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Is it rude....

Jason&JennJason&Jenn
First Comment
in Pre-wedding Parties
....to have your guests fill out a self-addressed enevlope at a bridal shower? I have been asked to fill them out at showers, and usually a door prize is pulled from the bunch, but my sister said it's rude. Now I'm not sure. I always thought it was just the norm, and now that I am the bride, I think that it will make my job easier the day after the shower. (my wedding is 2 weeks from tomorrow so I need to get them out after my shower on Sunday.)
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Re: Is it rude....

  • Kristin789Kristin789 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Totally overwhelmingly rude.

    It's saying that people thought about you, took time out of their lives to plan for your shower - buy a nice gift and wrap it - then attend your shower, and all you can muster is a scribbled THANKS that you stuff in a self-addressed envelope.

    What;s next?  Asking each guest to put a stamp on it?  Asking each guest to WRITE the TY and then you'll sign the bottom?  W O W.
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  • Kristin789Kristin789 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    And maybe you think my answer is rude.  So ask your question on the Knot's ETIQUETTE board.  It's really busy all the time, so you would get many answers and many opinions instead of just mine.
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  • vsgalvsgal member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yes, it is rude and lazy.  You should take a few minutes to write a TY note. Honestly, how long does it take to write an address on an envelope.  If these people can take time out of their day to spend with you, then you can take time to address their ty card.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I loathe that practice.  I find it really offensive when I'm asked to do that. 

    I took the time to shop, wrap a present and drive to the shower and you (the hostess) or the guest of honor can't fill out a freakin' envelope?!

    Then don't have a shower.


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  • duckie1905duckie1905 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Rude.

    I find it really offensive that I spent my money on a gift and my time on shopping and attending and the bride can't even be bothered to write my name and address on an envelope.

    The fact that you've been treated rudely in the past is no excuse to treat your guests rudely.  Your sister is right.

    ETA: My shower thank yous took all of two hours to complete.  Addressing the envelopes was not, by far, the most time consuming task.  I'm sure you can find the time.
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  • melissamc2melissamc2 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I have never heard of this until right now.   It sounds absurd and I'd point that out to whomever asked me to do it.
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  • MidgetthMidgetth member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yes it is very rude. If I was asked to fill one out I wouldn't.  People can buy you things write a card out to you etc but you can't take 5 minutes to address their envelope and a TY note.
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  • SuMmErKuTiESuMmErKuTiE member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yes, it's rude as pp's have mentioned. I feel that a hand written thank you note is the least I can do for those who bought a present, wrapped it, and took time out of their schedules to come to my shower. I feel that it would be lazy to have the guests fill out their own envelopes. Thankfully, I've never seen this done at a shower.

    I think this situation is up there with people who send thank you cards after their wedding that are mass printed and a picture of the two of them at the wedding that just says "thank you" instead of a hand written personal response. 


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  • GatorWedsNoleGatorWedsNole
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I guess I'm the only one who thinks it's not rude.  I think it's something that the hostesses do, not the bride.  So, to me, it's not suggesting the bride is lazy.  It's just the hostesses doing something for the bride.  However, I've only ever seen it as a raffle where someone gets a prize.  I've never ever minded filling out my own envelope.  I, personally, would *never* be offended by this. 

    With that said, if your sister is the host and she thinks it's rude, then she shouldn't do it. HTH.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If the hostess  wants to do something nice, SHE can address the envelopes.


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  • JeFlaniganJeFlanigan
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't love the idea of people filling out their own envelopes, and I've actually never heard of it.  I completely understand how it will make your life easier.  ( I also think you had your shower today... so let us know how it went.)  What I hope to do from a master list is print the address on sticky labels and put those on the envelope.  I don't mind writing the personal message inside I just think the addressing gets monotonous and there's always the chance to mess up.
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  • miah_23_ncbmiah_23_ncb member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    it is rude. whoeveris planning you shower or b-party should already have the addresses of the guest attending. If not that should be a prt of thier duties.
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  • danieliza1127danieliza1127 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I've had to do it at showers before, and it was used to draw names for a door prize.  I never was offended by it.

    Follow your instinct though.  You said in your post that you feel like it's rude, so if you feel that way, then don't have it done at your shower.
     
    I do agree with Banana though, that if I took the time to buy you a gift, wrap it, and bring it, and attend your shower, the least you could do is address my thank you envelope.  It really won't save you that much time, you still have to actually write the thank you notes.
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  • TriSarahtops82TriSarahtops82 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm in the minority here (as I usually am on the Knot) But , I dont think it's rude.  I have done this at almost every shower I have attended.  For some there was a "door Prize" for others there was not.  But I'd NEVER feel offended by being asked to do that. It takes 20 seconds to do.

    Do what you feel is right.
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  • meggs416meggs416
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I definitely do not think this is rude. At my bridal shower, my guests asked for envelopes to fill out. I was planning on doing this myself, but once they asked I gladly let them do it. My friends and family are pretty laid back, so they all thought this was a great idea. This turned out to be a real time saver and allowed me more time to write really personalized thanks you notes! I spent less time addressing the envelopes and more time writing how much I appreciated the gifts and that they came to my shower. Also, I have been asked to do this at wedding showers and never felt offended! I agree with TriSarahtop82...do what YOU feel is right! 

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  • clemarie03clemarie03 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't think it's rude AT ALL. It's not like you are asking them to give up a kidney, geez! Some people on these boards seem to overreact to everything. We did this at one of my showers, and then put all the envelopes in a basket, and used them to draw names for prizes.
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  • hayesemhayesem
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree that you need to take the time to address the envelopes yourself.  However, why don't you take the address of those attending and do a mail merge and print their address on clear labels.  I understand the time it takes to hand address each one, but I wouldn't see getting a TY with my name on it that way as rude.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    For me, every time someone says, "It's not a big deal!" my feeling is that's exactly why *I* shouldnt have to address my freakin' TY note.  It's just not a big deal and thanks arriving should not be contingent upon the hostess' or guest of honour's laziness.
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  • ChristineMysChristineMys
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Your not the only one, I don't find it rude.  I had to fill my name and address at three showers.
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  • ChristineMysChristineMys
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I will be having the guest fill them out at my shower.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:fd37587f-f034-4825-8f57-657cc056edb5Post:262768ed-c796-4027-a216-df4b2f0c1348">Re: Is it rude....</a>:
    [QUOTE]I will be having the guest fill them out at my shower.
    Posted by ChristineMys[/QUOTE]

    YOU will be?  You should have nothing to do with what your guests do at your shower.
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  • Jason&JennJason&Jenn
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Bridal Shower on Sunday was amazing!! I wasn't told any details of the day (same as my AMAZING bachlorette party the day/night before!!) and the "envelope inqury" never came up again.  The verdict on enevelopes...my MOH had guests address the enevlope and we had seven drawings. :) It did help on time because even with the address' it still took me over an hour on Monday to fill out the thank you notes. (Each one was personalized. I didn't just write "thank you for the gift.") Cards were in the mail Tuesday. :) 

    Thanks for the feedback though. :)
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  • duckie1905duckie1905 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    ::shakes head:: that's really too bad that your MOH went against what she knew was right.

    Maybe it is just me but I would've been ashamed to find out that guests at my shower were asked to fill out their own self addressed envelopes.

    I didn't write out just "thank you" on my shower thank yous and actually addressing the envelopes took all of two extra minutes so I'm not sure how you figure that the rudeness was worth the little time that you did save.
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  • llmw07llmw07 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I noticed that there were a lot of people against this on this board.  Does anyone find it rude to type up labels ahead of time, so you can just place it on the envelope, instead of hand addressing the envelopes?

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  • duckie1905duckie1905 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:fd37587f-f034-4825-8f57-657cc056edb5Post:dd3927d0-4947-4847-9059-f4e94483578b">Re: Is it rude....</a>:
    [QUOTE]I noticed that there were a lot of people against this on this board.  Does anyone find it rude to type up labels ahead of time, so you can just place it on the envelope, instead of hand addressing the envelopes?
    Posted by llmw07[/QUOTE]

    I don't mind them for invitations for for thank you notes I would really prefer that the person take the time to write out my name and address.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto duckie.

    But, I'd still prefer a label to being asked to address my own TY note.  I loathe that practice more than cash bars or gaps.
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  • allen31540allen31540 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I even find it rude when the dentist has me fill out my 6 check-up post card on my current visit.  I always think, dang, does he want me to do my own filling too?
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  • ChristineMysChristineMys
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:fd37587f-f034-4825-8f57-657cc056edb5Post:318b229f-2866-4a87-bc47-78f14eaa0afa">Re: Is it rude....</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it rude.... : YOU will be?  You should have nothing to do with what your guests do at your shower.
    Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

    No, I meant I know my MOH will be having the guest do this.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:fd37587f-f034-4825-8f57-657cc056edb5Post:6cc1532f-a1bd-4bbf-83a5-0ef7924980dd">Re: Is it rude....</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it rude.... : No, I meant I know my MOH will be having the guest do this.
    Posted by ChristineMys[/QUOTE]

    If you know that she's doing this,  you should try to stop her.  Doing so is really rude to your guests.
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  • topcatiomtopcatiom member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
     i dont really look at the envelope, just what is in it, you'll be writing a thank you note i assume so i would be happy with a label but i would think its really weird to address my own, only because i have never seen it done, maybe if i had seen it before i wouldnt mind? I just know that i would be like 'eh, o-k'? i suppose if your shower were 100 people and then you had 100 or more at the wedding you'd have a lot of writing to do but how many people usually attend a shower? (I've never been to one as an adult)
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