Pre-wedding Parties

Bachelor Party Problems

My FI and I have been having differing opinions on a key issue of his Bachelor Party. We were recently visiting his Best Man, and he asked who my FI would like invited to the bachelor party. My FI said that just the groomsmen is all he wanted, which seemed pretty standard to me, no big problems. That is until he felt the need to add that it did not include my brother, who is a groomsman. I feel like that is horribly rude to single him out like that. If something like that happened to me it would hurt my feelings, but my FI doesn't see it that way. Oh, and also, my FI asked my brother to be a groomsman on his own, I had nothing to do with it, so I can't see why he wouldn't want him at the Bachelor Party. Should I try to resolve this issue, or just let it go? It really bothers me to know that my Brother's feelings could be potentially hurt, and I didn't do something to stop it, but I don't know what to do.

Re: Bachelor Party Problems

  • S_A_FriedelS_A_Friedel member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree, I think it is rude and unfair to not invite your brother.  Unless your brother is significantly younger than you and your fiancee and would not "like" the bachelor festivities - then I understand, but he could at least invite him to the dinner beforehand in that case.

    But definitely, overall, I think your brother should be included just like any other GM
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    What exactly is being planned for the party?  Are your FI and his BM planning something that you would disapprove of and he's afraid your brother will rat him out?  That's what came immediately to my mind.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bachelor-party-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:b2bcd205-e5fc-4852-bea8-b173ce7a3bccPost:24118f96-fb70-4aba-a904-7f2d277004f5">Re: Bachelor Party Problems</a>:
    [QUOTE]What exactly is being planned for the party?  Are your FI and his BM planning something that you would disapprove of and he's afraid your brother will rat him out?  That's what came immediately to my mind.
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

    That's what I first thought too. Unless your brother is much younger, your FI is either being really rude or doesn't want you to find out what really will happen at the party. No way would I let this one go.
  • duckie1905duckie1905 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Does he get along with your brother?  DH and my brother don't hate each other, but they aren't buddies either.  They don't really have any sort of relationship.  So, as a result, DH didn't invite my brother which was fine with everyone.  But, my brother wasn't a member of the WP, so I think that makes a difference.

    If they seem to get along then I agree with the other ladies; your FI (or the other GMs) are probably afraid your brother would tattle to you.  I wouldn't even assume it has anything to do with strippers/hookers/illegal activity.  Maybe he's just worried your brother would go to you and recount the events of the evening for you to hold against him later.
  • danieliza1127danieliza1127 member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    It sounds like he doesn't want your brother there because he doesn't your brother seeing what he does at his bachelor party, or he doesn't want to have to alter his behavior at his party because your brother would be there.  I'd be really concerned about that.
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  • lizstill13lizstill13 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    All groomsmen should be invited to the bachelor party, unless of course the plan is bar hopping and he's under 21.
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  • edited December 2011
    Thanks ladies. I knew I wasn't wrong about this. And to answer the question, he is over 21, he is actually my older brother.

    He and my FI aren't best buddies as well, but they don't hate each other either. They get along when we are all together.

    And to update, my FI said that his reason for not wanting my brother there was because he wouldn't know anyone but my FI, and that might be awkward. 
  • danieliza1127danieliza1127 member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bachelor-party-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:b2bcd205-e5fc-4852-bea8-b173ce7a3bccPost:d04d1953-b604-420c-9704-184fcc1d1669">Re: Bachelor Party Problems</a>:
    [QUOTE]And to update, my FI said that his reason for not wanting my brother there was because he wouldn't know anyone but my FI, and that might be awkward. 
    Posted by kikicurlytop[/QUOTE]

    He still needs to be invited though and given the option.  If your brother thinks he'll feel awkward not knowing anyone, he can decline the invitation or he can come for a little while and leave, but since he's a groomsman, it's wrong of your FI not to invite him.
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  • Clare13Clare13 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I would be very concerned about my brother not being invited to the bachelor party.  You can point out that this is the perfect opportunity for your brother to get to know the other groomsmen and have some fun together before the wedding.  I wouldn't let this one go.  There has to be more to it than he just doesn't know anyone.  Let that decision be your brother's.  Your FI should invite him.  Good luck with this one. 
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Trix, that was my first thought.
                       
  • edited December 2011
    I agree with the pp. It sounds a little weird to not want to invite your brother, especially since he gets along with your Fi well enough to ask him to be a GM.
  • edited December 2011
    I think you are crazy if you let this go. He is fooling you if you think that he is only afraid that your brother would feel "awkward" at the party.
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