Wedding Party

Bridesmaid issue...

I have three weeks until my wedding and a big issue with a bridesmaid. I could really use someone's advice /opinion.

My one bridesmaid has been incredibly difficult at times throughout the last six months. I've pretty much reached my limit with her. It started out when we were looking for dresses. We had a hard time finding one that worked and fitted everyone's price range. I thought one had been settled on and went to order them and realized they didn't have the sizes we needed. At the point this particular bridesmaid had given me money for her dress. I let her know that the dress situation and that we would be looking for a different one. The girls decided on one less expensive. At that point I offered to mail her a check for the difference and she told me not worry about it. That she would get it from me later. Then she showed up at my work wanting it. Well I didnt have the cash or my checkbook on me. I offered to mail it to her again. She said no. She came back to my work three days later wanting it again and this time I made sure I had it on me.
A few weeks ago I had a dress fitting and needed the girls to try on their dresses at the alteration store. ( I told them all bout the appointment weeks in advance)This bridesmaid wanted to bring her eight year old son and three year old daughter. I told her no because it wasn't a child friendly environment.(It would have taken fifteen minutes to try it on, etc.) She had a cow so I asked her to make an arrangement to go a different time. My feelings were that her eight year old son did not need to be there and around the rest of the women while we were undressing/dressing.
The most recent  thing she pulled was after the bachelorette party. She told another girl that was at the party untrue things that I supposedly said.. So now the other girl won't speak to me. *sigh*
I feel like I'm back in middle school and hate it! So now I'm not sure what to do with this bridesmaid. I feel like who needs enemies when you have a friend like that. Any suggestions? I honestly don't feel comfortable with her standing up with me anymore. She isn't the person I thought she was.

Re: Bridesmaid issue...

  • If you are prepared to permenantly end your friendship (and possibly several other mutual friendships depending on how she spins it) then go ahead and ask her to step down.

    If you're NOT prepared for that, suck it up and just try to limit your involvement with her up to the wedding.  At this point she should have the dress and be aware of when/where she needs to be places, so you don't need to interact with her a ton.

    FWIW - Her turning down the money then demanding it was very childish.  Wanting to bring her children with her to a fitting was NOT worthy of you getting upset.  Children are perfectly capable of sitting still for 15 minutes, whereas finding someone else to watch them (and dropping them off and picking them up) is not as easy.  As for the b-party that sounds like a very she said / she said issue to me.  The girl who's not speaking to you is contributing to the issue just as much by being childish and not actually consulting you about what she heard.  it's possible you have a third trouble-causing friend who's modifying the story...
  • This all sounds more like a friendship issue than a BM issue.  It actually sounds like maybe she's a little jealous of you and is acting like a child about it (b-party rumor spreading), but when people have kids, sometimes it isn't easy to just get a sitter.  My BFF has a terrible time getting a sitter, even when she has advance notice, and it's not for lack of effort on her part.  So maybe you were out of line on that.  I don't see how the wanting $$ back from you is a big thing, other than just some miscommunication.

    How long have ya'll been friends? Is a couple of irritations worth throwing out your friendship?  I would get through the wedding, since it's in a few weeks, and then figure out what's wrong in your friendship, if you still want to have her as your friend.

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