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African American Weddings

Speaking of crying-DILEMNA!!-Kinda long

Ok, first of all, I said I've never create a post but here I go anyway.Hubby to be and I live in 2 different states, approx 5 hrs away from each other. He was laid off in April 08 and just started working again in Jan 09.  Of course, he's still playing catch up so wedding stuff is still a work in progress. Anyway, not seeing him every day is really killing me since he is also working 2 jobs. I have spent the last 2 days boo-hooing trying to figure out a better way to make our relationship work. I LOVE THIS MAN WITH ALL MY HEART...but the distance is really starting to get to me. I miss him so much and it's starting to make me highly depressed. This man is everything I could have dreamed I wanted and then some...so I dont want to give up on our relationship without finding a way to make it work!! I WANT TO MAKE IT WORK!! And unfortunately, it's not so easy as me moving there or him moving here although that may be the ultimate choice but because of various other things, that still wont happen until 2010.  I guess I just need your thoughts and words of encouragement!!

Re: Speaking of crying-DILEMNA!!-Kinda long

  • ak1226ak1226 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You and I were in the same boat until I moved away. Now FI and I are 17 hours away. I was talking to a relationship counselor and she said that if you can deal with the distance, then you can deal with anything that comes your way. She said that distance will cause you to doubt yourself, your relationship, and cause conflicts with trust. So, right now, you are dealing with the hard part. You just have to stay strong and endure. Personally, I stay super busy to pass the time. Find a hobby to keep your mind occupied until you can be together. Honestly, I am savoring my alone time because when he gets here, I will be splitting it with him and 25 kindergartners. Then the me and time will be everyone else's.
  • edited December 2011
    Aww, I can rwlate to you bcuz FI and I used to live in separate states until I moved in with him. Do yiu take weekend trips? Even try a webcam? Even if he's workng on the weeknd that little bit of time helps, but before you know it this year will fly by and you two will be together. And that's reason enough to smile
  • edited December 2011
    And I'm not going to even lie and say you'll be ok because the ish is not easy, but keep your communcation open and like AK said keep yourself busy! And as always we're always here...we'll keep you busy
  • aquarius125aquarius125 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    The only thing I can say is think about the long-term you both know that this is only temporary. So visit as much as you can. Use webcam so that you can at least each other and talk. I know that doesn't replace being together but just think that this is only for the right now and you are planning for forever!
  • edited December 2011
    Awe! You guys are the best. I didnt even think about the webcam at all! We see each other sometimes every weekend and then maybe not for 6 wks at a time (like  this last bout.) OMG, it about killed me!! He/I both knew it would eventually come to this but I had no idea it would be this hard! I don't think he's cheating or anything. But yes, it has made me doubt our relationship--like, is this really gonna work! THANKS GUYS!!
  • edited December 2011
    OOH! And it's so nice to know I'm not the only one going through this!!
  • ak1226ak1226 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If this makes you feel any better, FI and I have gone 3 months without seeing each other.
  • edited December 2011
    ak1226-We've done the 3 months thing before but it was early in our relationship so it wasn't quite so bad. But I most def feel ya pain!!
  • edited December 2011
    jonsmeshandra, I definitely understand what you are going through. My fiance and I were in seperate states for the first 2 years of our relationship. It was very hard. I used to cry when he had to leave or vice versa, and there were times I just wanted to give up. The ladies have given you some good advice. Utilize the internet, text messaging, webcam, whatever you have to do to keep the communication open. Try to see eachother on the weekend as much as you can. Trust me I've been there. We were 6 hours away and the first year of our relationship he traveled quite a bit out of the country for work.  But I made it through and you will too.
  • ddyoungddyoung member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with all of the other ladies here...Me and my FI are 2000 miles apart (he's back home in TN and I'm in CA).  It's funny because I would have the same thoughts and doubts but it really does make your relationshiop stronger. You know that person is there for you when you need them most.  And being far away from him, makes us talk more - seriously sit back and have conversations, whereas people who live together or are always physically together may always be together but still may not click on a communication level.  You learn a lot about how a person communicates when all you get is phone contact.  One of the best parts about it is that when you finally do see each other is it's THAT MUCH SWEETER. And you don't take that time together for granted... I honestly think our relationship is a lot stronger than a lot of our friends because of the fact that we had to get through this and the distance and really learn about each other through communication and conversation (before intimacy came along - which can complicate things if you don't have the foundation there).Like someone else said, cherish these last few months because you will be together before you know it, and then its FOREVER.  You will be greatly rewarded for sticking in there... I truly believe that.My FI is moving out here in 1 month! :0)
  • edited December 2011
    Again, thanks Ladies for all your words of encouragement!! I SO appreciate it. I was seriously considering throwing in the towel yesterday. I think I will have to start talking to you guys a lot more rather than friends and family. I say that because most friends/family have marital and/or trust issues already so they are really NO help at all. He/I talked about it yesterday and thanks to you all, I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER! LOVE YA'LL! (YES, I SAID YA'LL!)
  • edited December 2011
    And you know what else girl (and I'm saying this to make you laugh) when you guys are finally living together, one day you are going to long for that negro to just get out of your face for five minutes. Sometimes I joke with him and say "don't you want to go back to Miami for a month" LOL
  • edited December 2011
    DST10-Yes, I did laugh! I'm sure it's coming but can't wait for the day! He/I both agreed one day we'll look back on all this stuff and laugh. We've waited all our lives for each other so what's a few more months!!?? Thanks girl!
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