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They only go on my feet...

I'm a BM in a friends wedding coming up in a few months.  She told us that we need to purchase dyable shoes in the color of our wedding dress from a particular bridal salon.  She is giving us a choice of three different styles.  

Maybe I am just being bratty, but I don't like being required to wear a certain style of shoe.  I'm picky about what goes on my feet.  Not to mention the shoes there are overly expensive!  

As a side note: we also didn't have any input as to the style or color of our dresses.  She did not come to us for any discusion relating to budget for a dress.  Is it wrong of me to wrinkle my nose at this shoe  situation after all of that?

Re: They only go on my feet...

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    marateamaratea member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    Ugh, I hate that. I was a BM in wedding where the bride chose the dresses and shoes, although she bought the shoes for us. They were so so uncomfortable on me because I have wide feet and the shoes were so narrow. I had 3 or 4 blisters on each foot. Rage.
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    mica178mica178 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    Sorry chica.  If she's dictating shoes, she should at least pay for them (or subsidize at least).  :(
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    Most people are getting away from this kind of thing. Because you are not going to reware a dyable shoe. I think most brides tell their BMs to pick a certain style (strappy, flats, etc) or color (black, silver) and get what they want. Especially if you are paying for it. I'd tell her you can't afford it and see what she says! Or that you can't wear certain types of shoes.
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    See, that is what I assumed too.  She chooses the dress: Fine, we BMs deal with it.  She tells us what particular accessories to get: She pitches in for expenses.
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    Yes, I agree.  I know for certain I will never wear this color shoe again.
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    ggmaeggmae member
    First Comment
    edited May 2010
    Have you talked to her about how you are feeling?
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    Yuck.  I'd try what Mery said and tell her you can't afford them--see what happens.  (Unless it's still under the dress budget she *hopefully* asked you for at the beginning, then try the "you can't wear them" thing).
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    frenchy730frenchy730 member
    First Comment
    edited May 2010
    Not yet.  I wanted to make sure I wasn't being a bridesmaidzilla first.  It's not exactly that I can't afford it that is the problem.  I just don't want to spend $85 on shoes I am pretty sure will only get used for a few short hours. Seems wasteful to me.
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    I went through this; the dress was chosen for us (which was fine) but so were the shoes, the hair style (that we had to pay for), the shawl and our "gifts" were bracelets we had to wear on the big day. 

    All I am asking of my MOH is that she wears black shoes, I couldn't care less about the style.  For the dress, I'm just asking purple, knee-length and she can pick the style of that as well.
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    ggmaeggmae member
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    I wouldn't call you a bridesmaidzilla. I think that asking BMs to wear a certain dress is okay in some situations, but asking them to wear specific shoes is a bit much.
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    Thank you very much girls.  I may try to think up a way to approach this delicate situation.  I tried bringing it up to her when she was considering the shoe... requirements... and she got very defensive and said it was her decision to make.  I am still on the fence, as it may be worth it to just let it go.
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    I thought shoes-dyed-to-match-the-dress went out in the 90s.  Sorry, but I'd tell her that I refuse to spend more than $30 on shoes I'll only wear once and if she has her heart set on those shoes she can buy them for me.  Then again, I've never paid more than $50 on a pair of shoes in my life, so $85 just seems ridiculous to me anyways.
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    Ugh, you've just nailed one of my all-time pet peeves. Most BM shoes are absolutely excruciating on my feet. I hope no one ever asks me to buy them.

    I also think my own wedding is an example of why requiring shoe styles is a bad idea: I was rehabbing a torn MCL. My MOH was rehabbing a torn ACL. Another BM had just sprained the crap out of her ankle. No way could I make everyone wear heels, of any kind. I was just happy everyone could walk.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shosies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7d270ef7-9f74-4d3c-9b77-b142b2af5156Post:d32017ed-81d4-43a4-b342-e56578648a2f">Re: They only go on my feet...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I thought shoes-dyed-to-match-the-dress went out in the 90s.  Sorry, but I'd tell her that I refuse to spend more than $30 on shoes I'll only wear once and if she has her heart set on those shoes she can buy them for me.  Then again, I've never paid more than $50 on a pair of shoes in my life, so $85 just seems ridiculous to me anyways.
    Posted by lisarose7[/QUOTE]

    I think a lot more girls are doing shoes in accent colors now. Which is fine, if you've said, "Hey, wear any black dress you want, and then we'll tie it all together with bright shoes!" But you wouldn't believe how many girls on the dress board think every last thing from head to toe has to be in one of her wedding colors.
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    WhatEVER.. I  told my BM's exactly what shoes they were going to wear, and when they could wear them beforehand to break them in. No way were unmatched shoes going to mess up MY DAY!!!

    Oh yeah, OP, the bride is being the 'zilla, not you. Good luck to you on getting her to budge. I would go with the budget argument first, then move on the the impacticality issue.
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    I would approach it delicately, but ultimately refuse.  I was in a wedding last fall, and the bride wanted us in dark brown shoes.  Don't own a pair, don't want a pair.  I said, mmmm, I think I'll wear black instead.  Ultimately it looked lovely and everything was fine.
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    I do understand the pulling it all together idea.  It can be nice.  I do think it has to be done in an approrpriate manner. 

    **sigh** if only our BM dresses were a normal color like black or red... instead they are a color quite close to the background of the subject header bars in this post. 
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    There would be absolutely no way I would buy $85 shoes I would never wear again. Partly because I'm a stingy wench when it comes to money, but that's just stupid.

    I would just tell her that you can't afford the cost of those particular shoes but did she have any alternatives in mind?
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    Yeah, I don't get it. Of course, I'm going to find out what jewelry, shoes, hair and makeup my BMs come up with on the day of my wedding. It's not worth my time to dictate to my friends what they should wear, down to their nailpolish color.
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    I would use this:

    No way, Jose.

    Works every time.
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    WHO YOU CALLING JOSE!?!
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    Ok so overall consensus is to find the politest way possible to tell her to f-off about the shoes, yes?
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shosies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7d270ef7-9f74-4d3c-9b77-b142b2af5156Post:2d548a69-4a86-4086-94c2-e441bae71285">Re: They only go on my feet...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok so overall consensus is to find the politest way possible to tell her to f-off about the shoes, yes?
    Posted by frenchy730[/QUOTE]

    Yeppers, that's what we are saying.
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    OMG $85 I dont even spend that much for my own heels well once, but they were on sale, but still!! tell her cant afford them. I told my BM silver, everyone has silver shoes, well most people do.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shosies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7d270ef7-9f74-4d3c-9b77-b142b2af5156Post:65deaf6d-6f59-4e3e-b1bb-9cfbf3892694">Re: They only go on my feet...</a>:
    [QUOTE]WHO YOU CALLING JOSE!?!
    Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

    Usted.
    Bi-oh-rama
    Now with more wedded bliss.


    I don't get married often, but when I do, I do it in Las Vegas.

    image

    "Lvharpy could be your AE." - direy25
    "smokeybailey is the one shining beacon of light in this steaming turd of a thread." - daffodil_jill
    "The almighty smokeybailey has spoken." - some bitch on the Las Vegas board

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    frenchy730frenchy730 member
    First Comment
    edited May 2010
    Our dresses are this interesting pastel yellow/orangy color.  I'm going to press to be allowed to wear white shoes.

    Also, who remembers what shoes the bridesmaids wore at a wedding anyway?
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shosies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7d270ef7-9f74-4d3c-9b77-b142b2af5156Post:d32017ed-81d4-43a4-b342-e56578648a2f">Re: They only go on my feet...</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I thought shoes-dyed-to-match-the-dress went out in the 90s</strong>.  Sorry, but I'd tell her that I refuse to spend more than $30 on shoes I'll only wear once and if she has her heart set on those shoes she can buy them for me.  Then again, I've never paid more than $50 on a pair of shoes in my life, so $85 just seems ridiculous to me anyways.
    Posted by lisarose7[/QUOTE]

    This was my thought exactly.  Why does she want her BMs to look dated?  Seriously, having my BMs look chic and beautiful was as important as my dress.  Definitely push for silver/gold/white shoes.
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    she sounds like a bridezilla to me, and i dont think people look at the BM feet anyways
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    I would totally wrinkle my nose at that. I'd probably bite my tongue (unless I could find something similar but much cheaper) and do it, but I'd be highly frustrated.
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    I'd prob do what she said, but I'd call her awhore behind her back :P
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