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Snarky Brides

No kids? Because I know you will be honest!

We do not want to invite children to our wedding other than the kids in our immediate family (such as my brother's children because they are in the wedding).  If it works out this way, we will have five children (under the age of 18) in total.  To me, if your kids names are not on the invitation they are not invited.  However, several people have said to me that they would bring their kids even if their names weren't on the invitation because they just wouldn't even think about it.  We are not doing a sit down dinner, so we are not doing RSVP cards.  Is there anyway to get it across to our guests that we are not inviting their children?  We can't really say "no kids" because there will be a FEW.  Someone suggested an insert, but what would I have written on it?  Any suggestion would be much appreciated.  TIA!

Re: No kids? Because I know you will be honest!

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_kids-because-will-honest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:871f33c7-cccf-42ae-89e2-6bebbec0dec5Post:a9f5aacc-6805-40cd-a031-eb9bd8a10377">No kids? Because I know you will be honest!</a>:
    [QUOTE]We do not want to invite children to our wedding other than the kids in our immediate family (such as my brother's children because they are in the wedding).  If it works out this way, we will have five children (under the age of 18) in total.  To me, if your kids names are not on the invitation they are not invited.  However, several people have said to me that they would bring their kids even if their names weren't on the invitation because they just wouldn't even think about it.  We are not doing a sit down dinner, so we are not doing RSVP cards.  Is there anyway to get it across to our guests that we are not inviting their children?  We can't really say "no kids" because there will be a FEW.  Someone suggested an insert, but what would I have written on it?  Any suggestion would be much appreciated.  TIA!
    Posted by bexx246[/QUOTE]
    On the inner envelopes just write the name of the people who are invited. On the RSVP's write in the names of the people who are invited. If they add on names call them and politely tell them that their children are not invited.
    Do not include an insert saying no kids.
  • If someone RSVPs for their kids, call them and tell them they're not invited.  If you have a wedding website, I think it's ok to mention "adult reception" on the site, but some people will disagree with me.  And start spreading it by word of mouth.

    image
    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
  • How are you not doing response cards??

    Do you not want to know how many people are coming?
    045_45-1 photo 045_45-1.jpg
    BabyFruit Ticker
    DX: PCOS/Recurrent losses/MTHFR mutation (compound hetero)
    5 hysteroscopies/2 surgical
    3 Inject IUIs = 2 m/c's and 1 BFN
    IVF #1= BFP. m/c at 7w6d. Needed 2 D&C's and scar tissue removal. Mild OHSS
    IVF #2 = BFP. Severe OHSS. 4 Drainings. TWINS!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_kids-because-will-honest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:871f33c7-cccf-42ae-89e2-6bebbec0dec5Post:ebec8cf5-4510-4037-9c09-46c380e5dba1">Re: No kids? Because I know you will be honest!</a>:
    [QUOTE]How are you not doing response cards?? Do you not want to know how many people are coming?
    Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]
    oh, hello! I totally missed that part.

    op, don't you need to know how many people are coming?
  • ricksangricksang member
    10000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited May 2010

    Wait, are you not having food at all? How do you know how many people are comming if you don't do RSVPs? If you are trying to save money, I can give you suggestions for cheap RSVP options.

    image
  • So you aren't doing any sort of RSVP card or requiring an RSVP of any kind?  That seems silly, even without a sit down dinner.  Don't you want to know who is coming?

    Frankly, without an RSVP card I have no idea how you would enforce your "no kids" rule.  At least with the requirement of an RSVP you could call anyone that included their kids and say "sorry, but little Betty isn't invited."  Without that you'll have no idea who is bringing their child until they show up.
  • I think even if you're not doing a sit down dinner, you should still do RSVP cards and on them put something like this:

    2 seats are reserved in your honor
    Mr & Mrs John Doe
    _accept __decline

    That way, there will be NO confusion of who is invited, who can attend and how many
  • Are you serving food at all?  Do RSVP cards it will save you a lot of hassle down the road.

    Address the invites to the adults and if they RSVP for their kid you call them and politely tell them that unfortunately you cannot accommodate little Jimmy.
    kd.joseph's wish is my command
    image
    Just call me "Brothel"
    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
    my read shelf:
    Betrothed 123's book recommendations, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
  • Put a headless baby on the invitation. I wouldn't want to bring my kid to an event that had a headless baby on the invite.
    image
  • Oooh I like that idea.
    kd.joseph's wish is my command
    image
    Just call me "Brothel"
    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
    my read shelf:
    Betrothed 123's book recommendations, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
  • Or strippers. Not that I have anything against a hot stripper. I just wouldn't bring my kid with me if there was a bare tittied lady on the invite.
    image
  • I've always like the disclaimer I've seen that says something about if you bring a child i will be sold to slavery.  I wouldn't bring my kid.  If it's getting sold to slavery I'm getting paid, dammit!
    kd.joseph's wish is my command
    image
    Just call me "Brothel"
    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
    my read shelf:
    Betrothed 123's book recommendations, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
  • Yeah. I'd definitely want a cut of that.
    image
  • You girls are funny! We are not doing RSVP cards because according to our venue, caterer, and invitation vendor we do not need them unless we are doing a sit down dinner.  I just have to tell them how many invitations are being sent out, and they go off of that.  I've actually only received two wedding invitations with RSVP cards and both of those weddings had sit down dinners.  We ARE having food, but it's a buffet.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_kids-because-will-honest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:871f33c7-cccf-42ae-89e2-6bebbec0dec5Post:ad6b8796-ea4b-4cfc-9eaa-f7d745dabba4">Re: No kids? Because I know you will be honest!</a>:
    [QUOTE]You girls are funny! We are not doing RSVP cards because according to our venue, caterer, and invitation vendor we do not need them unless we are doing a sit down dinner.  I just have to tell them how many invitations are being sent out, and they go off of that.  I've actually only received two wedding invitations with RSVP cards and both of those weddings had sit down dinners.  We ARE having food, but it's a buffet.
    Posted by bexx246[/QUOTE]

    That doesn't sound very smart to me.  How will you know how much food to pay for?  If they cook food for 100% of your guests but only 20% show up, you're paying for a ton of food that's going to go uneaten.  However, if they assume some people will decline, and make food for say 80% of your guests, and 110% show up (because apparently people on your guest list might bring children with them although they weren't invited) you won't have enough food.  I don't see any way that this is a good idea.

    FWIW I had a buffet dinner and we did RSVP cards.  We invited something like 105 people.  Approximately 75 RSVPed yes and something like 72 showed up.
    kd.joseph's wish is my command
    image
    Just call me "Brothel"
    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
    my read shelf:
    Betrothed 123's book recommendations, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
  • We're having buffet and still doing rsvp cards. Don't listen to your caterer, wedding planning is not their field obviously. You need rsvp cards to know how many people will ATTEND your wedding regardless of what style dinner it will be.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_kids-because-will-honest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:871f33c7-cccf-42ae-89e2-6bebbec0dec5Post:ad6b8796-ea4b-4cfc-9eaa-f7d745dabba4">Re: No kids? Because I know you will be honest!</a>:
    [QUOTE]You girls are funny! We are not doing RSVP cards because according to our venue, caterer, and invitation vendor we do not need them unless we are doing a sit down dinner.  I just have to tell them how many invitations are being sent out, and they go off of that.  I've actually only received two wedding invitations with RSVP cards and both of those weddings had sit down dinners.  We ARE having food, but it's a buffet.
    Posted by bexx246[/QUOTE]

    <div>I think it would be wise to not listen to your vendors.  They are way off base, here.  I've been to plenty of buffet dinners that required RSVP-mainly so the bride and groom didn't pay for more food than needed.</div><div>
    </div><div>But, if you insist on not doing RSVPs then there really is no way to police the no kids rule short of having a security guard turn kids away at the door.</div>
  • Your vendors are morons.  You need to know how much food to have prepared.  What a waste of food and money to plan on say 200 servings and only have 150 guests show up.  Also, do you want to see a room full of empty tables?  By having RSVPs the room can be set up accordingly to make best use of the space.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
    image

  • So you are ok with paying for food for 200 people, even if only 100 show up?

    That makes sense.

    045_45-1 photo 045_45-1.jpg
    BabyFruit Ticker
    DX: PCOS/Recurrent losses/MTHFR mutation (compound hetero)
    5 hysteroscopies/2 surgical
    3 Inject IUIs = 2 m/c's and 1 BFN
    IVF #1= BFP. m/c at 7w6d. Needed 2 D&C's and scar tissue removal. Mild OHSS
    IVF #2 = BFP. Severe OHSS. 4 Drainings. TWINS!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_kids-because-will-honest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:871f33c7-cccf-42ae-89e2-6bebbec0dec5Post:a9f5aacc-6805-40cd-a031-eb9bd8a10377">No kids? Because I know you will be honest!</a>:
    [QUOTE]We do not want to invite children to our wedding other than the kids in our immediate family (such as my brother's children because they are in the wedding).  If it works out this way, we will have five children (under the age of 18) in total.  To me, if your kids names are not on the invitation they are not invited.  However, several people have said to me that they would bring their kids even if their names weren't on the invitation because they just wouldn't even think about it.  We are not doing a sit down dinner, so we are not doing RSVP cards.  Is there anyway to get it across to our guests that we are not inviting their children?  We can't really say "no kids" because there will be a FEW.  Someone suggested an insert, but what would I have written on it?  Any suggestion would be much appreciated.  TIA!
    Posted by bexx246[/QUOTE]

    I'm not sure how to say "no kids" when there are kids invited. How big is your wedding? My sister's close friend called her last year and asked if she'd be offended that her kids wouldn't be invited. My sister's response? "Hell no!" Seriously, she felt that unless her kids would actively be MISSED by the couple getting married, she was thrilled to have an excuse to hire a sitter...or in this case, give them to me, since I was equally thrilled to take them for two days :-)

    If it's not a ridiculous inconvenience to you, it's a nice personal touch to call and let them know. Nobody should be offended even if you just say "no kids" but have a few there that are close relatives.

    I know that some of my own cousins and friends were hoping that I didn't want their kids at my wedding :-) I actually really do want them there, so it's the opposite problem. I worked it out so that there is a separate play room at the reception venue for the kids, and I might hire a few sitters to keep an eye on them so their parents can relax and enjoy the party, since the teens who are coming shouldn't be stuck watching the little ones.

    Short answer? Don't worry. It's definitely standard (and totally fair) NOT to invite kids to your wedding.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_kids-because-will-honest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:871f33c7-cccf-42ae-89e2-6bebbec0dec5Post:ad6b8796-ea4b-4cfc-9eaa-f7d745dabba4">Re: No kids? Because I know you will be honest!</a>:
    [QUOTE]You girls are funny! <strong>We are not doing RSVP cards because according to our venue, caterer, and invitation vendor we do not need them unless we are doing a sit down dinner.  I just have to tell them how many invitations are being sent out, and they go off of that. </strong> I've actually only received two wedding invitations with RSVP cards and both of those weddings had sit down dinners.  We ARE having food, but it's a buffet.
    Posted by bexx246[/QUOTE]

    Sounds like a great way for your caterer to have to pay for more food than you actually need.
    September 2011 November Siggy Challenge: First Dance Photo (I still haven't uploaded all of my wedding pictures, so here's a picture of what happens when you mix me, my bridesmaids, a man who hates to dance, and an open bar). image image

    101 in 1001
  • Thanks for all the suggestions.  We actually only pay for how many people show up as far as the food is concerned, and the venue is a flat fee.  And since the invitation place is making less money with us not purchasing RSVP cards, I highly doubt any of my vendors are saying this so they can make more money. It's pretty standard around here to NOT do RSVP cards unless you are having a plated dinner.  I am thinking I am probably overthinking the kid thing.  But thanks for all of your help!
  • Well even though it may not matter to your vendors if you have RSVPs - at the very least, don't you want to know who is coming and who isn't?  I sure as hell would.
    panther
  • I do not see any problem with writing "Please, no children" on the RSVP card.  Like yourself, we will also have about 5 or 6 kids at our wedding but do not wish to have anymore than we need to.  No matter how much we all love kids, I'm sure everyone can agree that they are unpredictable.  They can throw tantrums at any given moment, and your wedding is not the place for that.  Trust me, the parents can hire a sitter for one night.
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