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looks like im looking for a new one..

BaesmomBaesmom
500 Comments
in African American Weddings
I dont know if yall Remember the issue i had with the girl that was staying with us.. Well, she let me know last evening that she will not be in our wedding.. My feelings are a little hurt.  I feel like we tried to help her and she took advantage of us.. After that, she just felt like we were the ones that wronged her and treated us as such. 
The story is this, (sigh)
Her daughter turned 2 on the 5th of the month.  She is having her daughter's birthday party on the 22nd.  I let her know on the 5th when she informed me of the party date, that my FI and I would be out of town cause that's our anniversary of when we became a couple.  I told her that i would give her a present that friday (which i did)
yesterday she posted an event and included us on it.. I selected that we would not be going and then stated again that we would be out of town.  She then messages me and says "well, i dont think its a good idea for me to ge in your wedding if you cant come to the party" 
i was polite and let her know that i was sorry we couldnt come but that i had told her before that we wouldnt be able to. And if she felt that way i understood and if she still wanted to come she was more than welcome to.  She then lets me know that she figured by letting me know in advance when the party was i would have plenty of time to cancel my hotel reservations and come to the party... UMMM... no
sigh. 
i dont really know how to feel.  Or why im even sad about it but i am. 
Cry
i just thought maybe getting it out would help.
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Re: looks like im looking for a new one..

  • faithladyfaithlady
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry you are going through this. Living with someone can definitely change the dynamics of a relationship. Just remember that what is happening now may not be reflective of you guys' relationship, just a symptom of the stressful events going on now. This means it can change if you keep everything as positive as you possibly can. Always remember to direct your energy in the most positive direction to produce the best results. I hope you feel better soon.
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  • BaesmomBaesmom
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011

    it just upsets me that she isnt taking any sort of blame for her actions and making it seem like we just kicked her out..
    i'll be okay. Honestly from her actions i dont think she has much to say and doenst want to be included.  Both my fiancee and i have let her know that we are over the events that happened.. We dealt with it and moved on like adults should do.  I let her know after my last post in here that she was still part of the wedding and that we still wanted her as a friend.  and for my FI, he really suprised me cause he holds a grudge lol
    either way, My day will be perfect.  If she decides to be a part as a guest is now on her.  I will not loose any sleep nor let this situation bother me any more than it has.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker When you are in love you cant fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. ~ Dr Seuss
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  • djscatdjscat
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_looks-like-im-looking-new-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:4294f07f-1f0c-4a3d-a790-144823b91565Post:9b48ce26-39ec-412c-85fd-65e8b7240dc6">looks like im looking for a new one..</a>:
    [QUOTE]  She then lets me know that she figured by letting me know in advance when the party was <strong>i would have plenty of time to cancel my hotel reservations and come to the party... UMMM... no sigh</strong>.  i dont really know how to feel.  Or why im even sad about it but i am.  i just thought maybe getting it out would help.
    Posted by Baesmom[/QUOTE]

    How selfish is that?  Girl this may not be the most popular or nice thing to say but I say this is a blessing that she is out of the wedding.  Let's be real you not coming to the party was just the excuse she needed to back out of the wedding.  That fact that she wanted you to cancel your out of town plans to come to a child's party is an indication that BM duties would be an issue in the future.   I understand that it stings right now but I say count your blessings that all this madness didn't show it's self a week before your wedding.  JMHO. 
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  • Carla1019Carla1019
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Seems like she is not a very mature person. I'm sorry you feel disappointed but after reading this post and your last, it seems this is a blessing in disguise that she will not be in your wedding. You need people that are emotionally secure enough to handle the stress and craziness of a wedding and can support you. She needs her hand held.

    Best of Luck.
    Wedding date July 7, 2012
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  • mahoganieyesmahoganieyes
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Your friend is selfish. Not trying to be rude, but the 2 y/o probably would not even remember you attending her birthday party anyway. Not attending her 2 y/o birthday party is not that serious.....she need to get over herself.


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  • CaramelBride973CaramelBride973
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    As pp said i think that was an excuse for her to drop out. I know it may have hurt your feeling but I do remember you saying in the prior post that she was young so her doing that was probably a part of her being young minded. I can honestly say it is best someone drops out as oppose to you having to kick them out later.
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  • PrettyCW5PrettyCW5
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_looks-like-im-looking-new-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:4294f07f-1f0c-4a3d-a790-144823b91565Post:d97f14f7-a6f5-4ecd-b615-40c044085613">Re: looks like im looking for a new one..</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to looks like im looking for a new one.. : How selfish is that?  Girl this may not be the most popular or nice thing to say but I say this is a blessing that she is out of the wedding.  <strong>Let's be real you not coming to the party was just the excuse she needed to back out of the wedding.</strong>  That fact that she wanted you to cancel your out of town plans to come to a child's party is an indication that BM duties would be an issue in the future.   I understand that it stings right now but I say count your blessings that all this madness didn't show it's self a week before your wedding.  JMHO. 
    Posted by djscat[/QUOTE]

    I agree
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  • mlewis85mlewis85 member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_looks-like-im-looking-new-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:4294f07f-1f0c-4a3d-a790-144823b91565Post:5cf0f15e-b06d-48d8-83b9-e5c04decda6d">Re: looks like im looking for a new one..</a>:
    [QUOTE]Your friend is selfish. Not trying to be rude, but the 2 y/o probably would not even remember you attending her birthday party anyway. Not attending her 2 y/o birthday party is not that serious.....she need to get over herself.
    Posted by mahoganieyes[/QUOTE]

    All of this ^^
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