Bridesmaid attire, Is this rude?

Sunshinegoodwin2012 · January 2012

I just recently was proposed to on christmas day. Our wedding is 5/5/12. For my BM's I have asked that they all choose their own dress, as long as it is black I dont care about the style as long as they are comfy and love their dress. I also want them to wear boots, preferably cowboy boots (pink or black they get to pick) but I'm not getting much cooperation or input. Is this asking too much? where am I going wrong?!

WildRumpus · January 2012

I don't know that I would go so far as to say it's rude, but if it's not something I wore on a normal basis, I would be annoyed. Cowboy boots can get pretty pricey.

adamar15 · January 2012

Do they already own boots? Cowboy boots are expensive, and I would be pissed if someone asked me to buy them for a wedding when I knew I would never wear them again.

dumdumfroggie · January 2012

Do all the BMs own cowboy boots or will they have to buy them?

General rule - if you're requesting/requiring something besides the dress, you pay for it.

achiduck · January 2012

Cowboy boots are expensive, and I would never normally wear them (except for maybe at halloween) So if I was required to pay for them myself, I'd be pretty pissed.

Avion22 · January 2012

I like the black dress idea. I'm actually doing the same thing (and have been asked to do this as a bridesmaid as well).

Honestly, I would really prefer not to wear cowboy boots with a dress. I have chunky calves, it is just NOT a good look on me. And I'd never wear cowboy boots again after, most likely.

Maybe if cost is the issue, you could look online and find a few websites that sell discounted boots. As long as I didn't have to pay more than, say $40 or $50 I wouldn't be too upset, though I still think boots with a dress would make my calves look like tree trunks.

Sunshinegoodwin2012 · January 2012

My sister and I found some that come in both pink or black for about $50. I know that all of my BM wear and own black dress boots, some even have cowboy boots. I guess I figured I was being easy with saving money by letting them pick their own dress, also I was very clear with tell everyone that I wanted them to get sometine that they would actually wear again.

ggirl2001 · January 2012

Yeah, I would never wear cowboy boots again and I wouldn't want to spend $50 for a pair of shoes I won't wear more than once. When I buy a new pair of shoes for a wedding, I usually buy a pair that I can get multiple uses out. If you are requiring it, I would suggest either pay some of it or something.

Kate61487 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-attire-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1599578e-08f1-4925-b12d-e67dfec547d4Post:8e9acad3-cd8b-4342-8b2a-b144d49c2648">Bridesmaid attire, Is this rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]I just recently was proposed to on christmas day. Our wedding is 5/5/12. For my BM's I have asked that they all choose their own dress, as long as it is black I dont care about the style as long as they are comfy and love their dress. I also want them to wear boots, preferably cowboy boots (pink or black they get to pick) but I'm not getting much cooperation or input. Is this asking too much? where am I going wrong?!
Posted by Sunshinegoodwin2012[/QUOTE]

What exactly does this mean? You said "buy this and this". what kind of input were you looking for? Do you feel like they're not cooperating because they haven't instantly run out and bought them? I'm just a little confused.

If you're hearing direct complaints about the boots I'd, personally, let go of that 'vision' and move on. Boots are not comfortable for everyone, and while you've found A pair for $50 that doesn't mean that particular pair fit your BMs feet properly, they may still be looking at shelling out a decent chunk of change to get comfortable boots. I feel like requesting pink shoes would be better, b/c at least then they can get flats or heels or whatever they're comfortable in (although that still is a pretty strong color that they may never wear again).

mari0225 · January 2012

If they already have them, then i'm not sure what the problem is. Did they say why they don't want to?

LDYGTR13 · January 2012

I would not be a happy camper to shell out cash for pink/blue cowboy boots I would never wear again - and probably COULDN'T even if I wanted to. That being said, I don't like this look...

Ash61612 · January 2012

agree with everything that has been said. if you are requesting they were a specific type of shoe, you need to be prepared to help them pay for it.

Sunshinegoodwin2012 · January 2012

um yea, I agree blue boot with a black/pink wedding would be pretty ghetto! wth?!

cindyn9178 · January 2012

As you can see, most people above would be annoyed if they had to buy cowboy boots when they would never wear them again, so that's probably why you aren't getting full cooperation. If you are requiring a specific boot, then you should be paying for them. If they all already wear and own cowboy boots and you are just saying "wear black cowboy boots", then that's fine, because really, it is the same as saying "wear black shoes". If they didn't have black shoes, they'd need to buy them anyway.

achiduck · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-attire-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1599578e-08f1-4925-b12d-e67dfec547d4Post:f784ed0b-a970-41dd-9ba5-4a31a9de9aad">Re: Bridesmaid attire, Is this rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]I like the black dress idea. I'm actually doing the same thing (and have been asked to do this as a bridesmaid as well). Honestly, I would really prefer not to wear cowboy boots with a dress. I have chunky calves, it is just NOT a good look on me. And I'd never wear cowboy boots again after, most likely. Maybe if cost is the issue, you could look online and find a few websites that sell discounted boots. As long as I didn't have to pay more than, say $40 or $50 I wouldn't be too upset, though I still think boots with a dress would make my calves look like tree trunks.
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

Me too, with my luck I'd have to buy a special size boot b/c I have fat calves and spend even more money.

mari0225 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-attire-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1599578e-08f1-4925-b12d-e67dfec547d4Post:b16e82c7-aef8-4f64-b00d-4d5eaa4d4e2a">Re: Bridesmaid attire, Is this rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]agree with everything that has been said. if you are requesting they were a specific type of shoe, you need to be prepared to help them pay for it.
Posted by Ash61612[/QUOTE]

This, I told my girls to find a cute pair of silver flats or heels but I told them that heels might not be the best idea since we're outside and it's not even ground. I have mainly left it to them.

FWIW I have a pair of cowboy boots, when I first got them they about killed my feet, I would not have wanted to wear them for the first time at a wedding.

freebread03 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-attire-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1599578e-08f1-4925-b12d-e67dfec547d4Post:b49b72c9-2d17-47db-97ce-1630f30bff7c">Re: Bridesmaid attire, Is this rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]My sister and I found some that come in both pink or black for about $50. I know that all of my BM wear and own black dress boots, some even have cowboy boots. I guess I figured I was being easy with saving money by letting them pick their own dress, also I was very clear with tell everyone that I wanted them to get sometine that they would actually wear again.
Posted by Sunshinegoodwin2012[/QUOTE]

But...are they really going to wear pink cowboy boots again?

amys325 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-attire-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1599578e-08f1-4925-b12d-e67dfec547d4Post:892473c0-9618-452b-87c9-6e2210863674">Re: Bridesmaid attire, Is this rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]um yea, I agree blue boot with a black/pink wedding would be pretty ghetto! wth?!
Posted by Sunshinegoodwin2012[/QUOTE]

I don't think the color is the problem.

Cortney1982 · January 2012

I agree with other posters, boots are too expensive to have your bridesmaids purchase them. Even if they own black or somehow pink boots, they probably wouldn't want to wear them with a nice dress.

HeatherMKR · January 2012

A good pair of boots will most likely be more expensive than the dress. I have seen sparkly cowboy boots at a bridal shop, but they were over $100.

G2SoccerTaz · January 2012

boots work with a certain type of dress. if you want a formal dress, you would need to go with something other than boots. Go to Pintrest or google and look at pictures of western weddings. Cowboy boots do not fit every style.

LittleMissCutiePie · January 2012

If you require specific footwear, you need to pay for it. That's the only issue I can think of.

Sunshinegoodwin2012 · January 2012

I guess my interpretation of my wedding is different than others. I gave my BM options and yes they would need to buy shoes regardless. At least I'm not asking them to spend $200+ on a dress they will never wear again! Sorry for asking such a heated question!

ElisabethJoanne · January 2012

$50 is more than I've ever spent on a pair of shoes.

In general in dealing with people, in dealing with wedding planning, and in dealing with theknot, just because one thing is easy does not mean you get to make something else harder (or more expensive) on friends and family.

Goodwill is not like your wedding budget. If you get a good deal on photography, you can spend more on catering. But if you don't stress your friends about their dresses, you still can't stress them about their shoes.

adktd2boots · January 2012

I'm going to let my BMs wear whatever they want. I'm wearing boots, and I assume 3 out of 5, maybe even 4 will wear boots too. But my 5th one is not country at all and I would never require her to wear something she doesn't like. I really don't care if all but one have boots on. It's not my priority that day.

ILoveToRobot · January 2012

It's your day they should suck it up and wear the darn boots

Joking aside I would've liked to dress my girls in certain things but I know that it's way more my style and personality than theirs. I knew they would all feel uncomfortable in vintage/spunky dresses so I'm going with a more traditional dress because it's way more their style. Keep in mind how your friends are going to feel about what they're wearing because that could be part of why you're not getting a good response. If you're dead set on the boots then purchase them for the girls.

RamonaFlowers · January 2012

I don't get how in breath you say you don't care about what dress they pick as long as they are comfortable, but then in the next, you want them to wear a specific shoe that not a lot of people are actually comfortable wearing.

RaptorSLH · January 2012

Please also consider that not every foot fits every shoe. Just as not every dress is flattering and comfortable on every body shape, not every shoe is built alike.

I'm probably more aware of this than most, because I have wide feet. If I were your bridesmaid, odds are good that no matter what shoe, boot, or sandal you picked, I wouldn't be able to wear it. I have to seek out generously cut, wide size footwear, and that narrows the field of candidates significantly. Many cowboy boots are narrow, especially in the toes, and I would be in pain before the ceremony was through.

Your maids may be concerned about breaking them in. They may be concerned about dancing. They may be concerned about their flat feet, or wide feet, or overpronated feet, or the height of the heel, or the chaffing where leather meets leg. Footwear is one of those things that can impact your bridesmaids basic comfort level throughout the event. I can forget that I'm in an unflattering dress, but I can't forget if my feet hurt. It sounds simple, but it can really end up being critical.

jemmini6 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-attire-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1599578e-08f1-4925-b12d-e67dfec547d4Post:f071cab0-735f-4621-b4e1-b068a09a2869">Re: Bridesmaid attire, Is this rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]Please also consider that not every foot fits every shoe. Just as not every dress is flattering and comfortable on every body shape, not every shoe is built alike. I'm probably more aware of this than most, because I have wide feet. If I were your bridesmaid, odds are good that no matter what shoe, boot, or sandal you picked, I wouldn't be able to wear it. I have to seek out generously cut, wide size footwear, and that narrows the field of candidates significantly. Many cowboy boots are narrow, especially in the toes, and I would be in pain before the ceremony was through. Your maids may be concerned about breaking them in. They may be concerned about dancing. They may be concerned about their flat feet, or wide feet, or overpronated feet, or the height of the heel, or the chaffing where leather meets leg. Footwear is one of those things that can impact your bridesmaids basic comfort level throughout the event. I can forget that I'm in an unflattering dress, but I can't forget if my feet hurt. It sounds simple, but it can really end up being critical.
Posted by RaptorSLH[/QUOTE]

THIS!!! When my feet hurt, I turn into a complete bitch. If my feet hurt because of a stupid shoe you made me wear....watch out!

Viczaesar · January 2012

I find cowboy books to be ugly and not something I want to own or ever wear. Nor would I be willing to pay $50 for them. I would decline to wear the boots.

whitsy · January 2012

I love cowboy boots. I absolutely adore my pair, but I would not wear them to a wedding. I get the trend. I think it's cute if you are planning a western/country themed wedding. And if you are planning such a wedding, most of your friends will probably already own boots. In that case, rock it. But asking your girls to wear a shoe that they probably won't ever wear again is kinda pushing it. If I was your BM and had to buy a $50 pair of black cowboy boots, I'd grumble. I'd do it, it's not worth losing a friend over. I'd grumble just like I did when my SIL asked me to buy silver shoes to be in her wedding a few years ago (I mean, who wears silver shoes anymore?!). So, just something to consider.

Bridesmaid attire, Is this rude?

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