Taconic crash any advise?

punkyb2b · July 2009

I don't know if anyone has heard about the crash that killed 4 kids and 4 adults, but its awful. My SIL's good friend was the mother of 3 of the girls killed. I know details I don't want to share because they havent been released (but very relevent to the cause of the crash), but the news reporting has been awful. They keep showing witnesses who say the driver (an aunt) should have known she was driving the wrong way, how stupid could she be, etc. The aunt knows the Taconic, she wouldnt have driven the wrong way on purpose. My question is: Is there anything I can do for SIL? she is really really upset, is trying to comfort her friend who lost all 3 of her kids,as well as her own kids who were friends with the girls. What can I do for her?

ricksang · July 2009

Man, nothing really. No gifts or anything will be a comfort. I say just go visit her and see how she is holding up.

Night_Sprite · July 2009

Cleaning service, cooking, listening. Maybe just sit with her? You can also ask. She may have things that need to be done that she can't bear to do herself.I'm sorry.

ac_in_dc · July 2009

That's terrible. I'm really sorry to hear this. I'd just make yourself available to SIL if she needs to talk, etc. Check in with her often in a way that does not make her feel like she needs to return your calls, e-mails, etc. Offer to make dinner, watch the kids, etc. That's about all you can do, I think.

georgia_bride09 · July 2009

I would try to just be there for her and maybe go stay with her kids, so that your SIL can be with her friend. Maybe take some casseroles over. I just read about that and it was horrific. I'm really sorry.

tidetravel · July 2009

I hadn't heard about it, but that's awful. I'm so sorry. I am, however, curious about how all the occupants of the van were thrown from the vehicle. Were any of them wearing seatbelts? As for SIL - I don't know that I have any advice. Maybe if you are local to her, take the family some easy dinners so they don't have to worry about that for the next couple days on top of everything else.

jfgrad06 · July 2009

Pray.And I also agree with PP about just trying to help out around the house for a while. Bring over dinner for them, make sure the grass gets cut and the laundry gets done. Small things like that can make a big difference. But I would ask before you jump in. Some people may want to chores and things to do to keep their mind occupied. I can't imagine what they are going through.

ggmae · July 2009

Ditto Georgia 100%. Talk with/listen to SIL and offer to sit with her kids so that SIL can go be with her friend. I would send a sympathy card to the friend to let her know that you are thinking of her and are there for her.

punkyb2b · July 2009

We are heading over this weekend. I'll see if I can get there earlier-different state. Her parents (my ILs) are there now. Thank you all for the great suggestions.

punkyb2b · July 2009

Tide- yes they were all wearing seatbelts or in car seats/booster seats. sometimes seat belts dont help.

ddumire · July 2009

Try not to worry so much about the reporting. Anyone who knows the Taconic pkwy knows that it leaves plenty of room for errors and can be a very scary stretch of road.Offer to help your SIL so she can be with her friend. Make a bunch of casseroles and lasagnas that can be pulled from the freezer when needed. Unfortunately you can't make it better, but you can be a support when needed.

ootmother2 · July 2009

Pray I read about that last night and it was horrific! Those poor kids!I couldn't figureout how she was going the wrong way either as the Taconic is pretty well marked, Something significant must have distracted her

punkyb2b · July 2009

OOT- not a distraction, although I would imagine 5 kids in a car would be. Without saying too much, think of medical emergencies that could cause confusion or loss of function. Its just all so sad.

MOBinFL2008 · July 2009

I did hear about the tragedy and I'm so sorry that anyone is going through the related suffering. I'd suggest just seeing if you could prepare some meals for your SIL and her family to get them through the next few days.Years ago, one of my 8th grade students and his entire family (mom, dad, and 2 younger sisters) were all killed in a private plane crash. The entire class (with parental permission) attended the memorial service but the kids still wanted to do something on their own, something that would let their friend know they were thinking of him and remembering him. They all ended up writing notes to their friend and his sisters and attaching them to balloons for a balloon release. For some reason, it made the kids feel better seeing those balloons rise into the sky.I know balloon releases are frowned upon these days for many safety and ecological reasons, but maybe your SIL's kids can think of something that they can do that will help them through their own grieving process. Maybe they could plant a tree or bush in their yard in order to remember their friends.

JSweetieXO · July 2009

I live in NY and have heard about this horrible crash. I heard she was flying by cars as if it was nothing but Im hoping she was just scared or something. I think she should have pulled over onto the shoulder and turned around to be driving the right way.

punkyb2b · July 2009

jsweetie- You have no idea what really happened. I'm glad you think she should have pulled over. Genius comment,really. Thanks for adding to the crap already being said by people who are peculating and shouldnt be.MOBinFL- i love the plant a tree idea. Thanks, I'll pass it on.

JSweetieXO · July 2009

Im just saying what other people SAW who were on the highway...she was being flashed and honked at by the people she was flying by.

JSweetieXO · July 2009

btw ~ as for a gift...I do like the plant a tree idea or you can also name a star for them.

tidetravel · July 2009

Punky - that really sucks. I wasn't trying to be snarky about the seat belt comment - like I said, I was just curious. Again, I am sorry

punkyb2b · July 2009

tide- I know you werent being snarky, I didnt take it that way :)jsweetie- I get what people saw, I dont have an issue with what people saw, its the comments about why she was driving the wrong way and ignoring other drivers that bother me. think of medical things that can happen suddenly to rendure you incapable of driving correctly. I wont say more since its not public knowledge, but she never would have been driving the wrong way.

jfgrad06 · July 2009

Keep us updated on this punky. We don't know anything but what we hear from the media. Once more details are released, make sure to inform us of the real story. The media always has a way of twisting things.

Golfer'sLady · July 2009

That is such a terrible thing, I'm so sorry. I would call her or send a note. Often times people don't know what to say so they don't say anything. Just showing that you are thinking of her and praying for her and her friend can be appreciated. While you are there I'd bring by some food or see if there is any food schedule set up for the family of her good friend that you could participate in.

JSweetieXO · July 2009

punky~Yes I totally get that. I was actually wondering if she ended up with a heart attack or seizure or something. Its horrible. Im sorry for all the families suffering because of this =(

Taconic crash any advise?

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