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Unofficial bridesmaids

jennalynn24jennalynn24
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi, everyone!  I usually post on the winter wedding or Dec 09 boards, but I figured this was a P&E question.  My FI& I are getting married in a private ceremony at an inn in Virginia (no waiting period makes it convenient with our travel) and then we are headed to our hometown in New York for a reception with family and friends.  We moved to Texas a couple of years ago.Because of the private ceremony and the different states, we are not having a traditional bridal party.  I have been trying to reach out to my friends and invite them along when I try on dresses or other wedding-related things.  I don't want anyone to feel snubbed for not being asked to be a BM. FI& I don't have any sisters, so they would definitely be my BMs.I was thinking of maybe having a little "unofficial BMs" party.  I could make a cute invite asking them to be my "unofficial BM" with the pros (not having to buy or wear a matchy-matchy dress, not having to stand in the snow in NY for pictures, still get invited to the reception, whatever) and invite them to come over for drinks.Has anyone done this or heard of this?  Do you think that the girls would enjoy this?
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Re: Unofficial bridesmaids

  • Kati0105Kati0105
    First Comment
    1. What is the difference between being an "unofficial bridesmaid" and just being your friend?  Can't you just have your friends over for cocktails without giving them a silly make-believe title?2. Your signature is huge.
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  • tidetraveltidetravel member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Haha.  That's funny.  A "Will you be my (un)offical BM" card. Or - you could just invite your friends over for drinks to celebrate with you because they are your friends.
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  • tlv204tlv204 member
    First Comment
    Invite them over for drinks: yes, awesome, do iteverything else: no, not necessary, and a little overkill IMO.
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  • kloeskkloesk
    First Comment
    are you having "official" b ridesmaids?
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  • GeekGurlGeekGurl
    First Comment
    Your signature is going to give p2 an anyeurism.I think it's kind of a waste to do this "unofficial BM" thing.  I'm all for inviting your friends over for drinks or whatever to say thanks for helping out but I think the invites would be awkward.
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  • FutureMrsDudley55FutureMrsDudley55 member
    First Comment
    I think it sounds silly. Just invite them over for drinks to celebrate.
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  • ffmaidffmaid
    First Comment
    1. It is not cute or sweet it points out that you did not want them at your wedding even more.2. If you want you pals over for drinks have that but donlt call them unofficial bms and don't be mad if they don;t want to help plan a wedding they are not even invited to
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  • C WC W
    First Comment
    Ditto everyone else. I would think it was weird if I were an 'unofficial' BM.
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  • mocha beansmocha beans member
    First Comment
    Your unofficial bridesmaids sounds like guests that get to hang out with you afterwards.  Why do they need a title?
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  • jennalynn24jennalynn24
    First Comment
    Okay.  Thank you guys for your input.  I guess I was just trying to theme the party to show my friends that I do really care about them.  I get asked a lot about not having bridesmaids as if no one does that.  But I thought it would be ridiculous to expect people in Texas (or NY) to go to both VA and NY for two different events happening almost a week apart.  After spending money on dresses and travel (if they could even afford it), they would probably be in debt.  That is part of why we decided not to have the ceremony in VA private.
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  • tenofcups4metenofcups4me member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    I dunno... I think if it's totally tongue-in-cheek like you wrote it, it could be cute and kind of funny. I wouldn't do it if you're going to take it seriously, but if you're just kind of poking fun at yourself, I think it would work with the right crowd.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    why don't you just have the ceremony in ny, so that your reception guests could actually see the thing they're supposed to be celebrating?
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  • FutureMrs.McCFutureMrs.McC
    First Comment
    My would be BMs are just like soontobemrsnola's.  Except that they call them selves my "honorary bparty".  I think having them over for drinks is nice but the other stuff unnecessary.
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