I'm not sure if this should fall under a different board but this seems to be where people address family issues...
I'm trying to AVOID drama before it becomes drama.
Our families could not be more different. I come from a traditional family, my parents have been married over 30 years, I have 7 bros/sisses and will be the first to marry. My family is as "perfect" as they come. We are all very close, my parents teach marriage and parenting seminars, and while no family is truly perfect, we look it. Since we are so close, they will be very prominent and involved in the wedding, as moh, bm, gm, fg, etc plus planning. My FI has spent a lot of time with my family and is close to all.
My FI's family is quite different, with the only thing in common being that he is close to both his parents. His father has been married 3 times, my fi is from the 2nd marriage, and there are 2 kids per marriage. He has siblings from age 2 to age 36 and while he loves them all, he's not very close to any of them. Obviously, at the wedding the current wife will be present along with his mother (who never remarried) and the assorted siblings, not all of whom have a relationship. THey won't be gm or bms. Maybe rb for his baby brother but that's it. I am working on my closeness with his parents but really am distant with his siblings--not much oppportunity to change that. One positive is that my FI's father and mother have a friendly relationship and have raised their children together even after an early divorce. I am not worried about a lot of tension there, though it will be a first for them to be at a wedding of a child together, but I do notice the current wife avoids my fi's mother so that might just be wierd in seating, etc...
As if this were not complicated enough, we have two cultures and languages! My family speaks no Spanish and is from the US. His family speaks no English for the most part and is from Peru. We wil have a dual-location ceremony/reception but my entire family will be in both locations and his parents and some siblings will too. That means I can't just sit his mother with other friends/families at the US ceremony/reception. SHe won't know ANYONE and speaks no English. All the rest of his family will be with his father and current wife. Awkward. I guess we can put her with "friends" at the Peruvian ceremony/reception but...she should be with family but it would be strange to put her with mine. She's kinda "alone" in that sense.
My parents have met his mother but there has been no other inter-family relationship (separated by continents) and probably won't ever be in the future AFTER the wedding either.
I appreciate so much the heritage that my parents have given me in their incredible marriage and that is something I want to honor/recognize in some way at my wedding. But I don't know how to do that without drawing attention to the contrast with his family.
Our wedding will be Christian and my father (who is a minister) will do the vows along with our pastors. I want to do a parental blessing but it might be strange to have both my parents and his father/mother but w/one being married and the other not. I also like vows that specify that divorce is not an option which my be awkward?? I mean, his dad has told him "Marry 1 woman for your whole life" but then again...there are his three marriages ever too present.
I want to be able to appreciate the love of both our families but not draw attention to make his family incomfortable with a contrast of symetricality. I don't want OUR wedding to be different because his fathers' marriages failed either.
Has anyone dealt with this symetricality of families issues? Has it caused any problems/found any solutions?