African American Weddings

Pre-Marital Counseling

We went to our last session yesterday! And I think it was the best one so far. The pastor and the associate pastor were both in with us. The pastor just listened in. But I LOVED the associate pastor (Orlando). He was hitting everything right on the head and was so laid back and easy going it was really easy to talk to him. (I was nervous with him at first). He gave us homework, lol. We have to read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman (we started it last night) and Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus,we will do that one next. We also had to make a list of what little gestures we like that is kinda of our own language of love. Like I like to be sent flowers for no reason and he likes snuggling and taking naps together etc. And then exchange lists. This was fun and a bit of an eye opener for the both of us. Looks like we don't always speak the same language, LOL! IDK everything is getting very real for me now and I am sooooooo excited, nervous, happy, excited LOL. I can't wait to be married to this man (insert sappy grin here) LOLOL

Re: Pre-Marital Counseling

  • edited December 2011
    Awww... That is awesome! I am going to have to get those books for The FI and i to read.. and i may even suggest the "language list" to him as well. 
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  • sheshedukeshesheduke member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    That is so cute. We have a session tonight and I think 5 more after that. Each one is very eye opening and I love it so far. The homework is serious we don't share answers and we do it in separate rooms so it is a real surprise when we reveal our answers during the session.

    That love language book was that deal I love it. I might have to do a list when FI finishes reading it.

    Love the sappy stuff!
  • chescamchescam member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    So sweet. Glad that everything is going so nicely for you. I think FI and I have 3 more sessions left. While we were dating our married friends suggested that we read the five love languages and Every man's battle. We read both and now for counseling we're reading the 10 commandments of marriage. These sessions have been a real eye opener and I'm so happy that we're doing them. We end each session kneeling and praying for each other. The last session, the pastor had us write down promises/vows to each other we left feeling so uplifted and ready to face the future together
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  • FabbiegirlFabbiegirl member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Glad you enjoyed your session.  

    My FI suggested we read the 5 Languages of Love while we were dating.  We did, and we realized we did not speak the same language.  Just the other week when we were talking (we were coming down from an argument), I referred back to the book.  In the beginning, he said there were more languages.  I realized that my FI and I did have our own languages that were not discussed in the book and because we did not explore them as our love languages, we kept hitting roadblocks.  We both came from it with a better understanding of each other.

    So glad you guys enjoyed your session.
  • edited December 2011
    Awwww I'm so happy for you too.  FI and I read 5 Love Languages together during our 17 week premarital class.  We had so much fun and I learned alot on how to love him in his language and not my own.  I'm quality time and he is words of affirmation.  We were also made aware during class that depending on the time in our lives our love language will change and so it is helpful to take the test again to make sure we continue to love each other in the right love language.  But I am so happy that you guys really enjoyed your last session!
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  • edited December 2011
    Oh thanks for sharing.  I am going to pick up that book myself.  I am also going to suggestion to my FI that we do the lists. 
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  • edited December 2011
    Glad for you! I can't wait until we start our sessions. I think that will make it more real. I think I am going to go grab these books you all mentioned now.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_pre-marital-counseling-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:63c0e03c-af68-44d9-bb0b-02da9ecb6c0aPost:44ba3e70-6b76-4172-93fb-3814c27d7660">Re: Pre-Marital Counseling</a>:
    [QUOTE]So sweet. Glad that everything is going so nicely for you. I think FI and I have 3 more sessions left. While we were dating our married friends suggested that we read the five love languages and <strong>Every man's battle</strong>. We read both and now for counseling we're reading the <strong>10 commandments of marriage</strong>. These sessions have been a real eye opener and I'm so happy that we're doing them. We end each session kneeling and praying for each other. The last session, the pastor had us write down promises/vows to each other we left feeling so uplifted and ready to face the future together
    Posted by chescam[/QUOTE]
    I am going to pick these up too! I am loving the way all this is bringing us even closer together and giving us the reality of the work it takes to maintain the love we have for each other right now and to help it grow and deepen!
  • edited December 2011
    My book club is reading the 5 Languages of Love next month and I can't wait.  I am so excited about it. FI and I are looking into marriage counseling now and hopefully we can start very soon.
    Until the first full year of being one! Anniversary
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_pre-marital-counseling-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:63c0e03c-af68-44d9-bb0b-02da9ecb6c0aPost:28f14fdc-18b5-4061-b936-ec4e0d9aee8f">Re: Pre-Marital Counseling</a>:
    [QUOTE]Glad you enjoyed your session.   My FI suggested we read the 5 Languages of Love  while we were dating.  We did, and we realized we did not speak the same language.  Just the other week when we were talking (we were coming down from an argument), I referred back to the book.  In the beginning, he said there were more languages.  <strong>I realized that my FI and I did have our own languages</strong> that were not discussed in the book and because we did not explore them as our love languages, we kept hitting roadblocks.  We both came from it with a better understanding of each other. So glad you guys enjoyed your session.
    Posted by Fabbiegirl[/QUOTE]

    Totally get this! I felt like that after reading his list, I was like dang I have been speaking french and you have been speaking spanish, lol.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_pre-marital-counseling-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:63c0e03c-af68-44d9-bb0b-02da9ecb6c0aPost:0839a47c-07c9-490d-b952-ee091580491d">Re: Pre-Marital Counseling</a>:
    [QUOTE]Awwww I'm so happy for you too.  FI and I read 5 Love Languages together during our 17 week premarital class.  We had so much fun and I learned alot on how to love him in his language and not my own.  I'm quality time and he is words of affirmation.  We were also made aware during class that <strong>depending on the time in our lives our love language will change and so it is helpful to take the test again to make sure we continue to love each other in the right love language. </strong> But I am so happy that you guys really enjoyed your last session!
    Posted by ejagers[/QUOTE]

    TOTALLY! We have been together for years and have worked through a lot of things some couples have yet to face, I am amazed we never hit on this. BUt Iam so glad the pastor took us there with this, and he said this very thing. We will grow and change and so will our language!
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_pre-marital-counseling-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:63c0e03c-af68-44d9-bb0b-02da9ecb6c0aPost:d9626011-6d0e-4ae2-baa8-d5571fbce564">Re: Pre-Marital Counseling</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh thanks for sharing.  I am going to pick up that book myself.  I am also going to suggestion to my FI that we do the lists. 
    Posted by djscat[/QUOTE]

    I have several books that we have been working on since we got engaged, I will send you the titles of them all. And I think it was Soon2BSand that sent me a workbook also, I will see if I can find it on this crazy laptop of mine.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_pre-marital-counseling-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:63c0e03c-af68-44d9-bb0b-02da9ecb6c0aPost:b87618de-ed7a-42fe-91fa-775d368f3558">Re: Pre-Marital Counseling</a>:
    [QUOTE]Glad for you! I can't wait until we start our sessions. I think that will make it more real. I think I am going to go grab these books you all mentioned now.
    Posted by faithlady[/QUOTE]

    I can say that for me our sessions really brought all of this home for us and that I love the wedding planning etc. but we focus on the MARRIAGE that comes after. And the sessions make us FOCUS on that more than anything else that is going on around us right now.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_pre-marital-counseling-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:63c0e03c-af68-44d9-bb0b-02da9ecb6c0aPost:b2df54d2-e12b-40da-bad4-28a899675208">Re: Pre-Marital Counseling</a>:
    [QUOTE]My book club is reading the 5 Languages of Love next month and I can't wait.  I am so excited about it. FI and I are looking into marriage counseling now and hopefully we can start very soon.
    Posted by MarryingmyKnight[/QUOTE]

    I LOVE it! It has made me laugh, focus, cry and realize how very much I love my FH and that he truly is the one God made just fr me!
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_pre-marital-counseling-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:63c0e03c-af68-44d9-bb0b-02da9ecb6c0aPost:f375490c-1beb-440b-96f1-040435f059f8">Re: Pre-Marital Counseling</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pre-Marital Counseling : <strong>I LOVE it! It has made me laugh, focus, cry and realize how very much I love my FH and that he truly is the one God made just fr me!
    </strong>Posted by ThunderKitten2011[/QUOTE]

    Aww!  I love it! So sweet.  I contacted our pastor and he will be giving us counseling soon.  He said 4 to 5 sessions. I'm excited!
    Until the first full year of being one! Anniversary
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_pre-marital-counseling-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:63c0e03c-af68-44d9-bb0b-02da9ecb6c0aPost:4c402184-dca1-4215-804c-a80a5c2fe551">Re: Pre-Marital Counseling</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pre-Marital Counseling : Aww!  I love it! So sweet.  I contacted our pastor and he will be giving us counseling soon.  He said 4 to 5 sessions. I'm excited!
    Posted by MarryingmyKnight[/QUOTE]

    You are gonna love it. It's work, but worth it!
  • edited December 2011
    Aww and congrats.

    I love the 5 Love Languages, I read that book while I was single. I bought the men's version for FI  to read.
    I think that marriage counseling is soooooooo very appointment. We had 5 sessions with my church and it made it easier to talk about certain subjects that I had some issues with bringing up before.
    I'm glad that we went. It seemed to bring us even closer.
    Anniversary
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