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How Rude Is It???

goody2bgoody2b member
First Comment
in South Carolina
How rude is it to invite old friends from the past to a lingerie shower or bridal shower when I know they will not be on the guest list for the wedding? I'd love to have some people to be apart of my events but there's no room left on the guest list for the reception. Also, how do you go about inviting to the wedding and not the reception (that's where my budget is killing me!!)
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Re: How Rude Is It???

  • ShaylaDaPimptressShaylaDaPimptress member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I believe your best bet for this to work is to make all your events INVITATION ONLY. This way you could make each different event private. My cousin had an invitation only wedding with just a hanful of people invited and made her other events open to everyone. I believe people would be a little upset if they were invited to a gift giving ceremony but not the wedding or reception. I'm sure they might understand if you were having a private reception but a wedding they were invited to or vice versa. But not being invited to either is going to make them feel like you were just tryin to get a gift out of them by inviting them to a shower. (And believe me.. trying to budget my reception is killing me as well!)
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  • camie83camie83
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You cannot invite someone to a pre-wedding event without inviting them to the wedding. Not only is it rude, but it is extremely tacky. It makes you seem gift greedy. I am not sure what the PP meant by having an invitation only wedding. Aren't all weddings invitation only? I have never heard of inviting someone to the ceremony and not the reception. I'd be offended if I was just invited to the ceremony. If you can't afford to invite everyone, then don't.
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  • CoffeejunkieCoffeejunkie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I have to agree with Camie...you really can not invite anyone to pre-wedding events with out them being invited to the wedding.  I know it is really hard to not include everyone you want!!! Sorry.
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  • CitadelGirl08CitadelGirl08
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Technically anyone can attend a ceremony, unless you have someone standing at the front of the church with a guest list, and they don't need to be invited to the reception.  But if you invite them to the ceremony and they don't just show up on their own accord, then you need to also invite them to the reception. If you really want to invite more people, but need to keep your reception small, why not have a BBQ or picnic after the honeymoon and invite everyone you want.  Just make it an informal get together and show off your wedding photos.
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  • barrieinlovebarrieinlove
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I totally agree w/ the pp...do a more casual event after the wedding and invite those that you could not invite to the wedding and reception.  We just went to one of these and it was totally fine w/ us that we weren't at the wedding...we had a great time at the after the wedding party.
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  • kelkigskelkigs member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with majority of the posts.  I think it would be VERY rude to invite someone to the pre-wedding showers and/or ceremony and not the reception.I would not go if invited in this situation.  I get the impression that you are just looking to receive gifts.
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  • ShaylaDaPimptressShaylaDaPimptress member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Oh just to clear it up the Invitation only ceremony for everyone.. yes most weddings are already invitation only.. I meant for her just the people she states in the invite. My cousins invitation only wedding worked, she invited just a few people. Goody wants to cut down on people so she only needs to send out invites to the # of people she wants to be there. ie.. if you only send out 2 invites.. only 2 people are coming..Get it?
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  • miabambinamiabambina
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Shayla, that doesn't really clear it up...that's just how wedding invitations work. OP, I agree with PPs, you can't invite people and then not invite them to the wedding.  Especially don't invite them to just the ceremony.  How would you even control that?  When person A turns to person B in the pew at the church and mentions something about the reception, what will person A think?  I would think I just missed the part in the invitation about the reception and would go, since I've never heard of anyone being invited to a ceremony and not the reception. I understand you're trying to cut costs, but maybe you can find other ways.  Or like PP said, have a BBQ when you get back from the wedding. 
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  • owingseowingse member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with everyone else, its incredably rude and gift grabby. Make u could invite them to more of a bach. weekend where gifts arent usually given. Im having the same prob b/c my future inlaws wanna give us an engagement party but are trying to make it a huge family reunion and we're not wanting to invite most of them to the wedding.
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  • goody2bgoody2b member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thank you all very much for your help. I am not trying to just get gifts, just when I run into people they automatically assume they are invited. I would love to invite and feed everyone but I'm on a budget. Thank you and best wishes to everyone!
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  • november0610november0610 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I understand your situation. We sometimes feel obligated to invite people. However, it is important to keep your budget in mind. My reception will be by strict RSVP. Those that RSVP will be included on the list, those that don't will not be allowed entrance. I am not trying to be mean, however, that is the only way to get an accurate count for food. In essence people that truly care about you and really know you will understand there is a budget in place.
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