I wrote this big long post, but I guess Mozilla decided it was too emo (probably rightfully so) and didn't let me post it. Trying again with a shorter (but still long) version. If anything doesn't make sense, I'll happily fill in details.
So basically, my breakup with my first boyfriend, "J", in college was long, messy, and painful. It cost me a lot of friends, because we had been part of the same social circle and, in the interest of being a bigger person, I didn't talk much about all the ugly details. J talked a lot more than I did, so all of my friends ended up with a pretty skewed version of events. They know, for example, that he cheated on me (truth), but they were also led to believe that I cheated on him first (lie).
"A" has been my best friend since high school. She'll probably be my MOH. She was friends with J in college, too, and stayed friends with both of us after the breakup. I've tried not to be resentful about her friendship with him, since it's not really her fault that she doesn't know all of the details.
Well, J is getting married in a couple of weeks, and I just found out that A is going to be a "groomswoman" in his wedding. I didn't know they were that close. I knew she was going to be attending the wedding, but this little piece of information hit me like a brick in the stomach.
Worse, she didn't even tell me herself. I found out because I stumbled across J's wedding website. The fact that she hid this information leads me to believe that she knew how it would affect me.
I don't know how upset I can reasonably be about this. Obviously, she experienced everything from a perspective very different from mine, and, as I mentioned before, she doesn't know everything about the breakup. On the other hand, she does know how hurt I was, and I know that if some guy ever hurt her as much as J hurt me, I would want to rip his balls off in his sleep, not stand beside him at his wedding.
This is largely a vent, but I am interested in anything anywould would like to say to either validate or knock sense into me, whichever applies. How would you deal with this?