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No children

carusomkcarusomk member
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
We decided not to have children attend our wedding, naturally there is a couple people who have taken offense to this.  Threfore- we decided that we would invite the little girls to the shower. Now my maid of honor is telling me that I can't do this!  I have been invited to many showers and not invited to the ceremony or baptism etc...
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Re: No children

  • Summer2011BrideSummer2011Bride member
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Although truly young children probably won't care that they aren't invited to the wedding also, you really should not invite people to showers who aren't invited to the wedding.

    But even more so, you should not have added on to the shower guest list without running it by the hostess first.


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  • jessicabessicajessicabessica member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    You shouldn't invite anyone to the shower that's not invited to the wedding.  It sounds like your MOH is not comfortable inviting the kids, and if she's hosting the shower, she decides. 

    I am not sure what the point of inviting the little girls to the shower is.  You are fine to have an adult only wedding, but I know some parents get upset about it.  Do you really think the parents will suddenly become reasonable if their daughters are invited to the shower?  I doubt the kids care either way, unless it's already been talked up to them.
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  • JaxInBlueJaxInBlue member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    The standard rule is that anyone invited to a pre-wedding party is invited to the wedding.  So technically, the girls invited to the shower should be invited to the wedding.  But I also think that this is not a decision you make alone; whoever is hosting your shower has input on the guest list and if she/they are not comfortable inviting children to the shower, then that feeling should be taken into account. 

    That said, there were children at my shower who were not invited to the wedding - it was NBD for me or their parents and it saved the parents the sitter for a couple of hours.
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  • carusomkcarusomk member
    First Comment
    I didn't add anuone on who isn't invited to the wedding excpet for the little girls. We are having a small intimate wedding with only close friends and family. I thought it would be nice to include the little girls in something since 2 people only had an issue with us not inviting chilfren to the wedding. The invites to the shower haven't gone out yet, my MOH and I are discussing the list that is why I needed some input.
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  • sarabellamsarabellam member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    edited August 2012
    I would almost rather get a root canal, sans medication, than go to a bridal shower. As an adult, I am fairly adept at behaving myself in the face of extreme boredom. Little girls? Not so much. Besides the issue of not inviting people to pre-wedding parties if they aren't invited to the wedding, this has disaster written all over it. I'd be willing to bet that after the shower, you would be on here complaining how HORRIBLE the children were behaved, running around, trying to open your presents, etc. Don't do this. Just don't.
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  • willywally5willywally5 member
    2500 Comments
    I agree. Showers are boring for adults and even moreso for little ones. About the only thing that will be interesting to them is opening gifts, which may or may not be annoying to you. If their momma or whoever was so insulted they weren't welcome at the wedding, my guess is she won't do jack shiiiiiit to stop them from 'helping' you open your gifts and otherwise run roughshod over the place. 

    Don't invite them. It likely won't appease the complainers anyway. Plus, it's not your job to appease them. You are well within your rights to have a kid-free wedding.
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    yes, it is wrong to invite them to the shower and not the wedding.  As an adult, I do not care for kids at showers (and I'm really starting to enjoy kid free weddings when I'm invited to them).  I have 5 kids and 6 grandkids - I like kids.  I like those events to be kid free, especially the showers.

    You do not have to bow to the whiny parents who are ticked that their kids aren't invited to the wedding.  All you have to do is say, "I'm sorry, you will be missed." and leave it there.

    Was your MOH planning on having an adult only reception?  The ones I have hosted have always been adult only.
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  • carusomkcarusomk member
    First Comment
    edited August 2012
    @willywally5- that is the main reason we didn't want them at the wedding. don't get me wrong love my nieces and nephews with all my heart but .... well I guess it will be kid free all the way. and you are right I don't need to appease the mother who stated that if the kids are not invited to the wedding then they (her and my family member) are not coming- My response was "O WELL""!


     thanks everyone for your input!
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  • carusomkcarusomk member
    First Comment
    @kmmsg I am not sure what my hostess is really planning.. She is my youngest sister and the first time she is a MOH. I was hesitant on having a shower to begin with, but she was gun ho' about it. This is a second mrrg for my fiance and me. She doesn't understand why we didn't want kids at the wedding either... 
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  • ChristineNBChristineNB
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-children-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bd06259d-d580-4822-9e7b-2b27128d7cb0Post:5bd8677d-0407-4e58-882f-cbb5b40199c9">Re: No children</a>:
    [QUOTE]@willywally5- that is the main reason we didn't want them at the wedding. don't get me wrong love my nieces and nephews with all my heart but .... well I guess it will be kid free all the way. and you are right I don't need to appease the mother who stated that if the kids are not invited to the wedding then they (her and my family member) are not coming- My response was "O WELL""!  thanks everyone for your input!
    Posted by carusomk[/QUOTE]

    Sounds like you are responding to everyone just the way I would.  I had a child free wedding, and only one relative gave me grief, and once she realized that I wasn't going to back down, she shut up about it.  Hopefully just standing your ground will work for you too.
    FWIW I would not invite children to the shower.
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