a bad person.

I think, though, that your best option is to have a calm conversation with your mother first. You can explain that you were offended that they chose to approach you the way they did and when they did. You can ask her for her advice.

I think that you should then take her advice, and talk with your sisters, and explain why you were so offended without being accusatory. Admit you overreacted (beause you did) and apologize, but I can understand being hurt by a PP presentation, so unless they're heartless, they will probably understand as well.

Next, I think you should let them buy the dresses they want. They're very similar, and they're paying, not you. They're very similar, and it won't spoil your look at all.

In ten years when you have your own family, do you want to be spending your holidays alone or do you want your kids playing with their cousins? Wouldn't you miss your sisters at your wedding, bridal shower, baby shower, etc? Dresses are not worth that sort of family schism. Your pride is not worth that sort of family schism.

The reason that you were hurt is because they were disrespectful to you, but admonishing them and demanding an apology and humility is disrespectful to them.

It absolutely never hurts to be the bigger person.

kayakrunhike · October 2010

OP, I understand why you're upset about the PP. I would be, too. But, those dresses are pretty similar. If they are by a different designer, see if you can find the same color, or one that is complementary, to the original dress. Since they are both a MOH, you can get away with them having a similar but different dress from the other BMs. I know this may not be what you pictured exactly, but this isn't worth the relationship you have with your sisters.

Pick your battles wisely. For me, it was having an outdoor ceremony, vs the church ceremony my mother demanded I have. In the end, BM dresses just aren't worth the headache. Check my bio, I have pics of my girls' in there. They had the same designer, fabric, length and color, but different styles. It looked pretty awesome, and that was one of the easiest parts of my wedding planning.

Istremene · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-sister-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:7b1c084c-d9c7-4791-9b70-691183a3f0eaPost:702e60c2-199f-4c75-a40a-0c88d2fd3122">Re: MOH (Sister) Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]To BethSmiles and aerinpegadrak, I completely disagree. The gowns are $120 I spent more for my sisters wedding. When they tried on the gown they looked great in them. I didn't have a say on what I wanted to wear for my sisters wedding, so I don't think she needs to chime in on what she should wear to mine unless she plans on being a guest, which she is now. Are you alllowing your MOHs and BMs to tell you what they want to wear?
Posted by QianaJustin[/QUOTE]

As a matter of fact yes. Well actually, no. I did not ALLOW them anything. I do not own them, I am not a queen for the day. They do not have to accept my every whim as if it were law. I ASKED them to pick any red or black dress they liked (or any combination of those colors). I wanted them to be comfortable and at least not hate what they are wearing. Honestly, I could care less what they wear. They are not barbies or extras or accessories to my day/wedding. They are my closest friends and family and I Iove and care for them. Being a dress nazi is not the way to show this.

By the way, you do not get to dictate who responds and how. This is a public forum. Expect responses to all of your posts.

redheadtmk · October 2010

I am guessing this is more about family dynamics than the acutal dress. It sounds to me that its about feeling like you supported your sister at her wedding and you are not feeling supported by your family. i am not really siding with either of the parties involved. if it is family dynamics it could be them that always walk over the top of you, or you that demands your way from them. whatever the case i think you need to step back and look at the deeper issues, the patterns your family uses to communicate, and the way you treat each other. using power point instead of talking to you does seem ridiculous but we dont know why they are the sensitive ones. maybe its because you are not sensitive. only you can fully understand/know what went on. i would concentrate on fixing the relationship with your family first and worry about the dress second.

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