Poll - Opening gifts at the reception

achiduck · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_poll-opening-gifts-at-the-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:19ad4c0f-6c06-4736-8dac-71592f8731abPost:c729710c-1f49-4bf0-ae77-c44f2fa02ab8">Re: Poll - Opening gifts at the reception</a>:
[QUOTE]oh god, PLEASE don't open gifts at the reception. I'd leave the reception. This isn't a kid's birthday party.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

This.

I always give cash for wedding gifts and I'd be extremely uncomfortable with everyone else knowing what I gave you.

Plus some guests send gifts to the couple's home instead of bringing it to the reception and if you open gifts it could look like they didn't give one and feel uncomfortable.

Nindakay · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_poll-opening-gifts-at-the-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:19ad4c0f-6c06-4736-8dac-71592f8731abPost:99b0aae4-84db-4cfd-83d1-0c6c8367db8c">Re: Poll - Opening gifts at the reception</a>:
[QUOTE]How private of a ceremony are we talking, and how big of a reception are we talking? That doesn't change the fact that you should never open gifts during the reception, but I'm just curious.
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

Ceremony is family and close friends (people we have known since childhood).

Reception...I'm not sure yet. My guess is around 100 people.

We are playing a video of the ceremony at the reception (on a small table, not in front of the whole group) for anyone who would like to see it.

As far as other PPs,

Honestly, I would LOVE to have a "fancier" reception, with a bigger menu than cake and punch and fruit. But it's just not in the budget.

And yes......I realized when we decided to do things this way that not as many people would come to the reception, but I'm ok with that.

No, I do NOT expect gifts. Just to clarify. I will just be happy if people come, regardless of whether or not they bring a gift. It's a day to celebrate my new marriage with my friends and family, not Christmas....or a kid's birthday party. This was just a thought I had to do at the reception and I wanted some feedback on it. I guess it's stemmed more out of the fact that I'm sad that my mom and sister won't be able to attend any of my bridal showers. And I was trying to think of a way to incorporate them into things a little more.

Thanks to everyone for your feedback.<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />

jennipea382 · March 2012

PPs pretty much have it covered. I wouldn't do it. What if multiple people get you the same thing? What if someone wasn't able to afford a gift so they feel awkward? What if you don't like the gift? (I know the last question can apply to Christmas and birthday gifts too but I'd rather not have to fake my like of a gift in front of an entire reception).

I've seen gift openings done the next morning or something. My cousin did a gift opening at her parents house. It was pretty much just a family get together like we do for holidays. I think other people have done like a brunch and gift opening at the hotel the next morning too. But that's totally optional so if someone didn't get a gift, they wouldn't have to go.

jennipea382 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_poll-opening-gifts-at-the-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:19ad4c0f-6c06-4736-8dac-71592f8731abPost:b7d2dc2c-ec29-4f58-b24d-95aa566acbf1">Re: Poll - Opening gifts at the reception</a>:
[QUOTE]First of all, how would you do this?<strong> Wedding gifts are delivered to the bride's home or the bride's family home before the wedding. There are no gifts brought to the ceremony/reception</strong>. So you are suggesting that four or five people with two trucks go to the house and load up all the gifts, and transport them to the reception venue, then unload them onto tables in front of the room, to be opened during the reception. Then the team of four or five people would meet after the reception and load up the gifts into the trucks, and then drive the trucks to the house, and then unload all the gifts into the house. That right there sounds incredibly stupid. And even if you aren't considering how the gifts get TO the reception and BACK to the house, it's an awful idea to open the gifts AT the reception.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

This isn't true at all, at least not for any wedding I've ever been to. I had never even thought about shipping gifts until I started reading about it on TK. I personally like to go to the store and choose a gift, wrap it up, and bring it to the reception.

Nindakay · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_poll-opening-gifts-at-the-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:19ad4c0f-6c06-4736-8dac-71592f8731abPost:b7d2dc2c-ec29-4f58-b24d-95aa566acbf1">Re: Poll - Opening gifts at the reception</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>First of all, how would you do this? Wedding gifts are delivered to the bride's home or the bride's family home before the wedding</strong>. There are no gifts brought to the ceremony/reception. So you are suggesting that four or five people with two trucks go to the house and load up all the gifts, and transport them to the reception venue, then unload them onto tables in front of the room, to be opened during the reception. Then the team of four or five people would meet after the reception and load up the gifts into the trucks, and then drive the trucks to the house, and then unload all the gifts into the house. That right there sounds incredibly stupid. And even if you aren't considering how the gifts get TO the reception and BACK to the house, it's an awful idea to open the gifts AT the reception.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

Ah...I see what you mean. Most weddings that I have been to, guests bring a gift to the reception. I've never seen it the way you are describing. That WOULD be awkward!

Nindakay · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_poll-opening-gifts-at-the-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:19ad4c0f-6c06-4736-8dac-71592f8731abPost:3d080443-5a4f-47ae-ae01-6a17c44f8571">Re: Poll - Opening gifts at the reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll - Opening gifts at the reception : Her ticker shows that she invited 255 guests....I'm assuming for cake since that would hardly qualify as intimate.
Posted by MiksChick23[/QUOTE]

Unfortuanately...about 1/3 to 1/2 of my guests are friends and/or family who live out of state (WE are in SC, they are in MS, KS, WI) and will not be able to come to the wedding. They are more of a courtesy invitation if you will.

ceh789 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_poll-opening-gifts-at-the-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:19ad4c0f-6c06-4736-8dac-71592f8731abPost:f7f6185f-9c8c-4405-9691-2ef650679f13">Re: Poll - Opening gifts at the reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll - Opening gifts at the reception : Unfortuanately...about 1/3 to 1/2 of my guests are friends and/or family who live out of state (WE are in SC, they are in MS, KS, WI) and will not be able to come to the wedding. They are more of a courtesy invitation if you will.
Posted by Nindakay[/QUOTE]
You didn't invite them to a wedding, a wedding is when two people get married. Not when two people do a sand ceremony.<div>
</div><div>Honestly - I'd be terribly offended to have you do the unity ceremony as well. I'd feel like you were giving me a consolation prize.</div><div>
</div><div>I really think you should consider going back to the drawing board.</div>

jemmini6 · March 2012

Is there a reason you are not inviting everyone to the ceremony? Generally, super private ceremonies (literally just immediate family, around 10 people total or so) with a larger reception is okay, but if your 'close friends and family' are like 30 people, and then you invite about 100 to the reception, that seems a little rude because you are basically telling 2/3 of your guests that you don't feel 'close' to them.

Also, particularly because you are having just a cake and punch reception, I would highly advise you to invite everyone to the ceremony. It's one thing to make the effort to dress up, travel however far, and take time out of your day to go to a reception only when it involves a full meal and dancing, but to ask people to do that just for cake and punch when they can't even witness the ceremony seems like a lot. Honestly, unless I were really close to you, I probably wouldn't make that effort for an hour or two event, and definitely not if you were going to open gifts there.

Nindakay · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_poll-opening-gifts-at-the-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:19ad4c0f-6c06-4736-8dac-71592f8731abPost:2c3534d0-73b1-40de-87b7-703b8d18d917">Re: Poll - Opening gifts at the reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Is there a reason you are not inviting everyone to the ceremony? Generally, super private ceremonies (literally just immediate family, around 10 people total or so) with a larger reception is okay, but if your 'close friends and family' are like 30 people, and then you invite about 100 to the reception, that seems a little rude because you are basically telling 2/3 of your guests that you don't feel 'close' to them. Also, particularly because you are having just a cake and punch reception, I would highly advise you to invite everyone to the ceremony. It's one thing to make the effort to dress up, travel however far, and take time out of your day to go to a reception only when it involves a full meal and dancing, but to ask people to do that just for cake and punch when they can't even witness the ceremony seems like a lot. Honestly, unless I were really close to you, I probably wouldn't make that effort for an hour or two event, and definitely not if you were going to open gifts there.
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

Yes....there is a good reason. I can't afford to rent a hall for the reception. The church we were alreadly having the wedding at does not have seperate spaces for the reception and the ceremony. If we had to take down and set up for the reception, I have no idea how long that would take, and it would be a logistical nightmare.

If you were my friend, and you said that you didn't want to drive that far and get dresed up for a wedding, I would tell you that a. you don't have to dress up, and b. I completely understand.

Coincedentally, I would LOVE to have more than just a cake and punch reception. Unfurtunately, that is just not in the budget for us either. It makes me very sad, but it is what it is. My parents can't help us with the wedding...my mom does not have a full time job right now, and they can bearly make ends meet as it is.

ceh789 · March 2012

Why not just have the ceremony and reception in the same room then?

Nindakay · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_poll-opening-gifts-at-the-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:19ad4c0f-6c06-4736-8dac-71592f8731abPost:e4e0c9e6-8a49-414e-8bd0-db9d895869b7">Re: Poll - Opening gifts at the reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Why not just have the ceremony and reception in the same room then?
Posted by ceh789[/QUOTE]

because i have no idea what to do with the guests while we take chairs down for the ceremony and set them up again for the reception. they could go outside and have punch, but what if it's raining?

our pastor told us someone tried to do this at the church once and it was a disaster.

ceh789 · March 2012

Just set up for the reception - have people sit at their tables to watch the ceremony. You and FI and minister stand at the front of the room and have your ceremony. You don't have to have an aisle.

Nontraditional seating is fine. Excluding your guests from your ceremony is far, far worse. People want to see you get married - that's why they come to weddings, not for cake or punch or sand ceremonies.

skarupak · March 2012

I'm confused. You can't invite everyone to your ceremony because your reception space isn't big enough? This makes no sense. Did you invite some people to only the reception assuming/in hopes that they would decline? Why invite them in the first place? Obviously it is too late now if this has already happened, but you really should have just invited the people you could afford to host to BOTH events.

DramaGeek · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_poll-opening-gifts-at-the-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:19ad4c0f-6c06-4736-8dac-71592f8731abPost:af0f0cd6-473f-45ad-8d1c-f9a7ffbb26d6">Re: Poll - Opening gifts at the reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Just set up for the reception - have people sit at their tables to watch the ceremony. You and FI and minister stand at the front of the room and have your ceremony. You don't have to have an aisle. Nontraditional seating is fine. Excluding your guests from your ceremony is far, far worse. People want to see you get married - that's why they come to weddings, not for cake or punch or sand ceremonies.
Posted by ceh789[/QUOTE]

This is exactly what I was thinking. It's become a lot more common and it's really not a big deal. I've done several weddings this way and it was totally fine.

ariddle22 · March 2012

Hmm...sounds pretty unanimous

(Don't do it.)

librababy · March 2012

Wow, I am so sorry you have to explain yourself and your budget to people who have no idea what you are going through. While I agree that maybe opening gifts at a wedding reception is not the greatest idea, it is your day and if your family and friends would be cool with it, I say go ahead and do it. If people want to leave, they can leave...just leave the gift opening for after the refreshments.

I know you are trying to do the best you can with a limited budget: most people would care less about not being served food but just honored to be invited to share in your special day. I am one who loves watching people open gifts...I think it's fun and not boring at all. Its a way to share in your joy, extend the day and thank everyone first hand. (hugs).

MiksChick23 · March 2012

OP, I do not see ANYTHING wrong with hosting a cake & punch reception if that is all you can afford, however I think in that case, you need to invite all guests to both the ceremony and reception. Move the ceremony to the same location as the reception, and do the whole thing there. Inviting 1/3 of the guests to see the ceremony and the other chunk only for cake after a long drive, is poor taste. People will want to come to share in your day and watch you get married, but not so much to come have a piece of cake and watch a video or sand ceremony.

jessicabessica · March 2012

I don't think PPs are criticizing the OP's budget, they're saying that in her circumstances, the plan she has does not sound good. I get not wanting to or not being able to spend a lot on a wedding. Yes, your family and friends love you and want to be with you on your wedding day and won't care if it's not a super-spendy event. However, the OP is not inviting most of her guests to her ceremony (and that's the inexpensive part of the wedding). That is the biggest issue with this plan.

Nindakay · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_poll-opening-gifts-at-the-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:19ad4c0f-6c06-4736-8dac-71592f8731abPost:f24d7552-2c28-4024-b74b-116a890acb81">Re: Poll - Opening gifts at the reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, I am so sorry you have to explain yourself and your budget to people who have no idea what you are going through. While I agree that maybe opening gifts at a wedding reception is not the greatest idea, it is your day and if your family and friends would be cool with it, I say go ahead and do it. If people want to leave, they can leave...just leave the gift opening for after the refreshments. I know you are trying to do the best you can with a limited budget: most people would care less about not being served food but just honored to be invited to share in your special day. I am one who loves watching people open gifts...I think it's fun and not boring at all. Its a way to share in your joy, extend the day and thank everyone first hand. (hugs).
Posted by librababy[/QUOTE]

<div>Thanks for understanding! Finally....SOMEONE!!</div><div>
And as I've said before....we would have a big ceremony too, except for financial constraints. And all of my friends who I am planning to invite to reception only are ok with the idea. Many people have said they prefer to skip right to the reception anyways.</div>

GoodLuckBear14 · March 2012

Hey Captain Save a Newb - nobody is criticizing her budget. Everyone, except you, sees serious problems with everything that she is planning.

OP - saying that financial restraints are preventing you from having everyone at the ceremony makes zero sense. It's not the ceremony that is expensive, it is the reception. You have two pages of posts of people pointing out what is not good with your plans and one post saying "it's your day" (which ceased to be true the second you decided not to elope). Do you really think that many of us are wrong?

ceh789 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_poll-opening-gifts-at-the-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:19ad4c0f-6c06-4736-8dac-71592f8731abPost:5294d997-0ae6-4c4b-8fbd-457f7eb1a122">Re: Poll - Opening gifts at the reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll - Opening gifts at the reception : Thanks for understanding! Finally....SOMEONE!! And as I've said before....we would have a big ceremony too, except for financial constraints. <strong>And all of my friends who I am planning to invite to reception only are ok with the idea. </strong> Many people have said they prefer to skip right to the reception anyways.
Posted by Nindakay[/QUOTE]
They're your friends. They're not going to tell you to your face that the plan you've already pulled the trigger on is offensive. Also - nearly <em>everyone </em>is on a tight budget. Do you know how rare it is to have someone planning a lavish wedding on someone else's dime? It only happens on TV and the rare, lucky lady from a wealthy family. It's not special or unique to have a tight budget and it CERTAINLY isn't a good reason to be rude to your friends and family.<div>
</div><div>I don't know why I'm surprised to see an OP get 2 pages of unanimous, good, advice and then hop all over the one "it's your day" post. DD is next, I suppose.</div>

librababy · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_poll-opening-gifts-at-the-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:19ad4c0f-6c06-4736-8dac-71592f8731abPost:43bfdddc-9f6a-41c7-af48-53584abe7ed8">Re: Poll - Opening gifts at the reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey Captain Save a Newb - nobody is criticizing her budget. Everyone, except you, sees serious problems with everything that she is planning. OP - saying that financial restraints are preventing you from having everyone at the ceremony makes zero sense. It's not the ceremony that is expensive, it is the reception. You have two pages of posts of people pointing out what is not good with your plans and one post saying "it's your day" (which ceased to be true the second you decided not to elope). Do you really think that many of us are wrong?
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Are you speaking to MOI? Like I said, who cares. It is her day and YOU aren't the one being invited. She did ask for opinions and she got it, incliding mine.

</div>

librababy · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_poll-opening-gifts-at-the-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:19ad4c0f-6c06-4736-8dac-71592f8731abPost:85339f9e-18d9-4142-bc23-129cf84ca400">Re: Poll - Opening gifts at the reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll - Opening gifts at the reception : They're your friends. They're not going to tell you to your face that the plan you've already pulled the trigger on is offensive. Also - nearly everyone is on a tight budget. Do you know how rare it is to have someone planning a lavish wedding on someone else's dime? It only happens on TV and the rare, lucky lady from a wealthy family. It's not special or unique to have a tight budget and it CERTAINLY isn't a good reason to be rude to your friends and family. I don't know why I'm surprised to see an OP get 2 pages of unanimous, good, advice and then hop all over the one "it's your day" post. DD is next, I suppose.
Posted by ceh789[/QUOTE]

<div>True almost eveyone is on a tight budget planning aweddding, including me. But everyone also does what they see best and waht suits them. if people don't want to go, then they wont, it's that simple. I see nothing horrible with what she wants to: I wouldn't do it, but she is not me!</div><div>
</div>

MiksChick23 · March 2012

I would just like to know how inviting more people to the ceremony (or moving it to the reception location) would up her expense. It won't cost any more! She already has the chairs at the reception and has paid the fee to use the room...

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