Donation in lieu of favors

jjjenny · July 2009

Has anyone else done the donation in lieu of favors or thought about it. Is there any etiquette regarding doing this. How much do you donate? Do you do it in your guest's name?

cvl105 · July 2009

we are doing this. Haven't decided how much yet. I don't think we'll be doing it in each guests name, as donating 200+ (number of guests) times might be too time consuming.

uppereastgirl · July 2009

You donate an amount that you're comfortable with. There isn't a set amount, much like there isn't a standard amount for favors. We made our donation "In honor of the family and friends" of us

I <3 Seabass · July 2009

I wouldn't do it in your guest's name. For whatever reason someone might not choose to support that particular charity and may possibly be offended that a donation was made in their name.

caketime · July 2009

We did one to America's Vet Dogs and let our guests know by putting it on the back of the program with a mini-explanation of the organization.We did: A donation has been made in your honor.Personally I am not a fan of when people say "in lieu of", just say a donation has been made.

mbcdefg · July 2009

As far as etiquette, some people think it's not right to donate money in lieu of favors or in the guests' name. The reasons I've heard behind this: * a favor is something for your guests, and using that money toward a donation is taking something away from them and putting it to a cause YOU support - so ideally, if you want to make a donation you should sacrifice something that would've gone to YOU (the money you would've put toward shoes, your honeymoon dinners, your veil, etc.)* some guests only support certain charities, or none at all, and might be pissed that you're using their name to support a charity they don't necessarily believe in (for example, FI's aunt was pissed that FI requested donations to the American Cancer Society after FI's mom died, because in the aunt's eyes, the ACS couldn't save her life in the end - so, yeah, it happens sometimes)* some people feel that charity should be anonymous, or not really publicized, and that advertising it at your wedding is just showing off hwo generous you are* some people feel it's hypocritical to donate a couple hundred bucks to a charity, and then turn around and blow $30K on a weddingThese are just points I've read on other boards, and of course some of them are a bit extreme. Personally, I wouldn't care too much if I didn't receive a favor or if I got a notice about a charitable donation (unless it was to something really controversial, like a political party or pro-life/pro-choice group, or something awful like the KKK or whatever). My personal opinion - donate what you feel is appropriate, and if you're going to let guests know about it don't beat them over the head with it (tons of signs, an announcement, whatever). I also think that good wording might be to say that you guys made the donation in celebration/gratitude of your marriage or the support of the community, rather than in honor of your guests.

Mye · July 2009

I am donating to the American Heart Association and the Palestinian Children Fund, I decided to do $1 per person per charity, so roughly $200 for each charity....So its equal to a $4 per couple favor, for me its worth it more than a freakin miniature picture frame with jordan almonds!

kdimartino98 · July 2009

I am doing this... but I ended up attaching a favor to it anyway. Donating $1 per guest to Cookies for Kids Cancer and we are giving each couple heart shaped cookie cutters with a note on the back of the package saying we made a donation to this organization on behalf of the "brides last name" and "grooms last name" families and friends.

I <3 Seabass · July 2009

I swear the knot is like a cult that brainwashes you. Before I ever came on her I never even thought twice about the couple making a donation instead of a favor. Now when I read things like what MB posted I'm like, 'yeah where's my effin favor you showoff!' But to Mye's point, did i really need the $2 favor that we got from the last wedding that broke in a matter of days?

uppereastgirl · July 2009

Actually Seabass, I don't think it is a knot-related trend. I would say 2/3 of the weddings I've been to in the last 5 years have had donations in lieu of favors... including people I know have never been on the Knot (also, I would assume the Knot was not all that powerful back in 2003/2004).I understand all of the concerns listed above, particularly about picking controversial causes to donate to. Sometimes people are weird about causes. A few years ago I put "donation to no-kill cat shelter" on my Christmas list and my husband's uncle made a donation in my name to Heifer International (which seems to basically give people in developing cultures things like pigs so they can raise them and then use them as a "source of protein"-- people need to eat, but that seems like maybe the opposite of a no-kill animal shelter?). His explanation was that "animal shelters are hard" I think politically? I didn't understand at all.But I will say, every time I go to a wedding and the couple has given the favor money to a charity rather than putting it towards a wasteful trinket, I'm happy. I think that's a much better use of the money even if it isn't a charity I would have picked (assuming though that it is a fairly non-controversial type of charity).

I <3 Seabass · July 2009

I meant that the knot made my perception of donation favors change. Not that the knot started the trend. Before the knot I thought donotaion favors were perfectly normal and sentimental...Now after reading things like what MB's posted I have mixed feelings.

cvl105 · July 2009

I actually really like it when I go to a wedding there's donations instead of crappy favors. I hate stupid chatchki (sp) favors, they're just a waste of money to me. At one point I wanted to make our donation to Heifer International...but at this point I think we've decided on either ACS or the specific hospitals that treated FIs Dad and my Stepdad for cancer.

mbcdefg · July 2009

Oh, I'd absolutely rather have a donation made instead of getting a mini picture frame or a useless candle or something. Again, unless the donation went to the KKK or something. Actually, I'd rather have nothing than get something like that.

cvl105 · July 2009

oh, and forgot to mention I think I may get bookmarks created as a favor type thing that has a nice poem on it or something and on the back mention something about the donation. So those who like to leave with a momento can and other's can toss it or whatever.

backyardbride2010 · July 2009

I really like it when donations are made. Rather than naming by person or couple, we are just donating on behalf of our wedding guests as a whole. I am doing candy apples and attaching the donation cards to the apples.

kewltif · July 2009

LOL Irish- I love to see the reaction of guests at a wedding where the donation was made to the KKK. "In lieu of favors, we have decided to put a donation in your name to a needy chartiable organization: The KKK."

sla124 · July 2009

We are doing this, I made some chocolate to give to each person and putting a tag that says "in memory of those who couldn't be here to celebrate with us donation have been made to american cancer society and american diabetes association" FIs mom died a few yrs ago she had diabetes (as well as my father has) and we lost my grandparents to cancer so we felt a donation was appropriate and the best way to spend the $ instead of favors thaty will be tossed out anyway. We are donating $400- 500 to each organization so its about 4 $4-5 per person

yankees320 · July 2009

We're doing this. I had a small poster made just explaining the donation was made in the guest's honor, which I will display on an easel by the placecard table.

kewltif · July 2009

LOL! People would be standing there like, "Is there another organization with the same name?" ** jaws dropped**

brad1431 · July 2009

I used to hate the idea, because for one, dont make a donation in my name, but I have no choice who it goes to and second, how do I know that they made a donation? But we both hate most favors that we have gotten, and are having a hard time deciding on our favors, so who knows. We are thinking of doing what looks like candy apples, but it is a brownie, cause FI thinks older guests wont be able to eat candy apples, and they are messy.But we might also do a small donation to Susan Kohmen and ACS since her mother died of breast cancer, and I lost my grandmother 8 weeks ago tomorrow.

TheNub · July 2009

My fiance & I are also donating instead of giving favors. Everyone knows how involved we are with our animal rescue organization, S.T.A.R.T. and I doubt any of our guests would think less of us or judge us for donating. Every favor I've received, usually finds it's way into the trash within months. Since our economy is struggling, donations are needed more than ever right now. I would say, go for it, donate to your charity of choice. This is YOUR wedding and don't worry about what others may think when it comes to something this insignificant. We are going to set up small picture frames at each table to explain why we have chosen to donate in lieu of favors and also to give a quick description of the non-profit animal rescue organization that will be receiving a pretty sweet check from us :)Oh and the amount you donate is completely up to you & your fiance - noone else needs to know the amount.

mbcdefg · July 2009

I don't have a problem with couples donating money in honor of their wedding, and I wouldn't care if I didn't receive a cookie or a picture frame or a candle as a favor and they money went to the charity instead. But like I said in Seabass's poll, the whole idea of making the donation as your guests' favor, or making the donation "in lieu of favors," just doesn't sit well with me. IMO it's a better approach to make the donation in honor of one's own wedding.

laurenlacey · July 2009

I'm donating in lieu of favors. I am expecting in the area of 85 guests and will likely donate about 4 dollars a guest since that's what a little favor costs, approximately. I am making a general donation "In Honor of the Guests of the OurLastName Wedding"

DeirdreAnne · July 2009

I know this sounds tacky because people will already know that we are donating (they say not to be like , "yeah we're donating instead of favors" because it's telling people that they won't be getting anything)--- BUT we made an online survey for people to go to and decide which organization they would like us to donate to (we chose 4 for them to choose from). The top two voted organizations will get the donations. My FI's dad passed away from juvenile diabetes, so we want to honor him in some way with this. Also, my family has been greatly affected by cancer, so thatw as another two that we offered. Call me tacky, but I could give a rat's A$$ if they were expecting some cheesy favor. I'd rather put my money towards something that is meaningful to me, FI and our families. We'll put some mint chocolates on the table for them, too. JMO, good luck with your decision!

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